by Sophie Stern
“But I thought we were friends,” she said.
Fuck.
It didn’t feel very good to tell her this. That was the problem with making the “right” choice. People had this idea that if you make the right choice, it would feel really good. It didn’t, though. The right choices were always the ones that made you feel the worst, and I definitely felt fucking horrible.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Is that why you killed them?” She whispered. “Did they...did they take someone’s heart?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Whose?”
“They took Helena’s brother,” I finally said. “They took his heart, and then they ran away. She saw it happen, but she wasn’t fast enough to stop them.”
“But you were,” she whispered, realizing that I’d sent people to go kill them when Helena wasn’t able to.
“I was,” I agreed.
9.
Kimberly
AFTER HE TOLD ME WHAT had happened, we went to bed. The sex was rough and wild and wonderful, but I was distracted, and I think he was, too. We fed from each other before falling asleep, only I didn’t fall asleep. I just laid there.
They were dead.
They were all dead, but they deserved it.
How hadn’t I realized they were murderers?
It seemed like something I should have figured out long ago, and I kind of hated myself for not figuring it out sooner.
I couldn’t sleep, so I got up. Liam was so tired that he slept through me moving around the room. I dressed in the dark and then I went over to the door. The key was up high, but I was a vampire now. I leapt into the air and grabbed it. Then I landed softly on the floor. I glanced over at him to make sure he hadn’t seen or noticed, but he hadn’t, so I slipped out of the door and down the hall.
Nobody was around. The halls were completely empty. I went downstairs to the first floor and into the kitchen, where I grabbed a cupcake from the fridge and sat down at the counter.
“Can’t sleep?” A voice came from behind me and I turned. It was Lex. He was one of the other vampires who lived in the house. He seemed nice enough. He mostly kept to himself.
“No,” I said.
“Me neither. I never can on nights like this.”
“Nights like what?”
“You know how it is,” he said. He gestured vaguely. “Full moon. The world’s in chaos. People are out hunting. Vampires are roaming around. There might be a werewolf or two bothering people in the Grove.”
“The night’s almost over,” I pointed out. Usually, vampires went to bed when the sun started to come up. It hadn’t been a hard adjustment for me. That was how my life had been like before. I’d fall asleep when the sun came up and wake up as it was setting. That was the life of a hunter.
“Yet you’re still awake.”
“Okay, you’re right. I couldn’t sleep.”
“Cupcakes are a good solution,” he said.
“Any other suggestions?” I asked. “You’ve been a vampire for a long time.”
“Too long,” he said.
We sat in silence for awhile, both eating our cupcakes. Finally, Lex set his wrapper down and looked over at me.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he finally said.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me just fine.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ve been hunting the Vampire of Garnetia for five years, Kimberly. You aren’t about to give that up. He knows it. I know it. Helena knows it. Hell, even Raven knows it. Just don’t do anything stupid, especially when you don’t understand the consequences.”
I wasn’t sure whether I should be horrified that Lex was calling me out on my feeble attempt to kill Liam or whether I should be grateful that Liam had such a good friend.
I also wondered why Liam hadn’t locked me up after he’d caught me with the stake. The truth was that I’d brought it to the room, but I hadn’t planned to use it on him. Instead, I wanted to ask him about stakes and vampire hearts. I wanted to know why a stake could kill us, but something like a knife probably wouldn’t. Was there a reason that stakes in particular were so effective?
Only, he’d caught me, and then he’d given me the low-down on my former “friends.” We’d made love and gone to bed, and I’d honestly expected him to lock me up after all of that, but he hadn’t.
Why hadn’t he locked me up?
Maybe it was some sort of test, which I was obviously failing. Maybe he trusted that Lex and the other vampires would keep watch over the house. Either way, I wasn’t really sure what to say to Lex.
“I’m not going to kill him,” I finally told Lex.
“So, you say.”
“I’m not.”
“Why not? After all of this time, why should I believe that you suddenly have this huge heart of gold?”
“Because I’m not a liar,” I spat out, tired of the discussion.
“Everyone lies, Kimberly. It’s just a matter of how much, and why.” Lex stood up and stretched, looking tired and worn out. “That’s a wrap for me,” he said. “I’m heading to bed. Take care of yourself.”
“Yeah, you too.”
He walked to the doorway and stopped. Then he looked back over.
“Hey, Kim?”
“Yeah?”
“I mean what I said. Don’t hurt Liam, or I’ll hurt you.”
Then he was gone, and I was all alone. Okay, so apparently, Liam was fiercely protected. Fair. Totally fair. Everyone loved him and took care of him. That was a good thing. I was a little jealous, to be honest. The only people I’d ever had who cared for me like that were Ian and Raven, and now I only had Raven, and even then, only part of the time.
I hated that I’d lost so many friends, and I hated about how much life had hurt me. Most of all, I hated the way that Liam had revealed the truth to me. It was a horrible sort of truth, and I hated it. Why had my roommates felt the need to harvest hearts? Who did that?
When I’d trained to be a hunter, it had been simple and straightforward. A hunter’s job was to hunt. It was to slay. It wasn’t to torture or to maim. We put down the creatures we were hunting, and that was it.
That was supposed to be the end of it.
The walls of the mansion felt like they were closing in on me, and suddenly, I felt very trapped. I knew I wasn’t allowed to leave, but I needed to. I needed to get out of the house and just run. I could run now that I was a vampire. I could run before, but it was going to be different now. I could feel it in my bones.
Making my way to the front door, I grabbed a trench coat and a big hat, along with an umbrella. Then I headed outside. The sun wasn’t quite up yet, but it would be soon. I wanted to go to my apartment and just be. I needed some time to think, and to be alone. I didn’t bother leaving a note. I’d just make sure that I was back before sunset. There was no chance that Liam was going to wake up: not because he couldn’t, but because he was a heavy sleeper.
I walked away from the house, and as I distanced myself from the mansion, I didn’t look back. Instead, I just focused on moving through the Grove, making my way through one space and then another. One street turned into a different one. Finally, I was back in the park at the front of the Grove, and then I was through the gates.
Now that I was a vampire, nobody seemed to look twice at me or notice me. I wasn’t sure what was worse: being hunted or being ignored entirely.
The sun started to come up, and I hurried through Ashbury back to my apartment. I wanted to get there and just go inside and relax. Maybe I’d take a nap or look through old photo albums...I didn’t know. I just wanted to be in my own space and wear my own clothes. I just wanted to feel like myself again.
I wouldn’t stay long: just the day. Still, it was going to be nice to be able to be alone. The mansion was incredible. It was luxurious and beautiful and nice, but it also was stiff and clean and it wasn’t a place where I really belonged.
My life was m
essy.
My world was messy.
The life of a vampire was supposed to be messy, but judging by what I’d seen, it was mostly just hanging out collecting things. Helena seemed to collect girls, judging by what Raven had said, and Liam collected memories and fights. He loved to fight. He was good at it, too. Lex collected postcards. Michael collected knives from all over the world. Everyone had something that gave them at least a little bit of meaning, but me?
Well, I mostly just wanted a place where I could enjoy the silence. I was very tired. It had been a long week, and my entire world had been tossed around and thrown into the fire. First, I found out that my best friend was a vampire. Then I found out that she was living with the man I’d been hunting. Then that guy turned me into a vampire and gave me an orgasm. Oh, and I was his mate, according to him.
It was a lot to bear.
When I reached my apartment building, I stood for a minute and looked up at the building. It was falling apart. The bricks were worn, and a lot of them were crumbling. It wasn’t a place that should feel like home, yet it did. It wasn’t just a random home. It was my home. It was a place where I could just be me. It was a safety place.
I took the stairs two at a time and when I reached my door, I realized that I didn’t have my key.
Shit.
How could I have been so dumb? I could go back downstairs and see if the office manager was in, but I doubted it. He never liked to hang around much, and he definitely didn’t like dealing with the residents. I pressed my hand to the door and sighed. Well, that had been a huge waste of time. I could break the door in, I thought, but that would bring a lot of noise and attention I didn’t need or want.
Then, on a whim, I turned the knob.
To my shock, the door swung open easily. Why had it opened? I always locked my door. It was something I had never once forgotten to do. In a world of monsters, you couldn’t be too careful. I already lived in kind of a seedy place. I didn’t need to bring more trouble by not closing or locking the door.
Standing in the doorway, I sniffed the air.
My home didn’t feel abandoned the way it should have. After nearly a week of me being gone, it should have smelled stale or empty, but instead, it smelled...
Occupied.
“Hello?” I called out, closing the door behind me as I stepped farther inside.
It was stupid.
You were never supposed to call out when you went into a house or apartment. That was the fastest way to alert people that you were there. Then again, I was there, so what was the trouble? I walked into the living room, but there was nothing there. Nobody. The couch was just as plain and boring as it had been before, and my trunk with weapons was still serving as a coffee table.
I turned to head to my bedroom when I stopped in my tracks.
I really wasn’t alone after all, but it wasn’t the person I expected to see. Tall, dark, and handsome, it was easy to see what had attracted me to this man once upon a time, but that had been a long time ago, and things were very different now.
“Hank?” I whispered. “What are you doing here?”
“Hello, Kimberly,” he said with a smile. “I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you here.”
“Why?” I asked, confused. “It’s my apartment.”
If anything, I was confused to see him in my apartment. Why was Hank in my personal space? It really wasn’t his job to be here. More importantly, he wasn’t welcome here. After we broke up, I took my key back. As far as I knew, he was busy shacking up with his new girlfriend, anyway.
“Because from what I’ve heard, you don’t live here anymore,” he said simply.
What the hell was he talking about?
How would he know that?
“What are you talking about?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. “This is my place. Last time I checked, I’m the one paying rent. So let me ask you again: what are you doing here?”
“Everyone knows you skipped town,” he said. “All of the hunters know.”
“That’s simply not true. Hank, I think you should go.”
I gestured toward the front of my apartment, as though that would somehow encourage him to leave. That was what I really wanted more than anything else. I wanted him out of my place, and I wanted to sit and wallow alone. I needed space from Liam and from the other vampires. I needed some time to myself so I could just think.
Everyone was always in such a rush with life that people always underestimated the complete and total value of just being by yourself from time to time.
“I don’t think that’s going to happen, darling,” he stepped forward, and suddenly, I was caught off guard by the pure scent of Hank. I’d known him for a long time, yes. I’d known him for what seemed like ages, but something had changed between us: something I wasn’t very comfortable with. He didn’t smell the way I remembered him smelling. Was that because I was a vampire now?
All I knew was that the way he smelled was disgusting.
I would never take a bite out of Hank Ferentstine. That much was certain. He might be a total jerk, and maybe that was what turned me off to him, but there was something else, too.
Hank smelled evil.
What reason could have brought him to my apartment?
Was he here looking for me?
Or was he going through my belongings?
Ignoring his comment, I pushed past him and went into my bedroom. It looked just as messy as the day I left for the last time, but the mess was different somehow. This wasn’t my mess.
“You went through my things,” I whispered. Then I turned around. “Why?”
“You’re a vampire now,” he said simply. “You tell me.”
“What?” I asked, breathlessly. “What’s this all about?”
“Stop playing,” he said.
“I’m not...I don’t...what’s going on?”
I’d been confused a lot lately. There had been many days when I didn’t quite know what was going on or who I was supposed to be or where I was supposed to be. The problem with transitioning to life as a vampire was that you had these two lives you had to learn to cope with.
There was my old life from before I changed. My life before I was turned was so very different. I was busy, and I had a mission. I couldn’t say that I was happy, but I had things that kept my mind occupied. When I was dating Hank, I thought I was happy. Later I found out that happiness was just an illusion.
Then there was my new life. I was still the same person I was before, but my world was different now. It was wilder. More wonderful. Sometimes it seemed a little bit darker. Those were all things that were okay, but they were things I had to learn to juggle and deal with.
Now a ghost from my past was standing right in front of me, and I didn’t know what to do with him.
With this.
Why was he going through my things?
Hank stalked closer to me, and before I could think straight, he grabbed my throat and squeezed. Instantly, I slapped him hard, and he was so stunned that he loosened his grip on me. I didn’t kill him right then, but I should have. I wanted answers more than I wanted to murder my ex-boyfriend who happened to be a total cheat and a total liar and, apparently, a total weirdo.
“What do you want?” I yelled.
“People will hear you, love. Best keep your voice down,” he said. His words were sickly sweet. He spoke the way he always did, and I hated it. I hated how he talked to me like I was a child he had to calm down. He didn’t need to calm me. He didn’t need to placate me.
I resented the fact that he was trying.
“Fuck you,” I said. “Get out of my home. Get out of my life.”
“It’s not so simple,” he said.
“I’ll give you to the count of three,” I said.
“Or what?” He hissed. “Baby, you’re a vampire. I could knock a hole in your window and those rays of sunshine would stream in and burn you.”
I tried to keep my face straight and neutral. I coul
dn’t let him know that he was freaking me out.
“Who told you I’m a vampire?” I said.
“I have my sources.”
It wouldn’t have been Raven. She would never betray me that way. Who else knew, though? I hadn’t been in touch with anyone. Then again, maybe that was how he knew. I hadn’t been in touch with anyone.
“Nobody told you,” I said. “You’re guessing.”
“It’s a good guess,” he shrugged. “You show up at your place after days away. Your plants are dead. Your dirty laundry is still in the hamper. You weren’t planning to leave, but you did. Then you come back looking like this,” he gestured to me. “You’re not only a vampire, darling: you’re a fresh one.”
“Don’t call me darling.”
“I’ll call you whatever the fuck I want,” he said. “Because you’re exactly what I’ve been looking for.”
“What?”
“I needed a little something extra for tonight’s auction,” he said. “And you’re just the delicious dish my buyers will love.”
“Auction?”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of vampire auctions?” He asked. “You were a hunter your entire life, Kim. You really didn’t know?”
“Know what?” I asked.
“You didn’t know that your roommates were hunting vampires and harvesting their organs?”
So, it was true.
Not that I had doubted Liam, but it was hard to believe. Hearing it from someone else, even someone I disliked, was still hard to hear, though.
Hank watched me carefully, and then he nodded slowly.
“He told you.”
“No.”
“The vampire who sired you. He told you.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Who was it, Kim?”
“Hank, get out of my fucking house.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “Who sired you? Was it the vamp you’ve been hunting? Huh? What happened, little bitch? Did you get too close? Did you try to stake him, but he bit you instead?”
“Get OUT!” I yelled. I shoved him hard and he flew across the room and fell against the wall. I needed to leave. I needed to get out of the apartment building. No matter what happened next, I couldn’t stay where I was. I had to get away. I needed to find my way back to Liam, and I needed to tell him that I was sorry.