Perfected by You

by J. M. Walker

  Perfected by You

  Book 3 in the Torn Trilogy

  J.M. Walker

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  Perfected by You

  Copyright 2014 J.M. Walker

  Dedication

  To Brenda Smith Travis

  Love deep.

  Love hard.

  Love unconditionally.

  Acknowledgements

  I have no words to describe how grateful I am for all of your constant encouragement and never ending support. Without you, none of this would be possible.

  To my husband. My rock. My world. My life. Because of you, all of this IS possible. You back me 100% and I couldn’t ask for a better partner.

  My family. I love you. I love that you buy my books even if you never read them just to show you support me. That means more than you know.

  C.A. Szarek, thank you for all that you do. Xx

  My Jems and my girls in Our Alphas…you ladies light up my day, put up with my constant ADD and just be yourselves. I couldn’t ask for a better group of ladies standing beside me.

  Brenda, Angie, Mel and Jen…my girls with Twinsie Talk Book Reviews. Because of you, I am where I am today. I know what I know. And I’m stronger because of it. Thank you for everything.

  Brenda Wright…my wonderful and very patient editor. Thank you. Just thank you. Your love of Brett has kept me going. I heart you hard.

  Angie Stanton-Johnson...my FS…my PA. Thank you. For everything. 2015 is our year baby.

  My extraordinary PR guru. Christine Stanley. I love your face. You have helped me come out of my shell. Your love of my books is astounding and flattering. Thank you.

  My beta readers. You know who you are. You helped me fix Perfected by You into what it is today. Thank you.

  Authors, blogs…you all know who you are as well. I couldn’t do anything without the constant support from you also.

  Stephanie from Once Upon Time Covers. Thank you again for another beautiful cover. You portrayed Brett perfectly.

  And lastly but definitely not least…my readers. You all are my rocks. Your messages, tweets, comments, likes…everything that you do, I notice. I appreciate. And I love. Thank you for being there for me.

  Perfected by You Playlist

  Here is a list of songs that reminded me of Brett and Evvie, either together or apart. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Even if you don’t like the music, the words are what captured me and brought me into their world. Now as I listen to them, I think how far Brett and Evvie have become but still have so much to go through before they will finally be happy.

  A deep and powerful love is never quiet, never dormant but loud and fierce. ~ J.M. Walker

  Bound to You – Christina Aguilera, Burlesque Soundtrack

  Unconditionally – Katy Perry

  This is the Best – USS

  Stay – Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko

  Closer – Nine Inch Nails

  Loverman – Metallica

  Unnamed Feeling - Metallica

  *Warning*

  Due to the graphic and adult content, this book is not suitable for a younger reading audience

  Mine

  My dear sweet Evvie. My wife. My lover. My one. My only.

  I’m writing this as a way for you to get to know me further. Deeper.

  You know parts. Pieces. But do you really know all? I’m not a man of many words, as you know. I’d prefer to show you how I feel through the use of our bodies. Loving every inch of you, every curve, every freckle, as we move as one.

  The first time that I met with Dr. Santos without you, he told me to start writing in a journal. He said it was a way for me to get out of my head. I told him he was a contradicting asshole. He laughed. I’m not a nice person when you’re not around, my sweet Evvie. I don’t take well with being told what to do. This is why I own my clubs. Why I’m the boss. Why I’m in control. I need it. I can’t have it any other way or else my life would be fucking miserable. The only good thing in it, is you. You are my strength. My light.

  After I left Matteo’s office, his words bounced around in my head and I found myself at a book store. A black leather bound book filled with blank pages called to me. I remember my fingers tingling as it drew me in with each step I took towards it. The need to have the small 5x8 book took control. It was thrilling really. It was the same feeling I got when I first met you months ago.

  I never told you how I felt. That moment when I walked in on you hugging Kane, a deep seeded need to rip his face off surfaced. It shocked me to the core, taking my breath away. I had never felt that way about anyone. I told you that I had an ex, someone who ripped my heart out when her boyfriend came back. Well with her, I never felt how I feel with you. I never had the urge to mark her as mine. To control her. With you? Evvie, I have to be in control of you. In the bedroom at least. Other times? You are your own woman. I know it. You know it. But I love you more every day that you submit to me when we play. I thank you for giving that piece of yourself to me. I know it’s hard to lose control. Trust me.

  Now, this book is for my thoughts but I think it will be filled with so much more. This will be my gift to you, my little vixen. I can’t tell you how happy my words will be. You know my past. My history. But all you know is what I’ve told you. Let me show you what has really happened. Allow me to suck you in with my words. The only thing I ask in advance is for your forgiveness.

  With this book, I’m giving you a piece of myself. It’s like a puzzle. Each journal entry a piece fitting into place. Some you may have to force until you find the right one that fits. But just know that this puzzle will reveal the real me. The whole me.

  ONE

  “How are things going with the Mrs.?”

  My body buzzed just thinking about her. My wife. Evvie Neal, now MacLean. The moment she signed her name on that legal piece of paper, her being mine was made official. Not that I needed a fucking piece of paper to prove that fact. I almost wanted to ask her if she knew what she was signing herself up for.

  “Brett.”

  I turned to Dr. Matteo Santos, my psychiatrist, and a friend of sorts. His warm brown eyes settled on me as he waited. I wanted to make him wait longer. I never liked talking but the guy didn’t put up with my shit. Had to respect him for that.

  “Things are going well,” I mumbled. They could have been worse, I knew that but I still felt like life had thrown us a shitty hand.

  “How well?” he asked, crossing an ankle over the opposite knee.

  Rubbing my chin, I bit back a smile. How well? If I told him honestly, I would be kissing and telling. No one needed to know that I had my wife bound and gagged, ready for my taking only an hour before. The thought had crossed my mind on leaving Evvie there, but I wasn’t mean. A sadist, yes. Cruel? No.

  “We’re getting by.” And that was the truth. Happy and elated with each other. Bring other people into the picture and we were fucking toxic. Like a time bomb waiting to explode. Except it was always me doing the exploding.

  “How is Evvie doing after losing the baby?”

  My stomach clenched. Ah, yes. The baby. My baby. The thought of my wife carrying something that was mine, made my blood hum. That’s right folks. A man who never wanted kids in the firs
t place, was almost blessed with one and now had it torn from his hands. “As good as can be.”

  “How are you doing?”

  I scoffed and shifted in my seat. “Knowing my wife is hurting and I can’t do a single thing about it, fucking kills me.” My voice cracked. God, I was turning into a pussy. Crying and shit. Getting emotional over something I never had in the first place.

  Scrubbing a hand down my face, I sighed. “I just want her happy.” I wanted my Evvie back. The fiery spirited woman who captured my heart and forced me to my knees from the very beginning.

  “Makes sense, Brett. The connection you two have is not something you see often, if at all anymore.”

  I frowned and met Dr. Santos’ gaze. His eyes shone, his white shirt making his Latino tanned skin glow. “What’s the point of being with someone if you don’t have that connection?”

  “Honestly?”

  I nodded once.

  “I have no fucking clue.”

  I coughed, choking back a laugh. “Dr—”

  “Matteo.”

  “Matteo, I was not expecting that answer,” I told him.

  He smirked. “I know. Seriously, though. I’ve had many partners where they just laid there or weren’t into it. Even when we weren’t having sex, mentally, the connection wasn’t there.”

  I never experienced this connection he was referring to with anyone else but Evvie. Even when it came to my relationship with Tori McLeod…or Chelios, I guess it now was, that magnetic pull wasn’t there.

  “You’re a lot like me, Brett.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

  “You need mental stimulation just as bad, if not more, then the physical one. Am I right?” he asked, his eyes twinkling, challenging me to argue.

  He was right. Interesting. That made me wonder just how much the good doctor and I had in common.

  ***

  Unlocking the door to our apartment, I stepped into a wall of my two favorite scents. Lavender and vanilla. The only thing missing, was me.

  I threw the keys onto the table against the wall and leaned my neck from side to side. The tendons cracked, sending a shiver down the length of my spine.

  My body stirred, my dick lengthening in my black dress pants as I made my way to my wife.

  At times I would wake up, scared shitless that this was all a dream. A wonderful dream mind you, but a dream none the less. Every night I prayed that God wouldn’t take her away from me. Even though I could be an overbearing possessive asshole, I needed her more than she needed me. I knew that, but I didn’t think she did. I had told her time and again that I was addicted to her. She was my drug and I was the junkie that would do anything to get my fix.

  The next day we were finally heading to Vegas for our much needed honeymoon. It had been several weeks since we got married but after losing the baby, there was no way that I would allow Evvie to fly. She needed time and time is what I gave her.

  “Brett?”

  The soothing voice of my wife travelled through my body, gripping my soul in a firm grip. I opened the bathroom door and was greeted with Evvie lying naked and soapy in the large white claw bathtub.

  She smiled and reached out to me. Her pale form glistened with droplets of water making my mouth salivate. Her rosy nipples pebbled under the cool air and I had to stop myself from growling over the fact that it wasn’t me making them hard. What could I say? I was jealous of anything that touched her before I did. I couldn’t help it. That’s what my weekly sessions with Dr. Santos were for…well that and other shit.

  As I stripped, my body vibrated, needing her skin against me.

  Every time I left a session with Matteo, I felt empty. Revealing bits of myself to the doctor each week should have made me feel whole, lighter, as the demons of my past were laid out before me. But it didn’t work that way. As parts were revealed, I needed something to fill the void and Evvie was the only one that could do it.

  “How was your session with Dr. Santos?” she asked as I sat behind her.

  I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her against me before brushing my nose up the length of her slender neck. Inhaling, my eyes fluttered closed. Her scent, vanilla and lavender, calmed me. It eased the ache in my chest, the anxiety in my gut. The emptiness I had felt since starting this whole doctor-patient thing.

  “Not as good as the one you and I had this morning,” I purred in her ear. Images of her bound and gagged reigned into my mind. Some people played. Others lived it. We just…were.

  She giggled, her cheeks turning pink.

  My semi-hard cock rested against her ass but out of respect for her, I didn’t take it further. Even though I knew she wouldn’t stop me, baths were our time to talk, to listen. To feel.

  Evvie sighed, her chest rising and falling with deep cleansing breaths.

  One of my favorite things about the woman sitting in my arms, was her allowing me free reign over her body. To pull my pleasure from her as I pushed her to new heights. Taking deep from within the hidden fantasies, the dark desires.

  Reaching for a cloth, she dipped it in the water before turning towards me. She chewed her full bottom lip and ran the facecloth over my shoulders and down my arm, repeating the movements on the opposite side.

  My dick twitched as I watched her teeth graze over her lip. “Lover.”

  Her gaze met mine, a small smile splaying on her face. “Let me wash you,” she whispered.

  I knew she wasn’t just talking about washing my body but my soul as well. My inner being. The part of me that was destroyed years ago when I was a child after my mother and her men abused me. It wasn’t sexual, thank fuck for that, but it still left me…broken. Evvie was always trying to help me, not change me, but make me feel better. She showed me that there was such a thing as love. But ours went further. Deeper. It controlled us.

  Evvie ran the cloth over my stomach, my ab muscles twitching under the light touch. Her other hand remained on my bent knee, knowing that I liked it when she touched me. I always needed her skin against mine.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked me, her voice soft and tentative.

  I shrugged. I didn’t always know how to put what I felt into words. That’s why I was starting the journal thing.

  “You had a nightmare last night.” It wasn’t a question. She knew me well.

  I nodded, my jaw clenching as the images from my dream invaded my thoughts.

  “Mommy. Why don’t you love me? Why are you hurting me?”

  “Because you’ve been a bad boy, Brett.”

  I stared up at my mother, wondering what I did that was so wrong. All I wanted was a cookie. “But I didn’t do anything.”

  My mom’s blue eyes narrowed. “Don’t fucking lie to me, little boy. I saw you steal that cookie.”

  A hard lump formed in my throat as I shook my head. “I was hungry. I didn’t mean it.”

  “I didn’t mean it,” I mumbled over and over.

  “Brett.”

  I snapped out of my trance and focused on Evvie’s beautiful face. Her blue eyes filled with unshed tears.

  “Hi,” she said softly and cupped my cheek.

  I leaned into her palm and pulled her against me, my heart racing as I tried easing my rattled nerves.

  “We’ll get through this. I promise you.”

  As her promise reigned into my mind, why did I have a feeling that this shit had only just begun.

  I’m watching you as you sleep beside me. Your beautiful pale back, rising and falling with deep soothing breaths. I, of course, can’t sleep but you being here with me, is calming and needed. I find myself wondering what you dream about. Do you dream of me? Or do you even dream at all? What do you want for us, my sweet Evvie? For myself, as long as I have you, that’s all that I need.

  I’ve never told you this, but I probably enjoy our baths together more than you do. At first I thought they were corny as shit but now, I look forward to them. Even with just your body leaning against mine, words going uns
poken, just touching and feeling, it’s relaxing to my soul.

  Every now and again, I think back to our first moments together. Before we became a couple. The memories invade my thoughts so often that I wanted to share them with you. What I thought. How I felt.

  I remember demanding you to stop me from going further. A part of me needed it. I was always used to getting what I wanted, but with you? Your feisty attitude is what drew me in. And then you kissed me. You. Kissed. Me. I still can’t believe it some days.

  But I recall every moment of that kiss. The taste of your sweet full lips. They tasted like honey. Sugary and mouth-watering. I still can’t get over the first time I felt your body tighten around me. Your core squeezing my fingers as I made you come. The sounds leaving your lips were music to my ears. Best. Sounds. Ever.

  All that is well and good but I’ve been strung out for months. I’m sure you’ve noticed, yet you have been so patient, haven’t you? Every day I wake up thinking that you won’t be there. I’m not insecure. I know you love me. I don’t doubt that in the least, but I do worry that you’ll realize that you need better. You need more. Maybe I am insecure. Who the fuck knows? But know this, my little vixen, I love you. As each day pasts, I love you more than deep.

  Spending the weekend with you in Vegas will hopefully get your mind off of the baby and my mind off of…things. That’s why I work. Why I throw myself into running these clubs. I could hire someone to do it for me but then I wouldn’t have that control. That drive to push harder. And you know how much I need to be in control.

  TWO

  The cool spring air washed over us as Evvie and I walked hand in hand in the concourse to the airplane hangar. Mathis’ private jet sat before us. My thoughts reeled and I couldn’t help but imagine spending the next couple of hours between my wife’s legs.