She glanced at his clock. It was later than she’d thought. The alarm would sound in three minutes. She had to break away.
Kate scooted back, easing away from him. She’d moved only a few inches when she felt resistance. Her pajama top was caught. Lucas had rolled on top of it.
Gritting her teeth, she grasped the material and tugged slowly, watching Lucas’s face for any sign of awareness. But it freed without incident, and she sighed quietly. Being careful to steady the bed, she used her feet and right elbow to support her weight and scooted her hips away.
When she reached her own side of the bed, she rolled to her back and let out a shaky breath. Her heart, beating more rapidly than could be accounted for, really was shaking the bed. Thank goodness Lucas had slept through it. There was no telling what he’d think if he knew she’d snuggled up to him like that.
“Next time you want to cuddle, just say so.”
The voice from beside Kate startled her. Then the meaning of his words penetrated her mind. He still lay perfectly still, his breathing deep and even. That jerk! He’d been awake the whole time and let her suffer.
She yanked the pillow from under her head and swung it at him. But the only response she got was his insufferable laughter.
Fear and its close cousin, jealousy, will
do more to ruin a relationship than any
other factors.
—Excerpt from
Finding Mr. Right-for-You
by Dr. Kate
Chapter Nineteen
The Wright house was buzzing with activity when Kate and Lucas arrived the next Saturday.
“Come in, kids!” Roy called from where he emptied ice cubes into glasses. He was about to say something else, but Susan turned on a noisy mixer and began running it through a pot of steaming potatoes. In the next room, the TV blared, but Jamie was curled into a fat armchair with a book.
Lucas and Kate greeted them; then Roy took Lucas into the garage to show him the new mower he’d bought. When Susan turned off the mixer, silence settled on the kitchen.
“Can I help with something?” Kate asked.
“No, thank you.”
Kate searched for something to say. It was easier when they were walking; she didn’t feel the need to fill the silence. For the hundredth time, she thought about addressing the issue of Susan and Kate’s mom. Would it clear the air between them if she apologized on behalf of her mom? Would it open the door for Susan to confide in Kate about her marriage problems? Or would it just anger Susan that Lucas had told her?
She was formulating her thoughts on the matter when Lucas and his dad reentered. “You can borrow it anytime,” Roy was saying to Lucas as he took a pitcher of tea from the fridge.
Oh well, it would have to wait for another time. “Is Brody around?” Kate asked.
“He’s upstairs already,” Roy said.
“I think I’ll join him, if you don’t need any help,” Kate said.
Roy shooed her on, and Kate climbed the two flights, dreading the rooftop experience but wanting to catch up with Brody. They hadn’t had an opportunity to discuss his majors since he dropped by her office.
She found Brody leaning on the widow’s-walk railing, high above the landscape. He greeted her as she slipped into her chair against the chimney chase.
“Great day, huh?” he asked.
Kate forced her eyes from him. The blue of the sky melted into the expanse of ocean, its unending vastness interrupted only by the colorful dots of sails. The sun burned hot, and the breeze chopped at the water’s surface. Kate’s fists tightened around the chair’s arm, its edges cutting into her palm.
“Beautiful.” She tucked her feet under the chair. Why wasn’t it getting easier to face her fear of heights? She’d thought she could overcome it if she only forced herself up here every week.
Her mind went back to the first time she’d felt the fear. Ironically, it hadn’t been her own life she’d feared for at the time. Her mom, belly filled with alcohol, had climbed out her bedroom window and onto the sloped roof of the porch. Kate had come home from a friend’s house to find her teetering on the edge.
“Mom, don’t move!” Kate ran upstairs, down the short, narrow hall, and into her mom’s bedroom. The wooden sash was thrown open and the curtains fluttered in the night breeze.
“Mom, come here.” Kate climbed out the window and took slow steps down the slope. Her mom’s blouse rippled in the wind, and for a moment, Kate thought it would be enough to blow her right over the edge. She grabbed her mom’s hand. “Come on, Momma.”
Kate didn’t know how frightened she’d been until they were safely inside the house. Only then did she realize her heart felt as though it was going to burst through her ribs.
Now, her heart pounded in remembrance. Ever since that day, heights had frightened her.
This is not helping. I need to focus on something else.
Brody shifted, drawing Kate’s attention, and she remembered her purpose in coming. “I’ve been wondering about your career path. Have you given it more thought?”
Brody leaned his weight against the railing. Didn’t he realize it could give way? If it did, he’d hurtle three floors to his death. Okay, maybe just a broken leg, but still. Kate’s palms grew clammy; she felt dizzy at just the thought.
“It’s all I think about,” Brody said. “Other than girls, that is.” He flashed a smile, revealing a dimple she hadn’t noticed before.
Kate remembered the passion in his voice when he’d talked about tutoring his little friend. She had a suspicion education was his main interest. The question was, why had he changed majors? What was holding him back?
“When I look into the future,” he said, “I can see myself teaching middle school. Maybe art or computers or even science. But—”
Kate waited for him to finish, although she had to look away; the mental image of the rail breaking loose was too much. She watched her oval thumbnail follow the square edge of the chair’s arm.
“I don’t know. I changed majors for a reason. I keep trying to remember why.”
“You switched to art next, right?”
The wind tousled his hair, and he shook it from his eyes. “Yeah. Dumb move.”
Kate shook her head. “We make decisions for a reason. Sometimes you just have to dig deep to find them.”
She was beginning to think she understood Brody’s reasons.
She leaned back, and her chair, its legs not quite even, rocked an inch. She stiffened, clutching the table’s edge. Her breath caught in her throat, and prickles of adrenaline flared under her skin.
When she looked up, Brody was studying her. “What’s wrong?”
Kate forced her fingers to loosen and crossed her legs. “The chair rocked back and I lost my balance.”
Brody’s head cocked. “You always sit with your back against the wall, and you never walk around up here.” He pointed his finger at her. “You’re afraid of heights, aren’t you?”
Kate gave a wry laugh. “I’m not afraid of heights so much as I’m afraid of falling.”
Brody sat at the table. “You should have said something. We could eat downstairs.”
She shrugged. “I don’t want to break tradition. Besides, I don’t like letting fear rule my life. This little once-a-week trek is my way of telling my fear to take a hike.”
Brody laughed, and as he did, a thought struck Kate. There was nothing like fear to change your course. How many people had she counseled whose fear of intimacy kept them from experiencing the very thing they desired?
She leaned back. “Maybe you’re a little like me.”
“What, me? Afraid of heights? No way. I’ve been parasailing lots of times and even hang gliding a couple times. Don’t tell Mom and Dad. They’d freak.”
Kate shook her head, sure she was onto something. “No. Afraid of falling.” She watched him, waiting for him to connect the dots.
His head tipped back, his eyes narrowing. “You think I’m afraid of fail
ing.”
He was obviously offended, and Kate wondered if she’d over-stepped her boundaries. “Only you know the answer to that.” She smiled to soften the words. “I’m just putting it out there.”
It made sense. Maybe he’d only changed majors because he excelled at many things and couldn’t make up his mind. But in light of his passion for teaching, fear of failure made sense. He wouldn’t be the first.
The sound of feet thumping up the stairs warned them they had company coming, and the topic was tabled for the day.
Kate was eating alone at the Even Keel when her agent, Ronald, called with great news. Glamour magazine wanted to feature her in a monthly “Dear Dr. Kate” column. They’d seen her appearance on Dr. Phil and had been tracking her career. It had been between her and another syndicated columnist, and she was their first pick.
Kate paid her bill and rushed back to the shop, hoping Lucas was there, wanting to share her good news. She would have been eating with him except he’d canceled because of an appointment.
But what Kate saw when she neared the shop pushed her good news from her mind and stopped her feet midstride. Someone behind her bumped her, treading on her good heels.
“Sorry,” Kate mumbled as the tourist passed her with a glare, pulling a golden retriever on a leash. She shifted over, moving closer to the gift shop, out of the stream of traffic, her eyes returning to the scene that had stopped her.
Lucas helped a woman from a silver car. The woman unfolded herself from the compact vehicle, and Kate saw her long red, hair. Lucas shut the door and followed the woman into his shop.
It was the same woman Kate had seen him with the day Brody stopped by her office a month or so ago. Was she the reason Lucas had cancelled their lunch plans? Had he and Red had lunch together?
Something tightened deep in her stomach like a dishrag wrung hard.
Don’t be ridiculous. She’s probably just a friend. Or a business acquaintance.
From a distance, Kate watched Lucas hold the store’s door for the woman. She turned and laughed at something he said, cocking her head.
Kate’s lips pursed in reaction. She disliked the way the woman looked at Lucas. She disliked her own reaction to it more.
It’s not jealousy. She looked away and watched the tourists and locals walking past her. What would people think if they saw Lucas and Red eating together? Especially if the woman was hanging on him like she had the first time Kate saw them together? He was married to her, Dr. Kate, and she couldn’t have people thinking he was wining and dining another woman. As careful as they’d been to make the marriage appear legitimate, she couldn’t believe he’d be so careless.
A passing dog bumped her thigh, and Kate straightened. She’d have to say something to him tonight.
He’ll think I’m jealous.
Not if you handle it carefully.
Kate hitched her bag on her shoulder and set her feet in motion, her ire rising with each step. Didn’t Lucas know she had a reputation to protect? Hadn’t he given any thought to how it would appear, him gallivanting all over the island with another woman?
She composed her features as she entered the shop, the bell jangling against the glass door. Soft music greeted her, and the airconditioning was welcome against her heated skin. But there was no sign of Lucas or the woman on the floor.
“Nice lunch, Kate?” Ethan called from behind the mahogany desk. He adjusted his wire-rimmed glasses.
“Sure.” She hesitated on the first step. “Is Lucas around?”
“He’s in the back.” Ethan leaned over his papers.
Behind her, a customer entered the store, and Ethan stood.
Kate started up the stairs. “Thanks, I’ll just . . . talk to him later.”
Why would he take Red to the back of the store? There was nothing there but the pieces he was working on and a bunch of tools.
Her heels clicked up the wood steps. When she reached the top, she hung her bag on the coatrack and sat at her desk. Ethan hadn’t acted as if anything was amiss. He would know if something was going on between Lucas and Red. Kate was letting her imagination run wild.
Come on, Kate; get back to work. She moved the computer mouse, stopping the screen saver, and the article she’d been working on before lunch appeared. She’d already condensed the letter and needed to formulate an answer for Never a Bride in Albany, whose letter smacked of desperation.
Kate wrote a reply then reread it, editing as she went. The second letter she’d chosen was already succinct, but she edited it down and typed it into the document as well, then formulated her answer. When she was finished with the article, she stood and stretched. Of their own volition, her feet carried her to the street window.
Below, in the parking slot in front of the store, was the silver car. Her heart sank. She checked her watch. It had been an hour. What were Lucas and that woman doing downstairs? What if . . . ?
What if Lucas had been dating Red before they got married? Was it possible he was seeing someone on the side? Was it possible he was in love with the woman?
A space inside her hollowed out.
What do I care? Our marriage isn’t real. We’ll be divorced in less than ten months.
But the memory of their kiss kicked to the surface of her thoughts.
There is more than a contractual agreement between us.
The confession filled the pit of her stomach with something both pleasant and disturbing. She was relieved to finally admit actual feelings for Lucas were growing like tenacious weeds in a carefully cultivated garden. But like those weeds, the feelings were undesired. They didn’t belong; their presence was a hindrance.
Kate’s gaze centered on the silver car, and she bit the tender flesh inside her mouth. What possible reason could the woman have for being down there so long? Were they still in the back? Maybe Kate could go down under some pretense.
But what reason could she have? Her mind was a blank screen. She could almost see a skinny cursor blinking on the white space, taunting her.
It would be suspicious if she went down. She never interrupted Lucas while he worked, and the last thing she wanted was to give him the pleasure of thinking she was curious about Red. Or worse, jealous.
If only she could hear what they were saying. Then she would know if anything—
She remembered something. The vents. Kate walked across the room to her old apartment, the sound of her heels muffled by the rug. The noise from the workshop carried through the heating ducts into her old living room. She remembered all the nights listening to Lucas’s sander through the vents. She’d contemplated throttling him some evenings when she wanted peace after a day of listening to people’s problems.
She walked to the vent against the back wall, where she kicked off her heels and squatted down, listening. Were they still in the workshop or had they gone back into the store? On the balls of her stocking feet, she balanced with a hand on the wall and stilled.
There were voices, barely audible. She heard the deep tones of Lucas’s voice, but couldn’t make out the words. Was that a woman’s voice she heard now? She couldn’t be sure. Kate set her knees on the floor by the register and leaned down further, pressing her palms to the dusty floor. There was nothing now, just silence.
No, there it was, a woman’s voice, too quiet to make out.
She needed to get closer. Maybe then she could hear what they were saying.
Kate glanced down at her suit, weighing the dirty wood floor against the notion of letting her curiosity go unsatisfied. Then, with a sigh, she lowered herself to the floor, lying flat on her stomach. The suit was bound for the cleaners now.
As she bent her head, her thick metal earring clanged on the vent’s louvered cover and she rose up enough to remove it, then set her ear against the cool metal surface.
There was a screech, like the sound of a chair against the concrete floor. Lucas was saying something. She stilled.
“. . . that’s what I thought.”
Re
d spoke again, but Kate couldn’t make it out. Speak up, woman!
It was quiet again, and Kate didn’t even dare to swallow in case she missed something.
“What do you . . .” The rest of Lucas’s words were muffled, like he’d turned away. Kate heard a creak and knew he’d leaned against his old metal desk.
“. . . like the way . . . very nice . . . .” Kate didn’t like her tone, even muffled through the ductwork.
The sound of heels clicking on the floor reached Kate’s ears. Was the woman walking toward Lucas? Away from him? She didn’t hear his footsteps, though his sandals were soft soled.
Then there was nothing but quiet from below. The silence unnerved her. What were they doing down there? Her imagination filled the gap. She imagined Red approaching Lucas, placing her long, slender fingers along the side of his neck. Was he wrapping his arms around the woman even now? Was he kissing her the way he’d kissed Kate the week before?
Heat prickled the back of her neck.
That’s silly. If he were seeing someone else before he married me, he wouldn’t have married me.
But that doesn’t mean he isn’t interested in the woman now.
Maybe he’d met her after they married and was pursuing the relationship. Did Kate really have any rights to him? Any say in what he did in the privacy of his own workshop?
He’s married to me. Even if it is in name only, he owes me the respect of keeping his vows.
She had kept hers, after all. It wasn’t her fault that Bryan called sometimes.
She sighed. Though now that the cramped stiletto was on the other foot, she realized it was unfair to take Bryan’s calls. Lucas had been angry last time Bryan called. “He has no right to call my house,” he’d said. Maybe it was just caveman tactics that inspired the words, but followed so closely by those other words—the ones she’d repeated in her mind ever since—his anger took on a different meaning.
“What if I want you to stay?”
Had he meant it the way she thought? Did Lucas want their marriage to be real?
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