‘Is the old bridge the only way across the river?’ She tried to make it sound like a casual inquiry.
‘Uh-hmm, I think so, unless you want to make a long detour.’ Colin appeared lost in his own thoughts and thankfully didn’t notice the slight quiver in her voice. ‘There it is.’
They had come upon it unexpectedly, just like the last time, and Melissa had to force herself to go on. Don’t be an idiot, she admonished herself sternly. There is nothing frightening here at all. But her body wasn’t listening to reason and her ribcage suddenly felt very tight. She breathed in rapid, shallow breaths. Russ, too, had stopped and seemed reluctant to go forward, although he wasn’t growling this time.
‘Come on, we’ll have to climb the gate. It’s rusted shut,’ Colin said, and Melissa watched as he managed to scramble over the top. The rusty old hinges groaned in protest and she wondered if the tired metal would withstand another onslaught. There was no other way across, however, so she picked up the little dog and walked quickly forward. She handed Russ to Colin across the gate. Then she climbed over as quickly as possible and made it to the other side safely and without giving way to the threatening panic. Letting out her breath in a sigh of relief, she hurried after Colin and the dog along another path, slightly less worn, but distinguishable, nonetheless. The grass was higher on this side of the river and appeared to have been left to grow wild.
‘I wonder who owns this now?’ she said, but received no reply.
Wiping drops of perspiration from his brow with a large handkerchief, Colin stopped to have another look at the map and check their bearings. It was turning hotter by the minute. ‘Lord, I haven’t had this much exercise for years,’ he panted. His face was a mottled red and he was trying to catch his breath. ‘I wish I’d thought to bring a hat,’ he muttered to himself, ‘and had gone jogging every day for the last twenty years or so.’ He traced their path on the map with his finger. ‘Now then, we have to keep walking for quite a while, then I reckon the manor should be somewhere over there.’ He pointed to their left.
‘Okay, come on then.’
They finally stopped again what seemed like ages later, and Melissa looked around them. ‘There’s nothing here, Colin. Just grass.’ Disappointment tinged her voice. She knew it was unlikely the manor house would have survived intact, but she’d thought perhaps a part of it would still have been standing. Lots of old houses remained, added onto by generations of owners. Here there was nothing at all.
‘Well, we knew that, otherwise it would have been marked on later maps.’ They wandered around a bit, wading through the high weeds, and looked for any signs of habitation.
‘Ow!’ With a string of expletives, Colin began to hop around on one foot, doing a funny little dance and Melissa had to turn around to hide her laughter. He looked like a rounder version of Charlie Chaplin.
When she had her face under control once more she took his arm solicitously. ‘What happened?’
‘Damned stone tripped me up.’ He waved his hand in the direction of a huge, overgrown boulder and Melissa bent down to examine it. She pulled the vegetation to one side in order to inspect it more closely.
‘I’m glad it did.’
‘What?’
‘I think you’ve probably just found what we were looking for.’ She straightened up. ‘That’s not just any old boulder; it looks like a foundation stone.’
Colin stopped hopping about. ‘It does? Oh, well in that case I suppose I’ll have to forgive it.’
Further investigation of the area revealed the outline of a substantial building, but apart from a few low, crumbling walls, nothing else remained of Idenhurst.
‘I wonder what happened to it?’ They sat down to rest on a piece of the foundations and Melissa took some bottles of water out of a small rucksack she’d brought. She handed one to Colin and poured some from her bottle into a bowl for Russ, before quenching her own thirst. She closed her eyes against the glare of the sun, and tried to imagine what had occurred here.
‘It must have fallen into disuse.’ Colin stared out over the fields.
‘Hmm. My guess would be that it was razed to the ground during the Civil War, otherwise such a fine house would have survived, surely? Slightly altered or added to through the ages, but not completely gone like this. I’m sure we could find out.’
‘Civil War? But of course!’ Colin hit his forehead with the flat of his palm. ‘That’s where I’d read the name. What an idiot, I should have remembered.’
‘You saw it mentioned in a document about the war?’
‘Yes, an old tome by some eminent local Victorian fellow that I read ages ago. I knew it rang a bell, but I couldn’t for the life of me think where I’d seen it. I’ll look it up again as soon as I get back and photocopy the page for you.’
‘Thanks, Colin. What a shame though, not a single wall remaining. I would have liked to have seen it.’
For a long time they sat in the sunshine, lost in thoughts of the past, before heading back to Ashleigh.
‘Melissa, will you marry me?’ Comfortably ensconced in Jake’s large bed, and half-asleep after their recent love-making, the question caught Melissa completely by surprise.
‘What?’
‘You heard me,’ Jake growled. ‘Damn it, Melissa, I don’t want to sneak around like this. I want to show the world we’re together.’ She had begged him to keep their liaison a secret until she was sure of her feelings, and so far he had kept his word. ‘I want to tell the girls about us, although from the strange looks I’ve been receiving recently I think they already suspect something’s going on.’ He lifted himself up on one elbow to look down on her. ‘Melissa, I love you. Can’t we at least become engaged?’
As she gazed into his blue eyes, Melissa knew he wouldn’t lie to her. Not voluntarily. But how could she be sure he wasn’t being prompted by Roger? It was true the ghost hadn’t intruded on their love-making recently, but she could still sense his presence. Roger hadn’t gone away and he was still haunting her dreams. He wouldn’t leave until he had accomplished his goal. Whatever that was.
‘Do you really love me, Jake? How can you be sure Roger isn’t putting the words in your mouth?’ The misery in her voice made him slam his fist into the headboard, and she could see him clench his jaw to stop from shouting his frustration out loud.
‘For God’s sake, woman! Of course I’m sure. What do I have to do to prove it?’
‘Get rid of Roger,’ she muttered, turning her back on him so he wouldn’t see the tears rolling down her cheeks.
‘Melissa …’ Gently he turned her over and into his arms again. He wiped the salty droplets away with gentle fingers. ‘Sweetheart. I can’t get rid of him, but I’m sure in time he will leave of his own accord. Until then, there is nothing I, or you, can do. When he leaves, I swear I will still love you. Only you.’ He stroked her back, murmuring soothing words as if she were a child, but the lump of misery remained inside her. She wished with all her heart that she could believe him, but at the moment it was impossible.
‘I’m sorry, Jake, but I don’t think it’s fair of me to make any sort of commitment to you until I’m sure. I love you too, but at the same time I love Roger. When I see him or even just hear his voice … Well, I have the same feelings as I do when I’m with you. The two of you are confused in my mind and I’m having trouble keeping you apart. If you can’t cope with that I’ll understand. Perhaps if we stopped seeing each other for a while …?’
‘No!’ He startled them both with the vehemence in his voice. ‘No,’ he said more softly, ‘I can’t bear not to see you. I’ll try to be patient for a bit longer.’
Melissa burrowed close to him, inhaling his scent, but all around them she could detect the odour of horse and leather. She wondered if Jake could smell it too, but she didn’t dare ask.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
‘You shouldn’t have come, it’s too dangerous.’
Roger had once again taken the risk of climbing in through
Sibell’s window in order to say a lengthy farewell. He put a finger on her mouth and whispered, ‘How could I have stayed away, my sweet? As it is, it will be far too long before I see your lovely face again.’
She needed no urging when his hands sought to free her from her garments, and it was nearly dawn before he reluctantly made his way back to Idenhurst.
‘I’ll return as soon as I can and then we will tell the whole world that we are man and wife,’ he promised.
‘Have a safe journey and may God go with you. And please, I beg you, be careful.’
Sibell watched from within the shelter of the forest as Sir Gilbert and half his men left later that July morning, intent on making their way north with all speed. They were an impressive sight, their weapons gleaming in the sun, the huge horses snorting their impatience to be off.
Her gaze sought out Roger, riding at the front on his massive horse, Snowflake. His euphoria over the proposed journey had been almost tangible, his excitement infectious while he was with her, but now he was gone, her heart was heavy. She knew this was the only way and that he was confident of a positive outcome, but seeing the column of riders disappear in a cloud of dust, she felt utterly alone and defenceless.
There had been rumours that the Earl of March had landed at Sandwich just over a week earlier, together with his fellow earls, Warwick and Salisbury, and their men. Sibell was afraid Roger and the others might be caught up in any fighting which might ensue, although Gilbert had reassured his own wife he wouldn’t do anything foolish.
‘I’m not a hotheaded youth,’ he told her with a smile. ‘And this journey is necessary, you know that. I promise you we’ll keep to smaller tracks and stay out of the way as much as possible.’
Sibell prayed he would keep that promise.
‘Jake, how come you never talk about your wife?’ They were having lunch in a lovely restaurant and Melissa didn’t want him to spoil the day by talking about their future. She’d sensed that he was on the verge of saying something and grasped at this straw to distract him.
‘Karen? Why do you ask?’ Jake frowned slightly.
‘I’m curious. You haven’t been a widower all that long. Surely you must still be grieving?’
He sighed. ‘Will you think me a dreadful person if I say no?’
Melissa looked up and saw pain in his eyes. She reached out across the table and put her hand over his. ‘No, but I’d love to know the reason.’
‘Very well, but it’s a long story.’
‘We have all day.’
He was quiet for a while, before beginning his tale. ‘Well, Karen was very pretty – petite, blonde and vivacious – and when we met I was bowled over. I couldn’t believe my luck when she agreed to go out with me, let alone marry me. We were happy at first. I think I told you that we lived in London, and Karen was a social butterfly, always doing something, always busy. When I was offered the partnership here in a small village practice, however, the endless arguments began.’
‘She didn’t want to move?’
‘No. I persuaded her it was only for a short while, a step up on the career ladder, and that we could return to London eventually. But although she agreed to move, she didn’t believe I would ever go back. Even so, she never made the smallest effort to adapt to living in the country, just went on endless trips up to London and her friends.’ He sighed. ‘Then after Amy was born, she suffered badly from post-natal depression, and things went from bad to worse.’
‘Oh, dear.’
‘Oh, dear, indeed. I tried to help her, honestly I did. I tried to be understanding and patient, hiring nannies and babysitters so she could continue to go to town, but it didn’t work. Giving her a taste of what she was missing only made her want to go back even more. She began to spend more and more time away from home, ignoring poor Amy. It nearly broke my heart.
‘That final evening before her death Karen snapped completely. She was shouting at me, “I can’t stand it any more, I tell you. I’m leaving, and don’t try to stop me. I want a divorce immediately. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers.” There was no way of reasoning with her. I begged her to put up with the country for just a few more months. I couldn’t just leave the practice without giving notice, with old Mr Montgomery, the senior partner, ill and no one else available, but I promised that as soon as things got back to normal, I would look for another job up in London.’
Jake stared into the flame of the candle on the table, his eyes blue pools of sadness. Melissa wanted to take him in her arms and comfort him, but he continued with the rest of his story. ‘“It’s too late, Jake,” Karen said. “Too late for us. Can’t you see? You like it here. Either way, one of us will be unhappy.” Clutching at straws, I asked what was to become of Amy if we divorced. I couldn’t bear to think of losing her. “You can keep her here for the moment. She’ll be fine with the nanny,” Karen told me. I know she loved her daughter and she was probably only saying things like that to annoy me, but I was too upset to argue further.’
Melissa squeezed his hand tightly, feeling his pain as if it were her own. She knew exactly what he had been through, the turmoil and sense of incredulity that things could go so badly wrong. ‘Then what happened?’ she whispered.
‘I knew deep down Karen was right. Our marriage was at an end, had been since the move, really. But then I made the biggest mistake of all – I let her leave before we had a chance to think more rationally. She was in a right state, as was I, and of course I should have stopped her from leaving the house, but I wasn’t thinking clearly. She drove off at great speed without paying attention to her driving. Perhaps that was why she lost control of the car and spun into a tree.’
‘Oh, Jake, you mustn’t blame yourself. It was just as much Karen’s fault, and surely the accident could have been caused by something else?’
‘Maybe, the weather was pretty bad that night, but still …’
‘No, stop it. It’s not your fault and you can’t change things, anyway. You’ve got to put it behind you.’
‘I know it’s time to move on. I’m so glad I met you, perhaps together we can face our demons. What do you say?’
Melissa sighed inwardly. She’d known he would ask eventually and she couldn’t stall him forever.
‘Yes, soon, Jake, soon. Please, just give me a bit more time.’
‘So how was your visit?’ Melissa stirred her tea before taking a cautious sip of the scalding brew and hoped her voice sounded casual. She was consumed with curiosity. It seemed her daughter had had a wonderful time. Jolie had come skipping in through the front door after waving goodbye to her father. Steve, on the other hand, had only nodded curtly before driving off at some speed.
‘Great! Tess and Nell are really sweet, and they liked me a lot. Tess let me feed her, and Daisy says she hardly ever lets anyone other than her mummy do that. When I’m a bit older she’ll let me babysit them, she said.’
‘Really? And how’s your father?’
‘Oh, he’s fine. Do you know, Tess cuddled me and wanted me to play with her. She’s so small and cute.’ A wistful look crept into her eyes. ‘I wish I had brothers and sisters here. It was fun not to be the only child.’
‘Well, now you know it wasn’t so bad you can always go back soon. And here you have Amy. Isn’t she like a sister?’ Melissa resolutely ignored the little voice inside her head which reminded her that if she stopped being so stubborn, the two girls really would be sisters.
Jolie brightened. ‘Yes, of course.’ She was quiet for a while before adding out of the blue, ‘She’s actually really nice, you know.’
‘Who, Amy?’
Jolie giggled. ‘No, Mum, I mean Daisy. She’s very pretty and all that and I could see why Daddy likes her, but she’s also a really nice person. I kind of felt sorry for her, she was a bit washed-out and looked really tired. She said the girls make her exhausted.’
‘I can well believe it,’ Melissa said with feeling. ‘The little one’s only a few weeks old, and the other one c
an’t be much more than a year-and-a-half, right? I remember it was bad enough with one toddler, never mind a baby as well.’
‘Yes.’ Jolie was thoughtful. ‘It’s funny, Mum, but I didn’t want to like Daisy, even after what you said. I still thought she ruined everything for us, but when I went there and talked to her a little everything seemed different. She said she felt bad about taking Daddy away from us and she was sorry, but she really loves him, even when he makes her mad.’
Melissa smiled. ‘I guess that’s okay then, because I don’t blame her, either, not any more. And you want your dad to be happy, right?’
‘Yes. Maybe he and Daisy and the girls could come and stay with us sometime?’
Melissa choked on a mouthful of tea. ‘Really, Jolie, I don’t think so. I’m supposed to hate her for stealing my husband.’ Her protest sounded half-hearted, even to herself. It was strange, but the idea of having her ex-husband’s partner for a visit didn’t really sound as outrageous to her as it would have done a year ago. However, even though Daisy may not be the grasping, voracious man-eater Melissa had at first imagined, having her to stay might be taking things a bit too far.
Jolie grinned. ‘But you don’t, do you?’
‘No, but that doesn’t mean I want to be friends with her.’
‘Why not? I’m sure you’d like her, you know.’
‘Well, maybe, but I think it would be better if we didn’t have them to stay quite yet. Perhaps in a year or so.’
In the days that followed she once again put her fee-paying work to one side and embarked on a frantic search for Roger or any mention of either Ashleigh, Idenhurst or the Presseille family. The thought of Jake’s marriage proposal spurred her on and there was also a new sense of urgency within her, as if Roger had upped the pressure somehow. She enlisted the help of Colin, Jenny and a colleague who worked mainly in the counties north of London, but without much success.
The Silent Touch of Shadows Page 25