The Wanting Heart
Rionna Morgan
Avon, Massachusetts
This edition published by
Crimson Romance
an imprint of F+W Media, Inc.
10151 Carver Road, Suite 200
Blue Ash, Ohio 45242
www.crimsonromance.com
Copyright © 2012 by Rachel Morgan
ISBN 10: 1-4405-5168-5
ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-5168-0
eISBN 10: 1-4405-5148-0
eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-5148-2
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, corporations, institutions, organizations, events, or locales in this novel are either the product of the author’s imagination or, if real, used fictitiously. The resemblance of any character to actual persons (living or dead) is entirely coincidental.
Cover art © 123rf.com
A true friend finds a way to celebrate — even in the worst moments of life — and forces it upon you.
This is for you, my friends, for bringing the coffee, the wine, the chocolate, the lumpy mashed potatoes. Thank you for being everything I needed, even when I didn’t know it.
Contents
Acknowledgments
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
About the Author
More From This Author
Also Available
Acknowledgments
As I sit to type these words, I am in awe. Simply. It seems amazing to me to hold a dream as long as I’ve held this one and then suddenly in the evening of a spring day, it comes true.
For making this moment possible, I must thank the lovely Jennifer Lawler of Crimson Romance. Thank you also to Terese daly Ramin for finding and suggesting clever ways to weave a bit more into the fabric of this story. A special thank you to Richard Smith, a retired Deputy State Fire Marshal who helped me find a way to blow up a house and hurt no one. Thank you Daniel Robinson for building a beautiful website for me.
A very special thank you the beautiful, talented Kat Martin for always taking the time to be encouraging and helpful, no matter how busy you are. To The Midnight Writers who have read this book a million times and can still look at me with genuine excitement when I speak of it. To the Montana Romance Writers, you are an amazing group. I feel so very lucky to be counted amongst you. To the members of my writing group — Angie, Danica, Casey, Clare, and Pam — you are wonderful to work with and laugh with. Thank you for always reminding me that it’s good for a rough draft.
To my children — my son and three daughters — my own personal cheering section. Thank you for taking me seriously even though I often forget to wear shoes. Thank you for supporting me in the best way you know how — writing notes reminding me to do laundry is a good thing. To my husband, thank you for picking up where I leave off. Thank you for the late night kisses of encouragement, the hours of brainstorming and most of all thank you for being the hero of my heart. Above all others I must thank my mother, Margaret E. Whitney, for sharing her everlasting love of words and stories. I miss you, Mom.
And lastly, to my readers. Thank you for pausing for a moment in your busy life to read a story I wrote for you. I hope that Kate, her friends, and Blake entertain you for a while. I love to have visitors, so please be invited to drop by rionnamorgan.com for a chat.
All the Best,
Rionna
CHAPTER 1
“Hey, Kate.”
“Well if it isn’t Blake Spencer.” Kate finished tightening her horse’s cinch. “I didn’t know you were here.” Which was a lie. She knew because she’d watched his ride. She’d seen him shimmy down into the chute next to a snorting, stomping rodeo bronc. She’d watched him jam his hand into his bareback riggin’. When he was set, he flung his boots high above the shoulder of his ride, leaned back, nodded, and said, “Outside.” She knew that all the miles and the lousy coffee and the broken bones found their worth in that first jump. Years ago, she’d heard him call it “rodeo magic.” It wasn’t just his voice or his eyes or even his body she had loved. It was the valor he showed in the moment where only fear should have been.
“Yeah, I’m here. I scored an eighty-nine on my ride. That’ll give me a check. I’m about twelfth in the standings. I don’t think that’s too bad.”
Blake leaned against the side of the horse trailer and watched Kate check Lady’s bridle. He cleared his throat. “I want to make it to the Finals. Depending on how my competition does this weekend, I just might.”
Kate looked at him and her heart trembled. He looked as easy and comfortable as a honky-tonk hero standing in the doorway of a bar. His dark brown hair waved to the edge of his deep blue eyes. He held his Stetson in his hand. His ridding chaps were gone, probably folded neatly in his gear bag. But his jeans showed the signs of being in the dirt and the left sleeve of his shirt was still rolled to his elbow. He was all cowboy. Other people saw him as the only son of the valley’s richest rancher. Kate knew the real man, the kind, gentle one, the funny one, the strong one. She’d known him since high school. They dated then. They traveled the rodeo circuit together. He rode bareback horses. She chased the cans. She’d fallen in love. He’d left.
“What do you want?” Kate asked.
“I want to talk to you.”
Kate watched him. He stood perfectly still. His eyes held hers. A slight breeze ruffled his hair and she caught the scent of saddle leather mixed with sweetened spice. Her breath caught. “Damn,” she whispered and squeezed her eyes shut.
“I need to talk to you.” Blake’s soothing, drop of whiskey voice murmured.
“About what?”
“I went to Alaska.”
“What for?” Kate could hardly stand him being there. The pain was too much to handle.
“That’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about. I was hoping that before you drove home, we could grab something to eat and catch up.”
“Well, that’s easy.” Kate’s fingers wove small braids in Lady’s mane. “I’ve been here, going to college, going to rodeos. And you’ve been gone. I think that about covers it. All caught up.” Kate willed herself not to give in to emotion. She’d done enough of that.
“Darlin’.” Blake walked to her. “Don’t do that. Don’t be sad.” He smoothed his thumb over her cheek.
The warmth in his hand weakened her. There was a time when she would have gladly closed her eyes and leaned into it. A time when she would have put her arms around him and given what he wanted. But this wasn’t one of them.
“Don’t call me that.” Kate smacked his hand away. “I gotta go.” She stepped up into the stirrup. “Come on, Lady Bug.” Kate clicked her tongue and pressed her horse forward. Saddle leather creaked as Lady moved with anxious hooves. Kate wished the cowboy behind her wouldn’t follow. But she knew that no matter what she did, he would. He was always there, right at the edge of her heart.
• • •
“It’s the fastest horse race on earth, folks. One turn to the right, two to the left — ”
The rodeo announcer�
��s voice bellowed from speakers loud enough to be heard above the forever blowing Wyoming wind. The swirling gusts played tag with Lady’s silver-gray mane and brushed the chilly March air across Kate’s face, as she coaxed Lady to lope a few figure eights to get their blood pumping. The rodeo arena stretching out before them had turned gold in the setting sun. In the twilight Kate saw the clover-leaf pattern she and Lady would run.
The spectators huddled around their thermoses of coffee and each other, needing that extra warmth. It wasn’t exactly cold, but Kate knew she needed the long sleeved silk shirt she wore under her sequined one for the added insulation. Many girls wrapped their jackets closer to their chin, but Kate felt like she had a responsibility as an entertainer, and that people paid good money to see the beauty in rodeo. The rhinestones and the sequins in her wardrobe were for them.
Coming to rest beneath the flickering lights that would soon shine as bright as twenty suns, Kate bowed her head and cleared her mind. This was a time of silence for her, when the breeze pulsed in rhythm with her heart. It was almost like the wind swiped the sound of the crowd, and it was just her and Lady, her beloved partner. They had traveled all the miles together over the years. They’d bled. They’d lost. They’d won. Together.
Many nights when Kate couldn’t sleep, she’d go to the stables where Lady was. She’d talk to her and Lady would listen with her big gray, understanding eyes. Sometimes it was silly chatter about college or dreams or the girls, but lately it had been sadness that had driven Kate to the stables at midnight. She’d unlatch the gate into Lady’s stall and wrap her arms around her neck. Feeling the warmth and strength in it, Kate would sob and ache for all the things she missed. But soon Lady’s easy breathing, patience, and the aroma of her sweet mix grain would ease Kate’s mind. And she could live through another day without Blake and without her mom. The tears would stop, and together, they’d look forward to the next rodeo.
Kate and Lady had pulled into the out-of-the-way rodeo arena in Wyoming earlier that day to make a walk through. It wasn’t so much the town Kate was interested in, but the arena. This dirt was good. It had a sturdy base and enough top to make the slide around the barrels. Kate was thankful. She’d been in worse. Last year was a hard one for luck. It seemed like at every other rodeo, the dirt was either rain-slicked mud or cracked and sunbaked. But that hadn’t kept her from being second at the NFR.
This year her sights were set on the World Champion gold buckle that could only be won at the National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas. It had been her dream for as long as she could remember. She’d started out this year great with the big win at the Stock Show in Denver. Her first place in the standings still held. She knew everything about the girls she competed with today. There were some who traveled the same Mountain States circuit as she did and some that traveled others, but Kate still knew their money earnings, their horses and their hometowns.
Right now, even though she knew all of it, that wasn’t what she was thinking about. As she twirled the shamrock-green ribbon tied to her saddle horn, her thoughts were on what she loved to do, what she was good at and that the next few perfect seconds would be shared with Lady. That was what was important. And she was up.
Kate pulled her hat tight and stuck her feet deep in the stirrups. Lady Bug, the dappled-gray Quarter horse beneath her, didn’t have to be told it was time to go. She was ready.
The first galloped stride inside the arena gate shot adrenalin and power through their bodies. Kate guided Lady to the first turn to the right. She held her body still so Lady could make the turn and looked to the second barrel. It seemed slow and easy in Kate’s mind. She used every angle and every second to the fullest. She twisted and leaned and pushed forward. The second barrel done, they raced to the third. Lady’s hooves dug into the dirt, making it fly. Her legs devoured the space. The wind created from their speed whipped around them, making them free. After the third turn, they bolted through the hazy dust of the arena back to the gate.
“That’s why they call it turn and burn, folks.” The rodeo announcer’s voice scratched over the loud speaker. “That’s Kate White, ladies and gentlemen, a pretty Colorado cowgirl on her horse Lady Bug. They finished that run with a sixteen and five. Sounds like she’ll be in the money to me. Up next we have … ”
Kate smiled and jumped down. Sixteen point twenty-one seconds was a fast time for this arena, but sixteen point zero five was better! She grabbed Lady’s neck in a quick hug. “Thanks, Lady Bug.” As she walked Lady back to her horse trailer, Kate listened for the next girl’s time, glad she didn’t see Blake anywhere. Maybe he went home, she thought and chastised herself for being disappointed.
• • •
Blake saw her with reins in hand as she and Lady walked back to the trailer. What a picture they made, he thought, the girl with her horse. Her black Wranglers curved up legs that were both short enough and long enough to be just perfect. The sequins in her shirt added their twinkle to the scene and her hair, the long red banner of it, fell in an easy curl down her back. Lady’s easy gate matched Kate’s as they walked. It was their rhythm. The rhythm that said, “we do this together.” He knew there couldn’t be one without the other. He could hear her laugh as she greeted other contestants. If he tried, he knew he could catch her scent on the breeze.
He sighed with yearning. It was the same sigh he’d had tonight as he watched while she waited to enter the arena. The world around her was busy with all the behind the scene details of a rodeo. No one stopped to notice that right there in the middle of the dust and the boots and the bulls was the most wonderful girl in the world. It was still mesmerizing to him to hear how the crowd grew quiet when they saw a beautiful girl on a dappled-gray horse, enter the arena. How the rhinestones in her ears glinted in the evening sun. How her hair swished behind her as she whipped around the barrels. His breath caught at how close she came, her knees scraping the edges of those steel cans. And when she finished, the sound of the crowd cheering as she waved. If there were such a thing as the sweetheart of the rodeo, Kate was it, he thought.
“Might as well try again,” he told himself as he kicked a clod of dirt and walked in her direction. “That’s a great time. The electric eye sure is more accurate than my watch,” he said when he got close enough for her to hear him.
Kate was busy unsaddling Lady, but even though Blake was sure she heard him walk up and saw him lean against the horse trailer, she didn’t look at him.
So that’s how it’ll be. Damn, Blake thought. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Kate asked as she continued what she was doing.
“I just am,” Blake paused. He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how he could convince her to really talk to him. So he said the next thing that came into his mind and could’ve kicked himself for it, “Have you heard from your mom?”
Kate looked at him from across her saddle. “Why do you care? You left, remember? Nichole and I were standing at the edge of her hospital bed and you just turned around and walked out.”
“I just wanted to know.” Blake cursed his stupidity. He didn’t want to remind her of one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
“Yes, I hear from her, once a week. She calls to see how I’m doing.” Kate put her saddle on its rack and slammed the tack door. “I get to tell her I’m fine, doing great in school, that I graduate in a few months, and that I’m first in the standings this week. And I get to hear her wistful voice say how proud she is of me.”
The rodeo announcer’s voice interrupted Kate.
“You won.” Blake smiled.
“I know.” Kate turned and walked toward the rodeo office. How come it didn’t feel like it?
• • •
Somewhere beyond the reach of that Wyoming rodeo arena, he looked down at his beautiful creation. He was a winner too — to himself at least — because after years of longing, he’d finally had the
courage to create. Before him was the first of many who would get exactly what they deserved. This one was especially beautiful; she was his first. Her eyes stared out into the bloodstained moonlight. Carved into her skin was the number one. Her hand gripped a single red rose.
CHAPTER 2
“What the hell was he doing there?”
“Geez, Erin.” Kate scowled. “I don’t know. How many times you gonna ask me?”
“Didn’t his grandma tell you?”
“No. And I didn’t ask.”
“Why not?” Erin pressed.
“It’s not that big a deal.”
“Not that big a deal?” Erin threw up her hands. “Oh, yeah. You’re right. You moping for a week and being a royal pain in the ass, is no big deal. What was I thinking? And why didn’t you ask her?”
Kate’s lips twisted. “Because she’ll just try to convince me to give him another chance.”
Erin snorted. “That’ll work. You haven’t even seen him for three years.”
Four. “Leona just wants me to be happy.” Kate looked at the clothes rack in front of her. She knew the perfect dress for tonight existed. She just had to find it.
“No shit and you think we don’t?”
“Of course you, Ranae and Nichole want me to be happy. Leona just doesn’t understand that I don’t want anything to do with Blake anymore.” Kate pushed another dress to the side.
“What the hell’s he doing back in Colorado anyway?” Erin couldn’t — or wouldn’t — let it go. “I thought he was in Alaska or something.”
“Don’t know.” Kate loved her friend, but the push-push-push had worn thin several questions ago.
“You haven’t heard from him, have you?” Erin stood with her feet planted and her hands on her hips.
Kate gritted her teeth.“Not since the rodeo.”
“Good.” Erin held up a purple velvet dress with leopard collar and cuffs. “Hey, look at this? Do you think Luke’ll like it?”
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