This was perfection. But I had to fight to put everything out of my mind so I could enjoy it the way Aidan deserved for me to. Why couldn’t I have this, and have everything else fall into place? Why did it have to be either or?
If I’d seen the mess I would create, the bridges I’d burn when Aidan sat next to me in that church, would I have walked away from him?
Would he have let me?
Did it matter? My hips bucked up in pleasure as he put two fingers inside me, gentling nipping and kissing me as he moved back and forth, shutting my brain down. I was thankful to have such a beautiful distraction. My thinking got me nowhere, I’d already come to the dead end of everything I knew.
Except that drug test tomorrow.
Aidan climbed back up to meet my eyes, brushing my hair away from my face. I pulled him down into me in an urgent kiss. I didn’t want to give my brain a chance to start working again. While we kissed, his hands reached down, spreading my legs wide so he could thrust inside me. Rolling my hips to meet him, I hooked my ankles around his waist and held on for the ride.
I didn’t think he’d ever stop, and that was fine with me. With him inside me, I felt complete. I whimpered and cried out as he brought me to the edge, but he didn’t break his rhythm. When he slowed to a stop, he stayed connected to me, caressing my face, and kissing my breasts.
“Will you trust me?” He looked up at me, his eyes so hopeful, like a scared boy.
His question made it hard to breathe. “I trust you.” How else could I possibly prove it to him?
“I need for you to just believe, don’t think.” He traced his finger along the outline of my lips. My muscles spasmed around him still inside me. “Have faith in something bigger than yourself, can you do that?”
I opened my mouth to ask what he meant, even though I knew I wouldn’t get the answer I was looking for. He stretched up to kiss my lips, then rolled back, bringing his arm up to his mouth. His lips rested on the inside of his wrist, and his eyes never left mine.
He bared his teeth. Those fangs that revealed themselves at Matt’s house were back, as awful and beyond belief as they had been a week before. I screamed but as he sunk into his own flesh, ripping himself open, I couldn’t hear anything anymore.
Blood dripped between my breasts. I couldn’t breathe. Aidan leaned forward, bringing his wounded arm close to my face. I cringed, pulling away, but going nowhere. Blood fell on my face. His mouth, ringed and wet with his own blood, hovered over mine.
“Drink from me.” His voice didn’t even sound human, more of a strangled roar. “Kyndra, please.”
A thousand reasons why I couldn’t swirled around my brain, but nothing made it to my mouth. My voice, my willpower, my fight all cowered in a deep dark recess of my mind, overtaken by this strange carnal urge as he brought the wounded arm to my mouth, and I drank.
As his blood mixed with mine and flowed through my veins, this feeling of warmth took over my body. Every one of my problems disappeared, and I floated weightlessly, into the horizon. So many times I’d been high to escape my life, and this had been the feeling I was after every time. Before I’d always felt regret and guilt, because I didn’t think this could be achieved. I’d cheapened myself for no reason. But this, this made me better. Whole. For the first time in my life, I knew I could be the person I wanted to be. Maybe even the person Aidan told me I was.
Both hands clasped his arm to my mouth. Like the addict I convinced myself I wasn’t, I sucked greedily, the silky, sweet taste of his blood filling my mouth and warming my belly. My toes curled as Aidan began thrusting inside me again as I drank from him.
He tore his arm free of my grasp like I was a paper doll. I didn’t have a chance. I howled, the loss more than the emptiness of coming down from any high I’d ever been on before. I thought I might implode, my walls crumbling as I lost all control. Aidan held me while I trembled.
What had just happened?
He may no longer have been physically a part of me, but now there was no way I could ever let him go. Somehow, Aidan was now a part of me, past and present. That book he was writing might have been our future, and I would help him write it.
Twenty-Four
After the drug test, I thought I might go out of my mind waiting for the results. They made it so impersonal. On the way out I was simply given a card with a website address and log-in information. That might be a good thing if I didn’t pass. No face to face shame. Monday evening, it still felt lazy to say that but I’d gotten in the habit of staying up all night with Aidan. Ever since I’d drank his blood, I could barely keep my hands off of him. Anyway, that evening, I sat in front of the computer, refreshing the screen repeatedly, frustrated that my results still hadn’t been posted.
“I failed.” I put my head in my arm and rested it on the arm of the couch. I was hogging Aidan’s computer, and he was going to need it to get back to work soon. He rubbed my shoulders as I sulked. “The only reason they haven’t put anything up yet is because they’re talking to the police about all the crap they found in my bloodstream. I’m going to jail!”
Aidan burst out laughing, and I picked up my head to glare at him. “You’re not going to be arrested. I promise.”
“Don’t laugh at me. I really want this job.”
“You’re going to get it.” His hands kneaded my shoulders, and it was hard to remember to be mad at him. He sat down next to me, and pulled me into his lap. I had to hold on to the laptop to make sure it didn’t crash to the floor. “Can I tell you a secret?”
I wrinkled my nose, not sure why he was changing the subject right now, other than to make me feel better. “Sure.”
His chin rested against my shoulder. “The reason I know you passed that test was because I shared my blood with you.”
“What if they know I tested with someone else’s blood?” I turned toward him. “What if it’s like having someone else pee for you on one of those tests?”
He chuckled. I tried not to get irritated, but I wasn’t trying to be cute. I was seriously worried. “It’s one in the same now. My blood is your blood.”
As crazy as that sounded, it was also the most romantic thing I’d ever heard. What was wrong with me? I’d gone from weed, to coke, to blood. I was just as much of an addict as Matt ever was, and just as delusional as Aidan. I’d played with his sharp teeth, running my fingers along them, daring him to bite. I’d adopted his nocturnal lifestyle. But I was still afraid to ask him about anything more about his book, and if he still thought I was the reincarnation of his wife, or why he didn’t eat. All he did was drink tea, and now we were together every minute of the day, I wasn’t sure how he survived. In the right moment, I was ready to believe anything he said. But reality was always there to make me doubt him.
“I’m never going to do that again,” I swore. Matt could no longer lead me into temptation, so the chance of me ever doing anything so destructive again were slim. Or so I liked to tell myself. Sitting here, listening to my own blood thrum through my veins, all I could think about was drinking Aidan’s blood. Ever since he put his open wound to my mouth, my senses were four, if not five, dimensional. I could hear, see, and feel things I didn’t even know existed before. My favorite part of it was the sweet explosion of Aidan’s blood hitting my tongue; syrupy silk. “I learned my lesson.”
“I’m so proud of you.” Aidan kissed me, and I turned around to face him, so I could run my tongue along his, and play with those smooth, knife like teeth. As I curled my tongue along the fang, I went in too hard and cut myself. Gasping at the sting, I pulled away.
“Kyndra,” he breathed, his eyes wide and dumbfounded. He licked his lips and pulled me in closer, forcing his tongue back into my mouth, sucking hard to get the blood that had come to the surface. He drank from me so urgently I thought he’d choke me. I struggled to get away from him, like a hypocrite. I craved his blood like oxygen, but I wasn’t willing to give him the same pleasure?
When he realized I needed to escape, h
e moved away from my mouth and down to my neck, kissing it just as urgently. My pulse thundered in the artery that ran along the side that he caressed like an offering. His fingers dug into my shoulders, grounding me to him, as his teeth sunk into my flesh.
I cried out, but it sounded more like a gurgle. Aidan ran one hand through my hair, enough to make me submit to him, and his other hand held me firmly so I couldn’t even squirm. He drew my blood from my body like he held a magnet over an open wound. At first, the bite burned like a blowtorch, then the pain faded to pins and needles, and finally numbed. Unable to fight anymore, I relaxed against him and let my life flow into his.
Now I knew what he needed to survive. Finally, I was ready to try to believe him.
“I’m sorry.” My hand flew to my mouth when he let me go. Tears ran down my cheeks.
Aidan rested his forehead against mine. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. But when your tongue bled in my mouth—“
“No, I’m fine,” I insisted, and he drew away from me slightly, surprised. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before. I’m sorry I put us through all of this.”
He shook his head and laughed. “You freaked out when you read the books, but when I drank your blood, now you’re okay with it?”
“There’s no reasonable explanation for what we do, drinking blood. It defies logic, and that’s why I believe it.” I couldn’t believe he looked skeptical. “Because it doesn’t make sense any other way.”
“My biggest fear was losing you again. And I didn’t know how to make you believe me. There was only so long that you wouldn’t have any other options but to stay with me. Even if for some reason, you didn’t get this job, you’d get one eventually. Then you wouldn’t need me anymore.”
“I’m not using you.” I couldn’t believe how much it crushed me that he would think that.
“But you ran when you thought you had a chance.”
The truth hurt. “Okay, you’re right.” I looked up, blinking back more tears. I hated being a shitty, dependent person. “But I always told myself I’d make it up to you, somehow.”
“You don’t have anything to prove to me, Kyndra.” He kissed me on the lips, so lightly, like he’d never done it before and he was shy. Not like he’d just drank my blood.
“Can we check the website one more time?” I asked, anxious to change the subject away from me. “I know you need to get to work.”
“Sure.” He reached past me and hit refresh.
White, Kyndra Pass
My hand flew to my mouth as I stared open-mouthed at the screen. “It worked.” I looked at Aidan in wonder. “It worked! You’re a genius!” I banged my hands playfully against his chest.
Aidan pulled me in by my shirt, the collar and shoulder still soaked with my blood, and kissed my forehead. “It was all you.”
We spent the next few minutes tangled in each other, kissing. My mind reeled thinking about what had happened this evening.
I’d let Aidan drink my blood.
Matt was dead as a consequence of my actions, but I would be lying to myself if I said a part of me wasn’t relieved that part of my life was over. Now that I actually passed the test, I felt invincible.
Fear rumbled in the background, preparing to cushion my inevitable fall.
But first, I needed to call the hospital and let them know I had the all-clear to start my job.
“That’s awesome! We can’t wait for you to start.” Stephanie, now my new supervisor seemed genuinely excited to hear from me. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, too. I talked to your boyfriend, Aidan, is it? He sounds like a catch. You’re going to have to tell me your secrets on getting such a great guy to take care of you.”
If she only knew.
Twenty-Five
“A girl’s gotta eat!” Vanessa, one of the girls I trained with justified her serial dating to the rest of our group as we all laughed at her description of her routine.
“You take them all to the same restaurant?” Lenore, one of the other girls, asked for clarification. “And the waiters don’t rat you out or anything?”
“No, actually they tell me who tips well and who doesn’t,” Vanessa revealed to more gasps and giggles. “It’s right down the street from my house, so if I need to bail, it’s easy. If I want to bring them back for a nightcap, they don’t have time to pussy out. It’s perfect. And who doesn’t like sushi?”
“I don’t miss those days,” Lenore sighed. “I don’t know how you girls do it, all that online crap. So many creeps! Have you ever had anyone do anything freaky?”
“One did ask for my panties at the end of the date.” Vanessa shrugged. “I let him have them. Why not?”
“I would have smacked his perverted face.” Lenore looked disgusted. “If Derek ever tried that, I would have never brought him home.”
“Tell me more,” Maria, the oldest of all of us, propped her chin on her hands, enthralled. “I’ve been married for so long, if it wasn’t for our patients, I’d forget what a penis looked like.”
“Don’t tell me that!” Lenore groaned. “My wedding is in six months! Everyone says the romance dies. I love sex so much.”
“Have three kids.” Maria fed into Lenore’s fears. “You’ll pray for a chastity belt.”
“What about you, Kyndra?” Vanessa asked. “How come you never talk about that man of yours?”
My face turned red, and I smiled and looked down at the lunch Aidan had packed for me. The more I listened to them talk, the more I realized I’d never had a normal relationship. Matt was a clumsy and manipulative fight to keep my self-esteem from drowning, and Aidan was this fantasy in the flesh that I shared blood with. If I knew what the middle ground was, I’d share that with them.
“I don’t know.” I blushed more. “He’s awesome, though.”
“How long have you been together?” Vanessa asked.
According to me? Two months. According to Aidan? Two hundred and fifty years. Give or take. “Since Christmas.”
“You still have sex?” Lenore’s eyes perked up. “You are sleeping with him, right? You’re being all shy about this. It could go either way.”
I laughed. “We live together.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Maria scoffed good-naturedly.
“Okay. All the time.”
“Keep talking girl.” Vanessa leaned over the table, pushing away her leftover cafeteria food.
What should I tell them? We drink each other’s blood like they probably shared wine with their significant others? That he killed my ex-boyfriend? That he tracked me by smell? That being away from him felt like I left a piece of myself behind?
“It’s great.” I shoved my Tupperware back in my lunch bag. “I’m sorry, I’m not used to talking about this kind of stuff.” Paige had never asked me anything about my relationships. Instead she concentrated on what she thought was wrong with them. Anything I said could and would be used against me. And so far, these girls still liked me. It never seemed to last when people got to know me, until I met Aidan.
“Sometimes I forget how young you are.” Lenore remarked. “It’s okay. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. Don’t let these girls pry.”
Everyone burst into laughter all over again as we cleaned up our lunch table and headed back to work. It was a shame that when training was over we’d all probably go separate ways to different departments and shifts. The hospital was huge. I felt comfortable working with this crew. We helped each other out, all having different strengths. Since this was a training hospital, no one questioned a crowd coming in to work on you. I hoped my permanent team would be as welcoming as these girls.
As we snapped on our gloves to make our afternoon blood draws, I became preoccupied with thinking about sharing blood with Aidan. We took so many precautions to protect ourselves from exposed blood here, and at home, I drank it like nectar. It was dangerous and foolish, and like every other bad thing that crossed my path, I couldn’t
say no. But unlike drugs, I knew I could never walk away from Aidan.
“On my count.” Maria led us as we rolled over a patient who couldn’t move on her own. Stephanie, our supervisor, nodded in approval in the corner of the room. “One, two, three.”
School prepared us to pass our CNA test. Nothing could prepare me for the actual job. Every day here so far exhausted me. Just learning the rules and regulations, the major players, how to deal with the patients and their families, where to find everything was grueling enough. Standing on my feet all day and moving bodies that didn’t want to be moved made every muscle in my body ache.
I wasn’t used to being awake during the day anymore, either. And I struggled every night to stay up as long as I could with Aidan. Every morning, the alarm clock might as well have been a sledgehammer slamming against my head.
When I got home that night, I dropped my lunch bag and jacket in the foyer and stumbled into the living room, falling onto the couch. Aidan brought out a plate for me, tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. He kissed my head when he delivered it, and I could only moan in appreciation of the entire gesture.
I dunked my sandwich into the soup, then let the mixture melt in my mouth. Food was a whole new experience after drinking Aidan’s blood. Every one of my taste buds stood at attention, fighting to give me the best sensation. “This is so good.”
“Thanks. It’s been a long time since I’ve cooked, and I can’t taste anything anymore so I have no idea what I’m giving you.” Aidan sat on the other end of the couch. “So if it’s terrible, let me know. Really. I won’t be offended.”
“Do you know how much I appreciate you doing this for me?” If Aidan hadn’t cooked for me, I wouldn’t have had the energy to do it for myself. “I have nothing to bitch about.”
I turned, putting a pillow on my lap to balance my plate, and watched Aidan while I ate. He balanced his printed manuscript on a pillow in his lap as well, and periodically highlighted or wrote something on it, but kept looking up to smile at me. I thought of Maria, not wanting her husband to touch her anymore. Would that ever be us? I just couldn’t imagine.
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