A Heart of Flesh

by Casey Hays

  She points to her computer screen. I squint.

  “What is it?”

  “I’m not sure,” she sighs. “I’ve never seen it before. The girls’ scans show no sign of it, and neither does Jacob’s. And Stephen has shown no aggression, so technically this little, red spot unique to him only… tells me nothing.” She faces me, worry lining her features. “I really need to scan Nick.”

  “Let’s sedate him,” I say.

  She shakes her head. “Liza’s contact wasn’t able to get his hands on anything we could use. Nothing I have in stock is strong enough to keep him under more than a few minutes.”

  “Maybe I could hold him down?”

  “Only if he stays perfectly still. I have a feeling he would put up a nice fight if you tried to restrain him. And you felt him this morning same as me. We can’t risk taking him out of that cage.”

  For a second, I allow myself to relive my sparring session in the basement, and a shudder rattles my spine. She’s right. Restraining him won’t work. A strong unease chewing on my nerves.

  “Well, I can’t reason with him,” I say. “We’re beyond that at this point.”

  “I think…” Penelope pauses, her eyes lingering on the image a moment. “We only have one option.”

  “Yeah? And what’s that?”

  She swivels her head, pins me with a knowing look, and I tense.

  “Liza said she’s leaving for Eden tomorrow,” Penelope continues. “And I think you should go with her.”

  I swallow the bile that tries to climb my throat.

  “Why?”

  I already know the answer to that question. I see it written all over her. A kind of “last resort” look that makes me sick to my stomach. The same look I saw in Liza. Slowly, I shake my head.

  “No, Penelope.” Rising to my feet, I sweep around the metal table and swing back to stare her down. “Do you know how dangerous this idea is? We’d be risking my father getting his hands on the Serum and starting this whole mess over again.”

  “Justin—”

  “I can’t leave this farm,” I interrupt. “I can’t leave you here with Nick. You aren’t strong enough to handle him on your own.” I lean over the table toward her, my palms flat against the cool metal that separates us like a harsh divide. “What if he’s able to manipulate you into letting him out of that cage? You know it’s possible.”

  “Regardless, someone needs to take my findings to your father.”

  She purses her lips, hands crossed calmly in her lap, and I can’t believe she’s saying this. I shake my head with finality and straighten.

  “I’m not doing it. You need me here.” I frown, and then narrow my eyes as a thought penetrates. “This is Liza’s idea, isn’t it? She came to you.”

  “What if she did?”

  All my anger at my cousin resurfaces in that instant. How could she go behind my back? And better yet, how in the world did she convince Penelope this was a good idea?

  “We can find a way without him, Penelope.” I pace a couple of steps, swing back toward her, meeting her head on. “You’re smart. With a little more research, we could—”

  “Justin, listen to me.” Penelope stands and rounds the table. “We bit off more than we could chew when we decided to bring these babies here. We didn’t know it at the time, but it’s quite obvious now. Over the years, I’ve done my best to assess them, to monitor their growth and the changing patterns in their abilities, but there’s a lot that, frankly, I don’t understand. Now, we’ve already learned from Nick alone that they are going to become progressively harder to manage from here on out.” Her expression grows tender. “I hate to say it, but… I need my big brother’s opinion. I can’t help Nick without his guidance. It’s time to do what’s best for that little boy.”

  Her silver eyes deepen with a determination that stops any words I might have uttered, and a sick fear clings to every inch of my insides. Because where I wouldn’t cave with Liza, I’m about to cave with Penelope. She just hit my soft spot. She takes hold of my bicep and squeezes.

  “You will go… or I will,” she concludes softly. When I raise my brows in surprise, she smiles, her fingers running the length of my arm to cup my hand. “One of us needs to make this trip more than the other. So… tag. You’re it.”

  Chapter 10

  When I find Diana on the porch tonight, I don’t hesitate for once before I go out to her. She leans against the post just as before, the tiny wisps of hair framing her face fluttering with the breeze. I pause next to her, and together we stare out over the fields that race toward the trees. The skyline is a blanket of stars. It’s a beautiful, warm night.

  “I smell rain in the air,” Diana says.

  “Shouldn’t you be resting?”

  Her smile lands on me, accompanied by the purplish-black eye, swollen and ugly. Ignoring my question, she turns and sinks into the chair that hugs the wall.

  “How’s Nick?”

  I face her then and shrug. She nods.

  “And how long will you keep him locked away this time?”

  I shake my head. “Things are… complicated.”

  In the light of the candle on the crate next to her, a tear glistens in her eye.

  “He has enough water?” Her voice is shaky. “And blankets?”

  “Yes,” I assure her. “Although, you know as well as I he doesn’t need blankets. Not with his body temperature.”

  “Right.”

  She examines her fingernails a moment before letting her hands fall into her lap.

  “What a mad couple of days it’s been,” she says after a moment.

  I remain silent, watching her.

  “You know…” She plays with the edge of her skirt. “The other day, you asked me if I was happy.”

  “Yeah?” I tilt my head, waiting to see where this is going. She runs a tongue across her bottom lip.

  “I asked you the same, and you never really answered.” She raises her head, studies me. “Are you happy, Justin?”

  With a sigh, I face the fields, scan the wide expanse of sky, and contemplate the question. It doesn’t have an easy answer. Not anymore. In fact, it’s been a long time—years even—since that answer was simple for me. I’ve had a whole new look at the world since then. I examine my hands—the ones I had always hoped would be instruments of healing rather than death.

  “I’m happy most days… when I’m not pissed at Ian for leaving us here like this.” The muscles in my cheeks tighten as I grit my teeth. And now she knows. She doesn’t respond to my sudden shift in emotions. “Things seemed… easier with him here, I guess. This was his plan. He had control of the situation. I don’t.”

  She watches me, waits for me to say more. I shake my head.

  “Lately, I’m just….” I shrug, look her straight in the eye, and just say it. “I’m scared.”

  “Of what?”

  She’s calm, thoughtful, and I recognize the tone in her voice. She’s blessed with this crazy, intuitive concern, as if she already knows what I fear before I put it into words for her. And as always, she’ll listen and understand and let me feel what I need to feel, and she won’t interfere with it. She’s been through enough to understand that interfering is useless.

  Which is why I should tell her what I’m feeling… for her. Even if I have it wrong and what I think I’m seeing in her is just a reflection of my own jumbled up emotions, I should tell her. Because she has the right to know.

  But I don’t tell her. I simply shrug, and keep the pace of this present conversation moving in forward progress.

  “Yesterday, I had a new agenda. Big plans, you know? So much for that.” I sigh and study the stars a minute. “Now, I’m afraid of failing these kids. Of failing Penelope.” I look at her again. “You.”

  “Oh, Justin.” She rises and steps toward me, reaching for my hand. “You’re not alone with those fears. They haunt me daily. We’re all afraid of failure. Failure means we’ve lost the children altogether.”

/>   I entwine my fingers with hers where I’ve decided they fit perfectly, and I squeeze them, taking comfort in her words.

  “But think of your accomplishments,” she continues. “You’ll see that you have not failed. Regardless of the setbacks, we’ve managed to raise these babies. They’ve been blessed with four beautiful years that would never have occurred at the compound.”

  My eyes fall on her, and she smiles and continues.

  “If you and Ian hadn’t removed the children from Eden, they would never have tasted freedom. They would have lived under a microscope, enduring experiment upon experiment. I don’t have to say it; they are uncontrollable in so many ways. But had you not saved them, they would more than likely have already been destroyed. Don’t you see, Justin? You have given them the chance to prove they are still human. That is not failure. That is compassion. It’s love. And we can’t give up on them. Not just yet.”

  “Not even Nicholas?” I probe.

  “Especially not Nicholas.” She squeezes my fingers. “With every setback, we make progress. That’s what matters. We learn what to do next time and how to do it—which is why Nick is in the basement, for now. But it’s never too late for any of them to learn.”

  When I raise a skeptical brow, she counters it with her next statement.

  “Nicholas doesn’t bite anymore. Not for two years.”

  I take her in, see the twinkle in her eye, and we laugh.

  “Well, that’s a plus, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” she replies. “Granted, he’s exhibited other poor behaviors lately, but my point is we can change them. We’ve seen progress, especially in the girls.”

  “The girls still harm each other.”

  She pauses a moment. She can’t deny this. Last summer, Klayre allowed Aria to cut off both of her hands just so they could watch them grow back. What Klayre failed to comprehend was that she would lose blood in the process, pass out, and not get to enjoy the experiment. The next time, they only cut off three fingers. One grew back before she blacked out.

  “The girls don’t react out of violence,” Diane defends.

  “Yet,” I insist, and the red spot on Stephen’s scan races through my head.

  “They are only curious.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Diana. They can’t go around cutting each other’s limbs off.”

  “I know,” she concedes. “I’m simply making a point. They haven’t attempted to do it again. Progress. They’re learning. You yourself said they will grow smarter more quickly. And if we can curb their actions, teach them and lead them by example while they are still so young, they will master self-control. I believe it.”

  “You’re forgetting they have Serum to contend with.”

  “So do you,” she counters. “So does Ian and Liza and Penelope. And you manage.”

  I start to protest, to tell her that the advanced Serum is entirely different, but she stops me with a tug on my hand.

  “I believe in you, Justin.”

  I shake my head at her optimism. Even after Nicholas gave her a concussion, she’s willing to believe all of this will have a happy ending. I can’t say I feel the same way.

  “I’m leaving with Liza in the morning.”

  She stills beside me, worried tension spilling into our moment. Her fingers loosen in my hand.

  “Why?”

  “Penelope is sending me. To speak to my dad.”

  “Oh. But I thought—”

  She stops. I simply nod.

  “I know.”

  “You’re all right with this?” she asks.

  I sigh, pulling away from her to shove my hands into my pockets. “No, I’m not.”

  She studies me, worry tracing lines down her face, until I smile with a shake of my head and look off into the night.

  “I appreciate the fact that you believe in me.” I count a few stars clinging to the dark sky. “But the truth is… with everything going on with Nick, I’m having a hard time believing in myself these days. So maybe…” I trail off, hating my recent lack of confidence. Hating that Penelope feels the need to send for my dad’s help. I sigh, rub my forehead, and look at Diana. “I just don’t think I’m the right man for the job.”

  Diana purses her lips, a sadness emitting from her, but she says nothing.

  “This would not be my plan.” I say, hope ebbing even more. “Because if I could, I’d bring Ian back. Maybe he could fix it all. Maybe Nick would respond to him differently, you know?” I lean my elbows on the railing and study her face. “But I’m not stupid. By the time we could get to him, it might be too late.”

  “And Penelope believes your father is our only hope.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I see.”

  “Maybe it’s time I saw my dad again.” I’m afraid of the truth that lies in the words. “I’ve been running from this demon for far too long.”

  Tension runs the length of my body, until Diana moves in closer. Weaving an arm around my waist, she lays her head against my shoulder.

  “Maybe it is time,” she whispers.

  We both stare out at the horizon in silence. It feels nice. I swivel my gaze toward her.

  “Be careful while I’m gone. Keep Caleb and Henry separated from the rest for now.”

  Her eyes flood with concern before she nods, a tiny breath escaping her lips.

  “And you be careful,” she whispers. “We need—no—I need you to come back to us.”

  My heartbeat flutters, and I nod.

  “It’s a promise.”

  I don’t tell her how afraid I am to face my dad. I don’t want to ruin this perfect moment under the stars. A perfect moment… with the woman I’m falling in love with.

  She fixates on me until my brain turns fuzzy again—all befuddled with her smell and her quiet breathing, and I know I should kiss her. Because this time, I’m certain she’s waiting for it. I can sense it in the air. Her lips part, pink and soft and ready, and I almost do it.

  Almost.

  Chapter 11

  Liza and I set out long before the sun wakes. Even now, it’s best to run in the dark. No matter how it’s painted, we are a new phenomenon, and that’s scary for Outsiders who didn’t know about us until just recently. The skirmish with the Vortex exposed us. Still, the less attention we bring upon ourselves, the better.

  It’s already hot even before the sun begins to bake the earth, but the wind is minimal. Perfect for running. We keep pace with each other, not speaking. We haven’t spoken much since our argument except to make plans for this trip. I’m sure Liza is gloating inside. She got her way. I grumble on the inside and speed a little ahead of her.

  It will take us a few hours to reach Eden once we cross the river. We’ll head south and meet up with Liza’s hunting expedition party just this side of Golan Woods. Jeb Anderson, lead hunter, has been our greatest ally from the beginning. He is Liza’s cover for getting her back and forth to our farm. She leaves with the team on a hunt, they escort her to the river, and she comes to us. So far, we haven’t raised my father’s suspicions. As far as I know, we haven’t raised anyone’s suspicions.

  It’s not going to be easy to face Dad. I betrayed him. I did it for the right reasons, but still. For nearly twenty years, he spent every minute of his life perfecting the Serum, hoping his efforts would lead to a cure. And overnight, all of it was ripped from him. Whether he was right or wrong, it was a hard blow, and I hate that I was a part of it.

  Last time I visited Eden three years ago, Mom and Dad were separated. He despised her for her part in the betrayal, and he couldn’t bring himself to believe she’d done it because she loved him. She was in a bad place, but she wouldn’t let me stay.

  “You have a duty, Justin. To save what’s left of us. To help make all of us human again. We started this, and we need to finish it.”

  I left her, my heart breaking with the heaviness of what I was leaving behind… and for the burden that lay ahead. Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing in leaving
home.

  Liza and I stop to eat the sandwiches Penelope packed for us. Sitting under the shade of a tree, I stare out across the expanse of ground we still have to cover before we reach Eden.

  “You in there, cousin?”

  Liza takes a bite and chews while she stares at me. Here she goes, trying to make amends. I drag one knee up and prop my wrist over it.

  “Yeah. Just thinking.”

  “Hmm.” She swallows and lifts her water bottle. “About Diana, I assume.”

  I glance at her, see the teasing smile embedded on her lips. In all honesty, I have intentionally avoided thinking about Diana, and at the mention of her name, my nerves crackle. For the first time, I truly believe she and her boys could be in danger, and all I want is to get this task over with and get back to her.

  “Actually…” I keep my eyes on the horizon. “I was thinking about my mom.”

  “Ah.” Liza nods. She searches me out for a moment before she tosses her gaze to the sky in thought. “She’s doing well. And she’s proud of you, you know? For what you did. For what you still do.”

  “I know.” I chew on my lip. Mom said all of that in the last letter Liza brought me. But I could also tell from the tone that she isn’t as fine as she lets on. She’s always been good at covering her feelings. I plant my eyes on Liza. She smiles.

  “She’ll be happy to see you.”

  I nod. She takes a sip of water and wipes the back of her hand across her lips.

  “You nervous? About seeing your dad?”

  So now she worries about my feelings in all of this. I take another swig of water, not answering. She studies me, and then reaches over and clutches my hand.

  “It’ll work out, you know? I’m sure Uncle David isn’t as angry as he was in the beginning.”

  “How do you know?” I lift my brows, assessing her.

  “Well, I don’t. Not concretely.” She shrugs with a shake of her head. “But as the saying goes, time heals all wounds.”

  “Not wounds as big as these,” I say. I take another long swig of water.