I couldn’t believe my eyes. “Did you do this for me?”
Aidan’s smile was so wide it hardly fit on his face. “I did.”
I sunk down on the bed, head in my hands. “It’s too much.”
He put his hands on my wrists, still cool from just coming in from the car. Electricity flowed from his skin to mine, sending waves beneath the surface. “I just want you to have a place you know you can come to. No questions asked.”
Hot tears slipped down my cheeks. Why was he doing this? Why did this man I’d met two days ago care about me more than my own mother? She didn’t even call me this week. I tried to bury that hurt deep, but it bounced out when I least expected it. Being with Aidan, the pain faded, and I couldn’t remember why I wanted to fight to get away from him anymore.
“I can’t pay for this,” I whispered, my voice still breaking.
“Let me do things for you.” He pressed his forehead against mine, not moving my hands away from my face. His skin felt so refreshing against my anxiety flushed skin.
Lowering my hands, I had to force myself to meet his eyes. “Thank you.”
“My home is your home. Really. I did food shopping, too.”
“So, when you found me tonight,” I worked up the nerve to ask, “was that an accident?”
“Nothing in this world is an accident, Kyndra.” He stopped at the door, then closed it quietly behind him, leaving me to stare at it after he left me alone in this haven created just for me.
I was afraid to touch anything. Aidan left me in a snow globe and I didn’t want to break the glass. I curled up in a ball, clutching one of the pillows at the head of the bed. My head pounded, but my body so desperately wanted to let go of all the tension that had built up since I gave the keys to Memere’s apartment back.
I wanted to stay. Here.
Sitting up, I ran my finger along the edge of the piping on the pajamas. They were classic button down pjs with pinstripes, but adorned with little black stars and star buttons. The flannel felt like a hug as I pulled them on. As soon as my brain wound down to the same level as my tired body, I would be ready to sleep forever.
A book would help me relax. Ignoring the e-reader in my bag, I went straight for the wall of books. I noticed some repeats from the living room, namely the Allison Duprois books. I pulled out the hardcover version of A Piece of My Heart.
I hadn’t read these books since junior high. Memere had been concerned they were too mature for me, but she didn’t want to discourage me from reading. I couldn’t remember the order the series went in, so I skimmed the opening pages for the information.
First Printing, 1990.
My eyes couldn’t leave those words. That was not only six years before I was born, but twenty-four years ago.
Aidan didn’t look much more than thirty. Thirty-five at most. He would have barely been a teenager in 1990. Tearing my eyes away from the book, I looked back to the closed door. My heart pounded so hard it threatened to jump out of the neckline of my new pajamas.
This didn’t add up.
Maybe he just looked really good for his age. It was possible, with plastic surgery and manscaping and gross things like that. But Aidan didn’t seem like someone who’d be vain enough to go through all of that. This was someone who hid behind a secret identity. So maybe he would be vain enough to alter his face. Maybe I was just wrong about how old he was, but that didn’t make me feel any better. If he was old enough to be my father, that was gross on a whole other level.
I couldn’t lie to myself, I was falling for this guy. Or who I thought this guy was.
Putting the book down, I went back to the bookshelf, checking the original publishing dates for all of the Allison Duprois books. So many early nineties. An anthology had a publishing date of 1988. This wasn’t a mistake.
Whatever the answer was, Aidan had lied to me about something.
“How old are you?” I barged out of the bedroom, even more reluctant to refer to it as mine, to face this head on.
“Thirty-two.” He didn’t seem alarmed my inquisition, he didn’t even look up from the laptop. I stopped short. Honestly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted his answer to be. No matter how this worked out, he was so much older than me.
“That’s bullshit, or you’re full of shit.” I crossed my arms, realizing wearing the pajamas Aidan bought for me put me at an instant disadvantage. “You published books when you were ten? I didn’t realize I was in the company of a prodigy.”
Aidan put his computer aside and looked up at me. “Have you ever read V.C. Andrews?” he asked.
“Of course.”
“She kept putting out books after she died. Pretty spectacular accomplishment, until you realize that ghost writers kept publishing books under her name.”
“What does this have to do with you?” I paced back and forth.
“I took over the franchise when the original author retired,” he explained. “Since Allison doesn’t really exist, her books can be written forever. It’s a brand, like Coca Cola.”
“I don’t buy it.” I went over to the bookshelf, to see if I could pick out any more of his lies. “It doesn’t make any sense with what you told me the other night. You said you created an identity—“
“I said that the internet made things easier,” Aidan corrected me. “I never said I created Allison.”
“But Marielle!”
“It was a coincidence.” His voice was soft and eyes misty, now that he looked up at me.
Without another word, I stormed back down the hallway. I thought he’d opened his heart to me, and it was all crap. This was the person I’d chosen to let down my guard to? A professional liar. I was so mad at myself, even madder to be crying about it.
All I wanted was to be special to one person in the world. I was tired of coming second, third, or worse for everyone. I wanted to be the person someone looked forward to seeing every day, the reason they got out of bed. Was it too much to ask that person be normal?
What else was Aidan lying about? Now I couldn’t trust a word he said. I mourned the loss of a friend I never really had. A future that was never going to be. One that included going to school and having a place to come home to.
I couldn’t rely on anyone but myself. Too bad that always seemed to involve other people.
Back in the little retreat he created for me, I tried to relax. In this room, I felt safe. I combed the bookshelves to see if I could find proof or more lies, but I didn’t have anything to go on. All I knew about Aidan was what he had told me.
Lightheaded from too many emotions to fit into one night, I gave up my super sleuthing and slid under the comforter. I couldn’t fall asleep right away, my mind still racing from my discovery.
Aidan, or whoever he was, was trying like hell to take care of me. I couldn’t let him. I wanted to stay here, so much, but I didn’t want to live his lie. Why couldn’t I have picked up a book by any other author? God knows there were enough of them. Then I could be snuggled up, reading, looking forward to two lazy, carefree days in this warm house instead of wondering what the hell I was going to do next.
Since sleep was more of a fantasy at this point than Aidan’s made-up life, I picked the book back up.
“We’re going to be together forever, my darling,” I explained to Talis when her eyelids fluttered, the first sign of the afterlife. I could have watched her sleep forever. “You don’t have to work at the brothel anymore. I’m going to take care of you.”
“No!” she protested. “The girls. They need me.”
Her body came off the bed in a lithe fluid motion, graceful like a ballerina. Someone should have trained her to dance. The only thing that had changed about her were her eyes. No longer blue, they were now black and angry. She bared her newly formed fangs at me, not realizing that I was her ally, and her creator. We were bound together for eternity. Right now, she didn’t care about any of those things. She needed to feed. I’d explain later that the blood was erotic. Right now, I’d let
it be a wonderful homecoming. I held her as she sunk her teeth into my neck. The little explosion made my mind melt.
“That’s enough,” I whispered and pulled her away. “It’s emotion that fuels us, not blood.”
“But I like the blood.” She wouldn’t understand the difference yet, but it was no surprise that she would be fueled by lust.
“We all do, my darling. We all do.”
I read the scene over and over, feeling guiltier every time. Just like David with Talis, Aidan was trying to save me from my rotten life. And just like Talis did to David, I insisted on attacking him. Sure, the solution wasn’t perfect, but it was better than what I had.
Then why did Aidan have to leave Marielle? Maybe happily ever after was just too good to be true.
Nine
Icicles clung to the window outside the bedroom for dear life. Last night’s mist had turned to snow in the early hours. I knelt on the window seat, trying to will myself to leave.
Aidan would be down for the count for hours still, so I could stay in bed a while longer and still make my statement.
Was it bad I hoped he got me coffee again? I could swear I smelled it. Even the floorboards groaned with the cold, so I tiptoed past Aidan’s bedroom into the kitchen. I stopped short when instead of a Styrofoam cup, I was greeted by a brewed pot attached to a coffeemaker that hadn’t been in here before.
He wanted me to stay.
But why? Here was this nice looking guy, with a great house, and a job, and he wanted to woo me? I was fourteen years younger than him and had absolutely nothing going on but a job at a panty store. And I’d just been placed on written warning there.
He’d bought cream, too, which was almost better than the coffee maker. Those little plastic creamer tubs could ruin the best cup of coffee. I leaned against the counter, savoring every sip.
Aidan was hiding something, but that wasn’t my concern. I was my concern. And today was the perfect day to start digging myself out of this hole.
Bringing a fresh cup of coffee back to the bedroom, I pulled the covers back over me and started searching for a job.
Scrolling through retail job listings on my phone, I felt my anxiety bubble just under the surface. All of these jobs sounded awful.
It’s not that I didn’t want to work, just the opposite. But all of these miserable listings demanded passion and flexibility but promised none of that in return. Anything that actually paid required for more experience than I had to offer. Or a college education. I didn’t have one of those, either.
I just wanted to do something that mattered. I didn’t care about sales goals. The world wasn’t going to end if someone didn’t buy matching panties to go with their bra. I wanted to help people.
Clearing my search, I typed in health care just to see what popped up.
Tons of jobs, but I qualified for nothing. I knew I could do the work, but I didn’t have the experience or the certifications.
What was I going to do?
If I stayed with Aidan, I could go to school during the day and work at night. Once I got a certificate, I could look for a better job and still go to school. Once I actually started working full time, maybe I could get a place of my own. Then I wouldn’t rely on Aidan anymore. I’d work while he slept, and I’d see him in the evenings.
It was so crazy it just might work. For the first time in a long time, I felt excited about the future.
The day flew. I spent it checking out nursing programs, making notes, and sending emails. The fastest way to start working would be to become certified as a CNA. I could be done in a month. I hoped that I wouldn’t piss off work by changing my availability. They always stressed how important open availability was. But then they didn’t give me enough hours to survive.
That was exactly why I needed take this class.
As much as I had it all figured out, a few things stood in the way. The first one was money. I’d have to start saving up. It wasn’t that expensive, but when you didn’t have money for food, it might as well been a million dollars.
I heard someone moving around in the other room. I looked out the window, stunned to see it was already dark out. Giving Aidan a few minutes to settle in to his day, I cautiously padded out to the living room. The last time I talked to him, we fought, I’d called him a liar. Now I was going to ask him for a favor.
Hopefully he’d understand I needed to do this to get myself out of this hole.
“I didn’t know if I’d see you today.” He looked up at me, eyes twinkling, as he steeped his tea.
“I have the day off,” I reminded him. “Thanks for buying the coffee maker. It’s awesome.”
“You’re welcome.” He blew on his tea before taking a sip. “You were so mad last night, I didn’t know if you’d find another place to stay.”
My confidence crashed all over the floor. “Is that what you want me to do?” I forced the words out. The answer scared me more than anything. Wanting something was so much harder than settling for nothing.
Aidan leaned in the corner of the counter, still in his pajama bottoms and undershirt. The thin fabric clung to his chest, hinting at lean muscle underneath. A little bit of hair curled out of the V neck. “You’re impossible sometimes, you know that?”
“I don’t mean to be, but I can’t help it.” I focused on my foot, drawing a semi-circle on the floor.
He put down his tea cup and went out to the living room. I didn’t follow. He came back in the room, stopping so close to me his arm bumped mine as he wrote on the piece of paper he brought back with him.
Dear Kyndra,
You are welcome to stay as long as you want.
Aidan
He underlined his name for emphasis and handed the sheet of paper from me, trying his hardest to conceal a smirk. “I’m going to get a frame, and put it in your room.”
My room. If my heart swelled any more it would explode.
“But, I just—“
He placed his finger over my mouth, stopping me before I even had a chance to say anything, the smirk now a full blown smile. “But nothing. You keep trying to complicate this. It’s not complicated.”
I nodded, his finger still pressed against my lips. I fought the overwhelming urge to kiss it. To take his face in my hands and to kiss his lips. They were made for smiling. And definitely for kissing. I wanted to feel them move against my lips, to kiss my neck.
Our eyes stayed locked for a long time. He moved his finger away from my lips, and picked his tea cup back up, not taking his eyes off of me as he took a sip. My insides rippled.
“I’ve been—“ I gasped as he raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “Let me talk! It’s something good. I’ve been looking at CNA classes. I think I’m going to sign up for one.”
“That’s excellent. Why do you only think you’re going to do it?”
“Well, I just need to save up the money, and to make sure they’ll let me change my schedule at work.”
“How much is the class?” he asked.
“A thousand dollars.”
“When do you need it by?”
“It’s due three weeks before the class starts.”
“Sign up,” he said. “I’ll give you the money.”
“What? You can’t do that.” I started pacing around the kitchen.
The eyebrow shot back up. “I’d rather you didn’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”
“It’s too much.” I couldn’t look him in the eye anymore. I was going to cry. “I can’t take your money.”
“You wouldn’t be.” I caught him smiling again out of the corner of my eye. “The nursing program will be more than happy to take it though, I guarantee.”
“I just don’t understand why you’re doing this.” I stopped to give him a chance to protest, but this time he let me keep talking, as I kept going back and forth in the kitchen, waving my arms as I spoke. “We met, what, three days ago? And we have nothing in common.”
“I don’t think that’s true. We both like to
read, we’re both French, we both like country music.” Aidan’s eyes lowered to his tea cup. “We both know what it’s like to lose someone.”
And we both knew what it was like to live a lie.
“Misery loves company, that’s what you’re saying.” I settled in a spot and folded my arms.
Aidan scoffed. “I’m not miserable. And neither are you. You have great energy, Kyndra. I admire that about you. You’re feisty. You are your own woman. A lot of people in your situation would’ve given up long before now. I feed off that energy.”
I didn’t respond. I let his words sink in. I’d never thought of it that way before. But those people standing at intersections with the cardboard signs, I’d be damned if that was ever me. I was going to claw my way out of this nightmare any way I could. Even if it meant relying on the kindness of a man I’d known for less than a week.
Taking a few tentative steps forward, Aidan watched my every move. He put his cup back down and let me put my arms around his shoulders in a hug. My body moved stiffly, like a marionette puppet. What if I’d done the wrong thing? Maybe he didn’t want me to touch him. It was too late to change my mind and pull away, erasing this from history.
“Thank you,” I whispered, not knowing where to put my face. If I got any closer it would have to rest against his chest.
Aidan’s arms came up around my waist, pulling me in closer. Now my head had no place else to go but his shoulder. I didn’t know if I wanted to run away or to kiss him. His hand rubbed my lower back, and a sigh slipped past my lips. His other hand covered my hair, holding my head close to his chest. It had been so long since someone had truly held me. It was the best feeling in the whole world.
He didn’t let go of me until I moved away from him.
After the hug, I wanted to say so much, but I kept my mouth shut. I’d just ruin it. We headed into the living room where Aidan started working, and I cracked A Piece of My Heart back open.
Silent Night: Vampire Holiday Romance (The Night Songs Collection Book 4) Page 5