by Lenora Worth
Pulling in behind Karl, Ryan parked and got out. “Hey, everything okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
Ryan’s mind raced. “You left early.”
Karl shrugged. “Dorrie didn’t want me there.”
Ryan wanted to scream at Karl that he’d blown it royally but kept quiet. At least the guy looked like he’d calmed down.
Karl grabbed a small grocery sack and headed up the steps. “I got some chips and pop if you want some.”
“Yeah, sure.” Ryan unlocked his door and they both went inside. Was he making something out of nothing?
Shedding his coat and boots, Ryan went in search of his slippers before starting a fire. Walking by Karl’s room, he noticed the door was open and a wad of cash lay on the dresser. One of those bills, the outside one, had Ben Franklin in the middle.
Ryan’s stomach dropped to the soles of his feet. Where could Karl have gotten that much cash? What exactly had he witnessed there in that parking lot—a drug deal?
Chapter Eleven
“What happened back there at the mini-mart?” Ryan couldn’t let this go. No way.
Karl pulled the bag of chips out of the grocery sack. “What are you talking about?”
“I saw you parked in your car next to another car.”
Karl’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, so? I met with my sponsor.”
That’s not what it looked like to Ryan. Didn’t sponsors meet with their clients over coffee? Drug deals went down in parked cars and empty lots and alley ways. But this was LeNaro. This was Northern Michigan with wide-open spaces, orchards and farmland. There shouldn’t be drug dealers up here. “Then what did you exchange?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“Hey, you’re living in my house. It’s my business to know if you’re using.”
Karl sneered. “What are you, my father now? I’m way older than you.”
He didn’t act like it. Ryan clenched his jaw to keep from arguing with the guy. John had said to be honest, so Ryan stared him down. “Are you using drugs, Karl?”
Kellie’s brother launched a vulgar, verbal bomb into the air.
Ryan ignored the expletive and again tamped down his anger. Karl should be thankful that he didn’t toss his sorry carcass out the door. For Kellie’s sake, Ryan tried a more diplomatic approach. “Look, I’m trying to help you here. Kellie’s trying to help—”
“Leave her out of this.”
Ryan was surprised by the fury in Karl’s eyes. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Fine. Call her. She can check up on me and find out that I met with my sponsor at that mini-mart.” Karl grabbed his chips and pop, headed for his room and slammed the door.
Ryan felt the churning of uncertainty in his gut. Had he been mistaken in what he saw? Running a hand through his hair, Ryan grabbed his cell phone and dialed Kellie. She’d verify her brother’s claim. They’d have to figure out what to do if it wasn’t true, but either way, Ryan wouldn’t sleep until he knew.
* * *
Kellie fidgeted in one of the back pews before church waiting for Ryan when her cell phone vibrated. “Hi, Mom.”
“How’s Karl?”
Kellie fought the urge to reply that she was fine and thanks for asking. “As good as can be expected, I suppose.”
“And that guy he’s living with, is he okay, I mean a good influence on your brother?”
“Ryan’s good.” Kellie wasn’t about to tell her mother that Ryan had confronted Karl on what he thought he saw last night. Or that they’d agreed to meet early at church to discuss it.
“Hey.” Ryan scooted into the pew next to her.
Kellie nodded. “Mom, I’ve got to go. Church is going to start soon.”
“Okay, give my love to your brother.”
Kellie rolled her eyes. “Don’t you call him?”
“Yes, but you know what I mean. Love you, too, honey.”
She was the afterthought and always had been. Kellie sat back against the pew.
“Everything okay with your folks?”
“Same as ever.”
Kellie turned toward him. She wasn’t sure whether to read him the riot act or hug him for his diligence in keeping Karl on the straight and narrow. She’d been shocked by the fierce sense of loyalty to her brother when Ryan had called her last night. She’d even argued with him. She didn’t want to accept the possibility of what Ryan had seen. Is that how her parents had felt all those years? But Kellie hadn’t ignored Ryan’s speculation. She’d called Karl’s sponsor and confirmed his story.
“So, am I a jerk?”
She tipped her head. “No, why?”
“You’re looking at me like I am.”
“I’m glad you’re keeping a close eye on Karl, really I am, but part of me resents it, too. When can I trust his recovery?”
“When will you trust mine?” Ryan laid his hand over hers on the pew.
Her stomach flipped over. It was a good question, one she couldn’t answer. Wouldn’t answer now. She pulled her hand back. This was about her brother, not them. “I checked with Karl’s sponsor and they did meet at the mini-mart around the time you saw him.”
“So where did he get at least one hundred-dollar bill?”
Kellie’s hackles rose. “I gave him three hundred dollars.”
“That you don’t have.” Ryan’s disapproval settled between them like a fence. Tall and strong.
“My first paycheck will make up for it.” It’d take at least another month to see that paycheck, but she’d get by on her teacher’s aide pay and credit cards. She wasn’t finished working with the second-grade class until the week of Thanksgiving.
Ryan sighed. “Isn’t Karl supposed to be looking for work?”
“Yeah, but we both know that takes time, and well, I want to help him as much as I can.” Why did she defend him?
She felt so inadequate sometimes. If she couldn’t read between the lines here, with her own brother, what good would she be to the students she hoped to serve?
She’d been through counseling. She had a bachelor’s in psychology and now a master’s degree as well as training and internships. Kellie knew the drill. She knew what to expect, but that didn’t mean she liked it.
She’d always hated the phrase, once an addict, always an addict but you can live sober. Hated it because she didn’t want the always part to be true. It meant one step away from relapse and disaster instead of being cured.
How did a person trust another to remain sober? Karl had relapsed so many times. Maybe he’d never really tried. She believed Karl was sincere this time, but was that enough?
Ryan grabbed her hand again and squeezed. “We’re both trying to help him. But it’s ultimately up to him to see it through.”
“I know.” She laced her fingers through his, but worry gnawed at her.
Maybe she should have stayed home from church this morning. She could have taken Karl out to breakfast so they could have talked. She could have made sure he was okay about Dorrie.
Kellie vaguely heard the church bell ring, announcing the start of the service. She stood along with the rest of the congregation as the worship team belted out their first of many songs that blurred in her mind.
At greeting time, Kellie shook hands with those around her while Ryan made a beeline for the Petersens. Teresa Petersen gave him a hug, and Kellie guessed that Ryan was finally going to talk to them about Sara. That he was making plans to do so. Ryan was sincere, too, but was that enough for her to believe in him and trust him with her future?
With her heart?
By the time everyone was seated for the scripture reading from 1 Corinthians 13, Kellie opened her Bible to follow along and verse 7 jumped out at her.
Love never gives up
, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Over and over she read that verse. The translation wasn’t the same as what was being read, but Kellie knew this version was meant for her. She’d learned to expect the worst from people—her folks, her brother—and she feared she’d do the same with Ryan. She’d find a way to ruin their relationship if he didn’t do it first.
She closed her eyes and breathed a crushing prayer for help. Please Lord, show me how to believe.
* * *
Ryan slipped back into the pew next to Kellie. He took her hand and held fast, glad she didn’t let go. Glad he’d finally asked the Petersens if he could talk with them. Glad he’d been wrong about Kellie’s brother.
Last night after he’d finished his phone conversation with Kellie, he’d remembered the bottle of pain meds pushed to the back of the narrow linen closet in his bathroom. Sure enough, the prescription meds he’d been given for his wisdom teeth were still there and intact.
He threw them in the trash outside and sealed up the bag ready for Monday’s pickup while mentally kicking himself for not tossing them sooner. If Karl had found them, it could have been bad. But if Karl had seen them and left them alone, well, then maybe Kellie was right about Karl’s seriousness in working his recovery.
Throughout Sinclair’s message, Ryan kept a hold of Kellie’s hand. He didn’t want to let go. Ever. Silly maybe, but although he’d promised to wait, he hoped it wouldn’t be long before he could pursue her. And love her openly.
When they stood to sing the hymn “Blessed Assurance” as the last song before exiting the church, Kellie glanced at him and smiled. In that moment, Ryan wanted a new future. One that stretched ahead of him for a lifetime filled with Kellie next to him singing hymns with her slightly off-key voice.
And then it hit him what Sara had meant before she’d died, and that understanding made his knees weak and his eyes burn. Had God revealed this truth, or had Ryan’s ears finally opened up to hear God’s voice whisper through his heart? Either way, he was grateful.
Overwhelmed by the clarity in his soul and the lump in his throat, Ryan squeezed Kellie’s hand and closed his eyes. Maybe now, he could finally let Sara go. It’s what she’d have wanted. She’d wanted him to be free to love again. That reality made him tremble.
Kellie leaned close. “Hey, is everything okay?”
He nodded, not sure he could speak. With service breaking up and folks filling the aisles, this wasn’t the place to pull Kellie into his arms and explain. It’d keep for later.
“I saw you with the Petersens at greeting time.”
Ryan wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat, but his voice felt thick as he said, “Yeah. I’m heading over there in a little bit.”
Kellie smiled up at him with what looked like pride, and as they made their way toward the back of the church, she leaned close again. “Call me if you need me. You know, like after you get back.”
“Thanks. I will.” He had a lot to tell her.
* * *
Ryan drove home from the Petersens’ against a bracing wind that had suddenly whipped up. He was emotionally spent but felt good. He felt free. The sky loomed low and dark. It suddenly dumped tiny white crystals of sleet that ricocheted off his windshield and danced along the road until lines of it formed on the tarmac’s shoulder. A good day to stay inside by the fire.
With Kellie.
Ryan almost laughed. And her brother...
He slowed down to pull into his driveway and noticed that Karl’s Lexus wasn’t there. Not unusual. Kellie had said they might go out to lunch. Stepping inside the quiet house, Ryan shucked off his jacket and checked the answering machine. No messages. He stacked kindling onto the grate and lit a match then smiled with satisfaction when, seconds later, yellow flames licked the dry pieces of wood.
After throwing a log onto the now-crackling fire, Ryan went into his room to change into sweats. Sleet beat against the windows, echoing through the still house. The door to Karl’s room was wide open. Odd.
Ryan peeked inside.
The bed had been made, but there was no clutter on the dresser like usual. Stepping farther into the bedroom, Ryan flung open the closet door. It was empty, too. Next he checked the dresser drawers. All empty.
Dashing back into the living room, Ryan looked around. His heart pumped with regret. Had he caused the guy to take off without so much as a note? And then he zeroed in on a single piece of paper in the kitchen near the sink. He grabbed it and read.
Ryan,
Thanks for letting me bunk here awhile, but I can’t stay. Old habits are too strong and I can’t be what I want to be. Take care of Kellie. All I came for was my kids. I wanted to see them one last time.
K.
Ryan crinkled the note in his hands as dread filled the pit of his stomach. Grabbing his cell phone, he dialed Dorrie.
When she didn’t pick up, he got worried. Really worried.
He reread the last two lines and was nearly sick. Please God, not that.
He tried Karl’s number and it also went straight to voice mail. Scratching his head, Ryan knew something was wrong. He dialed Kellie, knowing it was a waste of time but hoping beyond hope that her brother was there, with her.
“Hey.” Her voice sounded soft.
“Is Karl with you?”
“No, why?”
“He’s gone, Kellie.”
He heard her sigh. “He always does this.”
“Call Dorrie and make sure she’s alright.”
“Why?” There was real panic in her voice now.
“Because he left a weird note.”
“I’ll be right over.”
“I’m calling the police.”
“No. Ryan, wait until I talk to Dorrie.”
What if they didn’t have time? He hadn’t spoken out against that stunt with the tractor and Sara ended up dead. He wasn’t going to ignore his gut feeling this time. He faced a no-win situation but had to act. Hesitation might make all the difference in the safety of those two little girls. No way was he risking that.
“I’m calling them, Kel.”
By the time Ryan got off the phone with 911, Kellie had pulled into the driveway. He met her at the door. “Did you get a hold of Dorrie?”
Kellie shook her head as she walked inside looking scared.
He handed her the crumpled note. “The sheriff’s office is sending a car to her place to be sure. I didn’t know Dorrie’s address, only that she lived in a mobile home the other side of a field next to Three Corner Community Church. I also told them about her Church Hammers house.”
Kellie’s face paled after she read her brother’s cryptic letter, but she raised a defiant chin. “Karl is not violent. He wouldn’t hurt those girls.”
“Would he take them?” Ryan imagined all kinds of things happening, none of them good. “Call Dorrie again.”
Kellie did as instructed but got the same result. “Voice mail.”
Ryan heard the knock at the door and opened it to a law enforcement officer.
“Ryan Marsh? I’m Deputy Williams. Can I come in?”
“Yes, yes, please.” Ryan led the deputy to the couch and tried to breathe. Worry had a way of choking off air. “This is Kellie Cavanaugh, Karl’s sister. Have a seat.”
“Ma’am. When was the last time either of you had contact with Karl?”
“I talked to him last night,” Kellie said.
“I saw him this morning, before I left for church,” Ryan answered. “There was a note on my counter when I got back. That’s why I called.”
“Can I see this note?”
Kellie handed it over.
The deputy read it then looked at both of them. “Is there any reason why this guy might go after his kid
s?”
“Their mother put the kibosh on seeing them,” Ryan said. He never should have agreed to Karl volunteering there until he knew the guy better. Until he knew he could be trusted.
Kellie gave him a sharp look. “My brother has a history of drug addiction, and he’s never been a father to his girls. Recently, he finished a treatment program and came here hoping to see my nieces and make amends to their mother. Karl helped out at the Church Hammer house being built for my sister-in-law.”
Deputy Williams jotted down some notes. “Why did your sister-in-law stop Karl from seeing his kids?”
“Because Karl wanted the girls to know that he was their father and Dorrie didn’t. She told him not to come back.” Kellie’s voice sounded calm, but her eyes looked wild with fear.
“And when was this?”
“Yesterday.” Kellie and Ryan both answered.
The deputy looked at Ryan. “You were there, too?”
“Yeah.”
“Karl seemed like he’d finally gotten his act together,” Kellie said. “He was seeing a sponsor and I thought this time, he might stick around.”
The deputy paused in writing. “So he’s taken off before?”
“All the time,” Kellie said.
Ryan watched Deputy Williams’s features relax a little. Had he called the officer out on a wild-goose chase?
The deputy’s two-way radio crackled to life. He picked up and nodded a few times and then clicked it off. “Your sister-in-law and her girls are fine. They’re home. We’re going to keep them under surveillance though.”
Kellie’s eyes widened. “Are you sure that’s necessary? My brother’s not a threat. Why would he be after all this time?”
“Hard to say ma’am.”
Kellie’s cell phone rang and she checked the screen. “That’s Dorrie. Do you mind if I take this?”
The deputy officer nodded. “Go ahead.”
Ryan watched Kellie step away from them. He heard her tell Dorrie to calm down and then she explained what was going on, that he’d called the county sheriff’s office. Ryan felt like a heel. Had he freaked everyone out for nothing?