A Learned Mind
Zaria stared in wonder at all the beauty about her; she loved spring and everything that attended it from the new life and returning birds to the unveiling of the forest’s verdure. She knelt and examined a flower peeping out of the new grass, the first of the season. A thrush sang overhead and a butterfly lazily winged its way through the lush growth. She said a silent prayer of thanks to the earth-mother for her blessings though her village often disputed whether or not such prayers could ever be heard. That the earth was a bounteous and benevolent, though sometimes harsh and severe mother was not questioned, but whether or not there was any conscious thought on her part or whether she cared for human opinions was quite another matter entirely. The earth-mother provided everything mankind could ever want and then when life ceased, each entered again into the sacred rhythm of life: death always giving place to new life like flowers after the last snow.
She sighed, it would be nice if the earth-mother actually cared for her children; Zaria did not like the idea of a benevolent but dumb or distant mother, like a mistress who left food out occasionally for the dog but otherwise cared little about her pet’s concerns. She wanted a goddess who was ever near, personal, and cared for each of her children. She left her study of the flower, now in a grimmer mood than ever the glorious day was meant to entertain. She passed deeper into the shade of the woods for it suited well her brooding thoughts. As she walked, she thought that she should be content to be provided with her daily needs and why should she desire anything else?
She watched a black thrush flit suddenly into a nearby tree and heard the harried peeping of many small voices. Zaria laughed at this revelation. The animals were content to raise their young, live day to day, and then die at their appointed time, but mortal man aspired to have purpose and meaning and love. The thrush cared not about its young ones once they were safely out of the nest but a mother loved her children all the days of her life! She wanted the earth-mother, if mother she was, to be like her own mother. How could she ever be indebted to and love something as careless of her grown offspring as the thrush? But if she were such a caring mother, why was she distant and indifferent to her children? Perhaps the earth-mother was enough for the thoughtless beasts but what of the more demanding children of men? How could men be wiser than she who succored them in thought and temper? Surely there must be an answer.
A sudden flash of white in the underbrush caught her attention and she followed quickly after the fleeing creature. She came suddenly into a small glade where the sun was bright upon the flower-strewn grass and there grazed a unicorn, as if the whole forest were his and he cared not that one wandering daughter of men impinged upon his luncheon. She went to her knees in awe and astonishment for never before had she glimpsed something so beautiful or mysterious. She looked into the boundless depths of those eyes and knew here was a creature far wiser and nobler than the best of her race. She was not surprised when the creature spoke for she certainly had strayed into a dream and nothing in this ethereal otherworld could be counted as strange. The great beast said, “so you come to realize that one should not be content to worship the house but should perhaps thank the builder?”
She nodded dully, as if in a trance but not quite understanding his meaning. He continued patiently, “the reason you are not content with your earth-mother is because the earth is not your mother but your home. It is I that am Author of all life and none are content without me. The earth is a feckless thing that nourishes your physical being and perhaps inspires the soul with a brilliant sunset or a moonlit wood, but only because it too is my handiwork though marred by human folly. It is me you seek and none else. Will you have me?”
She smiled then, not knowing who or what this creature was but knowing deep within her being that he spoke truly and was far more real than her imagined earth-mother ever could be. She said in a small, trembling voice, “you are perhaps the Lord of the Woods or the God of growing things?”
He reared then and pawed the air in amusement and said as his feet again touched the earth, “this glade is but the smallest part of my handiwork. I am the Master of All, meaning absolutely everything that is, was, or ever shall be. I can fit the Universe in my pocket child.” For a moment she thought to glibly mention that such was impossible for he certainly had no pockets but the wiser part of her mind kept her from speaking with such irreverence in his presence though he seemed to know the vagrant thought was in her mind for he gave her a patient look.
She reddened and he seemed more amused than insulted and continued, “humanity’s greatest failing is an inability to look beyond the present, beyond the physical, to all that which they cannot see, touch, or imagine. That is why they do not trust fully in me and why they are bold enough to think that they can do things better on their own.”
Her eyes widened, “there is more than this lovely wood and the rolling meadows and the rumors we hear of towns and even cities in lands far away?”
He laughed and all the wood shared his merriment, “I am the Master of all the starry host, of worlds beyond your comprehension or imagination; I know each wandering thought and idle activity of every creature in every sphere of creation. Come and I will show you but a glimpse of those things which mortal mind oft fails to comprehend.” She stood and cautiously placed a shaking hand on his great shoulder and suddenly the world shifted around them though they stood still as statues. They found themselves upon a great rocky height overlooking a green expanse of forest more verdant than anything Zaria had ever dreamed. The air was alive with scents exotic and sweet while a chorus of voices, avian and otherwise, filled the air with a chaotic and wild hymn. A river flung itself heedlessly over the cliff beside them in a cataract of impossible blue. The world spun again and this time they stood in an ancient wood, silent as a tomb and almost as dark for the density of the foliage far over their heads supported by the boles of trees bigger around than any pillar of human make. Again and again the world lurched and each time a scene more beautiful and amazing than the last met them before the next suddenly revolved into being.
They found themselves upon strange and stony shores, in the very depths of the ocean where all manner of alien creatures lurked, they walked amidst the sunset clouds upheld by nothing but the mist, they saw the moon rise on a dead and rocky sphere far from Zaria’s native sun, they saw places and things beyond comprehension or name, and finally they came to a place more wonderful than words can describe. Tears of joy filled the girl’s eyes and a feeling of finally coming home, but utter despair wracked her being as they suddenly fled from that glorious place to find themselves again in the sunny little glade. She could not help it, for she felt her heart would burst asunder if she did not find some comfort, thus she threw her arms around the great arching neck of this great and terrible being who knew too much and had brought all into being. She wept into his silky coat and instead of pushing her away in derision, he leaned closer and allowed his peace to wash over her stricken heart. Her tears subsided and she said in quavering voice, “so many wonderful and strange things! But alas I shall never be happy again until I look upon that land of which I had only a glimpse. Why does my heart ache so when I have not known that place yet know that I should?”
He said gently, “child you have glimpsed that which once did belong to your race but the stubborn pride of your fathers wrested it from your grip. Your heart has not forgotten, though it is buried deep under careless thoughts and temporary cares and pleasures. It lurks within each human heart, this yearning to be whole, that this mode of existence is not truly that for which you were made. One day I shall restore all to its proper form and function but for now your race wanders lost in this broken mortal sphere. Your heart knew itself to be home and yearned above all else to dwell there forever, but it is not yet your time to leave your current abode but one day you shall come to me and never again be sundered.”
“But how may I attain that lovely land?” asked sh
e with the guilelessness of a child.
He laughed then for joy and said, “I am the door to that pleasant land, but it is not the country itself you seek but he who is King of it and all else, for none are complete without me. Your soul weeps within you that you have lost again that for which you were made, but fear not, for I am what you seek and none else. That country is not yet yours to attain but I am ever to be found by those that seek me.”
“What must I do?” asked the girl in eagerness and fear.
He said, “believe that I am indeed what I claim and that there is none else besides me who is lord of all creation and beyond. But you must not only believe but also obey, for even my enemies believe in me. I shall ask much of you child and it is no easy path, but I shall surely give you more than you can even imagine in return. You traverse a broken sphere full of many dangers, enemies, and sorrows and from these you will not be spared, but I shall give you strength to go on if you will but trust me and be patient. Things may not be accomplished as you would have them nor in the time you would hope, but all is accomplished according to my will and in its own proper time. It is no small thing I ask. I want your entire being dedicated entirely to my service; this is not to say that you will not make mistakes or occasionally lose heart, but as long as you continue to strive in my name then you have nothing whatsoever to fear and in the end all shall be more than worth the effort.”
Her eyes were wide with fear and amazement but she said, “I still do not understand but I am yours if you will have me.” He smiled and the world for a moment seemed to grow all the more beautiful.
She ran home more excited than she had ever been in her entire life and could not wait to tell her parents all that had come to pass. They sat over supper and eyed her thoughtfully not quite believing her fantastic story. Her mother said when all was accomplished, “Zaria perhaps you should wear your hat on these very sunny days. I do not think the heat does you any good.”
Her father said gently, “your mother is right sweetheart, for such dreams often follow a day out in the heat.”
She broke into tears, “but it is true, all of it!”
Her father took her in his arms and carried her off to bed all the while whispering condolences in her ear. She cried herself to sleep and in the morning dutifully went about her chores but her heart was not in it. Had it all been a dream? It had been more wondrous and real than anything in waking life; it could not have been imagined. Could it? Her chores finished, she wandered in the woods near the house looking for the hope she had felt only the day before. She sat upon a stump and wept bitterly, feeling as if her heart might break. “Is your faith that small, child?” squawked a magpie sitting on a branch just above her head. She looked up in surprise and the bird seemed to laugh, “less than a day has passed and already you are on the verge of forsaking me simply because others will not believe you. You must know deep within your heart that I am real, more real than even the world about you, and let nothing shake that belief. But it is not easy trying to convince friends and family, especially while yet a child. A prophet is not without honor save perhaps in his hometown. I will take you somewhere that you might learn more of me that your faith not die for lack of water.”
She looked at him and smiled, “I thought you were a unicorn.”
He laughed, “that is but one guise in which I might appear to mortal men. If I have a true form, what sense would it make to one of your race? If you could even look upon such and live!”
She asked, “how can you spare the time to speak to a weeping girl when there must certainly be other matters throughout all creation that are greater than I?”
He smiled, “and who says those other matters are neglected? I am here, yet I am everywhere. Time and space mean nothing to me. I am at all places at all times, there is nothing too small to escape my notice, especially one of my distraught children. Now will you linger on here in doubt and fear and eventually forsake me for lack of encouragement from your friends and family, or will you come away with me to a place where hope abides?”
She asked, “but what of my family? I would have them know about you as well! I would not keep such joy to myself alone.”
He laughed, “I have other servants and will send one to speak to this ignorant people. But it is not yet your task to teach others for you yet know nothing yourself. Come.”
She nodded and suddenly the bird hopped from the branch onto her shoulder and again the world spun around her. They stood on a little rise overlooking a fertile valley that was a patchwork of fields and pasture. Beyond it lay a small city (quite grand to Zaria’s bucolic eyes) with a modest castle in its midst. The magpie sat on her shoulder and said, “here you shall learn that which you must and then you may travel the world and do much in my name. Farewell child, but I am ever with you!” He leapt into the air and suddenly vanished from sight.
She looked about her at the strange country and thought she had best make for the city if she were to arrive ere dark. It was a lovely country and the folk therein were quite friendly, even to a strange girl upon the road. The guards upon the gates greeted her warmly and did not hinder her passing into the city proper where she gawked like a child at the beasts in a traveling menagerie. Quite shyly she tried to make her case known at the castle gates but it took three attempts before she managed to speak loudly enough and clearly enough that she might be understood. Once they took her meaning she was quickly admitted and just as swiftly introduced to life in Astoria. Her case was quickly brought to the attention of the Lady of Astoria who listened to her tale with fascination; few were those in the mortal world who could claim to have seen the Master in physical form! The girl knew little of geography or the world beyond her village but with a little help from some knowledgeable in that area, they were quickly able to locate her wayward village and the Lady promised to send one of her servants immediately to the little hamlet to speak to them of the Master and his ways.
Karil rode forth immediately for the small village of Golic, lost somewhere in the Northern Wilds from whence the strange girl had suddenly appeared. She wondered what this peculiar little hamlet would think of her tales and the sudden disappearance of one of their young ones. It would be interesting to confront a true community of earth worshippers. Few were the folk in these latter days who had not at least heard of the Master of All. Many folk certainly denied, refused, or ignored him for their own reasons but very few were currently involved in nature worship at this point in the world’s history. The journey was made swiftly, but not so quickly that the girl’s parents had not worried themselves near to death at the sudden disappearance of their only child. Evening was falling as Karil entered the village and the townsfolk eyed her curiously for there had been few strangers here in the past fifty years and fewer of their own folk had ever left the village. It was as isolated and remote a spot as one could still find south of the Frigid Wastes far to the north. She rode up to the inn, dismounted, and asked her mount to await her return. She entered the inn and was soon followed by a dozen curious village folk.
The innkeeper put down the mug he had been wiping and said in wonder, “amazing! We rarely have visitors from the Outlands! Welcome my lady, welcome indeed! Though I am afraid you find us all a bit off at the moment for a great tragedy has befallen our poor village; one of the local girls has quite suddenly gone missing and has the whole place in an uproar.”
Karil smiled and said, “fear not, your missing child is quite safe even though she has vanished as you say. For she is the reason I am come.” The heretofore silent villagers suddenly broke into a chorus of disbelief and astonishment, asking questions one atop the other. Karil said, “why not gather the rest of your townfolk, especially the girl’s parents that I need only go over this once?” The villagers nodded their approval and vanished as one, leaving the stunned innkeeper alone with his guest.
No sooner had the herd fled than the door op
ened again and another outlander entered the inn. The innkeeper was beside himself with disbelief, never in all the history of Golic had there been two strangers in the village at the exact same time! The new stranger was a young man with a long nose and eyes to shame any hawk, dressed well but appropriately for travel. He took in the scene with one quick glance, smiled condescendingly at the woman with a sword, and turned his attention to the innkeeper. “Is it true?” asked the stranger in a reedy voice, of the innkeeper.
The man scratched his head and asked, “is what true?”
The stranger sighed expansively and said, “I have traveled halfway across the world to witness for myself the mythic reality of this isolated village and you pretend to not know why I am come?” Karil could hardly keep a smile from her face and the innkeeper scratched his head all the more confusedly.
The man sighed in even more exasperation and said, “I am a scholar of the first order and my area of greatest interest is primitive religions; I have come all this way to observe perhaps the last bastion of neopaganism in the known world. And you tell me you cannot fathom why I am come?” At this Karil did laugh and the innkeeper just stared blankly at the seeming lunatic before him. The man was not at all impressed by either the woman’s amusement or the dumbfounded innkeeper; he chose to address the woman saying, “I doubt there are very many armed women riding about the world, especially in so far flung a place as this, who are not bound to the Brethren. As your monotheistic tendencies certainly mean your religion is not in the sphere of the ancient, I have no pressing interest in you thus I would kindly ask that you withdraw, so as not to pollute this virgin spring of untainted pagans. I would also remind you that a scholar of my renown is not to be laughed at.”
Karil smiled and said, “I am sorry to disappoint you, but I have errands in the vicinity and cannot leave until they are accomplished. I do not laugh at you sir, but at your assumptions and explanations of the religious undertones in the local area. How is it that these ‘neopagans’ as you call them have roots far back in the mists of time but the Brethren’s ideology has a much more modern date of origination?”
The man smiled condescendingly and said, “you are a monotheistic bunch which means that your religion must have originated later in time than the more natural religions of earth worship and polytheism which certainly precede the former in any sensible scheme of religious evolution.”
At this Karil did laugh, “our deepest held beliefs hold that the object of our worship, our very own monotheistic deity: the Master of All, was before all things and brought all things into being and thus instituted religion as pertaining to himself from the very Beginning.”
“Of course you would say that my dear,” said he placatingly, “all the real hard core religionists of any code or creed must say the same thing. But all objective observers of the religions modern and ancient, agree that the polytheists and earth worshippers were the original believers and only later did monotheism come into vogue. Of course now no sensible person can believe in any sort of religion in a very serious fashion, which is of course the next step in religious and human societal evolution. Believe what you must my dear if it brings you comfort, but alas that you lack the sense to survive without such a crutch.”
The puzzled innkeeper just scratched his head and muttered, “outlanders,” under his breath. Koril smiled sweetly and said, “it shall certainly be an interesting night I think.”
The man was taken aback, “how can you pollute this last outpost of untainted humanity with your myths and corrupt the very fabric of its culture with your foolish tales? They should be left in peace to discover their own destiny and I am here to see how they shall evolve without outside interference. Do you not think it a bit presumptuous to consider their mythology less important or correct than your own? Does not everyone have a right to think and live as they choose?”
Koril laughed and said, “it also seems that you are not unbiased towards my own beliefs. Why are theirs given a chance to flourish while mine must be silenced? Certainly I believe all men must choose what they will believe, but I also believe men have the ability to listen to all the options and then come to an informed decision. My own beliefs hold that I do these folk a much greater disservice by remaining silent and thereby perhaps dooming their souls than by telling them those things most dear to myself and perhaps corrupting their culture as you would call it.”
The man sighed, “primitive men must be allowed to live and evolve without the interference of outsiders, save perhaps those brave and bold souls who study such a progression.”
Koril laughed, “these men are no more ‘primitive’ than yourself! They lack none of the intelligence and capabilities necessary to be able to listen to another’s words and decide for themselves what is the right and true thing.”
The man groused, “that may well be but I do not understand why you Brethren cannot respect the boundaries of others; some find your words quite offensive.”
She asked quietly, “why then do my words disturb you when all other beliefs and ideologies in the world are safe and acceptable. Is it that perhaps my words might be true?”
The man scowled, “enough! It is because your words are judgmental. It is one thing to spout such drivel but it is quite another to say that another’s beliefs are not just as worthy. How is it that your precious Master is the only Truth?”
She smiled, “do not your own words condemn my beliefs sir? How can there be more than one Truth? Especially, if all your so-called truths conflict with one another? It is not logical.” He flushed with anger and fled to the back of the room to begin his observations of these ‘primitives’ as he thought them, for by now the village folk had all gathered in the common room and were quite eager to hear the words of the female stranger.
The man was quite aghast when she had the temerity to stand up in front of everyone and make known her insane claims, the most outrageous of which was that their missing girl had been miraculously transported to Astoria! She finished proselytizing all and sundry and then the man stood forth for his turn facing the gathered audience, but his part would be to carefully question each member of the community on their current and historic system of belief before the corrupting influence of the Brethren could render his efforts useless. Who knew? Maybe he was the last man on earth to encounter and record such a religion before it became tainted by outside influences? He addressed the yet flummoxed innkeeper and said, “my good man, what is it that your people believe about the origins of the universe, man’s purpose on this planet, and our future destiny?”
The innkeeper scratched his head again and said, “I am not rightly sure as of this moment. I guess I never really thought much about it. The young lady seems quite adamant in her beliefs, maybe you should ask her.”
The scholar scowled, “I want to know about the prevailing beliefs in this village in the last hundred years, not the thoughts of this nearsighted deist whose corrupting influence has tainted most of the other religions of the world!”
The mayor stood up and said, “I think we believe in some sort of earth mother or goddess or maybe she’s a he depending on the person and the day?”
The scholar’s jaw dropped in astonishment, “you think you believe?”
An old woman in the back shouted out in a cackling laugh, “that is right son, none of us are quite sure of exactly what we believe. We mostly believe whatever makes us happy and satisfies that sort of yearning. You see, back a hundred years we actually did believe in this Master, or at least so the stories say. But our intrepid ancestors decided that that sort of thing was limiting our ability to enjoy life and that perhaps we did not need the Master after all. So of course they went looking for a new god and stumbled upon her ladyship the earth. It is all sort of muddled but they thought themselves emancipated from ancient mythology and mysticism and now they could live as they pleased without the rigid constraints of their old ways. All know
ledge of said Master passed out of our ken with the last of our elders. We were left with nothing but the earth mother and she has ever been a vague and distant lady.”
The scholar was nearly beside himself with indignation, “you cannot mean that! Your fine religion must certainly have ancient and venerable roots!”
The old woman laughed, “lying to yourself will not change anything son. For my part I think the young lady has the right of it; you would be wise to listen to her.” The villagers had no more patience for the stuffy man but had many eager questions for the young woman. He fumed in silence, forgotten in a far corner of the inn while she spent much of the evening answering a myriad of questions for the truth-starved village folk.
She stayed on for nearly a month expounding upon that which she had begun; the disappointed scholar rode away silently the next morning intent on discovering the truth of the vanished girl for himself. Perhaps he could discredit the woman’s perceived miracle and return these people to their original and more interesting beliefs. He rode on until he at last came to legendary Astoria, a city he had dismissed long ago as backwards and full of simpletons with nothing but their legends to cling to for comfort for they could not deal with the harsh realities of life. He approached the guards upon the castle gates imperiously but not without some fear for fools though they be, they certainly looked like they knew the use of the swords on their hips. He made his inquiries after the girl and a servant was dispatched to bring the matter to the attention of their vaunted leader. He did not wait long for the Lady was greatly intrigued by such a guest; she also had the girl in question summoned to stand witness. He was soon bowing himself into her presence. He noticed a young girl already seated as the Lady motioned for him to seat himself in an adjacent chair and help himself to the simple refreshments placed before them. He however stood stiffly behind the proffered seat with his hands moving sporadically upon its back. The girl giggled in wonder to both be sitting as a guest of the Lady and at the strange behavior of the man.
“My Lady,” he began, “I have come to see the lies propagated by one of your servants be revealed for what they are. As I speak, she is at this moment corrupting a once free and noble people with the ideals of lesser men.”
The Lady laughed, “a true believer I see.”
He gaped, “a believer you say? Of what am I such an adherent?”
She smiled, “why you have unquestioning confidence in your own thoughts and opinions. So much so that you feel yourself qualified to judge the hearts and minds of others. You applaud the fact that some should remain in ignorance of our seeming myths and rejoice that you feel yourself above our so-called superstitions. You feel threatened by what we expound, otherwise you would not despise and fear it so, but you would rather consider it as quaint and useless as the beliefs of ‘lesser men,’ as you call them.”
The man gawked in disbelief and hoped she was not right, but some small part of his mind quailed in despair that she had hit the nail squarely upon the head yet that much stronger voice, his ego, soon overcame that miniscule wailing and said, “dream on if you wish Lady, for such as you cannot see yourself objectively as I can. Now what of the tale that this girl was spirited away from her own home by this Master of yours?”
The Lady smiled demurely, “oh he is not my Master, but I am most certainly his. One cannot own such as he, at least not in the sense you suggest. The girl was quite suddenly thrust upon our doorstep in a most miraculous fashion and I dare you to find anyone who can contradict the tale.”
He sighed like a man who knew himself speaking to a witless inferior, “Lady let us be blunt. I am not a man inclined to myth. I do not believe in the miraculous or any sort of superstitious hocus pocus. What really happened?”
The Lady smiled and said, “it is as I have said. How can you not believe in miracles when each day we must see several of them? Each breath, each beat of your heart, each sunrise and new baby, and butterfly and star! The whole world is a miracle and each thing in it my friend. The fact that each is considered common does not lessen the wonder but only dulls our senses to the novelty of life. I cannot convince you sir, and I fear you will never allow anyone else to either. It is when we lose that sense of wonder that the world grows dull and pointless and loses all joy and sense of purpose and hope. We must certainly mature in behavior, thought, and wisdom but I pray that our childish sense of joy in the simplest things never ceases to be, else our hearts grow old and cold with it.”
He sighed and addressed the girl, “child, how did you came to this place?”
She smiled, “I walked.”
He smiled triumphantly and said, “you see Lady, even the child has more sense and truth than you.”
The girl continued, “of course it was the Master who brought me to see the city from that hill and then I had to walk fast because it was getting dark.” He bowed stiffly to the Lady and walked quickly from her presence wondering if the whole world had gone mad.
The years passed swiftly and the girl one day joined the Brethren and was apprenticed to Koril until at last she was released to attend to adventures of her own. Her wanderings brought her one day back to her own village. The defiant scholar had returned after his failed trip to Astoria to convince the hardheaded villagers that it was all a great lie and that they should believe nothing the Brethren said. They of course were quite intrigued with Koril’s words and blatantly ignored the irked scholar. The girl returned to find her family enthralled with their renewed sense of hope and they eagerly welcomed home their long sundered daughter. She spoke with them at length, before again moving on to the next village upon her circuit only to find herself set upon by ten large and well armed men. She of course was forced to surrender, gave up her weapons, and was hooded that she might not see their destination. They traveled for many days until finally they came to a great but crumbling house on the brink of civilized lands.
She was unhooded and allowed to see their destination at last. “What is this place and why have you brought me here?” demanded she of her captors. The leader of the group shrugged silently and motioned for the girl to follow him into the depths of the house. In a great library lit only by the fire upon the massive hearth she found herself facing a middle-aged man in a distinguished looking chair. The bandits bowed themselves out, leaving the pair alone.
“Now,” said the man, “you shall tell me the truth. For years this little phenomenon has plagued my mind and at last you will set it to rest. I deny the miraculous and declare you and all your ilk to be liars and frauds. What really happened? How did you come to Astoria? Why would you lie for others?”
She smiled sadly, “all these years you have not yet come to realize that perhaps it is not all true? I told no lies nor have any of my comrades. I cannot lie nor convince you to believe so I fear we are at an impasse.”
The man was red but whether from suppressed tears or rage she could not tell. He screamed, “what if I threaten you with death if you do not tell me the truth?”
She said quietly, “even then I would insist that what I have said is just that and it is your stubborn heart that refuses to believe it.”
He took a deep breath and seemed to give up all efforts at either despair or rage, slumping in his chair and staring dejectedly at the fire. He said, “I was once the finest and most promising scholar of my acquaintance until I met you and your foolish friends. And here was a puzzle I could not solve and even now all these years later I will not let myself see the answers to the riddle as truth though they hover before my very eyes. Either you are all deluded or I am. Either I will go mad or you must be. I hope you are happy; you have ruined me. You have shattered my faith in myself and all mankind and now what is there left me?”
Her face softened and she was on the verge of speaking when he held up a hand and said, “I do not need your pontification. I know well that which you would say but I want none of your comfort. Be
gone from my house and torment me no longer.” He rang a little bell and the guard returned and swiftly escorted the lady from the house. She rode away wondering what had just come to pass. He sat there alone in the library and stared blankly at the books. All the amassed glories of human knowledge and none of it brought the joy or peace he thought it should. None of it satisfied the deepest longings of his soul. He had looked into himself and found it terribly dark and drear. He had looked into every corner of human society and wisdom and found nothing of worth. Here was a whole sect of misguided cretins who had more joy and fervent faith in one finger than he had in his entire being. He knew he could have it too, if only he would accept the impossible. But would he?
Legends of the Brethren: The Sampler Page 4