“I know it is extremely bad manners, Aunt Amelia, but can I please stay with you for a little while? Josh and I… well, I just need a little time to think and I can’t do that at home,” Jenna said as she pulled the suitcase inside while Amelia closed the door.
“Jenna, you know you are welcome to stay any time you need to,” Amelia said, taking the suitcase handle from Jenna and pulling it down the hall to a guest room. A large bed, a comfortable rocker, a private bathroom and windows that let the sunlight stream in made it one of the most welcoming guest rooms Jenna thought she’d ever seen. She was grateful beyond words that Amelia was willing to take her in.
“If you need someone to talk to, I’m always willing to listen, otherwise, just know you can stay as long as you need to,” Amelia said, giving her a hug. “Does Josh know you are here?”
“Yes. I promised I would call and let him know I made it,” Jenna said, sinking onto the bed in exhaustion. Letting herself relax, Jenna flopped against the mattress and was instantly asleep.
Amelia shook her head as she swung Jenna’s legs onto the bed, pulled off her shoes and tugged a light throw over her. Closing the curtains and the door, she walked back to the kitchen, wondering what had happened to drive Jenna away from Josh. They had been so happy Friday when they were at the play although Jenna was rather quiet when they came over for dessert.
Picking up her phone, Amelia dialed Josh. She didn’t have to wait long for him to pick up.
“Hi Amelia,” Josh said, not giving anything away by his tone. “I’m guessing Jenna made it.”
“She did, Josh. She sat down on the bed and said she needed to call you and before I could blink she’d fallen asleep,” Amelia said. “I didn’t want you to worry, so I thought I’d let you know she arrived safe and sound. Is she okay? She doesn’t look well at all.”
Josh hesitated just a minute before answering. Long enough for Amelia to know he was thinking about what to say and what not to say. “We went to the doctor this morning and she advised Jenna that she is exhausted and is going to need to slow down. She’s not too happy about the prospect of giving up her new job.”
“And I take it you, on the other hand, wouldn’t mind her giving up the new job for one that didn’t involve her traveling,” Amelia asked innocently.
“Darn right,” Josh said with conviction. “That job is ruining her health along with a few other things. I want her to take care of herself but right now she’s pretty ticked at me. She isn’t particularly open to discussing her options with any degree of reason at the moment.”
Amelia laughed, surprising Josh. “Well, you know she is related to her Uncle Phil and a bunch of more bull-headed people you would be hard-pressed to find. She doesn’t want anyone making decisions for her and she wants everything to be her idea on her terms. Just give her time, Josh. Once she gets it figured out, things will be fine. I’ll try to keep you posted. If you need to talk, call me anytime.”
“You’re the best, Amelia,” Josh said, warmth now filling his voice. “Thanks for everything.”
“You are more than welcome.”
<><><>
Josh was just getting ready to drive the baler to a neighbor’s field to start another custom job when Callan called his cell.
“Hey, Cal,” he answered, turning off the tractor so he could hear her. “What’s up?”
“Well, I wanted to call and see how things are going with you and Jenna,” Callan said, “I couldn’t help but be worried after what you shared about Jenna. Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do?”
“Not now,” Josh said, jiggling his foot, unable to sit still. “She left me. Went to Amelia’s and said she’d come back when she had time to think. I didn’t know what else to do besides let her go. I can’t make her want to stay any more than I can make her want this baby.”
“Oh, Josh, I’m so sorry,” Callan said in a quavering voice. “It will work out fine. Just give her some time to let it all sink in. I’m sure it came as quite a shock to you both, but you know how adamant Jenna has been about not having kids. I can’t believe she actually got pregnant.”
“Here’s the best part,” Josh said, feeling his anger flare. “She forgot to refill her prescription and yet her being pregnant is completely and entirely my fault. She didn’t even bother to tell me she’d been off her pills for a couple months. If you really were that set against having a baby, wouldn’t you be a bit more mindful of making sure you couldn’t get pregnant?”
“That’s very interesting,” Callan said, trying to hide the smile in her voice but unable to disguise it from Josh, who knew her too well.
“What is it you are finding so amusing?” Josh asked in a clipped tone, now annoyed at Callan. There wasn’t a single thing about this situation that he found humorous.
“I was just thinking that, despite Jenna’s protests against becoming a mother, maybe a part of her really wanted to have a baby. Maybe part of her didn’t get a refill on purpose, didn’t tell you on purpose.”
“Yeah,” Josh said, releasing a sigh. “When I suggested that, she slammed the bathroom door on me. The sad thing is that I couldn’t be happier. You know how much I love Emma and Audrey, how much I’ve wanted to start our own family. I just wish I could share that happiness with Jenna.”
“You will. She’ll come around and when she does, you can celebrate together, the way it should be,” Callan said. “I better let you get back to work. Are you sure there isn’t anything you need? You can come over here for dinner tonight if you want.”
“Thanks but Jake is here as well. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much charm and stunning good looks in one evening,” Josh teased, feeling more like himself.
“Oh, that won’t be a problem unless you two are bringing along someone I haven’t met. Just be here around six-thirty. I promise I’ll make something chocolate,” Callan threw out the last tidbit as a bribe, knowing Josh wouldn’t refuse.
“Well, be there. Thanks, Cal. Love you.”
“Love you, too, little brother.”
<><><>
Showing up right at 6:30, Josh gave a quick knock on the door before he and Jake went into Callan and Clay’s. Walking into the kitchen, food was on the counter, but no one was in sight. Stepping into the family room, they could hear Audrey and Emma giggling from the backyard along with the dog barking and adult laughter.
Opening the patio door, they found Callan reclining on a patio chair with a glass of iced tea and Clay manning the barbecue while Audrey and Emma struggled to pull a small length of rope away from Cully, their border collie. The more they tugged, the more the dog yanked and shook the rope.
“I think you two need to admit defeat,” Josh said, stepping beside Callan’s chair.
“Hi guys,” Callan said, motioning them to chairs. Before they could sit down, the girls dropped their end of the rope and ran over to see two of their favorite people. Emma launched herself at Josh who swept her up and tossed her in the air, much to her pleasure.
Jake grabbed Audrey under the arms and swung her around in a big circle.
“Again, Jake, again,” Audrey pleaded between giggles. He swung her around a few more times before Emma demanded a turn.
“Whew, you two wore me out,” Jake said, dropping onto a chair and fanning himself with his hat.
“Come on, Jake, again,” Emma tugged on his hand.
“Girls, that’s enough,” Callan said firmly. “Why don’t you go get them each a glass of iced tea, okay?”
“Sure, Mama,” Audrey said, running into the house, followed by Emma.
“So you two are just going to sit there while I slave away, melting in the heat to cook your dinner,” Clay said to his just-arrived company, waving his cooking tongs for emphasis.
“I fully intend to sit here, dude, and have you wait on me hand and foot,” Jake said, with a devilish gleam in his light blue eyes.
“Callan, no steak for big-mouth. He can have a peanut butter sandwich,” Clay said, looki
ng at Callan with a wide grin.
“Yeah, whatever,” Jake said, knowing Clay was teasing. The two of them rarely traded anything except jesting comments and liked it that way.
The six of them enjoyed a delicious steak dinner with baked potatoes, green salad, sliced fruit and crusty bread. For dessert Callan brought out home-made chocolate ice cream with all the trimmings including a tray of chocolate chip cookies, strawberries, chocolate sauce, and whipped cream.
“Cal, this is amazing,” Josh said around another bite of ice cream. He was on his second bowl and had eaten at least four cookies. “Thank you for inviting us. This is way better than we would have had at home. Jake may have eaten that peanut butter sandwich after all.”
Jake shot Josh a look that said he would have found something better than peanut butter for dinner as he scooped up another bowl of ice cream.
“Say, Clay, remember the year at the fair you kept buying me ice cream cones and I ate so many I got sick. Mom was really ticked at you,” Jake laughed at the memory. “Wasn’t that the summer you met Callan?”
Clay looked up from his bowl of berries and whipped cream and smiled a private smile at his wife. He had never liked ice cream. But the summer they fell in love, he had been determined to meet her. When he found out she was peddling ice cream cones for her aunt’s sorority club at the county fair he went by the booth multiple times before he worked up the courage to ask her out. He had to do something with all the ice cream cones he purchased and Jake was a willing recipient.
“Yep, that was the summer I met the most beautiful girl in the world,” Clay said, squeezing Callan’s hand. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, her eyes glowing with love.
Josh looked at his sister. He didn’t know how it happened, but she and Clay seemed to fall more in love every day. He wished his relationship with Jenna would return to being even remotely that warm, loving and open. Instead, he felt like she had erected a wall between them that was immovable. She would have to be the one to start tearing it down. He was happy for Callan and Clay, truly he was. But seeing them so in love made the ache in his heart hurt all the more.
Josh and Jake stayed until it was time for the girls to go to bed. Callan walked them to the door while Clay herded the girls to their room. “I’m so glad you two came over.”
“Thanks, Callan,” Jake said, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Anything is better than trying to choke down the slop Josh tries to pass off as food.”
“I heard that, you know,” Josh said, giving Jake a nudge out the door. “And I assume you don’t want to walk home.”
Jake grinned and waved at Callan as he walked down the sidewalk toward Josh’s pickup.
“Thanks again, Cal,” Josh said, throwing his arm around her shoulder as she walked down the sidewalk with him. “I appreciate the good food and the company.”
“You know you can come anytime. Just hang in there, Josh. Things will get better soon,” Callan said, patting him on the back before handing him a plain brown gift bag with blue tissue inside.
“What’s this?” Josh asked. The bag was heavy and he looked from it to her quizzically. “It’s not my birthday or anything.”
“I know, but I think you’ll like it just the same,” Callan said quietly with an indulgent smile. “Wait until Jake goes home to open it, though, okay?”
“Sure,” Josh said, getting into his pickup and starting the ignition. “Thanks for being such a great sister.”
“You can quit dumping on the flattery, man, she already fed us dinner,” Jake teased from the passenger seat.
Josh shook his head and gave Jake a playful shove as he put the pickup in reverse.
“Bye guys. And see, I was able to survive all your charm and dashing good looks just fine!” Callan called as they backed out of the driveway.
Jake went to his house as soon as they arrived back at the farm. Josh was glad to be home. Walking inside, he turned on the kitchen light, setting the bag from Callan on the counter. Pulling out the tissue he was surprised to find several books on pregnancy and parenthood. One was written by a man just for fathers. Josh thought it looked like a great place to start learning what he would need to know before their baby arrived. He had no idea what Jenna was feeling or experiencing and really did want to understand.
Taking the books with him, he carried them into the bedroom and stacked them on the side table. He placed the one for fathers on his nightstand and got ready for bed. Climbing between the cool sheets, he turned on the bedside lamp and read for more than an hour. He had no idea so much happened to a woman’s body even in the first few weeks of pregnancy. No wonder Jenna wasn’t acting like herself. She isn’t herself, he mused. She was completely changing to accommodate the little life growing inside her. Josh sat thinking for a while before he turned out the light and rolled over to the empty side of the bed. Jenna’s scent clung to her pillow, so he pulled it close and drifted off to sleep, missing his wife once again.
CHAPTER TEN
Falling asleep minutes after arriving at Amelia and Phil’s apartment, Jenna woke up late evening and wandered out to the living room where her aunt and uncle were watching television.
“Well, hello, Jenna,” Phil said, getting up to give her a hug. “We saved you a plate from dinner. Are you hungry?”
“Actually, I am,” she said, walking into the kitchen followed by Amelia. “I can get it Aunt Amelia, no need for you to miss your show.”
“Oh, Phil’s watching one of those crime shows with blood and gore. I pretend to watch while I’m either reading or stitching,” she said with a wave of her hand toward the kitchen door. “I don’t mind missing the whole thing, believe me.”
Jenna laughed as her aunt set a plate in front of her with pasta, a hunk of buttered bread and fruit. It all looked delicious. Jenna realized she hadn’t eaten well for days and was going to have to force herself to eat better, tired or not. She remembered she still had not taken the vitamins they picked up earlier in the day and decided she would make them part of her morning routine. So far, she wasn’t suffering from morning sickness. She found herself nauseous occasionally, but nothing like what some of her friends or her two older sisters had suffered.
“Thank you, again, Aunt Amelia. You can’t know how much I appreciate you letting me stay, and for taking care of me. I’ve been a little tired lately,” Jenna said between bites of her dinner.
“Yes, Josh said you were exhausted and that you might have to look at changing your job,” Amelia said, sitting down across from Jenna at the kitchen table, a cup of tea in her hands.
“Oh, did Josh call?” Jenna asked, pushing her pasta around on her plate.
“No, you mentioned you needed to call him right before you fell asleep so I gave him a quick ring to let him know you made it safely.” Amelia sat looking at Jenna as though deep in thought. Finally, she placed her hand on top of Jenna’s and smiled at her. “Honey, is there something going on you want to talk about? I know Josh loves you more than anything and cares about you deeply. Is there some misunderstanding? Something that he did?”
Jenna felt tears prick her eyes and clog her throat. She felt like her emotions were beyond her control lately, and she didn’t like it one bit. “No, Josh didn’t… we just… I really can’t talk about it, Aunt Amelia. Just not yet.”
“Okay, honey,” Amelia said, patting her hand. “But when you are ready, I’m right here for you.”
Jenna hung out at the apartment sleeping and thinking for the rest of the week. She texted Josh once a day just to let him know she was fine and was taking her vitamins. She couldn’t bring herself to talk to him on the phone or go home for the weekend. She knew hearing his voice would make her emotional and seeing him in person would be her undoing. Having some time to think and put her thoughts in order, she realized she couldn’t blame her predicament on Josh. She had made choices and now was facing the consequences.
Dragging herself into the office the next Monday, Jenna had no idea how s
he would make it through the day. The thought of spending eight hours upright was already making her head feel heavy. As she sat at her desk trying to decide what to do, her friend Barb came in and shut the door. Jenna had known Barb as long as she had worked in the building. Barb was the person who originally hired her, had been a mentor and was now a good friend and confidante.
“Jenna, what is going on with you? You look terrible,” Barb asked, concern etching lines across her forehead.
“It’s the new job. My doctor informed me that I am exhausted and am not going to be able to keep up with the hours and travel schedule required,” Jenna said, looking down at a pile of paperclips on her desk instead of Barb.
“Well, I could have told you that,” Barb said on a laugh. “In fact, I’m pretty sure I tried when you first mentioned applying for the job. I actually managed to last four months in that position when I got talked into taking it, which was a few years before you came on board here. It is grueling, awful and should only be filled by single guys with the stamina of a super hero. Roger was ready to file for divorce after the first two months. I was lucky he stuck it out until I came to my senses and requested my old job back.”
“Good grief, why didn’t you tell me?” Jenna asked, staring at Barb. If she had warned her, maybe she wouldn’t be in this current mess.
“I did tell you. I told you repeatedly. I think my exact words were, ‘Jenna, don’t do this to yourself or Josh. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into.’ But you, being you, had to figure it out for yourself firsthand. Let me guess, if you hadn’t been plagued with exhaustion and been forced to go to the doctor, you’d still be kidding yourself that the job is great and you are learning so much and making a difference. Right?”
Jenna shot Barb a warning glare.
“So, we need to figure out how to get you out of that job and back here in the office. You know you’ll be facing a pay cut, but once your life returns to normal, it won’t matter at all. Let’s see, who is retiring, quitting or has their head on the chopping block?” Barb sat, tapping her index finger against her chin running through the employee database in her head.
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