by Holly Rayner
She arrived back at her apartment and tossed her coat on her couch, pulling the test out of her purse with a look of dread. Hoping it would give her some semblance of luck, she flipped a Fleetwood Mac album onto her record player and bobbed her head in time, willing the music to lift her spirits and give her strength.
As she opened the packaging, Charlotte thought back to the previous few weeks; how she’d been so incalculably tired; how she’d barely been eating, yet she’d still gained weight. And now, with the nausea, it seemed to add up to just one possible cause. She couldn’t believe it had taken her this long to work it out.
She peed on the stick dutifully, and then she watched the clock tick two precise minutes. She lifted the stick from its position on the bathroom table, and she nodded without fanfare. She bowed her head, wondering if tears would come.
She was pregnant. She was pregnant with Sean’s baby.
She collapsed atop the toilet cover, dropping the pregnancy test into the trashcan. Her brain hummed. Sean was all the way across the country, probably bouncing from one business meeting to the next without much else on his mind. He almost certainly hadn’t thought about her since their time together; if she was being realistic, she had to remember he was one of the richest, most important men in the world. She was just a blip.
But she had to tell him. It was her duty, as the mother of his child, to inform him. If she raised this child without him, that was fine. She would hate to explain to her child that billionaire Sean Lawson was his or her father, and that he didn’t want to be in their lives. But if that was the reality, she would be forced to accept it.
She knew it would be difficult on her own, but in that moment, Charlotte knew she would be the child’s mother. She’d created another human life with the most wonderful, brilliant man, and she wouldn’t refute that gift.
Charlotte lifted her phone and dialed Sean, but the cell went immediately to voicemail, and Charlotte didn’t bother to leave a message. What would it be, anyway? “Surprise! I’m pregnant! How about that!” No. She had to be delicate. She had to treat this with respect.
Because it wasn’t yet late in the day, Charlotte called Sean’s secretary, who she hadn’t seen in several weeks, not since her last meeting with Sean. “Hello, Denise,” she said. “Charlotte Waters here. I was hoping to get a sense for when Sean would be back in Seattle.”
Denise coughed into the phone. “Well, let’s see,” she said, and Charlotte heard paper rustling. “I don’t have an exact date yet. He just keeps saying ‘soon’—and to have his fridge stocked. The secretary’s life, right?” Denise laughed.
But Charlotte couldn’t be bothered to fake laughter. She cleared her throat. “Well, could you please leave him a message that I need to speak with him?”
“I’ve already left him three,” Denise said, her voice raspy. “Do you really think he needs another?”
“Yes,” Charlotte said, her voice insistent. “Please tell him to call me this time, not Katrina. Okay?”
“All right, Charlotte,” Denise said, obviously rolling her eyes. “I’ll deliver the message to him. And I guarantee he’ll get to you when he has the time. He truly cares about this case.”
“Sure,” Charlotte said, suddenly realizing she’d forgotten all about the case for a moment. “Thanks. I’ll see you soon.”
Denise hung up the phone, leaving Charlotte at a loss. She stared at her cell for a long, solemn moment, before texting Chelsea and asking: How about that drink right about now?
Chelsea escaped her office a little early in order to meet Charlotte out in Capitol Hill, at a bar between their two apartments. Still in denial about the truth of her pregnancy, Charlotte ordered a glass of wine, but didn’t drink it. She just stared at the light glinting in it as Chelsea told her about the current drama at her workplace. After about ten minutes, Chelsea sensed something was dramatically wrong.
“What’s up, honey?” she asked, her voice far away. “You’ve hardly said a word. And you haven’t even sipped your drink.” Her face looked stern. “I know when you hide things. I remember when you were angry with me for eating your food that time, back when we lived together. You wouldn’t speak to me for three days, until I confronted you.” Chelsea laughed. “And then you lawyered me about it.”
Charlotte grinned, tracing the memory back as well. It was comforting, thinking of this forgotten time. But she cleared her throat, feeling the weight of the news destroying her.
“I’m pregnant,” she finally spoke. Her voice was weak.
Chelsea’s jaw dropped. “Didn’t you use protection?” she asked in a harsh whisper. “You know—the one thing we’re universally taught to do in college?”
Charlotte shook her head, gazing down at her fingers. “I think we did,” she whispered. “Actually, I’m sure we did. But if it’s only effective 99% of the time, I guess I’m the 1%.”
Chelsea sighed. “This changes everything, doesn’t it?”
Charlotte nodded. “Now, I’m grappling with all these thoughts about being a single mother and a lawyer. God, it doesn’t make sense, does it? Maybe I should just return to the East Coast. Maybe I could get my parents to help me, to watch the baby—”
“You can’t give up your career. That’s final,” Chelsea said firmly. “You worked your butt off to get where you are, at one of the most prestigious law firms in the United States. You can’t leave. I won’t hear of it.”
“Then what should I do?” Charlotte asked. She was lost. She felt tears stinging her eyes.
Chelsea brought her hand across the table and nestled it beside Charlotte’s. She gave her a steady smile. “We’re going to work this out together, I promise you. This baby is going to have the best life, with the best mother—and the best aunt—in the world.” She poked herself in the chest with her thumb, affirming she was by Charlotte’s side. “Who said we need men, anyway?”
Charlotte laughed, tilting her head. “I got so lucky with you, didn’t I?”
“You sure did,” Chelsea winked. “Now, let me get you something else to drink. A sparkling water? A hot chocolate? I’ll drink that wine. I’m stressed.”
Charlotte laughed again, agreeing to the hot chocolate and leaning back in her chair as Chelsea retrieved her drink. For the moment, the world was easy. She had a partner in crime, no matter what Sean Lawson said when he heard the news.
“Now,” Chelsea said, as she returned to the table. “I just have one question to ask you.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you want to finish up here and go back to your place for some Chinese? I heard a rumor you might be starving yourself. And that baby has probably had enough by now.”
Charlotte gratefully agreed, and after finishing their drinks, the girls walked arm in arm back to her place, where they tucked themselves into the couch, pretending they were twenty-five years old again, on the brink of something great.
Chapter 11
Charlotte called in sick the following days, before finally forcing herself into the office on Friday morning, her morning sickness a little more under control. Chelsea dropped her at work, having stayed with her for several nights in a row, making her tea and monitoring her eating.
“He’ll call back,” she affirmed over and over again. “If he’s half the man you think he is.”
But Charlotte was tentative. She hadn’t heard from Sean, and had half a mind that he’d abandoned her because they’d slept together. She felt used. She felt tired. She felt resigned.
She’d been blankly staring at her computer screen when a notification popped up, alerting her of a meeting with Katrina at 10:30 a.m. A meeting regarding the Lawson case.
Charlotte sighed; this would be the meeting in which she was meant to include Katrina’s “enlightened” assumptions about the law into the case strategy. This would tip her overboard for the day.
At 10:28, she lifted herself from her seat, grabbed her notes, and shuffled toward the boardroom. Her eyelids were half closed. She could already
hear the insults coming from Katrina. “What happened to you?”
But as she entered the boardroom, all thoughts of her appearance rushed from her brain. She felt riddled with panic. She yearned to rush out the door, run down the steps, and never see Seattle again.
Because there, seated beside Katrina in the boardroom—laughing and joking with her—was Sean Lawson, himself. Seeing him felt like a knife in her gut.
He peered up at Charlotte with recognition, and then patted the chair beside him.
“Sit down,” Katrina told her, her voice catty. “What’s taking so long?”
“She’s worried we’re talking about her,” Sean teased. “Katrina and I can be quite gossipy. Isn’t that right?”
Katrina laughed in that false way, her voice ringing. Charlotte knew, then, that Katrina was trying to impress Sean—that she was pulling out all the stops to make him look at her with desire. That way, she’d be on top; she’d be the real leader of the case, despite Charlotte having the title.
Charlotte sat down, eyeing both of them with disdain. She felt the pangs of morning sickness rally within her, but she forced them down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,” she said.
She leafed through her folders, trying to remember just what this meeting was about, anyway. Inside her, she felt as though the baby was kicking her, urging her to tell Sean the news. She knew this wasn’t possible—he or she was still only about the size of an olive.
“I was explaining a few of my ideas,” Katrina began, her eyebrows rising high. “And then Sean explained to me that he’s only here because you won’t stop calling his secretary.”
“As soon as I arrived in my office, Denise chased me down and told me you’d called ten times in the last couple of weeks,” Sean laughed, looking at her with incredulity. “She said it was of the utmost importance to get over here. So I called the office, and Katrina’s intern set it up. I hope it’s not a bad time…”
Charlotte’s eyes were wide with horror. She’d called the office so many times to set up a private meeting—one without Katrina present—and yet, here they were. Three’s company. She felt like she was about to faint.
She flipped through her papers with shaking fingers, wondering desperately how to navigate the precarious situation. Finally, she landed upon a statement. It seemed made-up and strange, even to herself.
“Well, Sean, while you were gone, Katrina and I got to work on your case. And it seems that we both have very different ideas about how we should proceed; almost as if we went to very different law schools.” She blinked, her face turning red. It was very apparent that she’d just pulled this little speech out of nowhere.
Sean waited for a moment before choosing his words. “So. This was the very important, very urgent matter that you called my office ten times about?” he asked. His eyes were filled with humor, but his face only made a half-smile. “You know, I really appreciate all you’re doing over here in Seattle, but I have business meetings all over the world. I have to trust you both to make reasoned, professional decisions for me. It’s what I’m paying you for.”
Sean’s harsh words were unlike the stunning portrait of the man she’d daydreamed about for ten years. Charlotte felt slapped. She gazed at her hands, vaguely nauseous, as Sean and Katrina broke out into laughter.
“Can you imagine?” Katrina said. “Dragging you all the way across the country for a conversation like this?” She laughed. “If I’d known what she was up to, I’d have told you to remain in your office.” She winked at him with not-so-casual flirtation.
And Sean wasn’t immune to it. He shook his head, still looking at Charlotte, his expression a mixture of confusion and affection.
That night had happened, right? Charlotte wondered. She felt an aching sense of loneliness; of loss.
“I’m sorry,” Charlotte said, stuttering. “I suppose, now that I say it out loud, it wasn’t as pressing as I initially thought. I’m sorry, Sean. I didn’t mean to interrupt your schedule. I can assure you that Katrina and I will put our heads together to figure this out.” She swallowed, her eyes large.
“Okay… Let’s have a meeting when you’re finished, then,” Sean said, giving her an earnest nod. “And please, don’t worry about this. It happens. I get it. I’ve had a lot of other meetings that were a lot less fun than this one.” He gave Katrina a warm, friendly look, and Charlotte tried to convince herself that there wasn’t a sexual nature to it. That would have broken her heart.
Sean lifted himself from his seat, then. He donned his jacket, and Charlotte knew her chance was slipping away.
Scrambling for a pencil, for her folder of reminders and notes, Charlotte she sent a final word after him. “Excuse me! Sean? Can you come here for a moment? I wanted to check with you if these numbers are correct. In this document…” She gestured at the papers, hopeful, and Sean eyed her curiously,
Quickly, she scribbled the words: “NINE MONTHS’ NOTICE,” onto a folder, and pointed to it—giving him this final, coded suggestion of her pregnancy.
Sean glanced at the papers, and Charlotte was almost certain he caught the note. How could he not?
As if on cue, Lyle appeared at the door, reaching forward to shake Sean’s hand. Sean accepted it gratefully, with a joke, leaving Charlotte’s side. “I’ll see you ladies tomorrow,” Sean said, then. He took confident strides from the boardroom, trading pleasantries with Lyle, and marched toward the elevator.
“You can’t imagine what kind of trip that was,” Charlotte heard Sean tell Lyle before their voices became muffled. His voice hadn’t changed. It wasn’t clear if he’d seen the note or not. If he knew about the pregnancy, he wasn’t giving any reaction away. If he hadn’t—then he’d live out the rest of his day like normal.
Either way, Charlotte felt doomed.
Charlotte groaned, just as Katrina stood up. She planted her hands on her hips, pointing her angular elbows outward, staring at her colleague. “What’s gotten into you?” she asked. “I’ve seen you do some really weird stuff, but this might take the cake.”
Charlotte didn’t budge. She waited until Katrina turned toward the door and clacked on her heels from the room, finding solace in yelling at an intern to get her a hot cup of coffee.
Her brain had begun to take a horrible course, which allowed her to believe that Sean had, indeed, seen the note. That he did know that she was pregnant. And that he’d left anyway. He’d left because he didn’t want to be involved. He didn’t want to deal with the responsibilities of being a father. He didn’t want to step up to the plate. He would refuse her, and probably tell her to remove herself from the case.
Charlotte traipsed back to her office, hardly able to feel her feet. Her legs were quaking. She collapsed into her chair and dialed her father’s number, remembering that she’d been meaning to call him.
“Hey, pumpkin,” he answered after two rings. “I was hoping you’d call soon. We miss you.”
“Hi, Dad,” Charlotte said. Her eyes filled with tears, thinking that, despite everything that had happened—despite her running to Yale and then retreating across the country—her father had remained supportive. She had no reason in the world not to trust him to understand her decisions.
“I have some news,” she said. “It’s kind of big.”
“What is it, pumpkin?” her dad said. “Did you get promoted, finally? You deserve it.”
Charlotte breathed shallowly, trying to find the right words. She hadn’t planned on telling her parents—not until after she’d gone to the doctor; not until after she was certain Sean didn’t want a single ounce of involvement.
“I’m having a baby,” she said. “I know it might come as a shock. I don’t have a boyfriend, or a husband—” She felt herself begin to calm as the words propelled from her mouth. “But here we are.”
Her father didn’t pause for even a moment. “You’re going to be a mother!” he exclaimed. Pure happiness seemed to exude from his voice. “I can’t believe this. This
is remarkable, Charlotte. Really. I know it’ll be tough, you being on your own. But your mother and I will help as much as we can. Maybe we could move out West, finally. We want to help you, as much as we can. Because we know you don’t go into this lightly. You haven’t gone into anything lightly your entire life.”
Charlotte began to weep openly, then. Just the fact that her father supported her, in this terrible, yet wonderful moment, filled her with such happiness. “Thank you, Pop,” she forced out. “I can’t explain how much this means to me.”
“And I can’t explain how excited I am to be a grandfather,” her father joked. “I won’t ask any more questions, either. Not until you’re ready to talk.”
“And if that’s never?” Charlotte asked, her voice sheepish.
“Then I won’t care,” her father said. “I love you, sweetheart. Keep yourself well, and keep us updated.”
Charlotte hung up the phone a moment later, staring out the window once more. Despite feeling as if she were in a tumultuous sea, about to drown, she now had glorious pillars on which to cling. She had her parents. She had Chelsea. She had this job, which would still be there for her after her pregnancy, if she played her cards right and bested this Lawson case.
She was so much stronger than she gave herself credit. And she would instill that strength and power of will in her child, whether or not that child had a father.
As for the memory of Sean—the one she’d held on to for a decade—she would have to let that go. She didn’t have room in her heart for the man who’d abandoned his child.
Chapter 12
Charlotte slept fitfully that night, despite the warmth she still felt from her conversation with her father, and despite the soup Chelsea had made her that eased her stomach. She tossed around on her growing stomach, certain she’d already gained ten pounds.