by J. M. Walker
“You want my control?”
She slowly turned her head, her blue eyes boring into mine. “No. I want to help you take control of your nightmares.”
As Matteo sat back in his chair, Evvie’s voice got louder and firmer.
“I want it so every time your mother shows up, she doesn’t set off the trigger in you. I want to help you control that rage.”
My body vibrated. The idea of submitting to my wife didn’t scare me as much as I thought it would. Interesting.
“Now, Brett. Have you thought of taking anything to help you sleep?” Matteo asked.
“No. I refuse to make myself comatose just to drown out these nightmares.”
“Maybe it’ll help,” Evvie offered, squeezing my hand.
I shook my head. “I said no.”
“What about something natural?” she said, tentatively.
I sighed and kissed her forehead. “I appreciate that but if you need me during the night, I want to be there for you and I can’t if I’m drugged out on sleep meds.”
“Okay. I understand. I just think it might help.”
“Being with you, helps me. I just have to learn to control…” I sighed. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Is that what scares you the most, Brett?” Matteo asked.
“Damn right. I don’t want this shit getting to the point where I can’t control it anymore. Attacking Evvie is one thing, but almost raping her is another. I’ll go fucking abstinent first before I allow that to happen again.”
“That won’t happen again. This is why you are here.”
I bit back a scoff. This shit better help. I liked the guy but if I couldn’t control these triggering emotions, then what the hell was I paying him for?
“You can look at me like that all you want, Brett, but this is on you. I can only guide you. You have to make the choices on if you want to get better or not. That’s what you’re paying me for.”
I frowned. “Get out of my head, asshole,” I mumbled.
“Brett,” Evvie gasped.
Matteo smirked. “Now, I have a task for you. Aside from writing and making love to your wife, I want you to do something else that’s therapeutic.”
“He takes pictures. Beautiful black and white photos,” Evvie explained. “They’re in our clubs.”
Hearing her claim my clubs as her own did something to me. For the first time in my life, I was actually happy. Besides the other shit we had gone through and are still going through, everything with Evvie? I was…happy.
“Perfect. Keep doing that. Anything else you can think of?”
“I can play the piano,” I suggested, shrugging.
They both gaped at me.
“What? I get bored easily and wanted something else to do with my time so I took up piano lessons when I was a teenager.” I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. It’s also one reason why I loved sex but it was never as satisfying until I met Evvie. With her? Sex grew to a whole other level. I couldn’t get enough. I was addicted and she was my drug. If only she knew, just how far I would go to curb my craving. But my little vixen, loved it just the same.
“Why don’t we have a piano then?” Evvie asked.
“I’m not that good, lover.”
She raised an eyebrow. “I doubt that. You’re good at everything you do. Everything you touch.”
My body vibrated knowing she was referring to every time that I touched her. I looked between her and Matteo. “Guess I’m buying a piano then.”
My dear sweet Evvie. No words can describe how guilty I feel for letting you see that deep dark part of myself. It scared the shit out of me, never experiencing that before. My nightmare set me off. Although it has been a month since I inflicted the abuse on myself, I regret it every damn day.
Every moment that passes, I fall more and more in love with you. I know I told you many times that you keep me grounded and so on, but I want to write them here so you always have them.
You keep me sane. You are my safe place. When I’m inside of your body, it’s a pleasure so great, it calms me. If I could dive under your skin, stepping into the corner of your soul, I know I would be safe. Protected. Without you, I am nothing. I don’t exist. Remember those words. Savor them because they are the truth. Don’t let anyone ever tell you different.
My piano practicing as a kid has paid off. I enjoy when I can feel your eyes on me, watching me. My fingers slide across the keys like they slide over your body. Caressing. Kneading. The music that comes from the piano is just as beautiful as the sounds that come from your lips when I take you to that place. That edge of ecstasy I know you crave. Let me bring you there. Always.
On another note, it’s almost time for me to show you my surprise. I can’t wait to see your beautiful face light up. I just hope can forgive me for keeping something else from you. Another surprise. Something that I had never intended on keeping from you as it’s not my place. But I think in the end, this will all be worth it.
SEVEN
The deep melody of the music washed over me, igniting my skin on fire. Was I playing anything in particular? No. I just let my fingers flow along the white ivory keys. Caressing effortlessly like I was made for this piano. It wasn’t the other way around. When I ordered it, I spent a whole weekend searching out the right instrument. This one, large, dark, used and a little broken was perfect for me. It matched its owner well.
“Brett?”
My body vibrated as I continued stroking the keys but I didn’t look behind me. I knew where she was. “Come here,” was all I said.
“Come to bed.”
My cock lengthened. That dark part of me wanted to play. To show her that she should really listen when she was told to do something. Especially when it came to satisfying my needs, which she did. Constantly. But right now, I wanted more.
“I said, come here.”
I heard her breath catch and I felt the atmosphere in the room change from want to need. Hunger for her drove through me and I slowly turned around. Cupping myself over my pants, I gave a light squeeze sending a jolt of warmth up my spine.
Evvie’s blue gaze landed on my crotch as she slowly made her way to me.
“Strip,” I demanded, turning back to the piano.
The sound of the buttons popping off on the white dress shirt she wore, sent my blood on overdrive.
“Climb up on the piano.”
“Won’t I be too heavy?” she asked, stopping directly across from me.
“No.” I had the piano reinforced for times like this. “Now come here, my wife.”
She grabbed a stool and crawled onto the large instrument.
I kept a straight face but I was more than happy to see that she was playing along. “On your back and spread those beautiful white thighs for me.”
Her eyes darkened and she did as I said. Gripping her hips, I pulled her towards me, her ass on the edge of the piano. Her feet landed on the keys, a loud chime echoing through the living room.
Breathing in the scent of her sweet hot core, I placed light nips along her inner thigh.
She moaned, tilting her head back as she waited with baited anticipation.
“Lay back and enjoy, Evvie. This is going to be a fucking ride you’ve never experienced before.” Not giving her a chance to respond, I dove my face into her cunt. I was hungry. Starved for her tasty pussy that always left me panting and aching for more.
Fucking her hot core with my tongue, I spread her lips, my teeth lightly grazing over her erect clit.
“Oh God, Brett.”
Sucking the hard nub into my mouth, I flicked the peak with my tongue. Back and forth. Back and forth. Until she was writhing and panting.
I continued torturing the hard pearl until my name left her lips on a scream. Her cries of ecstasy filled the room and I kept at it until she was begging me to stop. I laughed. “No fucking way.” I growled and covered her center with my mouth, licking from the tight hole at her rear all the way to her clit. A shiver trembled th
rough her so I did it again.
“Brett, please. I need you inside me,” she breathed on a scream as she came for the second time.
I flipped her onto her stomach, pulling her hard towards me so her knees landed on the keys. Ripping open my pants, I slammed into her tight heat forcing a whimper from her lips. “Is this what you wanted? Me deep inside of you?”
“Yes. Oh God, yes.”
I drove into her with a fervor I craved. A deep seeded need to consume her body, erase all memories and fill it with just me. At that moment, my possession of her reared its ugly head, speeding up my hips. It had been awhile since I made use of her body in a way where she would be sore the next day. Had to make up for lost time.
My balls slapped against her, our bodies meeting after each hard thrust.
Seated deep inside of her body or wrapped in her arms was the only place where I felt safe. She was my armor and I was damn determined not to screw it up.
***
“Brett, baby, wake up.”
My eyes shot open, my breathing ragged. A cold chill ran down my spine as my heart beat hard against my ribs. Another nightmare. When would they ever stop? This one I couldn’t remember but it left me sick to my stomach and made my skin crawl just the same.
“Come to me, my husband.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, a tingle spread through my body at my wife’s soothing words. “Evvie,” I croaked and cleared my throat, trying to erase the terror of the way the dream made me feel. Dirty. Unwanted. Unloved. Filthy.
“Come here,” she whispered.
I took a deep breath, easing the blood pounding in my ears. Control. I needed to take control. The nightmares would not own me. They would not ruin me.
Pain. Gagged. Bound. Submission. Possession.
Words bounced around in my head as I fought the inner battle of taking my wife to a new level of submission she had never experienced before.
Give up.
Never. I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, my erection reaching my belly button. Why? Why did I always wake up needing Evvie’s body wrapped around mine after a nightmare?
“The need to satisfy a trigger can be appeased by many things. Sex just being one of them.”
Matteo’s words bounced around in my head while I tried breathing through the raging hard-on between my legs. It was so fucking hard, it hurt. One touch and I was sure to explode from pain and pleasure.
“You are not a freak.”
No. I was a fucking monster and a sadistic bastard.
I jumped when a soft hand wrapped around my length and warm kisses were placed on my shoulders. “Evvie,” I hissed, my dick growing even more under her touch. A tingle spread over my skin, igniting my skin on fire but fuck, did it ever feel good.
“Shhh…let me help you,” she whispered, milking my cock from base to tip in firm quick strokes.
My hips followed her movements, thrusting into her hand when a fast explosion erupted through my balls. I groaned, the warmth of my come, coating my belly but my dick didn’t deflate. If anything, it only grew harder and longer. The only thing that would satisfy this urge, was Evvie’s body.
I gripped the edge of the mattress, white-knuckling the shit out of it while her hand still held me. “I need. Inside. You. Right the fuck. Now,” I said through clenched teeth.
Evvie released me and straddled my hips before wrapping her small hands around my wrists.
A shiver ran down my spine and before I could even think of protesting, she lowered her sweet body onto me. My hips jerked, shooting upward, igniting a gasp to escape her lips.
Her snug pussy wrapped around my dick, squeezing me in a vise-like grip. Digging her nails into my wrists, she rode me, slow and hard, giving us both what we desired. Her need to help me get out of my head. My need to give up control.
Control. Shit. I wasn’t in control. At all.
“Brett, look at me.”
My gaze met hers and she smiled before throwing her head back in pleasure. Our bodies met. Sweat coated our skin. And she gave me the best ride of my life.
Planting my feet, I thrust my hips, pounding into her as hard as I could.
She moaned, arching her back like a cat and circled her pelvis against me. “God, you feel so good.”
I smirked but the inner battle of control still went on inside of me. The dark part of me wanted to flip her onto her stomach and rip into her body until she passed out. The other side, wanted this. Her helping me. But I was in my head. Always in my head. Get out. Out. I needed out. I needed—
“Get out of your head,” Evvie demanded.
“Fuck,” I snarled. Gripping her hips, I pushed her to the floor, speeding up my hips in the process.
“Brett, stay with me.” She cupped my cheeks and placed a soft peck on my lips.
I pulled out and slammed back into her pussy, igniting a whimper to escape her lips. “Hard. Please. Shit.” My vision blurred, my body shaking as I held back.
“Brett,” Evvie whispered against my mouth.
I blinked a couple of times before she came back into focus.
“Love me. Use me. But take control. Take control, my husband,” she said soothingly.
I took a breath and pulled her further under me before crashing my mouth to hers. Licking my way between her lips, I sped up my hips just enough that she would feel the rough ridges of me, my soul, but not enough to hurt her. God, this woman. She was something else. Taking control. Dominating. Owning me.
She was my armor. My strength. The light in my darkness. The rainbow in my storm. She was the other half of my being. My existence. Without her. I was nothing.
***
I lazily grazed a finger over Evvie’s nipple, watching her sleep. Her chest rose and fell, her blond curls brushing against my arm.
Why do I love you so damn much? What is it about you, my beautiful wife?
I had no explanation as I lay there, listening to the sounds of her deep soothing breath. Do people really need to know why they fall in love with someone? Love could not be controlled but the deep seeded need for someone…that went beyond the limits of love.
My hand inched up her chest and lightly wrapped around her neck, tilting her head back to meet my lips.
She sighed, a soft purr leaving her mouth.
Hours after I woke from my nightmare and her taking control of me, I felt elated. Strong. Whole. She had filled the void that was deep inside of me since my mother came back into my life. But something still felt off. With me? With the whole situation? I wasn’t sure.
I let my gaze roam down my wife’s pale body and frowned. Her ribs were more pronounced than usual like she had lost some weight. She had always been small but curvy. Now, she was just skinny.
“Evvie?” Worry settled deep inside of me, something dark nudging at the deep recesses of my soul. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but this shit that had been thrown at us, wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. I didn’t know how I knew it, but I could feel it. “Evvie?” I repeated, my voice firmer.
Her eyes fluttered open before she turned in my arms, snuggling against me. “Sleep, my husband,” she whispered, shivering.
I pulled the blanket over us, even though I hated them. Too constricting if you asked me. I would rather be the only thing touching her. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Hmm…”
“Lover,” I demanded.
Evvie looked up at me, her brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”
Brushing my thumb along her bottom lip, I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Heat radiated from her skin making my mouth tingle. “You have a fever.”
She yawned. “I think I’m coming down with something.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m fine. Honest. Just a little under the weather.” She yawned again and pulled my arm around her. “Now sleep.”
But I couldn’t. Knowing my wife wasn’t feeling well made my stomach clench with guilt. If I would have known, I never would have fucke
d her like I did.
“Stop worrying. I’m fine.”
If she was fine, then why weren’t those words reassuring me?
***
I woke up restless. My muscles twitched. My skin hummed. I looked over at my wife’s sleeping form. Her back rising and falling with each peaceful breath. Her pale skin glowed in the moonlight.
Her body stirred and she lifted her head, her gaze landing on mine. “What’s wrong?”
My heart raced. Did I have a nightmare? I couldn’t remember. I never remembered them. I always woke up, needing to be inside of her. The warmth of her body was the only thing that would calm me.
“Touch me,” she whispered, pulling my arm around her.
Brushing her hair off her nape, I leaned down and inhaled the scent of her sweet skin.
“Make love to me,” Evvie demanded and wrapped a hand around my cock before guiding me into her soaked pussy.
A groan escaped my lips at the snug feeling of her squeezing me tight as I pushed the rest of the way into her body.
She whimpered and threw her leg over my hip.
Slapping a hand down beside her head on the bed, I braced myself and thrust slow and deep.
“My cock has been craving this hot pussy all night,” I growled in her ear.
“My body is addicted to you,” she moaned, throwing her head back.
“Good,” I breathed. I pulled her tighter against me, stretching a leg over hers. I reigned kisses and bites on the side of her neck, inhaling the lavender and vanilla scent of her dewy skin. “Can you feel me all over you?”
Evvie gripped my ass, spreading her legs and took me deeper. “Yes.”
“Dig your fingers into my flesh, lover. Let me feel the pleasure I give you.”
“Faster,” she begged.
I fisted her hair. “Not tonight.” I pumped in and out of her in slow tortuous movements before ripping the blanket off of us.
A shiver trembled through her.
“I want you to feel just me. Just my skin. Nothing else. I make you feel good, Evvie. Me and me alone.”
“Oh yes. You do. Just you.”