by Ford, Mia
“Well, if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. I’m a great listener.”
I sighed. Was I really about to do this? I was afraid it might make things worse, but I felt that Tucker really needed to know the truth. It wasn’t fair to him otherwise.
“Jodie’s father, Jay—we have an odd history.”
“I can relate,” Tucker said. “Please continue.”
“Well, we were only casually dating when I got pregnant with her. In fact we’d decided to call it quits because things were getting more serious than I wanted them to. Jay is a good man, but he isn’t the guy I wanted to spend my life with or really be with long term. Our lifestyles were just too incompatible.”
“I see.”
“Yeah. Of course it wasn’t that simple. I got pregnant and Jay was already feeling very strongly for me and what we had, or at least what he wanted us to have. And since then every time we are with each other it’s like there is a small spark between us. We have to see each other a little bit because of Jodie, but I assure you that I do not want to pursue anything more with Jay.”
“How does he feel about that?”
I shook my head. “Well, he isn’t so ready to throw in the towel. He thinks that there is still hope for us.”
“But you say there isn’t?” Tucker asked.
“Right. There isn’t any hope at all. I just don’t want that.”
“Well, that’s good news for me,” Tucker said. “But I still don’t get why that was a problem for you the other night, or how it is interfering with you and me.”
“I can’t explain it,” I said. “Maybe there is so much residual, leftover turbulence from what we had that it is still in me somehow. And it’s like every time I see him we are back there and some of those old feelings come up. God, I sound insane, right? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t be laying this on you.”
What was I saying? I really liked Tucker and I wanted to be with him. He was exactly the type of guy I’d always fantasized about marrying and I’d had a lot of those fantasies in college when we were together, but now it seemed like I was determined to say all of the wrong things that would surely push him away. What in the hell was I doing?
“No, it’s fine,” Tucker replied. “Look, I know how you feel. That was why I gave it another shot with Darlene earlier this year. Remember when I didn’t call you like I said I would after we ran into each other in that coffee shop? Well, when you have a history with someone, even if it’s a turbulent history sometimes, it is so easy to crave it because it’s just comfortable. Comfort can be very alluring.”
I understood what he was saying perfectly. He was right. Comfort was something that I had always sought out.
Was that why I liked Tucker? He was safe, comfortable, and maybe even predictable? Was that what I really wanted?
I tried to turn off the negative thoughts.
“I agree,” I said. “That must be it. I’m so glad you understand. It is such a relief.”
“Look, I understand you have a history with Jodie’s father and I’m fine with that. I’m even fine if you are still having trouble getting over it. I really care about you Naomi and I’m willing to wait until the time is right. I’m so glad you explained how you feel. Now I have a better grasp of everything and we can move forward as slowly as is right for both of us.”
Tucker reached out and held my hand. He was so sweet, so comforting. He always had a way of relaxing me and calming me down, when I wanted to be calmed down at least. And sometimes that was a constant struggle lately.
We finished our lunch and had a great, easy time just chatting with each other about work, life, future plans, and even a bit about Jodie. After lunch I went back to work and finished out a fairly routine day. By the end of the day I was ready to leave and see Jodie.
I picked her up from my parent’s house and took her home. On the way home my phone rang. It was Jay. Odd, because he never really called me.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hey, there. I hope I’m not bothering you,” he said.
“No, I’m just on my way home with Jodie. What’s up?”
“Well, I have a favor to ask. I was wondering if I could pick up Jodie tonight and bring her back to your folk’s tomorrow night. I’m going out of town this weekend, kind of a last minute thing.”
“Oh, ok” I said. “That’s no problem.”
* * *
“She’s sleeping,” I whispered as I handed Jodie to Jay in her carrier. I quickly kissed her goodbye on the forehead very softly so as not to disturb my little angel. It was always hard to say goodbye to her when Jay had his visits. But it was important that she know and love her father, and Jay was a great one. He really was.
“Thanks for letting me have her tonight,” Jay said. “I appreciate it.”
“Sure,” I said. “No problem. What’s going on this weekend?”
Jay’s eyes lit up a little wider than normal and he hesitated. I’d rarely seen him do that.
“Um…it’s something for work, a new training. I’m hoping to certify to apply for a Sergeant Major position one day. It may never open up here, not anytime soon that is, but I might have an opportunity one day.”
“That’s great. Are you sure that would be ok with you? You’d be home every night and never have to worry about traveling or being deployed again.”
Jay smiled. “Yeah, I think I could get used to it. But it’s a long shot. Typically to get that level of seniority you will have been in the Army for a long time and they only select the very best of the very best, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.”
“Great. Well, I’ll root for you,” I said.
“Thanks. You look good, by the way. You seem… happy.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I am pretty happy.”
Jay said goodnight and carried Jodie to his truck where he locked her into her car seat carefully. She was still deeply asleep.
He waved to me and then drove away. I stood there on the porch for a moment in the crisp evening air watching Jay and my baby drive away. I hoped I wasn’t too obvious with my excitement at the very minor prospect of Jay getting a permanent senior position like that. If that happened he would have almost regular business hours and he would still get to do what he loved. Plus he would rarely travel, and when he did I knew he would always be coming back to me. Now, that would be the final piece of the puzzle, wouldn’t it?
A girl could dream anyway.
I started to walk back in the house when movement caught my eye. A car that looked eerily familiar pulled away from the curb and started driving away from my house. As I watched it go the thought hit me that I knew that car.
But it couldn’t be… why…?
No, I had to be mistaken.
That couldn’t be… Tucker’s car… could it?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jay
It felt like I’d never left. Everything I’d ever trained for and experienced came back to me all at once the moment my feet hit the mat inside of that octagon cage. The shouting fans, the bright lights, and the violence happening inside the ring all around me---I’d missed all of it, but forgotten none of it.
I was fighting again. Well, fighting…of sorts.
About a week earlier I’d gotten in touch with my friend Mondo who was still relatively in touch with the underground fight game. Basically, bored rich guys with very loose morals put together these fairly nice arenas centered around the octagon. These were typically located underneath other legitimate businesses. Here they had brutal, no holds barred, violent pit fights. And these fighters were all very good, highly trained. Typically a fighter had to go through several low level elimination rounds to even be invited to this level, because there was serious money to be made; of course most of it went to the owner of the pit.
But still it was my best shot. I didn’t have time to go the sanctioned route, and I doubted a doctor would have cleared me for it anyway, not with my medical history. I might have been ok now—it had been a lot
of years, but I couldn’t afford to take that kind of risk. My father had just a few weeks to come up with the money or he was a dead man. I had to act fast.
And fighting was my best shot.
I could hardly believe my eyes when I found myself in the ring facing off against an opponent I knew absolutely nothing about, but the guy looked like some trained assassin. He was at least six foot five, and two hundred and fifty pounds of massive muscle.
I am a fairly big guy (six feet two, two hundred and ten pounds) and I’m in shape, but I felt small compared to this man. Luckily, I am very good at what I do and I was able to use superior skill to beat him.
He almost had me in a good clinch a few times, but I stayed calm and let him bring the fight to me. Eventually, I was able to sidestep his big right kick and counter with a head kick of my own, which knocked his big ass out.
“Here you are my good man! Hell of a fight!”
Mondo greeted me after the fight was over. The crowd was still cheering for me. It had been so long since I’d had that kind of support from anyone. I missed it. It was a definite ego stroke, but I had learned to do without it. I had to remind myself that all of these people were betting on someone getting seriously hurt. They seemed almost disappointed that I didn’t keep beating my opponent after he was unconscious.
Some guys did. In fact, they relished it. I never would have fought in a place like this if I wasn’t desperate.
“Thanks, man,” I said as Mondo handed me a thousand dollars. It was a decent amount of money for a very short amount of work. The fight had lasted about five minutes. But I was far from my goal. I needed something bigger.
“Impressive, impressive.”
The voice came from behind me. Mondo’s body language suddenly became very submissive. I turned around to see a man in a very expensive suit walking towards me clapping his hands. He was tall, handsome, probably in his mid-sixties.
“Jay, this is Peter Millivich. He owns the venue,” Mondo said.
“That I do,” Peter added. “And I have to say I’m very impressed with what I saw today.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“Yes, sir. Mondo vouched for you and let you compete without even doing any qualifiers, and he was right. In fact I think he undersold you.”
Peter chuckled. He had the arrogant laughter of a man who knows he is rich enough to be far above the law. And I was sure he was.
“Thanks, again,” I said.
Peter smiled and gave me a pat on the shoulder before walking away.
“That’s cool,” Mondo said. “He only comes over and talks to fighters that show great promise.”
“I don’t really care,” I said. “I just need money. I need twenty grand ASAP. This is good money but I need a lot more way faster.”
“Well, I wish I could help you out man,” Mondo replied.
“I appreciate what you’ve done for me though,” I said not wanting to appear ungrateful.
He slapped me a high five. “Anytime.”
I left the venue and drove towards home. It was late and the streets in Louisville were practically empty. It was so quiet that you were tempted to not even bother with the stupid red lights since no one else was on the road anyway. But I was still on the outskirts of town. It was the weekend and I was sure that the downtown parts of the city would be filled with people partying and doing all the silly things that twenty somethings across the world did every night. I didn’t think that ever changed that much.
I was watching the light turn to green when I heard the radio announcer breaking into my thoughts. It sounded like I was dreaming.
“That’s right fight fans. The Daniel Barnes and Lee Charles fight will have to be rescheduled due to Lee Charles contracting an infection in his foot. That is terrible news to fight fans. The fight was to be held in Louisville this coming Friday night and it has already been sold out. Word is that Daniel Barnes, the champion is looking for a replacement who will take the fight on such short notice. He will make his selection by Monday. It won’t be the same fight, but hopefully he will find a worthy opponent that gives the fans the fight they are paying for.”
I suddenly had the best idea. I was going to offer to take that fight. First thing in the morning I would contact Daniel Barnes. We had a bit of history. We were both up and coming fighters at the same time. We squared off in amateur fights, both competing for our pro card, and though the fights were close, I’d come out both times. In fact, if I hadn’t been sidelined by my injuries then I would have continued down that path.
But I wouldn’t have met Naomi and I wouldn’t be the proud father of Jodie. Life was funny the way it worked out sometimes.
I just had to pray that I passed the doctor’s evaluation, if Barnes even decided to take me on. Something told me that his ego wouldn’t let this opportunity lie still.
I had to get in that fight. The paycheck even for the loser was twenty-five grand.
The winner would get fifty grand. It could be the answer to all my prayers.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Naomi
“So, what’s on your mind, dear?”
I looked at my mother trying to see what she was getting at. I was at my parents’ house and we’d just finished dinner. My father had gone into his den to read a bit and I was relaxing on the couch in the family room with my mother having a cup of coffee. This was our normal custom when I came over for dinner.
“What makes you think there is something on my mind?” I asked.
“I can tell. Mother always knows,” she said.
It was true. She did. I always wondered how exactly and if I’d be able to read my child the same way. As I thought about it there were things about Jodie that I just knew without thinking about it. Maybe that was the same sort of thing, and that would get stronger as Jodie grew up. Was it possible this was a “mom superpower”?
“I’m not sure I want to talk about it. To be honest, I am sick of talking about it.”
“Sometimes it helps to talk about things,” she said. “Even if you have talked about it until you are blue in the face. That still doesn’t mean that you’ve solved anything.”
“Maybe I don’t want to solve it,” I said a bit hastily. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok,” My mother said calmly. “If you don’t want to talk about it then you don’t have to.”
I took a few sips of the coffee. It was good. My mother always made the best coffee.
“I have a feeling that I’ve made some horrible mistakes,” I said. “And I’m afraid that I can’t erase them or fix them now.”
“What sort of mistakes?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching lately. And I have come to the realization that my heart was right the first time and I kept ignoring it. I just kept ignoring it. I kept fighting it. But I just can’t anymore because it is driving me crazy.”
“You are talking about Jay.”
“Yes. I love him, mom. I think I’ve loved him since soon after we met. It was like something lit up inside of me that was because of him. And as soon as I found that one thing about him I couldn’t deal with in my head I allowed it to paralyze me. I feel like such a jerk. I can only think of the hell I’ve put him through and wish that I could take it all back.”
“Honey, sometimes we make mistakes. It isn’t always easy to balance what we want with what we get and with what we should have.”
“But now there is Tucker—you remember Tucker from college—and we have gotten pretty close, but every time I’m with him all I can do is think about Jay. I’ve tried to ignore these feelings because I know that one day they are going to leave me alone, devastated, and heartbroken. But I’ve come to the realization that I would rather have that then to spend the rest of my life full of regret. At least this way I will have spent whatever time I am given with the man I truly love.”
“It sounds like you’ve thought all of this through very rationally and reached a pretty damn good conclusion. I’m pro
ud of you, sweetie.”
“Thanks, mom,” I said. “Now I can only hope that I haven’t blown things with Jay. I would be surprised if he hasn’t given up on us completely.”
My mother smiled. “Oh, I think he still wants you.”
“What makes you think that?”
“A mother knows, dear. A mother knows.”
And she usually did.
* * *
“This is so gross,” Heidi said.
“You say that every single day. I’d think you’d be used to it by now,” I said.
Heidi was cleaning up the cages in the back where we housed some of the very sick dogs overnight for observation. Typically a few of the technicians worked the night shift and stayed overnight to observe them and make sure they were fine. But the morning crew, which included Heidi was responsible for cleaning out the cages in the morning.
I was doing some inventory for the pharmacy and then I had a morning booked solid full of patients (a lot of them new) to tend to. It was seven on a Monday morning and Heidi was doing her typical whine about her job and how rough she had it, which she always did, but it was way worse on Monday mornings.
“So, what did you do this weekend?” I asked. “I tried to call you yesterday but you were not answering and you never returned my voicemail.”
“Well, if you must know I was to spent the weekend in Chicago with Ron Nelson.”
“Oohh,” I teased. “Who is Ron Nelson? Is that the dermatologist you were telling me about?”
“That’s the one,” she said with a big smile.
“Wow, sounds like you landed a good guy, finally. Maybe now you will stop hanging out with riff raff and thirty year old frat boys.”
“That is not even fair,” Heidi said. “I do not date guys still in college.”
“No, but they act like it’s freshman year. You can deny it all you want but you have a beacon for immature men.”