by Edie Ramer
Sarah reached out to hug her hard, her belly pushing into Becky’s. When she released Becky, her eyes shimmered with tears. “I don’t know how you can be so nice. If it were me, I would’ve sent the pictures of Jim and Diana to the entire church membership.”
Becky laughed, hearing the shakiness. “I’ll keep that in mind. I still have the newsletter list on my phone.”
They hugged again. Then Sarah strode to the van to go on with her very full life. Becky stepped onto the sidewalk and noticed a weed growing between the cracks already. Standing on the sidewalk, she waited until Sarah drove away.
Only then did she trudge toward the house to look up employment opportunities and apartment rentals. She probably needed a book on how to write resumes, too.
Darkness settled over her... This was one of those moments people talked about years later that seem to be crappy but end up being the turning point of their lives.
Yeah, right.
But she remembered the Sunday before she caught Jim and his lover. The prophesy of a miracle on the car windows...and the tiny sparkling stars that no one else had seen. She yearned to see them again. To know they hadn’t been a figment of her imagination.
The odd thing was that she’d never been an overly imaginative child. Maybe she was making up for her lost childhood now.
She stopped and looked at the sky. “Are you there, sparkles? Ready to come out and play?”
Still nothing. She sounded deranged. Maybe she was.
But that didn’t she couldn’t have miracles in her life. It just meant she might have to make her own.
Chapter Fifteen
Becky walked into Wegner’s with her back straight and her chin up, her defenses firmly in place. It was early and there were only a half dozen customers. Five were church members. One was old Mrs. Jantz who said she’d missed Becky. Mrs. Jantz played the piano at church, and Becky immediately fought back tears. In less than a second she went from badass to needy wimp.
She managed a smile and a few words, then picked up the paper and a bag of dark chocolate. Dark chocolate was full of antioxidants. Although she’d recovered her strength after her bout of sickness, she needed powerful antioxidants to keep the germs at bay.
Two other church members were at the counter, Linda and Dean Wegner. Dean gave her a sympathetic smile. Becky suspected Linda wanted to snub her but wasn’t about to alienate a potential source of gossip. Linda pushed Dean aside and stepped up to the register to check Becky out. Then she casually asked if she were really going to divorce Jim.
Becky smiled and changed the subject to the weather, while Dean looked at her with his sad eyes that made her want to shout at him to leave Linda. He’d be happier.
While Becky paid for her Tomahawk newspaper and the bag of chocolates, Angie Schuster from La Curl Salon (We Do Men Too) leaned in too close.
Sometimes it was a race to see who slung mud faster, Linda or Angie.
Neither woman got anything from Becky, but when she left, Rosa Fabrini from Fabrini’s – Miracle’s claim to fine dining and Italian food – followed Becky out to the sidewalk and told her she’d been meaning to call.
Becky thanked her. Rosa, her husband, and their kids went to the Catholic church in Tomahawk. Becky figured with all the problems the Catholics were having with their priests, the ones living in Miracle were probably giggling with glee at the news about Jim’s downfall. The golden boy...not so golden after all. In fact, he was downright tarnished.
“Are you looking for a job?” Rosa asked.
Becky stared at her, her mind furiously searching for a way to...well, lie. “Umm...”
“It’s okay.” Rosa put her hand on Becky’s arm, and Becky looked down. A lot of people were doing that to her lately. Their way of saying, ‘I get it. I know how you feel.’
Maybe Rosa did. Becky had seen the way Rosa’s husband Mike looked at the young waitresses. So far she hadn’t heard that Mike had actually done anything with any of the waitresses. But no one had told her about Jim before she’d caught him and Diana in the church office, either.
“Would you come with me?” Rosa asked.
“To your restaurant?”
“We don’t have any openings. I want to introduce you to a friend.”
“Sounds mysterious.”
“I’m a mysterious woman.” Rosa seemed to glow in the sunlight, making Becky think Mike was crazy not to value her. Though their two oldest boys were in their twenties, Rosa was still a beauty with the kind of figure that men swiveled to watch as she walked by. “I feel like a matchmaker.”
Alarm sizzled through Becky and she planted her sensible shoes on the sidewalk. “Not with a man. That’s the last thing I need right now.”
“No man. Come with me.”
Becky looked at the understanding sadness in Rosa’s brown eyes, and she nodded.
Rosa smiled then, her sadness lifted. She gestured Becky to her car, burgundy on the outside and buttery dark gray leather on the inside. Becky slid in and was so comfortable that she had an urge to close her eyes and sleep.
But she kept her eyes open as Rosa drove across the highway and toward the cheese factory, then past that, toward Becky’s father’s house. Becky tensed as they passed the house. When Rosa turned into the driveway at the end of the dead end street, Becky laughed.
The big electric sign on the edge of the sweeping lawn said ‘Church of Radiance.’ Elsa’s church. Becky’s father hated it and two years ago had tried to get the village board to say it was too large. But since there weren’t any ordinances about large signs – and the Miracle Public School sign with grades 4K through 8th, was even bigger – they couldn’t write one without pissing off too many people.
Her father hated the white modern architecture of the church, too. About half the size of the Community Church, the Church of Radiance was a basic rectangle shape with long windows and a soaring copper roof. Sleek and shining, it looked as if it belonged in Arizona or New Mexico, with mountains as its backdrop instead of Wisconsin’s green grass and trees. And definitely not snow.
Becky had wanted to see the inside ever since it was built, but as the wife of the pastor of the other church – the one where Jesus’s name was often invoked – she hadn’t dared.
A smile grew inside her. Now she could dare any damn thing she wanted.
Rosa parked in the front. The only other car was Elsa’s baby blue Mustang Convertible that was a few decades old. When Elsa moved to Miracle three years ago, looking like a movie star past her prime, no one could find the reason why she’d picked their quiet little village with not much going on. Becky suspected this mystery had kept Linda Wegner up for a few nights, scouring the Internet.
Once settled in her new home, Elsa had built her spiritualist church that apparently featured dancing, singing and talking – more about spiritual journeys than the bible.
Becky’s father liked to say that if he wanted a journey, he’d consult a travel agency. A joke that always made Jim laughed heartily.
Rosa started to open the door, and Becky leaned sideways and put her hand on Rosa’s arm. “You don’t have to introduce me to Elsa. We know each other.” Becky had a quick flash of Elsa leaning over her when she was sick with the flu, when for a heart-stopping moment, Becky had thought Elsa was her mother.
Becky brushed her hair back from her forehead with her fingers. As if brushing back the memory.
“Then I won’t have to tell you how wonderful she is,” Rosa said. “Come and have a chat with both of us.”
Becky and Rosa crossed to the church. Becky was going forward in her life and didn’t want revenge against either her father or Jim – though she wouldn’t mind if Jim were to suffer from a sexual dysfunction. But she had a sudden wish that both men could see her walk inside.
“Aren’t you Catholic?” Becky asked.
Rosa tipped her head but her mouth looked strained. As if she were holding back a scream. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I can’t attend a friend’s servic
e once in a while.” She stepped faster, heading into the church before Becky.
The first thing that struck Becky about the lobby of the church was the brilliant light that gave it a sense of peacefulness. The light oak-floored lobby invited her to grab an oversized cushion, sit cross-legged on it, and meditate...something Becky kept saying she should do but somehow never scheduled in. From the long windows she could see the green grass and the triple line of trees that separated the church from her father’s four acres of land.
She turned to Rosa. “I still don’t know why you brought me here.”
“You’ll find out in a minute. This way.” Rosa smiled with her lips closed, as if she were hiding a wonderful surprise. Rosa led her to a hall that Becky hadn’t noticed at first when she was too light-struck. “I think you two would make a good fit.”
“A good fit for what?”
“You’ll see.” Rosa knocked on the door and a melodic voice invited them in.
From a chair in front of a long rectangular window, Elsa set a book on a small table then flowed to her feet with a smile. She radiated serenity. Her long hair was pulled back in a ponytail on the nape of her neck, and it seemed whiter and less blond than Becky remembered when she lay sick and stupid on her bed.
Though Elsa was Becky’s height, her slenderness made her seem shorter. She wore blue. Nothing flowing, just jeans and a shirt. But an odd notion struck Becky that Elsa looked like a daughter of the sky.
This whole thing was odd, and she didn’t know why she was paying so much attention to Elsa and the way she looked. But there was just something about her—
“I told you I’d bring her,” Rosa said.
Elsa’s cheeks tilted up with her smile, the skin around her eyes crinkling. “I appreciate it, but she’s not ready yet.”
“You don’t know until you try.”
“What are you two talking about?” Becky stepped back. This was getting a little freaky.
“Nothing sinister,” Elsa said. “Radiance has been growing and I’m thinking of hiring a part-time assistant.”
“It would be perfect.” Rosa beamed and her brown eyes glowed as she poured her attention on Becky. “I know how much you did at the church. Since you left, I’ve heard rumbles about the youth group and the after-church refreshments and the music. I don’t think anyone noticed how much you did. You made it seem as if everyone else was doing all the work.”
Becky’s jaw dropped and she stared at Rosa. Giving a shrug that lifted her breasts, Rosa said, “I do the same thing at the restaurant. I handle everyone. From chefs to busboys to the wait staff. But all everyone sees me do is seat customers and chat when I have time. Always smiling while the waiters and the cooks and my husband appear to do the real work.”
Becky knew her mouth was gaping. She’d never thought about it, but even she had thought Rosa’s chef husband was the reason behind the restaurant’s success.
Rosa sniffed. “As if anyone could replace me. I do the food ordering, the scheduling, I help prep in the kitchen, I make the desserts...and so much more.”
“You’re Wonder Woman,” Becky said.
Elsa and Rosa laughed. Rosa swept her arms to encompass the three of them. “We’re all Wonder Women.”
Becky didn’t feel like Wonder Woman. She felt more like a woman in survival mode. A woman who might’ve made a huge mistake the night before.
Though at the time, it felt pretty wonderful...
She tore her attention back to Elsa. “I need a full-time job. And I’m not staying in Miracle. I can’t. As soon as I find a job, I’m leaving.”
“Of course you want to leave,” Elsa said.
Despite Elsa’s words, Becky had the feeling the other woman didn’t think this discussion was over.
“Even if I stayed, I couldn’t do this. It would be too much of a...” She hesitated. Jim didn’t deserve her loyalty. And though the majority of the church members hadn’t supported her, she couldn’t do this to them. “A betrayal.”
Elsa nodded. “I understand.”
“But I’m happy to have gotten to know you better,” Becky said, unable to stop staring at Elsa. She felt a pull toward the older woman. It almost felt as if they’d met before Elsa drove into town and decided to stay. But it was probably just that Elsa comforted her when she was sick.
“I’d better get back to the restaurant,” Rosa said. “Sorry to have taken you on this wild goose chase. It wasn’t Elsa’s fault. She said you wouldn’t do it. I should’ve listened to her.” She shot Elsa a grin. “Elsa is always right.”
Elsa’s laugh was like silvery bells in an old Christmas movie. “No one is always right. Part of the pleasure of being a human being is trying new options.” Smiling with her eyes as well as her mouth, Elsa radiated understanding. “And even if failure was pre-ordained, it’s better to try than never try.”
Becky murmured her agreement and started to turn away. At the last instant, she turned back.
She knew why Elsa seemed familiar. She remembered!
“This is really going to sound odd, but do I know you? Not recently. From a long time ago? Decades ago, when I was a child. You seem so familiar.”
Elsa stilled. If Becky hadn’t been staring at her with such intensity, she would have missed the widening of her eyes, the rounding of her mouth. It lasted only an instant. Then Elsa laughed softly and shook her head.
“If I knew you, it was in another life.” She glided forward, almost as if she didn’t use her feet. As if a low-hanging cloud carried her. She gave Becky a short but strong hug. Nothing ethereal about that.
“I’m so glad we had this talk.” Elsa pulled back. “I’ll see you again.”
Becky nodded, walking backward, then turned and hurried out of the light-filled structure. Her heart beat so fast inside her chest that it felt like butterfly wings.
Another person had lied to her.
Chapter Sixteen
Puppies stink. Good thing they were cute, Becky thought as she cleaned up and changed the blanket, then tossed the smelly cover in the washing machine. If only her life could be cleaned as easily. She put Goldie out then headed into the puppy room and picked up the black puppy.
Of all the puppies, this was the one who came to her. Who wanted her to hold him.
A small, familiar ache throbbed inside her. But she couldn’t listen to the ache.
“I can’t keep you.” She looked into his big brown eyes that stared brightly back at her. “I’ll be working and not home for hours. I’d have to put you in doggy day care, and I don’t know if I could afford that. And it wouldn’t be fair to you.”
Maybe it wouldn’t be fair to children, either; perhaps it was just as well she didn’t have any.
The thoughts made her stomach tighten and roil. Everything within her rejected them. If she had children, she would work it out. Just as millions of other women did.
The puppy licked Becky’s chin and tried to reach her mouth. She tilted her head back, her chin up, taking her lips out of tongue range. The room felt gloomy, reflecting her emotions. During the drive back to Wegner’s, the sky had darkened. The DJ on the radio had warned the station’s listeners that a storm was heading their way.
Glancing outside the puppy room window, she couldn’t blame all her emotions on the weather. She’d felt odd since she left the Church of Radiance.
A recollection had come to her inside the church. More dreamlike than real, but she remembered an odd half-memory of awakening when she was a child. Perhaps when she was seven or younger. A woman stood in her bedroom, haloed by light streaming in from the hallway. Something about that magical moment had imprinted itself in Becky’s memory.
Now it came to Becky that when Elsa had been younger, she must have looked like the woman in her bedroom.
Becky had thought she was a tooth fairy, but she hadn’t lost a tooth.
When she told her parents the next day, they said she must have dreamed it.
The woman had seemed so real. But Becky
had put her out of her mind, thinking her parents wouldn’t lie to her.
This was before her mother was sick and Becky learned that adults lied when they promised they’d get better. Trying to convince themselves as much as her. Becky had done it herself. Hoping that if they said it with enough certainty and passion, it would happen.
But if it had been Elsa, why didn’t Elsa say so?
The phone rang, and Becky put down the puppy then climbed over the barrier. In the kitchen, she picked up the phone without looking at the display number. Derek, she thought. But it was Trey, his voice deep and husky.
Her heart pounded and her body tingled – and her body never tingled. Well, not unless she was about to eat a slice of Rosa’s tiramisu cheesecake.
That made sense in a strange way. Trey definitely qualified as man candy.
Then she remembered Derek and last night, and she immediately felt guilty that she was interested in Trey. Stupid, because she hadn’t made any promises to Derek. Nor had he asked for any. If he had, she would’ve said ‘no.’
She could hear Sarah’s voice in her mind, saying, ‘Hump and dump.’
Darn Sarah. She was right. But after fifteen years of marriage to a man who’d never made her tingle, Becky wasn’t going to grab onto the first guy who looked at her and expect him to be her happy-ever-after.
She would make her own happy-ever-after.
“I’ll be in your neighborhood later today,” Trey said, his words stopping the thoughts whirling through her brain. “Will you be there?”
“I should be.” Her pounding heartbeat didn’t slow. “Did you want to buy something else from Marsh?”
“Not unless he has something he wants me to check out. I’d like to take you to dinner.”
She bit back the surprised words, ‘You do!’ She felt like a teenager with the cool guy asking her out.
It’s just dinner, she told herself. Just dinner.
And then she thought of Derek again. He’d just taken her to dinner last night. And look what happened there.
She put her free hand on her forehead. Life was complicated.