by Linda Foster
Now, for the first time in nine months, I wasn’t waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. I was just me … and I was happy.
The second he released my hand, the calmness disappeared. Michael had been passing that serenity from himself to me, I realized. The peace had come from his touch, and when he took his hand away, it was like falling into ice water. I didn’t know how he did it, if it was the gift of an angel—that warmth and happiness—but I needed it back.
And I felt myself starting to panic without it.
Terror spiked in me, and I kept my eyes and ears open, thinking the craznado would form again at any second. I wanted to snatch his hand back in mine and never let go … but the intensity in his gaze as he stared at me drew me up short. It was that look, an expression that said he wasn’t one to be messed with, that had sparked the fear when I first saw him. And even though he had saved me from the demon, calmed the craznado, and shared his warmth, that look terrified me.
I still didn’t really know, I realized, if he was my friend.
So I kept my hands to myself and took a few breaths, trying to cling to the sensation of happiness his touch had given me. And once my heart began to slow, I could feel that calmness again. It hadn’t gone away; it had only dimmed. I could still sense the serenity and love from his touch deep inside myself, if I delved down far enough, and the fear slowly disappeared.
“How did you do that?” I asked, looking up at him in awe. His powers, the pulse that went through me, had stopped the craznado. But how had he done it? How did he know it would work? Could he teach me how to control it? Could I live a normal life? Hope sprang up in my heart.
“You did it,” he told me with a laugh. “I helped you let go of the fear, the anxiety, but stopping the telekinesis of those objects was all you,” he continued, still smiling. “Our powers are controlled by our emotions. I just helped you calm your mind.”
I had done it? I had controlled the power and made the craznado go away? No, I told myself. It was him and his blue glowing light that shone as we touched hands. All I had done was panic when I saw him, then get angry—effectively making it all worse. The exact opposite of stopping it. I narrowed my eyes, starting to grow frustrated again.
I didn’t understand why he would say that I was responsible for something he’d clearly done himself. Why would he lie about it?
He must have seen the disbelief in my expression because he quickly continued, the smile melting off his face. “I helped show you the light,” he said seriously. “You took it and let it calm you. When you relaxed, you stopped the objects. You were scared, and that’s understandable. You were attacked by a demon. Once you let go of your fear, however, you were able to control your ability.”
I scoffed at that. It was just so stupid. No way could it be that easy. “I’ve been trying to control my abilities,” I spat, furious, “for nine months. You touch my hand, it illuminates with blue light, and suddenly you’re saying I can control it now?”
Of course, that would be fan-freaking-tastic, and a small voice in my head told me to shut up and figure out how to do it. The bigger voice was still really mad, though, and I continued to scowl at this so-called angel.
“Not yet. Angelic powers are difficult,” Michael replied, his tone soft, but his eyes still hard as a rock. “Most don’t have to learn to control them alone like you have, but you will get the hang of them. As I said, they’re deeply rooted in our emotions. Which is why we must always remain calm.”
Wait, what? Had he just insinuated what I thought he had?
“I’m not an angel,” I laughed. That’s right—I flat out laughed in his face.
“Not a full angel,” he said. And he cocked his head to the side, like he didn’t understand how I was having such a problem with what he clearly thought was a simple concept.
As if I should have been on board with this right from the start.
I opened my mouth to tell him exactly where he could stick that idea, but nothing came out. All the witty retorts stuck as my brain tried to process what he appeared to believe as truth. It couldn’t be true, though. I definitely would have noticed giant angel wings popping out of my back. And yet he was talking about ‘us’ like I was part of some group that included him.
I wasn’t a freaking angel. I was just a freak. He was light and I was dark. We weren’t the same; we were polar opposites.
Though if I was an angel and I got screwed out of the awesome wings, I was going to be pissed.
“You’re serious?” I asked with a bitter laugh. “I’m an angel? Even partly?”
“You are different,” he agreed with a solemn look.
Well, he was going to have to do better than that if he expected me to believe him. I raised an eyebrow and waited, and after a moment, he continued.
“You aren’t technically one of us. You were meant to be before it happened...”
I was meant to be an angel? How was I robbed of that one? Before what had happened? What kept me from becoming an angel? What had left me here on Earth like this?
“What do you mean? What happened to me?” I asked, knowing this was it. This was the answer I was looking for. Why I had my powers, and what had caused the situation. Perhaps a way to control them, and—dare I hope—a way to save my brother. Maybe I could fix my life and go back to being normal—or at least pretending to be. Everything could end happily for us after all.
“Your brother,” Michael replied, sounding disgusted.
“Excuse me?” I didn’t like the way he said that, and could feel the blood rushing to my face, my protectiveness over Ash kicking into hyper drive. Who was this guy to talk about him that way? He didn’t know Ash. He had no idea what Ash meant to me.
I crossed my arms in front of my chest and backed up a foot. That’s it, get cranky with the angel who has all the answers because he offended you with his tone, that pesky voice in my head said sharply.
I didn’t listen.
“He made a deal to save your life,” he explained.
“You were already dead. Your fate was sealed, and yet somehow the demon was able to call your soul back to your body. He tore you from Heaven, though it shouldn’t have been possible. That’s why you have your powers—your soul was in Heaven. You were about to become an angel. Then the demon locked your soul back into your human body. Your powers went back to Earth with you, but humans aren’t meant to have Heaven’s powers. It will be harder for you to learn to use them.”
It made sense. I mean it sounded completely insane, but it fit. And for that reason, my mind told me to shut the hell up and pay attention.
“Ash doomed you to a life of misery and solitude,” Michael replied harshly.
And that was the truth. Blunt and rudely put, but I couldn’t deny it. Ash had saved me to bring me back to this hell on Earth, and now it turned out I could have been living peacefully as an angel. Like I was meant to. Still, he did it because he wanted to help me. He didn’t know what it would do—what it had done—to me.
Michael clearly did, though, and at that, I felt my anger start to build again. He’d known, and he’d left me alone for nine months. To what? To question my sanity and slowly lose my mind? Why hadn’t he come forward earlier? Why hadn’t he helped me?
“He did it out of love,” I argued back. “And he didn’t know what he was doing. But you apparently did, and yet left me here for months to think I was going crazy. How is that for angelic? If the demon hadn’t attacked me, how long would you have let me continue on like this? Why did you even bother saving my life if you didn’t care enough to help me sooner?”
Michael seemed confused, but then understanding appeared to dawn on him and his expression shifted from disgust to concern.
“Grace,” he replied, sounding hurt. “If I had known, I would not have left you here. We knew a spirit had escaped, but that was all. We had no idea how. The only reason I was able to track you down now was because of the demons hunting you—demons that I was hunting myself. I gre
w interested when they showed more attention to a human than they should have. They’ve been on you for a few days now.”
“Demons have been … tracking me?” I suddenly forgot how to breathe again. Did that mean they knew where I lived? Where I went to school? Why were they tracking me?
“Why are demons after me?” I asked in a high-pitched voice. As much as my powers sucked, they hadn’t really put anyone in any actual danger up to that point. But demons—this was much worse than powers that I couldn’t control. I’d thought my life was a mess before … but finding out that demons were hunting me was, well, worse.
Maybe Ash should have just let me die.
“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head. “I promise you, though, that I will find out.” His eyes, which I’d feared before because of their hard edges, now swore pain to any who stood in his way. And suddenly they gave me comfort. This was not a man who would fail on a promise, and I nodded slowly, accepting that he would find out.
Hopefully before any more demons found me. Because I still didn’t know what they could actually want.
“In the meantime, I will help you learn how to control your powers,” he told me. “However, you will help me in return—as payment.”
“With what?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer. “And why me?”
“You will help me because without my assistance, you will be stuck as you are, and in terrible danger. How long do you think you will survive with monsters after you? If I hadn’t helped today, you would have perished. And with your soul stuck between Heaven and Hell, you would be left to roam Earth for all eternity as a spirit. You’ve seen those, haven’t you? You don’t want that fate. I can teach you to control your powers while you are still on Earth, protect you from the demons who are after you until you are capable of protecting yourself, and, when the time comes, allow your soul back into Heaven. Without me, you will be doomed.”
Well, that changed things. And not in a fair way. He was going to leave me for nine months to fend for myself, then suddenly show up—by accident!—save my life, and then demand that I help him, with a really insane list of repercussions if I didn’t? When it really seemed to me that he—and his sort—were the ones who had made the mistake in the first place?
Michael, being my only interaction with an angel, definitely wasn’t what I’d expected. Not that I had put much thought into it, but they were always depicted as loving creatures, protective of humans. He seemed to have moments of passion and empathy, but he also seemed—an instant later—to be rather cold.
And looking into his eyes, I could tell there was no question that he was demanding, not requesting, my help. It made me uneasy, to say the least.
I hadn’t thought it was possible, but it felt like things had gone from bad to worse. And I was having trouble processing the things he’d just listed.
But in the end, did I really have a choice?
He was right—that demon would have ended my life, and I hadn’t exactly been proving myself capable of fighting it. I’d have been dead meat if Michael hadn’t shown up. And I was willing to bet that the next demon was going to be just as bad. Maybe even worse.
If demons were truly hunting me, for whatever reason, more would come. And there was no question that I’d be dead before the end of the week. Before I could save Ash.
BUT IF MICHAEL was willing to teach me how to use my powers … and I became strong enough … then I could learn how to kill a demon. I’d be able to stay alive long enough to find a way to save Ash, and save myself in the process.
And with that, my mind was made up. Three months. I had three months to get along with this Michael, figure out how to use my powers, and find a way to rescue my brother from his fate. I just had to survive the demon assassins currently hunting me. And help Michael with whatever it was he needed me for.
Three months. It wasn’t a lot of time. But it was all I had. It was better than nothing, and I would take any help I could get.
I nodded.
“Good choice.”
Now the moment of truth: finding out what I’d just signed up for.
“So what do you need help with?” I asked quietly. “What do I have to do for you to teach me how to use my powers?”
“Grace, there’s a war brewing between Heaven and Hell,” he said. “Each side has been building their armies since the fall of Adrian, the king of Hell. He’s going to try to overthrow Heaven. The terms are simple: any human soul that goes in either direction tips the scales in favor of either Heaven or Hell. Too many in one direction and the other side could be easily overpowered. And recently, the scales have been tipping in their favor. We don’t know how they’ve collected so many more souls, but we know that the repercussions could be extremely serious. Should Hell win this war between our nation and theirs … it would be very bad.
“I’ve been charged with finding a solution. Adrian’s demons seem to be working overtime, and we’re losing souls fast. There’s no telling when Adrian plans to launch his attack, but if he were to do it soon, when we are at such a serious disadvantage, we could lose, and Adrian could take our home. We have to turn the scales in our favor—as soon as possible.”
He paused and glanced at me, and I abruptly realized that my mouth was hanging open. I snapped it shut, overwhelmed by what he was telling me. And I still didn’t understand. Say I believed all of this, about angels and demons and Heaven and Hell and a war coming down—what could I possibly do to help him with a war between Heaven and Hell? I couldn’t even control a craznado.
“What does this have to do with me?” I asked, feeling like I was missing something.
“We must find a way to recover our losses. And I’ve come up with a new plan to gain an advantage.” He paused, as if he was either very proud of this idea or just waiting for me to catch on to what he was saying. Then, in a booming voice that told me he was giving me the mission statement: “I’ve decided to rehabilitate lost souls.”
I stared at him, even more confused than I had been before. “Am I a lost soul?” I asked. Was that what he meant? Was I the first project for him? I had no idea what exactly a lost soul was, or how he expected to rehabilitate them, but he’d said I was stuck on Earth. Maybe I needed rehabilitating to get back into Heaven? To be saved and help him with this crazy war thing?
He laughed earnestly, but shook his head. “In a sense, but not like the ones I’m hoping to save. I’m trying to get demons to earn their way back into Heaven.”
“Are you insane?” I laughed. Oh goodness, I didn’t mean to, but it came out and I felt bad. Come on, though. This was like watching some evangelist on TV—only cheesier. “You want to put demons back in Heaven? Monsters like the one who—only minutes ago—tried to gut me from head to toe? How is that a viable plan on any level?”
“My brothers and sisters had that same reaction,” he told me with a small smile. It had pain behind it, though, and I doubted a being like him showed emotions often. He was too intense for that. Suddenly I was sad for him, and it made me want to help him. Human instinct to help someone in pain, maybe.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” he continued. “I know mistakes have been made by the demons—things for which they were removed from Heaven in the first place. But I have faith in a select group. I have faith that they can make amends for their sins, that they deserve a chance to earn redemption. If other demons know it can be done, then those who are worthy could follow as well. There are many who are not happy with their situations. Many who long for Heaven. And the amount of change that even one demon might make could mean winning the war. It’s a move that could tip the scales back in our favor—and deliver a devastating blow to Adrian.”
“Okay,” I said, rubbing my temples. “I can understand your reasoning. My feelings over the craziness of your plan aside, what do you want me to do?”
“I need someone I can trust, a person who hasn’t already proven willing to switch sides,” he told me, holding eye cont
act this time. “I have pressure on me, and right now I’m doing this alone. Failure isn’t an option. Adrian could unleash war on Heaven at any time, so I need to work quickly, and mistakes can’t be made. The other Archangels will give my plan only one chance. I can’t keep tabs on the lost souls all the time, so I need someone I can trust. You, mistake that you are, are the perfect answer. Someone who isn’t a demon, but is not yet an angel. Someone who will by my ally. I want to believe this group is capable of reform, that they can be saved, but I can’t rely on them blindly.”
“You want me to team up with your demon reform students?” My voiced cracked on the word ‘demon’ and I backed away. No. Just no. That was beyond nuts. And aside from that, how the hell was I going to do that without being killed? He’d just promised to keep me safe from those creatures, and now he was asking me to go after them with him?
If one of them decided it wanted to cash in on my life, I’d be done for. “One almost killed me.”
“I don’t know why, though,” he argued. “Which is strange. Demons go after souls. They don’t go around murdering random humans, which means they know there is something different about you. I intend to find out what that is and why they feel they need to kill you because of it. In the meantime, you can make sure the demons coming to our side stay in line, keep me updated on their progress. I need someone I can trust to tell me the truth. If one demon tried to foil these plans by coming to our side and turning coat, the result could be disastrous.” He paused to let me digest that.
Effectively, then, I would be a spy for him in the group of demons. I would be in charge of making sure they stayed in line. I still didn’t know why he thought I could handle that, though, and I frowned at him. Putting me with a bunch of demons sounded like an insane idea—even if they were supposedly “good” demons.