They had never discussed it, though it was always there, almost visible, tangible, and it was apparent that it influenced them both. The kiss. That fateful afternoon in Philotheum when they’d learned another monumental secret as they hid from Tolliver in the basement of his own sister. No, neither one of them had said even one word about it since then, but she knew it had changed everything. And not in the way she would have expected, either.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, she even knew that it hadn’t been an accident – it wasn’t just something that happened because they’d been so close and so frightened together in that dark place. No … it had been much more than that.
William leaned forward, reaching toward the coffee table, and the movement broke her from her reverie. When he sat back, he was holding her cell phone in his hand.
“You need to call Zander,” he said.
That statement yanked her instantly back to reality. “What? Now? Why?”
He didn’t flinch at her response. He sat, holding her phone in his hand, a patient look on his face.
“Quinn, he’s your boyfriend. He saw you running away from the library with me on Thursday evening, and then neither of us was at school on Friday. We are both going to be back there with him tomorrow. He needs to have some kind of explanation, or this could get really bad. You’ve made the decision to be a part of this huge secret, and now it’s time to take responsibility for it.”
“But … right now? What do I even say to him?”
“I don’t have any idea what you say to him. He’s not my boyfriend. But yes, right now. Waiting isn’t going to make it any easier, trust me.”
She nodded, took a deep breath, and then reached for the phone.
“You can go into another room, if you’d like privacy,” he offered.
She thought about it, but then shook her head. She knew he was right, that she needed to do this, needed to communicate with Zander, now. But it didn’t mean she actually had to call him. She flipped open the phone and scrolled to the text message menu.
William rolled his eyes.
“What?” she asked, a bit defensive.
“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s just … as long as I live I don’t think I’ll ever get my head around the way people in this world do everything they can to avoid actually interacting with one another.”
She glowered at him, but it didn’t change her mind. Swallowing hard, she began typing.
Hey, Zander,
Sorry I haven’t called or texted you back, it’s been a crazy weekend.
She glanced up at William. He’d picked up a notebook and was writing in it. “Are we still going with the story that Thomas is your cousin?” she asked.
He sighed. “I don’t know. That is what we told him when he saw Thomas at school, but now that this has gotten so much more complicated, I think we should maybe lie as little as possible. It’s going to be hard enough to keep the story straight.”
Quinn nodded. “I don’t like lying to him at all.”
He pulled off his wire-rimmed glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers before he looked back up at her, his gray eyes meeting hers with an intensity that made her heart pound. “I know you don’t. Just … tell him whatever you need to tell him.”
* * *
William looked at his notes for organic chemistry, trying to write while Quinn sat across from him on the couch tapping keys on that ridiculous little device. He wasn’t sure why it was irritating him so much, to watch her struggle as she tried to figure out how she was going to explain this whole convoluted mess to her boyfriend. He’d known this was coming.
There was a strange, tight feeling across his chest as he surreptitiously glanced up at her. He wondered, briefly, if it was jealousy. Not that he had any right to be jealous. Zander had been pursuing Quinn since before she had ever gone to Eirentheos. He’d known she already had a boyfriend even when they’d kissed.
Besides, however he felt about Quinn – and he wasn’t at all sure just what his feelings toward her were – this was her world, not Eirentheos. And Zander was part of this world. It was better for her if she did fix things with him and then go on about the business of being happy here, living her life.
The feeling in his chest wouldn’t go away, though.
“What did you tell him?” he asked, when she had closed the phone.
She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, the way she usually did when she was starting to get stressed out. The irritation he’d been feeling at her for not just dealing with Zander suddenly vanished, and he had to fight an urge to cross the room to sit next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. They were in her world now, though, and she was texting her boyfriend. He wasn’t sure she’d respond well if he did that.
“I tried writing several different things, but in the end, I just typed, ‘I’m sorry’ and sent it.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but then thought better of it, and nodded, waiting. She’d say more when she was ready.
After a long moment, she looked up at him, her gray eyes filled with a swirl of emotion. “I am sorry, Will. I’ve made a mess of things with everyone. How can I do this? Lie to Zander? He doesn’t deserve that.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“But I can’t tell him the truth!”
“Not all of it, anyway.”
She blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Okay, so obviously you can’t tell him everything. But maybe we should think of what parts you could tell him that are true.”
At that instant, the small black phone sitting next to her buzzed. The tiny sound seemed strangely ominous. Quinn jumped away from it as though it might somehow bite her.
“Like what?”
“Well, your mom already told him that you and I were becoming friends – that part is true. And she told him that Nathaniel had a family emergency this weekend – also true. We can say that Thomas is actually my brother, and he got hurt, and I was upset. Then, I don’t know. Maybe just tell him I needed a friend and since you’re the only friend I have here, you were nice enough to be there for me.” Had he really just said that out loud? He watched carefully for her reaction. She glanced up at him, meeting his eyes for a fraction of a second – did her breath catch in her throat? And then she apparently decided not to address it.
“And I didn’t call him because?”
He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. “Because you left your cell phone at work when you freaked out and took off. Again, the truth.”
She nodded and picked up the phone. William glanced down at his notes, but the words all seemed to run together, and nothing made any sense. He closed the notebook, tossed it on the coffee table, and waited.
She closed the phone again almost immediately.
“Did you change your mind about texting him?”
“I just told him that I wanted to talk to him later in person but that I’m not home right now.”
William nodded. “That’s probably better.”
“Yeah, I don’t know exactly what I’m going to say later, either, but I’ve been pretty awful to him lately. I think he deserves more than just a text message – that’s not an invitation for an ‘I-told-you-so, though.”
He drew an imaginary zipper across his lips, which made her smile. “Do you want to go home, so you can invite him over to have that conversation?”
Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “No, I’m not quite ready yet. Besides, I really do need to get some homework done today.” Her cheeks turned red on the last sentence, which made no sense to him until she pulled a worn piece of paper from her backpack.
He let out a low whistle at the sight of the big red letter on the top of what looked to be some kind of essay. “Quinn! What happened?” He wasn’t certain what kind of grades she normally got, but from everything he knew about her, he hadn’t imagined ‘D’s.
“I don’t know. I’ve never gotten a grade like this before. I thin
k I’ve just been distracted lately. I’m not used to switching back into school mode after being in your world … And now I’ll have a whole day of unexcused absences from my classes.”
“Okay then, you’re right. First you spend the afternoon here getting caught up on all of your homework, and then you go home and you deal with Zander and your mom. I doubt you’ll be able to concentrate on schoolwork once you’ve talked to them.”
* * *
William finished the last paragraph of an essay for his English class and glanced across the dining room table at Quinn. The way she was so absorbed in her World History textbook, her finger absently twirling a strand of hair as she read, made him smile.
It was nice, he realized, having her here, both enjoying the company as they worked, even if they were silent most of the time. Though he hadn’t meant for it to slip out, the little comment he’d made to her earlier, that she was his only friend here, was true.
For a moment, as he watched her, the sunshine falling on her auburn hair, giving it a warm, fiery glow, he almost wished he was just a normal boy from her world – one who might have talked to her before, maybe even done homework together at the library where they both spent so much time.
A boy who might have stood a real chance against Zander Cunningham.
2. Questions
Zander’s black truck was already parked by the curb when Quinn pulled into the driveway, even though she’d only texted him after she had gotten into her car outside William’s house.
Part of her had been relieved when she had pressed the button to open the door of the two-car garage, and it had still been empty – her mother wasn’t home yet. The other part of her had not been ready to have the conversation she needed to have with Zander. He was somehow out of his own truck and standing ready to open her door and help her out as soon as she pulled the key out of the ignition.
She had taken William’s advice, and told Zander the things they’d come up with together, sticking to as much of the truth as she could reasonably tell. It was obvious that Zander didn’t quite believe her, but he accepted her story remarkably easily – Quinn got the distinct feeling that he just wanted to believe her and to move on.
They sat together on the couch in Quinn’s living room now – a sort of uneasy truce between them as he helped her rework some of her trigonometry problems. She and William had worked on homework together for most of the afternoon, but he didn’t help her the way Zander liked to. They’d mostly studied side-by-side, engrossed in their own assignments. Trigonometry was Quinn’s most challenging subject, and she had relied a lot on Zander’s help over the last couple of months.
“Thanks,” she said, as she finished the last problem and then closed the book. “I really don’t know what I would do without you.”
“I don’t want to find out,” he answered. His tone was joking, but his smile didn’t reach all the way to his eyes.
She studied his expression for a long moment. “Zander, I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
He nodded. “I just don’t like feeling like you’re hiding things from me, Quinn.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Did he hear the words she didn’t say – couldn’t say? Because as much as she hated hiding things from him, she would still do it. She couldn’t tell him everything. Right then, looking at Zander’s hurt expression – Zander who had been her ‘best fwiend’ since before she could walk – she almost wished that she had listened to William when he had first told her that she was going to hurt people – get hurt herself – if she continued to involve herself in his world.
Now it was too late. Even if she never went to Eirentheos again, things could never go back to the way they were before. Now she had already lied to Zander, she’d already seen her mom at the base of the bridge, clearly knowing something she couldn’t possibly know.
And, aside from lying to Zander about where she’d disappeared to this weekend, she was hiding something from him, too. Something she could tell him, probably she even should, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.
How could she tell Zander that she’d kissed William?
She looked back up at him, saw the pain in his eyes – yes, he had heard at least some of what she hadn’t said. Several emotions warred in his features. When he finally spoke, he knew that he wasn’t voicing his first reaction. “I know,” he said. “Just talk to me okay?”
She nodded, feeling like a traitor.
Another emotion passed over his already conflicted face; she couldn’t get a read on it, until his next words nearly knocked her off the couch. “I love you, Quinn.”
She looked up, shocked. He’d never said that before. It was true they’d been getting more serious, but she hadn’t thought they’d gotten to that point yet. Now what was she supposed to do? Lie to him in one breath and tell him that she loved him in the next?
She never got the chance to decide. At that moment, the door between the garage and the kitchen opened, and the high-pitched squeals of her little sister, Annie, filled the house.
“Quinn! Guess what Grama gave me?” she yelled, barreling into the living room, full force, right into Quinn’s lap. “Zander! You’re here! Guess what my Grama gave me?”
Annie never stopped for a response. She was happy for any kind of an audience who would look at her new sparkly necklace and ring, prizes from a vending machine in a restaurant in Denver. Richard and Denise had apparently taken them out to lunch earlier.
“Quinn, you left the garage door open,” her mother called from the kitchen. Her voice carried an edge that set the anger coursing through Quinn’s veins again. Zander looked over at her in alarm.
“Sorry,” she yelled back, even though she wasn’t. She had to work to keep her voice from shaking.
It was like her mom didn’t even hear her. Without acknowledging Quinn at all, she told Owen and Annie to hurry and put their overnight bags up in their rooms and then to get back in the car. When she walked into the living room, her eyes never met Quinn’s.
“Your mom is serving dinner in twenty minutes,” she said to Zander.
Zander looked over at Quinn. “Do you want to ride in my car?”
“Quinn has too much homework to catch up on after missing school on Friday.”
Quinn gaped at her mother in astonishment. “I know you have a lot of World History you need to study for,” Megan said pointedly, before she turned and walked back into the kitchen, yelling for Annie and Owen to hurry up.
By the time she could bring herself to look back up at Zander, his expression was stunned, his eyebrows raised so high it was almost comical. Almost. “What is that about?” he whispered.
She shrugged.
“Is it about this weekend? I thought she knew where you were the whole time.”
Quinn shrugged again.
“Do you want me to stay here with you? We can talk?”
Though he’d spoken far too quietly for her to have heard, Megan’s voice came from the kitchen with uncanny timing. “Zander, I just got off the phone with your mom a few minutes ago. She wants you home for dinner. Now.”
Zander looked back at Quinn with a helpless expression. “Go,” she said, burying her head in her hands.
“Are you sure?”
Megan came back into the living room and stood at the bottom of the stairs, calling for Annie to hurry up, but her eyes were on Quinn and Zander the entire time. Finally, Quinn stood and almost ran for the stairs, brushing shoulders with her mother as she passed.
* * *
Quinn was surprised when the shrill ringing of her alarm woke her the next morning. She had anticipated a quick return to the wild dreams and debilitating insomnia that had plagued her for so long now, but she had awakened feeling like she could have gone right back to sleep. The fact that she was dreading what the day might hold didn’t help.
Only the thought of getting to school and talking to William helped her drag herself out of bed. She wanted to know how Thomas was doing, after ten
more days in Eirentheos and his trip through the gate the evening before. She’d wanted to go with them, to be there when Thomas came through and maybe spend some time with him last night, but William had convinced her that staying out for longer wasn’t going to help the situation with her mom, and in any case, she wasn’t sure that she was prepared to deal with Nathaniel yet.
It didn’t surprise her, as she made her way to the kitchen to grab something quick for breakfast, to discover that she was alone in the house. It did bring her anger rushing back, though. Exactly how long was her mother planning on avoiding her completely and not answering any of Quinn’s questions? She had always had a close relationship with her mom. In her entire life, they’d never been angry with one another for more than a couple of hours.
Tonight, after her mother returned from work, she was going to confront her, and not back down until she had some answers.
The sound of the doorbell ringing startled her enough that it took her a second to figure out what it was. After the second insistent chime, she ran to answer it. Zander stood on the porch with the same strained expression he had been wearing the evening before.
“Hey,” she said. “I didn’t expect to see you here this morning.”
“I figured you’d need a ride,” he said.
She frowned. “Well, I do appreciate it.”
Zander looked confused. “How were you planning on getting to school?”
“Um, I was going to drive?”
“Your mom didn’t tell you she took the keys to the Pilot with her to work?”
Raw anger, more fierce than anything she’d ever felt before washed over her entire body. “No! The last time she said a word to me was last night while you were still here.”
His eyes popped open wide. “Oh my gosh, Quinn. What is going on between the two of you? Your mom was all upset at dinner last night at my house, and she was there half the morning, too. You never told me that you didn’t have your mom’s permission to go running off with William Rose this weekend. What else are you not telling me?”
Thorns of Decision (Dusk Gate Chronicles) Page 2