His body is my home. His soul is where I reside. And his lips are the doorway to it all.
“Brent,” I breathe, trying to pull away.
“Stop.”
He shuts me up with his wicked tongue, rubbing and sucking my own. All I need is him. One touch, one kiss, and everything melts away. All the emptiness and worry, the hollow ache in my chest—they’re gone. I’m instantly revived, and my being is whole. There’s so much comfort and ease now that he’s here. My anxiety and dismay feel like they were all for nothing.
I press my body to his, and the warmth of his chest consumes me as he continues to slay me with his mouth. He knows what I need, and he came here to give it to me. He’s willing to give up everything for me.
My stomach caves with guilt.
I never asked for that.
I could never live with that.
“Just take me with you,” I implore against his jaw. “That’s all I want.”
“You’re not quitting school.”
I stop kissing him and step completely out of his arms. We hold one another’s gaze for a long time. It’s stretched out enough for me to realize the gravity of what he’s doing and what he’s proposing. There’s something romantic and beautiful in it, but it’s not practical. It’s fraught with future resentment.
“You can’t do this,” I tell him. “I love you and need you in so many ways, but I could never live with myself if you stay.”
“I don’t see it any other way. I’m not taking anything away from you. You made what you want clear.”
“I know, but…” I grunt, frustrated by the hand we’ve been dealt over and over again. It keeps us fighting for each other, yet still we remain apart. The obstacles we face are never-ending.
He takes a cautious step forward and then another. After one more, his arms are around my back. I tuck into his chest, and he rests his chin on my head. Our breaths work in rhythm, accompanying the beat of our hearts.
“What are we supposed to do?” he asks into my hair.
“I wish I knew.”
“You know, if you weren’t so stubborn, this would be a lot easier.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I lift my chin, tilting my view toward him. “And if you weren’t so overly romantic and wonderful, this would be a lot easier, too.”
He smirks, shakes his head, and then tightens his embrace around me. “I’ll work on being a dick, if it will make things easier, of course.”
“Seriously, who flies across the country overnight on a whim and offers to give up his rising career just for some girl?”
He disengages his arms, walks toward the kitchen area, and then faces me, leaning his backside against the counter.
“This guy does,” he replies. “You’re not just some girl. You’re not even a girl. You’re the woman my whole world revolves around.”
“And my world is you.”
FORTY
“Are you going to miss me?” Brent asks, nose at my ear.
“Likely, but I doubt I’ll have time.”
“That’s true. We’ll be together again before you know it.”
“In just a few days.”
He kisses me hotly on the mouth and then exits out the door, pulling his suitcase behind him. At the steps, he turns around and waves. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Very soon.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
When he’s out of sight, I close the door and relish in the anticipation of what’s to come. I will see him again and soon.
We have a plan, and it’s one we’re both willing to work with.
Meandering through my apartment, it feels lighter but not empty. I walk into the dressing room, open the closet, and finger the garments Brent left behind—not because he forgot them, but because he’s coming back. I switch on the bathroom light, finding a small sense of peace at the sight of his toothbrush next to mine. These items live here now, and he does, too.
More importantly, he lives with me.
After talking about our options, we knew that neither one of us was going to budge on letting the other person give up on any dreams. In the end, the most important thing was that we were together. It didn’t matter where because our home was only with each other. The rest was just geography.
It is going to take some adjustments, but that’s how love goes. We are both prepared to give up everything for each other, so these tiny sacrifices are easy to accept.
Life is full of concessions when love is in the picture—especially a true, all-encompassing love like ours. Putting us first was the only thing we could agree on, so we compromised on the rest. It’s not ideal, but we get all that we want for ourselves and for each other.
Switching off the light, I venture into the main room of our apartment, letting my fingers graze the furniture full of memories from our new beginning. I think, in some ways, Brent’s subconscious had a plan when he bought these. He was putting up stakes in my space in more ways than one.
Taking a seat on the warm brown leather chair, I rest my computer on my lap and open the most recent email from Brent. I’ve read it a few times now. He sent it after we jointly made the arrangements together, and it still warms my heart. It’s full of our tomorrows, and there are many.
I’ll see you in San Jose in four days. I love you.
Below his note is an itinerary of flights for the next six weeks, some for him and some for me, spread three-to-five days apart. It’s not practical. It’s almost ridiculous. I don’t even allow myself to think about the cost. That was part of my concessions—to allow him to pay for it all. Brent was like a kid in a candy store with the freedom to give us everything. I never knew he was holding back so much, all because of me.
He’s not holding back anything now.
We’re in this together. We want the world for each other and with each other.
Love is patient, impractical, and sometimes hard. It has made us crazy at times and broken us into a million little pieces. It has healed us both, filling in the cracks created by our lives and our past, and welded us into a stronger, more permanent fixture. It has bound us together for what I now know will be forever because neither one of us will have it any other way.
THE DAY
Today is the day I’ve been working toward for the last two months. I’ve made all the arrangements, and after the game tonight, I’m telling Brent. It’s been difficult to keep this secret from him, especially with the entire behind-the-scenes steps I’ve been taking to wrap up my life in Chicago ahead of schedule.
Since that moment we made the decision to make us work no matter what, my heart has been at peace. We see each other weekly, if not more, and it’s been just enough to keep us moving forward with our relationship and with our lives—mine in Chicago and his in L.A.—that we began before coming back together as a couple. The balance might be difficult for some but not us. Loving him is easy.
Taking my seat next to Cohen, I tug my hat tightly over my ears to shield away the cool spring Chicago breeze blowing through the stadium. Brent’s team is playing an early-season game this afternoon against our local team, and his brother flew into town since it’s closer than many of the West Coast games. It’s good to see Cohen again. We caught up about a month ago in Salt Lake City at another one of Brent’s games.
“Hey, guys,” Mara says, plopping down next to me with pretzels and drinks in hand. “It’s too freaking cold for this.”
“Has New York made you soft?” I ask, taking one of the pretzels. “Or are you just bitchier?”
“Shit! I’m like a kitten compared to the lions out there.”
“I’m sure you fit in purr-fectly.”
“Cute, Rubes,” she replies. “Not clever or obvious at all.”
I shrug. “I wasn’t going for clever.”
She sits back, buttons up her jacket, and adjusts her gloves. Mara coming into town was my idea. Since she and Kenzie moved for Mara’s new job in New York, I haven’t seen Mara at al
l. I’m planning to make that leap and move to California in the next month. This might be the last time we can easily see each other, so she made the trip at my request. It’s almost a last good-bye.
Over the winter quarter, I made arrangements to finish my last and final classes for graduation remotely. My advisers have agreed to work with me as long as I come back to present my final projects at the end of spring quarter. I already made the preparations to sublet my apartment, and I have movers lined up to ship the two pieces of furniture that matter to us most out to California.
It’s my gift to Brent and to us to allow us to be together. While a traveling relationship has been fun and seeing Brent has been my world, this setup is not ideal.
Graduate school is still an option, but I won’t be going in Chicago. I’ve made my decision on that. I want to be with the person I love. I’m still waiting to hear from a school in California, but if that doesn’t come through, it’s not the end of the world. I have other options.
Ripping the pretzel in half, I place a bite in my mouth and then offer the rest to Cohen, who is patiently watching the empty field.
“When does the game start?” Mara asks, being conversational.
“In about half an hour,” Cohen replies. “They should be taking the field soon.”
“Awesome. Bring on the testosterone.”
Cohen gives her a sarcastic look and then returns his focus to the sea of green. The stadium rapidly fills with excited fans ready for the players to take the field. The volume in the stands becomes a blanket of white noise as more and more people take their seats.
A few moments later, the local team takes one side of the field, warming up and running some drills. At about the same time, Brent’s team comes into view on the opposite end, mimicking similar movements and maneuvers. I’m really eager for the game to start and to watch the man I love. His performance seems to get better with every game I attend. Him giving up a soccer career truly would have broken my heart. This is where he belongs. It’s easy to see.
I search for the familiar form and number that I’ve been watching for months from a similar position.
“Where is he?” Mara questions. “Which one?”
“He’s number eleven.” I squint, searching the players, but I can’t find him. “I don’t see him.” Leaning into Cohen’s space, I ask, “Do you see him?”
“No, I don’t,” he says.
“I wonder where he is. I hope everything’s okay.”
“I’m sure it is,” he reassures me.
Someone taps me on my left shoulder. Startled, I quickly whip my head toward the sensation. A dark-haired man with bright blue eyes rests a finger at my back.
“Cody?” I say, completely confused. “What are you doing here?”
“Helping you find him.”
“Find who?”
“Brent,” he says, smiling.
“Wait? What?”
Lifting his hand, he points toward the aisle. I hesitantly follow the direction of his gesture to where Brent is sitting two rows up from us just across the walkway. Hidden among the crowd, he’s almost unrecognizable in plain clothes, not his uniform, and a ball cap.
Our eyes meet, and he knows I’ve seen him. One side of his mouth turns up, igniting that flirty dimple that drew me to him so many years ago, and he rises from his seat. Taking a few steps down, he stops at the end of our row, right next to Mara.
“Brent? Why aren’t you on the field?” I ask.
He extends his hand. Without question, I place mine in his and shuffle over Mara to join him in the walkway.
“What’s going on?” I ask in a lower tone.
He takes off his cap, drops it at his feet, and kisses me on the forehead. Without even saying a word, Brent lowers to the ground, taking a knee. My heart pounds into my ears, thumping and slamming a wild combination of feelings all at once—happiness, shock, excitement, nervousness, pure joy. His expression is so powerful and overwhelming. I steal a glassy glance toward Mara. She smiles widely. She knew.
There’s so much exposed vulnerability in his face that my heart melts, and I forget everything.
“I knew you would find me,” he says, soft and even, still holding my hand. There’s so much control in his voice, a pure dichotomy to his expression. “Because you know me better than anyone. This is me, plain and simple, coming to you and asking a question I’ve asked once before. Life seemed to get in the way back then, but my love for you never faded away.” He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a small black velvet box, and holds it upward. “I would give you the world if you would let me because I want you to have it. I want you in my life forever—to be by my side and to let me be the person you lean on for everything.”
He drops my hand and opens the box, revealing a delicate antique ring I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was lost when my father had gone to prison. My breath catches, and I choke on the tears streaming down my face. I sneak a peek toward Cody, and he nods, confirming that the ring in Brent’s hand was indeed my mother’s.
“Family is important,” Brent continues. “They’re what makes us who we are. Even though not every family is perfect, there’s beauty in all of them.” He takes out the ring. “I promised your father some time ago that if and when I asked you to be my wife, I would come to him first. This is why.” He nudges the ring closer to me. “He wanted you to know that this was his way of telling you he was giving his blessing to us. He said this ring, worn by your great grandmother and your mother, represents a foundation of love, and that you are always loved. And now, it’s my turn to be a part of that, too.”
He takes my left hand in his, kisses the empty space on the finger vying for that ring, and then bores straight through me. “Ruby,” he utters with sincerity, “you’re the reason I breathe, the reason I live, and everything I need. I’m on my knee, asking you to spend the rest of your life with me as my wife.” He inhales sharply. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes,” I say without any thought at all, buckling slightly on my unstable legs. “Yes! Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”
Brent slips the ring onto my shaky finger and then rises. Taking me in his arms, he kisses me passionately through my sobs of pure bliss. My mind barely registers the applause from the crowd as we continue to seal our promise of eternity to one another with our joined lips. We share one more chaste kiss.
“This is just the beginning,” he says, “the real one.”
OUR DAY
~Ruby~
With a blue sky and a light smattering of clouds, the weather is perfect. We couldn’t have asked for a better day.
“It’s almost time,” Mara says, adjusting the train on my white strapless gown. “Are you nervous?”
“Very,” I respond with my heart pounding heavily in my chest.
She finishes arranging my dress and comes to stand before me in the cobalt blue gown that perfectly complements her skin tone. Mara is absolutely gorgeous today.
“Don’t worry,” she says. “If you trip, someone will catch you.”
“Ah, shit. I didn’t even think about falling.”
“Really? Not even one thought about catching your dress on your foot and plummeting headfirst into the aisle? Causing a bloody nose and messing up your hair?”
“Well, I am now.” I lift the front of my dress and peek at my white satin shoes. “Does that really happen?”
“Nah, I just wanted to give you something else to think about.”
My hands release the fine fabric, and I swat at Mara but miss her completely. “Well, it worked.”
“Then, my job here is done.”
“Knock, knock,” Cody says, rapping just outside the door.
“Come in,” Mara calls.
Cody, dressed in a navy suit with his face and hair neatly groomed, enters the small dressing area assigned to us in the pavilion.
“Oh, wow,” he says, his eyes wide. “You look really beautiful.”
“Thanks,” I reply. Nervously, I smooth my dark
hair cascading over my shoulder. “You look good, too.”
“You clean up well,” Mara comments.
“Thanks, but I don’t think anyone will notice.” He takes a step forward and kisses me on the cheek. “Brent’s a lucky man.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“I have.” He releases an affectionate smile. “He’s nervous.”
“I am, too.”
“Just make it down the aisle, and the rest will be a cakewalk,” Mara chimes in. “Then, all you have to do is stand and repeat.”
“Aisle, stand, repeat. Got it.”
“I can still walk with you, if you like,” Cody says, buttoning up his jacket. “You know, to make sure you don’t trip and ruin your dress.”
“What the hell? Why does everyone think I’m going to trip?”
Cody and Mara both laugh.
“It would make for a memorable day,” Mara says.
“She’s right,” Cody adds. “I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t forget it. Actually, it’d probably be very entertaining.”
“This is my wedding day,” I huff.
“So, that excludes you from our jokes?” Mara asks.
“Yes, I think it does.” Turning to Cody, I say, “Thank you for the offer, but I think I’ll be fine. Plus, I want to honor my father.”
“Okay,” Cody says with his hand on my shoulder, completely understanding my request. He reaches inside his jacket and pulls out a white letter envelope. “Here. Brent asked me to give this to you.”
“Thanks,” I say, taking it from his hand.
“Well, I’d better get out there,” he says, heading for the door. “See you in a few.”
“Yeah,” I breathe, turning over the envelope and fingering the closure. “I’ll be the one wearing white.”
“Good luck,” he says before closing the door behind him.
I wander to the window for better light, and I open the envelope, curious about its contents.
“Do you want me to give you a minute?” Mara asks.
“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” I reply over my bare shoulder.
Deciding Tomorrow Page 26