When the door opened, Jameson came face-to-face with a little angel. Her nearly white-blonde hair was floating out of braids that had ceased to hold the hair at bay. But her eyes were unmistakable. They were his eyes. The same color of aqua, clear and almost backlit. She quickly refocused on her mother.
“Mommy,” she shouted, as she leaned forward, nearly leaping from a young woman’s arms into Lizzie’s. She buried her head in Lizzie’s neck and gave her a hug, all the while staring up at him.
Lizzie’s friend was eyeing Jameson like he was a rare and lethal bug, her arms now crossed. At her side, a brown-eyed toddler of about Charlotte’s age, with chocolate brown eyes and a coffee and cream complexion, gripped her thigh and waited.
“Kendra, this is Jameson Daniels. Jameson, this is my best friend, Kendra.”
Lizzie’s friend didn’t offer her hand when Jameson stuck his out. She scowled at Lizzie. “You comin’ or goin?” she asked, as she ignored Jameson without any acknowledgement. He wasn’t used to the frosty reception; but then, under the circumstances, he gave her the benefit of the doubt.
“I’ll be taking her and heading back to North Carolina tonight. Thanks, Kendra,” Lizzie answered her.
“Sure thing. I’ll go gather her stuff. Come on in, but our house rules say take your shoes—holy cow, those are nice boots!” She allowed a sneak of admiration to filter up to him, but then quickly covered it up. “But you still need to take them off, cowboy.”
“No problem.” Jameson sat on the porch bench and began following her instructions. Lizzie slipped her shoes off easily and stepped onto hardwood floors in her bare feet and red painted toes. Jameson placed his boots next to hers and walked in his stockinged feet to the small living room.
“Come on, Charlotte. Let’s find your bags, okay?” Kendra begged, holding out her hands for the toddler.
“I want Mommy to come.”
“Oh, soon you’re gonna have mommy all to yourself. Help me pick up your dolls and things, and then we can visit with mommy’s friend, afterwards, okay?” She shot a pointed look at Lizzie. Charlotte eyed him carefully again as she was led away to gather her things.
Lizzie took Jameson’s hand, and they sat side-by-side on the only couch in the living room. A large toy box in the corner had a lid in the shape of a princess castle. Jameson had never spent much time around children, even less around little girls not yet school age. He squirmed in his seat, crossing and uncrossing his legs.
“You nervous?” she asked him.
“Depends on what you’re gonna tell her.”
“Well, anything I tell Charlotte, she’ll forget. Or is it Kendra you’re more nervous about?”
“Well, to tell you the truth, neither one of them appears to have warmed to me at all.”
Lizzie giggled. “I remember that about you. Always worrying about things. You need time to let it sink in, Jameson. We’ve been here, what, all of one or two minutes?”
“Honey, I’m way out of practice. You forget where I hang out most of the time.”
“Yup. Bars and hotel rooms. Not sure either one of them picked up on that, so just relax and enjoy the tension.”
She gave him a sweet smile, but Jameson wished he could find a really good reason to bolt. He had been the one to insist he meet his daughter, and he wondered now if he should have taken more time to adjust, since it had been less than twenty-four hours since he’d learned about her.
“Don’t mind Kendra. She’s protective, and I do the same for her. We watch each other’s backs, sort of like you and Thomas.”
Before he could object, Charlotte came running into the room in a pink cape that sparkled in the sunlight, wearing a princess crown. Without warning, she jumped into his lap and leaned against his chest as if she’d done it many times before. In her right hand, she held a monster dress-up doll with big tits, wearing red high heels, jamming it up into his face, nearly smashing his nose.
“What’s this?” he asked, as he peeled the doll from her chubby fingers and held it out in front of him. “Holy cow. That’s a strange lookin’ thing, isn’t it? What’s her name?”
Lizzie and Kendra laughed.
The answer wasn’t something he could make out.
“They make these monsters sort of variation on Barbies, except this one is a zombie. See the bloodshot eyes and dark circles under there?” Lizzie was having a ball with his shock.
“And the green face. My mother would have burned this thing after sticking pins in it and decapitating it,” Jameson said, handing the doll back to Charlotte. Lizzie was frowning. “Sorry, Charlotte honey, but I gotta say that’s one ugly woman.”
Charlotte leaned back and did a stare-down. “She’s supposed to be creepy, silly. Don’t you know anything?”
Lizzie giggled.
“How old did you say she was?” he asked her.
“Only three, going on eighteen.”
“That’s a fact,” he said, nodding to the top of Charlotte’s head.
Kendra brought them both a sweet tea with lots of ice. Jameson was grateful for the distraction. Charlotte wiggled her way off his lap and onto the floor, yanking her sequined cape behind her. In the process, her crown fell off, but she left it alone.
Jameson leaned over to Lizzie. “She’s beautiful, darlin’. But shouldn’t she be playing with princess dolls and such, not green monsters?”
“Who never die. I can see you didn’t like mystery as a kid.”
“No, ma’am. I can’t sleep if I watch one of those vampire movies. Talk about creepy; now that’s creepy.”
Lizzie leaned against him, wrapping her left arm under his and squeezing herself into him. Less than twenty-four hours ago, he was messing around with his guitar, thinking about his care free single life, getting ready to take a quick nap before heading over to the club. Now, everything had changed. He felt ill-equipped to care for a daughter or a wife. Being on the road performing wasn’t for a married man who wanted to stay married. He hadn’t known anyone who’d been able to do it successfully.
Twenty-four hours ago, he was certainly not thinking of anything permanent, certainly not marriage and raising a family. It was still something he wasn’t sure he was ready to do.
“So, you’re taking off tonight then?” he asked her, while still focused on Charlotte.
“Don’t worry, Jameson. You don’t owe me anything. I set out to do what I intended to do. You’ve met her. Now the ball is in your court. We’ll be fine, either way.”
He wasn’t sure what he should say. He was used to being confident, assured. He was used to going at his pace, which was easy and slow, until some beautiful and exciting creature with ten times the need he did, would drag him into an exciting liaison and love the night away. And then it would start all over the next day.
But for the first time, he didn’t know what to say or what to do. If he left right now, Charlotte would never remember him. But he’d forever feel like a heel, and although he and Lizzie weren’t married, every woman he slept with would make him feel like a cheater. And it wasn’t Lizzie alone he’d be cheating on. It would be Charlotte as well.
Suddenly, his idyllic life didn’t seem so idyllic any longer. He had important decisions to make, decisions that would affect two other people’s lives. There was no question that Charlotte was his daughter, but was he ready to be her father?
Chapter 11
‡
With the gig at Highway to Heaven over, Reed brought in the girl group he’d bumped Thomas for. He’d heard nothing from the A&R guy or the producer who had initially expressed interest in his new song. He began writing a couple of other songs and considered going down to visit Lizzie, but was waiting to hear about a possible week-long gig in California, close enough to San Diego that he could hang out with the SEALs. He rented a tiny efficiency apartment in Nashville while he waited. He called Lizzie every day.
The California trip finally fell through.
“Fuck it, Jameson. We should just go there and
check things out. Spend a couple of weeks in the sun, get out of this rain, see how it goes, and then come back. If something breaks, you can always come right back.”
It hadn’t taken much for Thomas to convince him, so they arranged the trip. Jameson called Kyle, who was excited to hear from him and offered a place to stay, cautioning him to stay away from the bachelor SEALs.
Then Thomas was handed a gig that was too good to pass up. He’d be touring in the Pacific Northwest for a whole month. Jameson was happy for his old friend, and then decided to ask Lizzie to go with him.
“No, Jameson. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“And why not?”
“Charlotte has her routine here. She’s in preschool. She doesn’t know you.”
“Well, how the hell’s she supposed to get to know me if I never see her? I’m not moving to North Carolina.”
“Well, I’m not moving to Nashville or San Diego.”
“Then let’s just take a trial run, a trip out there, and we can explore the area together. Have you ever been?”
“Never.”
“Perfect. Neither have I. Kyle made arrangements for us to stay at his place, and Coop offered his motorhome rigged up down at the beach. We could stay there, if you like. Right on the beach, Lizzie! Charlotte could play in the water. We could take nice walks. We’d have lots of privacy.”
Lizzie’s laughter was full of possibility, he thought. After several more coaxings, she relented.
They started off on a Saturday, stopping twice to overnight. Charlotte took to calling Jameson JJ, which suited him just fine.
Coop’s motorhome down at the beach wasn’t exactly posh accommodations, but it was rigged with a killer stereo system. He’d been told to keep his hands off of the other equipment and to leave the locked metal boxes untampered with. Jameson figured the medic had some secret stuff he didn’t want to share.
The first two days they were there, several of the SEAL team came by for a timed run, then a swim, and a workout on the beach. Jameson watched them, wondering what kind of a man it took to become one of those elite warriors.
Lizzie was quiet as he studied the SEALs and then finally asked him what he thought of them.
“You know, I’ve never been this long from playing clubs before. Funny how, when you throw yourself out into the real world where the drink isn’t flowing and the lights aren’t on your face, your perspective changes.”
They were sitting side by side, toes pushed into the sand.
“Could you do something like that?”
“Maybe. Been thinking about it.”
He felt her stiffen. Even placing his arm around her shoulder didn’t help.
They didn’t talk much during the next two days. Like two ships passing in the night, he’d watch her chatting with the other wives and girlfriends at a couple of get-togethers. The SEALs valued their partying, but rarely with outsiders. Jameson knew they were beginning to consider him part of the family, and it made him proud they thought so highly of him.
Kyle invited him to swim and run with them the next morning at dawn, and Jameson said he’d be game to try. “Not much of a swimmer, but I used to run in high school.”
“Swimming is no problem. Everything you need to know you can learn or we can teach you. You spend a few weeks with us, working out with us, and, then we take you up to INDOC. You take the oath, and you’re in.”
“Whoa! In? As in, the Navy?”
“Sure as shit we can nail you a guaranteed SEAL tryout, if you’re not too chicken.”
“Nah, I never wanted to be in the military. I’m a singer, a songwriter.”
“And how’s that working out for you? Where are the calls, Jameson? You got a hit record anyone offering to pay you a huge advance?”
“No. But—”
“Navy’ll give you a signing bonus, Jameson. There’s life insurance for Lizzie and the kid. If something happens to you, her college is paid for.”
How the hell did I get from hanging out with these guys to thinking about life insurance and free college in the event of my demise?
“Kyle, this is a fuckin’ vacation.”
“Life is a vacation, my friend. Think about it. We’ll meet you at your front door at Zero-Six Hundred.”
On the way home from the party, he decided he and Lizzie needed to talk. It was obvious something was bothering her.
“I’m going to go for a run and swim early tomorrow morning. Kyle invited me.”
She shrugged her shoulders. Charlotte was asleep in her car seat behind her.
After an awkward pause, she asked him the question he didn’t have an answer to. “Why, Jameson? Are you thinking you want to try out for the Teams?”
“Been thinking about it.”
“What about your singing career?”
“What career? I could always go back to that. But let’s be honest, I’m not getting any calls, Lizzie.”
“Well, for one thing, you’re not back in Nashville. I wouldn’t say San Diego is exactly a mecca for record producing. And where are the venues? You’re not even playing anywhere.”
“I’m just thinking about it. We’re just working out together tomorrow, is all. Nothing to be concerned about.”
She watched him with that critical eye, even though she was facing straight ahead, lights from street signs flashing over her pretty face.
“Well, I’ve made a decision, too. I’m going home.”
He pulled over and swung around to the right so he could face her. “But why? Aren’t you having a good time here? Don’t you love the weather, all the new friends we’re making?”
“While you’re off talking to the SEALs, you mean? Jameson, you haven’t been here, mentally here, the whole time.”
“Yes, I have, honey.”
“No. I’m not buying that crap. I thought at first you came out here to have a little vacation with me and Charlotte, but no, you came out here to meet with them. Charlotte and I are an afterthought.” She stared at the floor. “I just realized the SEALs would always come first. That’s the way they operate, and I think that’s why you love those guys so much. It’s a Boy’s Club. Running around, doing all this exciting stuff like jumping out of airplanes and blowing up stuff, all the specialized training, playing with all the cool equipment and tools.”
“Geez, Lizzie, how can you say that?”
“I’ve watched them, Jameson. Big boy scouts who never grew up.”
“Who have each other’s backs. Look at what they do, Lizzie.”
“Just like in Nashville, your music comes first. Happy to be living the single life, different bars, different women every night—”
“That’s not fair and you know it. I’m not sleeping around. Where did you get that idea?”
“Well, you’re not here with us.”
Jameson was fuming. He felt she had him tethered in guilt and it didn’t fit well at all. “I’ve been here every f—darned night and day practically, and you want more? What do you expect? You gonna suck the marrow out of my bones, too? Will that make it so you have enough of me?”
He’d mortally wounded her. He could tell she wouldn’t be bouncing back anytime soon. This was way bigger than a small misunderstanding. Their irritation toward each other had been brewing for the last two days. She’d stopped initiating advances toward him in bed. It had been three days since they’d made love. No, this wasn’t working out. What did she expect of him?
Now the idea of jumping out of airplanes seemed perfectly logical. He wanted to do it, just because he could.
He turned back onto the two-lane highway and then down the gravel road to the inlet and the little fishing village. Coop’s ‘Babemobile,’ as the rest of the team called it, had seen better days. And with the tall SEAL living in it for two years before his marriage, Jameson sure hoped none of the medic’s sexploits came back to haunt him. Lizzie was going through a very tender time. He was afraid to ask her anything for fear she’d snap his head off.
But hell, so was he. He didn’t want to just be a sperm donor. He wanted to be a father Charlotte would look up to, a real hero. Because right now, Jameson didn’t think he deserved anything, or any part of a forever.
“So, when are you going home?” he finally drummed up the courage to ask.
“Tomorrow.”
“I see. And when did you decide this?”
“Just now.”
Chapter 12
‡
Lizzie began saying her farewell without tears, which was what she told herself she wanted. She held her package of sunshine, Charlotte, who warmed her heart, which was otherwise in terrible shape. She wouldn’t say it was broken; the word she wanted to pick was disappointed. She told herself that’s all it was, braced for any hint she wasn’t firm with her decision. She’d lived for three years by herself with her little bundle of joy; she could do it for however long it needed to be.
But it hadn’t changed Jameson’s plans, she sadly had to admit. He wasn’t going to become a SEAL for her and for Charlotte, in fact, they weren’t even part of the equation. He was doing it for himself. And if she’d hitched her star to that wagon, perhaps the same thing would happen when her parents suddenly were gone. She could be a young widow, bringing him into Charlotte’s life, and then having to explain if he were killed in this dangerous lifestyle he wanted to adopt. She felt while she’d matured, as a mother and guardian for Charlotte, it would take time for Jameson to do the same, and how could he if he was gone all the time? What kind of a life would that be for them all?
Over and over again, Lizzie told herself it was for Charlotte’s welfare and not her own that she was doing this. It wasn’t fair to the youngster to have a man in her life, her daddy, who had priorities elsewhere. When the time came, she’d meet and fall in love with someone who could give her his whole heart. Until then, it was only prolonging the agony to try repairing something that perhaps wasn’t really there in the first place. All the duct tape and barbed wire in the world could not patch that puppy. It was like nailing a ghost to the wall, or putting back a feather with glue; or trying to tether a guardian angel, like the ones she loved to read about in her romance novels, with some golden string. Although, on a day like today, with the sky threatening to burst forth, she could do with a Fairy Godmother.
Nashville SEAL: SEAL Brotherhood: Nashville SEALs Page 7