“It’s not really very fair, is it?” she asked, subdued now.
“No. I’ve never found much in the circumstances of life that I could call fair.”
“So what do I do?”
“You don’t have to decide that today. What you just learned is pretty big. I don’t think it’s time to jump into anything.”
She nodded, staring into the fire.
“Are you going to stay here with your mom, or go back to Eirentheos tonight?” Nathaniel asked after a while.
“I’m going back. I want to be there for William’s birthday celebration.”
He was quiet for several more minutes, before he walked back over to the sofa and sat down across from her again. “Is William courting you?”
She blushed; she and William still hadn’t really discussed the details of their relationship with any of the adults in Eirentheos. While it wasn’t completely a secret, it wasn’t exactly out in the open like this, either. “Yeah, I guess he kind of is.”
Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. “I guess I can’t say I’m surprised. What are you going to tell him about all of this?”
She looked up, meeting him in the eyes for the first time during the long conversation. “I have no idea.”
He nodded. “Just so we’re on the same page, Quinn, I don’t have any intention of telling anybody anything before you do. Except for Stephen and Charlotte, of course – they’ll be expecting you to have learned this anyway, but I trust them to keep things silent.”
She took a deep breath. “Thanks.”
16. Mistle Village
Saying good-bye to her mother was a very different experience when they both actually knew where Quinn was going. After her talk with Nathaniel, she had driven back to her house, and spent a little time with her mom. It was still awkward; she didn’t have any idea how to explain what she’d learned from the pendants, wasn’t really ready to think about what this new discovery meant for herself.
Just before dusk, her mom drove her down to the pull-off by the river. Through the window of the car, Quinn could see Nathaniel already waiting down by the bridge.
“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” Megan asked, for the umpteenth time. Quinn knew she was only asking so she’d have something to say. Her mom had already insisted on taking her to the market a little while ago. She’d puttered around, not really able to look at anything, though she had come across something small she could give William for his birthday.
“I grabbed a few things, Mom,” she said, patting her backpack. “But no, I already have almost everything I could need there.” After her second visit, she’d realized that even taking clothes was really a waste. While the style wasn’t so different there that she’d stick out badly, it was different enough that she preferred to wear the things Mia stocked in her armoire while she was in Eirentheos.
“You’re sure it’s safe for you to be there?”
After her conversation with Nathaniel today, she actually wasn’t. sure how safe she would be there, but she nodded anyway. “Yes, mom.”
Megan turned to face her, deep emotion in her eyes. “I am sorry, Quinn. I never meant to hurt you by keeping all of that from you.”
Quinn swallowed. It was amazing, really, how much knowing the truth had changed the way she felt about the secret. She’d tried imagining a different way to handle it – wondered how what she would have done in her mom’s place, and understood just how hard it must have been. “I know you didn’t. It’s all just kind of a shock. I was really mad at you the last time I went to Eirentheos, but I’m not now.”
“I love you, sweetheart,” Megan said, her eyes shining.
“I love you, too, Mom.” Quinn reached over and hugged her mother tightly for several minutes. Finally, she took a deep breath. “I’ll be back in a few days. I’m not sure when.”
Megan nodded. “Just as long as you come back to me.”
Quinn got out of the car, closed the door, and walked down to the riverbank.
“Are you ready?” Nathaniel asked, as they stood at the foot of the bridge.
“It’s weird. I’ve never felt hesitant about going back to Eirentheos before – apart from that first time when I thought I was going to wind up in the river.”
He chuckled. “Everything is going to be okay, Quinn. Besides, I’m sure William’s eager to see you.”
At the mention of William, her thoughts calmed. Yesterday seemed like a long time ago right now, and she was surprised at how much she was missing him. Right now, all she wanted was to be in his arms – even if she had no idea how she was going to tell him about all of this.
Taking a deep breath, she squeezed her eyes closed and stepped forward. The chilly winter evening dissolved immediately into warm, slightly moist air. Opening her eyes, she stepped down toward the trail and looked around for William, expecting him to be standing near the end of the bridge, waiting for her as he’d promised he would be. But nobody was there. A heavy feeling filled her stomach.
Where was he? Surely he wouldn’t have forgotten. No, he wouldn’t have. Her breath quickened as a dreadful feeling that something was wrong quickly overpowered her. It was eerily quiet; there weren’t even any sounds of animals rustling about, preparing for the approaching night. She had never been so completely alone out in the wilderness of Eirentheos before, with nobody nearby to hear her if she called.
By the time Nathaniel appeared on the bridge – the delay was always more pronounced on this side – she was on the verge of a full-on panic attack.
Nathaniel took in her expression as he walked down to meet her on the path. He didn’t say anything, just laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and looked around in concern. He shifted his heavy bag from one shoulder to another – it would be an awfully long walk back to the castle trying to lug that thing.
“Maybe he’s just late?” Quinn said, though she heard her voice shake at the end.
“Perhaps the evening became a busy one,” Nathaniel said, though his tone wasn’t very convincing. He looked both ways down the path one more time before letting out a long, low whistle. A moment later, Aidel, his seeker bird swooped down from the trees. She chittered at him for a moment, and he pulled a strip of some kind of dried meat out of his pocket and held it out to her. “I'll send a message with Aidel, just in case, but we should start walking anyway. I’m sure he’ll meet us somewhere along the path.”
She nodded, although the feeling in her stomach was growing heavier. Nathaniel walked close beside her. They’d only been walking for five minutes or so when they heard the welcome approach of horses. But as the two riders drew near, her stomach sank again. William wasn’t with them.
“Simon! Max! What’s going on? What’s wrong?” Nathaniel asked as the two of them dismounted. Dusk and Nathaniel’s horse walked up beside Simon’s and Max’s horses, both saddled and ready to be ridden.
When she saw the look on Simon’s face, panic nearly overtook Quinn. “What’s wrong? Where’s William?” she demanded.
Simon’s eyes flicked toward her, and her heart nearly stopped before he started speaking. “William is okay, Quinn. It’s not him.”
“Who, then?” her whole body felt shaky; the foreboding grew darker, even as the relief about William filled her.
“Everyone is all right – mostly,” Maxwell said. “But the clinic in Mistle Village has burned to the ground.”
“How? What?”
“It appears to have been another attack on the Hardridges – either someone followed them, or there are spies here,” Maxwell said, his voice black.
Nathaniel looked at Quinn, confused, and she realized that he didn’t know anything about what had happened to the Hardridge family.
“It’s a long story,” she said, before turning back to Max. “You said everyone is mostly all right? What do you mean, mostly?”
“Eldon Hardridge was the only one in the clinic part of the building when it happened. By the time Jacob and Essie realized what was going on and got him –
he was in bad shape when we left Mistle Village a few hours ago. William and Jacob were tending him – but it didn’t look good.”
“Eldon Hardridge?” Nathaniel’s voice was aghast.
“Do you know him?” Simon asked.
“Yes. What is he doing in Mistle Village? What happened?”
Nathaniel’s face was white as Simon explained the earlier attack on the Hardridge family, and the condition they’d found them in. “When did this happen?”
“Last night. We received the news early this morning. The three of us rode out immediately. Father has been there today as well. He rode back to the castle with us just a little while ago. We were in such a hurry to meet you back at the gate, but we wanted your horses,” Simon said. “I’m supposed to take you back out there with me tonight, and Max will escort Quinn back to the castle.”
“No,” Quinn shook her head. “I’m going with Nathaniel.”
“It’s not safe, Quinn. There isn’t even a place there for you to stay.” Simon said.
Her eyes were hard and determined as she met his gaze straight on. “Where are you staying? Where is William?”
“In tents.”
“I think I can handle that. I’m not going back to the castle to sit and worry about everyone when I could be helping.” As she spoke, she walked over to Dusk, her deep gray mare. She petted her for a moment, checked the fastenings on her reins and saddle, tucked her backpack in one of the saddlebags, and then mounted her, while the three men watched in stunned silence.
“Let’s go,” she said, once she was settled in the saddle.
Simon and Maxwell exchanged wary glances, but Nathaniel just climbed up into the saddle beside hers, and then looked around at everyone expectantly. His shoulders were back and he looked calm, but Quinn could see how tightly he gripped the reins.
Simon nodded, and then turned to Max. “Why don’t you go back to the castle and let Father and Mother know what we’re doing, tell them what happened here.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take them instead?” Maxwell asked. “You could go back and be with Evelyn. I know you’ve only seen each other for a few minutes today.”
Simon shook his head; although his expression was bleak, his voice was strong. “It’s my responsibility, Max. She’s the wife of the heir to the throne; we need to learn how to do this. She’s already said she will come out to Mistle Village in the morning.” His gaze shifted to Quinn. “Which is what you could do, as well,” he said pointedly.
Her body tensed in the saddle; she understood his subtle message. If she was going to court a prince, she was going to have to expect to wait sometimes while he took care of his duties. A faint flush of heat rose in her cheeks, but then she suddenly felt the invisible weight of the pendants in her pocket, the impossible heaviness of the decision they implied.
“I’m going,” she said.
* * *
Complete darkness hit after they’d only been riding for about fifteen minutes, and they had to slow down their manic pace just to be safe. Even when they finally reached the wide, main thoroughfare, riding was a challenge in the black night. The moon hadn’t yet risen, and once they made it beyond the boundaries of the city, it was dark, and the dirt road was treacherous in many spots when they couldn’t see.
Quinn and Nathaniel stayed close behind Simon; none of them wanted to be separated in the dark. Their pace was much too slow for Quinn, whose stomach churned with more anxiety every minute they traveled. She wanted to ask Nathaniel what his connection was to Eldon Hardridge, but it didn’t feel like a good idea to discuss it in front of Simon right now.
Riding into Mistle Village was a strange experience. Before the shadowy outlines of the first houses came into view, Quinn could smell the smoke that still hung in the air – it wasn’t anything like the tangy fragrance of a campfire, which was one of her favorite smells – this smoke was ominous; the scent of fear and destruction.
A heavy feeling settled in her chest as they rode into the town, taking a different path than the one to the clinic that was familiar to her. Before long, the faint glow from many lanterns led them into a campsite. Several small tents surrounded a much-larger one, which Quinn guessed was the makeshift clinic that Simon had described.
At the sound of their approach, a familiar figure emerged from the tent.
“Essie!” Nathaniel called, dismounting even before his horse had come all the way to a stop.
From Essie’s posture alone, it was obvious that the news wasn’t good. Quinn cast a heavy glance toward Simon as the two of them left their horses next to Nathaniel’s, and reached the opening of the clinic just in time to hear the last part of the conversation.
“...about two hours ago, not long after you and Max left,” Essie was saying, and Quinn felt like someone had emptied a bucket of ice cubes inside her chest. “I’ve been sitting with Connie. The children are with the Welshes.”
Nathaniel’s hands shook as he stepped inside the tent, and Quinn had to fight back an unexpected urge to follow him in.
Her muscles tightened in anger. This wasn’t right, any of it. The Hardridges hadn’t ever done anything to anybody, besides support the cause of uniting Eirentheos and Philotheum. All they’d wanted was peace, for things to be the way they were meant to be.
“Where’s William?” she asked.
“He was very upset,” Essie said. “He did everything he could think of to try and save that man. He promised not to go too far – if I had to guess, you’d find him somewhere near the clinic site.”
The clinic site. The idea that Essie had to make a distinction, that there wasn’t still just “the clinic” caused a sick feeling in Quinn’s stomach.
“I’ll walk you,” Nathaniel said quietly, reappearing through the flap door holding two lanterns.
She thought about objecting, but then decided it wasn’t worth it to cause anyone any additional worry tonight, so she silently accepted a lantern, and they set off in the direction of the strongest smell of smoke.
Nathaniel led her toward the clinic in silence, and she could sense how upset he was. Now wasn’t the time to ask him anything.
Before they even reached the site where the clinic had once stood, thick wafts of smoke obscured their vision, billowing gray clouds dancing in the lamplight. They weren’t going to be able to see anything in the darkness. They curved to the west before they hit the biggest wall of smoke, heading for the trail that connected the clinic to the main road.
Quinn saw it first, the feeble flickering of another lantern several yards off the path. She turned to Nathaniel, and he nodded, setting his own lantern down, and letting her go alone.
He was curled into a ball near the lantern, with his knees against his chest, and his head buried in his arms. She couldn’t swallow back the hard lump that came into her throat at the sight of him.
“Will?” she said softly, when she was still about ten feet away.
His head snapped up; she’d startled him. Even in the dim light, she could see where his tears had cleared streaky paths down his soot-covered face. At first, she didn’t say anything, just set her lantern down, and got down on the ground right in front of him, crossing her legs and reaching for his hand.
He allowed her to take it, and they sat there for several minutes, not speaking in words, but understanding each other anyway.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” he finally said. “Max said he was going to take you back to the castle.”
She snorted.
He closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head slightly, and the corners of his mouth turned up in a half-smile. “Yeah, you’re right. I should have known better. I just ... I guess I didn’t want to get my hopes up. This is a little too much to ask of you.”
Her heart gave an unexpected little leap at his words. “So you’re not upset that I’m here?”
“No, of course not,” he said, his eyes widening. “I mean, I’m a mess ...” he looked down at his clothes, and wiped at his cheek
with his sleeve. “This isn’t exactly how I wanted you to see me when you got back, but you can’t imagine how much I’ve missed you.”
“Here,” she said, pulling his handkerchief out of her pocket and holding it out to him, her hands shaking at the overpowering emotion she felt at being here with him.
“I’ve got one,” he said, smiling and reaching into his own pocket. “I just haven’t been using it. It’s been a long day.”
“Are you doing okay?” she asked.
“No, I’m not. But I’m functioning now. I’m glad you didn’t find me an hour ago, but I’m even more glad that you’re here now.” He uncurled from his ball, and leaned forward to kiss her on top of her head.
Her hand found the side of his face, and she traced his cheek with her finger, then cupped it in her hand. “Me too,” she said.
He kissed her gently on the lips, but the current running between them right then was stronger than anything Quinn had ever imagined feeling. They didn’t need the kiss, or words; in that moment she knew that he needed her as badly as she needed him. As his arms wrapped around her, she felt an overwhelming relief, as if she’d been holding her breath for a long time and was finally coming up for air. They curled tightly together there on the grass, both looking up at the sky, trying to make out the fuzzy shapes of constellations through the haze, each one holding the other for dear life.
“Nathaniel’s just over there,” she told him, after quite a while.
“That’s probably a good thing,” he said, taking her hand and sitting back up. “Although we might have to tell him about us after this.”
“He knows,” she said quietly. “He asked if we were ... courting, and I told him that we sort of were.”
Thorns of Decision (Dusk Gate Chronicles) Page 19