by Ford, Mia
So far our mother had not replied to this question.
“Don’t eat yet,” my mother, Teri, said. “We are still waiting on your father to get down here.”
“How long is he going to be?” Roger asked.
“However long he takes,” Mom answered. “You know your father.”
“Who in their right mind has a rule of taking a full shower before dinner?” Roger asked. “I’ve always thought that was crazy. Does anyone else think that’s crazy?”
“Yes, I think it’s crazy. We all do,” I answered.
“So, Naomi how are things down at the veterinary clinic?” My mother asked me as she sat down at the head of the table. My father would sit at the other end as always, if he ever made it down before the food got cold.
“Oh, things are fine. Everything is moving as usual,” I said. My mother asked me that every time I saw her and so far I’d never had a different answer. The only thing unique that I could imagine having happen would be if some dog went nuts and bit the hell out of me. She might find that interesting.
“And how are things in the romance department?” She asked.
I groaned. Every single time I hoped that we could get through just one dinner without my mother asking me about my love life and each time I really thought she was going to just give it up, but so far it had never happened.
“Mom, things are fine,” I said. “No complaints.”
“I just don’t understand how a beautiful woman like you doesn’t have suitors lining up outside your door.”
“Mom, we don’t have suitors nowadays and I’m not actively trying to date right now. I’m enjoying my thriving career and I’m working on some research.”
This was kind of true; I was getting ready to start submitting some findings to research journals, but so far I hadn’t decided on a subject to study or an actual study to have done. I was in the very early stages of it and had been for the past five months. I was ok with that; Rome wasn’t built in a day.
“Well, that’s great dear,” My mother said.
My father finally came to the table and sat down at his end. He was dressed nicely in a suit and tie as he always was for dinner which made the rest of us look like we’d just come in from doing yard work and decided to have a meal, but my father was very much cut from the old cloth. He was very disappointed that my brother hadn’t picked up on a lot of his habits.
“Ok, let’s eat,” my father said. “Baby, this looks fantastic!”
“Not yet,” my mother said. “We have to wait for Brie. I thought I heard her drive up a moment ago.”
Sure enough my sister walked through the door a few minutes later.
“Everyone,” she said. “I have an announcement. I’ve actually got a special guest with me for dinner tonight. I do hope that is ok.”
“Sure, there is more than enough for all of us,” my mother said.
“Special guest?” I asked. “You mean like a date?” I loved to tease my sister and she teased me back. It was something we’d done since we were kids, just our way of relating to each other.
Brie ignored the question. “Well, actually my guest saved my life the other day.”
“What do you mean?” My mother asked instantly alarmed.
“I was leaving the Nip the other night after hanging with some friends. I was heading to my car and suddenly someone attacked me from the shadows and began pulling me towards another car.”
“Oh, my God! Why are we just now hearing of this?” My mother cried.
“Would you let her tell the story?” Dad added.
“As I was saying, I have never been so scared. Who knows what could have happened, if this stranger hadn’t been there. He came to my rescue and saved my life.”
“For real?” Roger asked. “I’m with mom on this one. Why didn’t you tell us? When did this happen?”
“It was a few days ago. I’m fine. The cops have the guy in custody, thanks to my new friend,” Brie said.
I was very concerned now. My sister has always been a bit of a free spirit yet at the same time she pretends everything with her is peaches and roses when things may be more serious. I had a feeling that this was one of those times where she was scared and hurting but wouldn’t dare let anyone else know about it. Later in private I was going to talk to her and let her open up to me. That was one of the bonds we’d always shared as sisters. In private we could tell each other absolutely anything.
“Are you going to keep us in suspense much longer?” My father asked. He was getting impatient and was ready to eat.
“Please welcome my good friend, Jay Wylett,” Brie said.
My mouth dropped to my chest. What did she say? Surely, she wasn’t talking about my Jay—
And there he was standing in the entryway beside my sister looking a bit nervous and creeped out (most likely about being presented to a room full of strangers by my kooky sister) but all the same, Jay.
His eyes scanned the room as he nodded trying to meet everyone, until his eyes landed on mine. His face softened with surprise and then lit up with a warm smile. It was so good to see him again.
I hadn’t actually spoken to Jay in about three weeks, not since that last hot, passionate night we’d had. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to (I so did!) but because I was trying to do right by myself. I knew that if I wasn’t careful I was going to fall head over heels in love with Jay and the I’d never be able to let him go. And who knows? Maybe we’d fall totally in love and get married and have a few wonderful kids and Jay would be called away to some dangerous mission and he would never come back home leaving me a widowed mother with two small kids—
I closed my eyes and let the swirling thoughts sort themselves out. Those fears were all true and all possibilities. And they were scary enough to keep me from ever getting close to Jay. But my heart kept telling me a different story. I felt him, I needed him. When I was with Jay I could hardly bear to be away from him again. And to make matters worse—we barely knew each other. What did that mean? I wasn’t sure, but the possible answers scared the bejesus out of me.
Jay went around the room and shook everyone’s hand, before coming to me.
“This is my sister—” Brie began.
Jay held up his hand to cut her off. “Hello, Naomi. It’s great to see you again.”
I tried to maintain a strong composure as my face tried to blush. I could feel the red warmth spreading beneath my skin threatening to betray my true feelings to everyone. Gritting my teeth I forced my eyes to remain steely and strong.
“Hello, Jay,” I said. “Likewise.”
“You two know each other?” Brie asked.
I could hear the disappointment in her voice. It was only then that I had actually pieced together the fact that she had thought of Jay as a potential romantic partner for herself. As much as I loved my sister I had to show her that Jay and I had a thing, even if it was a very non-serious thing. It had to be enough to scare her off the pursuit. I couldn’t have handled Jay and my sister being together. Not only would it have been awkward and weird, it would have been infuriating and emotionally devastating for me. The only way to make the way I felt about Jay harder to deal with was to know that I couldn’t have him but that he was still very much in my life.
No, I had to nip this in the bud right quick.
“We have dated a few times,” I said with a sly smile. I gave Jay a quick wink and he nodded back his understanding. One of the things I loved most about Jay, his quick wit. He was wildly observant and he didn’t miss a trick.
“That’s right,” Jay said. “But you haven’t called me and you said you would…”
I gave him sarcastic grin. He was really laying it on thick now, wasn’t he? Well, that was just fine. It was actually a good way to break the tension and ingratiate himself into my family.
“Don’t take any guff from her,” Roger said. “She will never learn otherwise. You have to be tough with these women.”
Jay laughed and sat down across f
rom me while Brie slid into the seat beside him, a look of total defeat on her face as the rain poured on her parade. I was sorry to do it, but it was for her own good. And mine, too of course.
“So, tell us a bit about yourself Jay,” my mother said as she started passing the dish of mashed potatoes down the line.
“Well, not a lot to tell, I’m afraid,” Jay said.
“He is being modest,” Brie said. “He is a sergeant in the Army, over at Fort Campbell.”
“Oooh, a soldier,” My mother said her eyes lighting up. “My father was a soldier and my grandfather as well.”
“What branches?” Jay asked.
“My father was in the Army, and my grandfather was a marine.”
“Wow, the marines… those are some tough fellas.”
“Is that why you went for the army?” Roger asked with cruel laughter in his eyes. He was such a little worm sometimes.
I glared at him and he shrugged back at me.
Jay played it off easily. “My father and uncle were both high ranking officers in the army and I wanted to follow in their footsteps. It is kind of a family tradition.”
“I see,” My father said. “I can get behind that. Family traditions are important.”
My family and Jay continued to chat over dinner. I was content for the most part to just sit back and relax as I put myself into a carbohydrate coma (extra pounds be damned) and enjoy how easily my family accepted Jay. It was comforting somehow. Even though I kept reminding myself that I was never going to let things get that far with Jay, something like this really made things easier if for whatever reason I ever decided to change my mind.
The fact that I thought it was possible to change how I felt was perhaps the most frightening thing of all.
“That’s a great man,” My mother said after I said goodbye to Jay and the rear lights of his car were growing smaller and smaller in front of us as he drove away.
“Yeah, he is,” I said. “A great one.”
“You had sure as hell better hang on to him,” she said.
“But mom, we aren’t dating seriously. We’ve only been out a few times.”
“Well, it’s obvious he cares about you. There is a special connection between the two of you. Any fool with the sense of a pine cone can see that.”
“Really? You think there is something there?” I asked.
“Definitely,” mom replied.
“I just don’t know.”
“What do you not know?”
“Well, I can’t see myself ever being with a military man,” I said as I stepped back inside the house.
My mother followed right behind me.
“What is that supposed to mean? Your father and your grandfather are both military man.”
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, but I tried to fight them. This was really happening, wasn’t it? It was time. I was tired of dealing with the pain of it, the truth.
“I know,” I sobbed. “But I’ve seen the pain in grandma’s eyes when she talks about granddad. He went to war and he never came back. I can’t go through something like that. So I’ve always had that rule, especially with a military base right here. I’ve had to keep that rule hard and fast close to me.”
“Honey,” my mother said putting her arm around me. “I can see why that would scare you to death. It would scare any woman. But you can’t let fear rule who you happen to fall in love with. Now, I just met this man, but I know that he cares for you and I think you care for him. I just would hate to see you turn your back on something that might grow into something beautiful.”
I knew my mother was right. I’d said the same thing to myself several times, and I’d tried so hard to just let it go and just allow nature to take its course, but I just couldn’t get over it, despite my feelings. The fear was too great and it was holding me back.
It had been a few weeks of trying to get over Jay and let things not get complicated between us, and for the most part I’d succeeded, but now that I’d seen him again all of those old feelings were rising to the surface and they were stronger than ever.
My heart wanted to follow Jay, but my fear would continue to hold me back. It was just a matter of which one of those two elements would win out in the end.
Chapter Nine
Jay
“Toss me another cold one, will you?”
My good friend Blaine Benjamin grabbed another beer from the cooler and gave it a slight toss over to where I was sitting on his deck inhaling the sweet scent of steaks cooking to perfection on the barbecue.
“Thank you, sir,” I said as I popped the top on the can and took a good, long swig. It had been a while since I’d had a chance to get away from things and hang out with my good friend Blaine. He lived in Dayton Ohio, a good three hour’s drive from where I was living in Kentucky, but when he invited me to his place for the weekend I jumped at the chance. I really needed to get away and just clear my head.
Blaine was a retired Army officer. He retired very young, mostly because he had a family and they were tired of being moved around so much. His boys (Brandon, age nine and Clifford, aged eleven) had made some solid friends and really loved their school. His wife, Olivia had also settled into the suburbs outside Dayton and was thriving in a lot of her many activities and her career as a journalist. Yeah, I envied Blaine in a lot of ways. He’d given up his passion for his family’s happiness.
“So, how are things in the old grind?” Blaine asked me as he sat back down with his own beer, giving a small nod to the steaks to check that they were cooking properly.
“Not bad,” I said. “You know how it is. No matter where you go it’s always different but it’s always the same.”
“I hear that,” He said with a chuckle.
I nodded and took another sip. Then I asked the question I was afraid to ask, but was dying to know the answer to.
“Do you miss it?”
Blaine looked at me as if I’d just slapped him on the shoulder. The question had caught him out of left field.
He thought a moment, took a sip of his beer, and then looked up at the beautiful midday sky.
“Of course,” he said. “I miss it a lot. You know, I still wake up at four-thirty in the morning no matter how tired I am or how late I was up the night before. I can’t let myself go back to sleep. I know I don’t have to be at the base anymore, but I have to get up and get to work.”
“I hear that,” I said. “It’s a habit. You eventually get to the point where to not do it would feel weird. It causes anxiety. I feel that way on the weekends when I’m off. It’s like, what do you do with your free time when your passion is in fact your day job.”
“Exactly,” Blaine replied. “And to be a career military officer, you have to love it. You have to need it. It is a calling and a passion.”
“But it was worth it?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said without hesitation. “As much as I miss the military, I love my family more and seeing how happy they are helps me rise out of the dumps when I’m feeling a bit sad and nostalgic, which happens quite a bit actually.”
“I’m not sure I’ll ever do it,” I said truthfully. “Family or not, I don’t think I could.”
“I used to think that way, but when you actually have a family nothing else matters but making them happy. You will come around and if you decide the best thing for your family is to get out of the job then you will do it.”
“Of course there are a lot of family men who choose to stay in,” I reminded him.
He sighed and nodded. “That’s true. But I think they make a choice. I mean, my family would have supported me if I’d decided to stay in, but I would have known deep down that they would be happier if I got out. Maybe that’s just me, and maybe that’s just my family, but I think that is the difference in people.”
“I can see that.”
“So, you got a family in the works that I don’t know about?” Blaine asked with a grin.
I smiled. “No, not as of yet, b
ut there is this woman…”
“Oh, really? The big man on campus is finally thinking of settling down? I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Yeah, but nothing is happening yet.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I really care about this woman. She is fantastic, but she says she doesn’t want anything serious because she recently got out of a bad relationship.”
“Ok… could be truth, but could also be a line. It’s hard to say.”
“I don’t think it’s a line, but I can’t help but feel that there is something holding her back besides that. I can’t put my finger on what it is and it’s driving me nuts.”
“That’s a first for you,” Blaine said.
“Yeah, but I’ll get it sorted out I guess. Right now I’m just giving her space and keeping things comfortable between us.”
“You aren’t afraid some of the spark might fizzle?”
“No, I’m more afraid of coming on too strong. She will just push me away and then it will be all over. I figure this way I can possibly wait it out until she deals with her thing and decides this is what she wants or tells me to hit the road.”
“Decisions, decisions…” Blaine said. He walked over to the grill, grabbed the grill tongs, and flipped the steaks over.
“You ever have any issues with Olivia? You know, as far as not having a damn clue what she is thinking or what she really wants?” I asked.
Blaine laughed hard and almost spilled his beer. “Wow, that is an understatement. Now you are speaking my language. Listen, I’ve been married twelve years and been with Olivia for fourteen. After all that time I still don’t have a clue what she is really thinking at least half the time.”