‘Hold on tight, then.’ He settled her weight against his and she wrapped her legs around his hips. Striding across the bridge, he climbed the steps to the front door, kicking it closed behind him.
He paused in the hallway and she felt him reach into his pocket. Then he put something on the hallstand. ‘I’ll leave this here...’
She twisted round to look. It was his phone. Alex kissed him, and he suddenly seemed to lose interest in who might or might not be calling him and started to stride up the stairs.
She caught the frame of his bedroom doorway with one hand as they passed through it, jerking them to a halt. ‘Lights, Leo.’
‘Yeah...’ He slammed one hand against the wall and she squeezed her eyes closed as the bedroom was bathed in bright light. Felt him move, and then tip her backwards. Her hands instinctively clutched tighter around his shoulders as she felt herself falling with him onto the bed.
‘Open them...’ She felt his lips brush her closed eyelids. ‘Open your eyes.’
It was almost a command—that she see him, and he see her. Nothing hidden. She blinked and Leo’s smile snapped into focus for one brief moment, before he kissed her again.
Her whole body was trembling, aching for him, and it seemed like a criminal act to break the spontaneity. But facts were facts and Leo would find a way to make things all right. ‘My bag, Leo...’ She felt her lips twist into a grimace. ‘I need my crutch, for the bathroom.’
The sweet touch of his hands never faltered. The melting blue of his eyes suddenly made her want to cry.
‘If that’s what you want, I’ll get it.’ His fingers found the side of her face, caressing gently. ‘Whatever you need, Alex. But I don’t need to smell soap when I have your scent. And what’s mine is yours. We can manage.’
We can manage. Tonight was all about what they could do together, not whether she could do anything on her own.
‘I guess... Three legs is enough for anyone.’
‘Yeah. Three legs, four arms...’
‘Four eyes, eight fingers.’ She used one of those fingers to caress his lips. ‘One of me, and one of you...’
‘That, I’m planning on changing.’ He sat up on the bed, drawing her along with him, holding her close. ‘Very soon.’
The rhythm didn’t break. Urgent, and yet there was time to trade kisses along the way. It never faltered, not when he unbuttoned her shirt, or when she unbuttoned his. Not when she took off her prosthesis, or when he reached for the condoms in the drawer beside the bed.
‘Hold me...please...’ His eyes were dark and, stretched out under him, she could feel his erection nudging against her. Waiting. Drawing out this last moment until it was a confection of feverish anticipation.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and he reached down. They gasped together as he slid inside. Just a little way.
‘Please, Alex...’ His fingers gripped her right thigh, then traced down to her knee. Without thinking, she’d kept her right leg away from his back, not sure how he’d react to feeling her foreshortened limb against him, but now she curled both legs around his hips, holding him tight, pulling him further inside.
They both cried out together. Staring into each other’s eyes, breathing hard. Tilting her hips, she pushed against him, feeling him slide deeper.
One moment of stillness, to sink into his gaze, and then Leo moved. His gasp was more than pleasure. It was triumph and need, helplessness and mastery.
‘Are you going to make me wait, Leo?’
‘No, honey. We’ve waited long enough.’ He started to move and the trembling excitement turned into a roar. She didn’t have to reach for the orgasm—it was just there, building inside until she came in his arms.
‘Again?’ He kissed her neck, and she shivered at the touch of his lips against her skin.
‘Again?’
He changed position slightly, angling his hips to set off a shower of new sensations. ‘Again.’
* * *
After she’d come the second time, her body straining against his so hard that Leo had almost lost himself, she’d rolled him over onto his back and climbed on top of him. His sweet Alexandra. Taking him until all he knew was that he’d surrendered to her completely, and all he wanted to do was to shout her name out loud.
Perhaps he had. He thought he might have done, but then she’d pushed him further than he’d ever been before. She was strong and athletic, and yet soft at the same time, and when she pinned him down he could watch each movement of her body. Feel each corresponding sensation.
He didn’t even properly remember what the orgasm had felt like. Just that he was being pulled into it by an overwhelming force. And that by the time she was done with him all he could do was to curl up with her on the bed, still craving her touch, but more content than he’d thought he ever could be.
* * *
They’d slept a little, and then talked a little. Then Leo had gone downstairs to fetch a bottle of champagne. Just the right thing at the right time. Leo, who charmed his way through every situation so adroitly. Only at the moment he seemed deliciously clumsy, spilling half the contents of his glass on the pillow when he pulled her close again to kiss her. And, when he ran a bath, climbing into the hot, foaming water with her, half of it slopped all over the floor and he had to get out and mop the mess up.
Even that was bliss. Lying back in the water, watching his strong body. Each flex of muscle, every square inch of perfect flesh, was capable of giving pleasure. And he was all hers for the night.
And she was his. When the sun rose, he caught her up from the bed, carrying her over to the window, and they watched the flaming sky together. Then breakfast in bed, tangled in each other’s arms. And then they made love again. Lazy, sensual, not driven by the urgency of last night, but time enough to explore each sensation together.
* * *
When Leo opened his eyes, the sun was high in the sky and Alex was still sleeping. He watched her for a while, wondering vaguely what time it was. It didn’t matter. There was nothing that he could think of to do today, except share it with her.
A quiet beep sounded from downstairs. Must be her phone. Only...
His phone wasn’t on the nightstand, where it usually lay. Suddenly he was on the move. Rolling out of bed, grabbing his underwear and running down the stairs. When he’d left his phone downstairs he’d reckoned on retrieving it later in the evening but, wrapped in the warmth of their lovemaking, he’d forgotten all about it.
He picked it up, letting out a sharp curse. Three messages, two missed calls. He scrolled through the messages. Justin’s could wait. Evie had texted to say that she and Arielle were leaving London for a few days and they’d catch him when they got back. And there was one from Aleesha, saying that she and Bobby had enjoyed their day yesterday and that they’d have to do it all again some time.
He smiled, walking into the kitchen as he flipped over to the missed calls. Two from his mother. Suddenly the past reared up and smacked him in the face and his hand shook as he pressed the icon to return the call.
‘Come on... Come on.’ The call switched to voicemail and he ended it. No, he didn’t want to leave a message.
He called again and this time his mother answered.
‘Mum... Everything okay?’ He heard the tremor in his voice.
‘Yes, of course it is, darling. I was just calling to remind you about dinner on Tuesday. With Carl and Peter.’
‘Oh...yeah. I’ve got it in my diary. Thanks, Mum.’
‘Leo. Whatever’s the matter?’
There was seldom any way of fooling her acute radar when it came to her son.
‘Nothing...’ That wasn’t going to wash. She’d only start worrying about him. ‘I had a long day yesterday, and I didn’t sleep much last night. I’ve only just got up and there are a load
of messages on my phone.’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, Leo. It’s Sunday. They can wait, can’t they?’
‘Yeah. Okay, Mum. Look, I’m standing in my underwear in the kitchen.’
‘That I didn’t want to know. Go and put some clothes on.’
‘Okay. See you on Tuesday evening, then. About seven-ish?’
‘That’ll be fine. And don’t bring any wine this time; your father’s just gone out and bought two cases, and he’s left them in the kitchen for me to trip over. My only hope of getting them out of the way is to drink as much of it as we can.’
Leo ended the call and put the phone down on the counter top. There was nothing to worry about. Everything was okay, so why did it still feel as if his heart was trying to pound its way through his ribcage?
He knew why. He’d finally let go with Alex. Forgotten about everything else and surrendered himself completely to her. It made no difference that the fears which had propelled him downstairs this morning had been unfounded. His guilt was that of a watchman who had deserted his post.
A bump from upstairs disturbed his reverie. Now what? He took the stairs two at a time and when he reached the bedroom he found Alex sitting on the bed, wrapped in his dressing gown and rubbing her knee.
‘Are you okay?’
She tipped her head up towards him, smiling through the tears in her eyes. ‘Yes, I’m fine. Just took a tumble.’
She must have got out of bed when he was downstairs. He’d made sure to pick up their discarded clothes from the floor when he’d got up yesterday evening and, without thinking, he’d moved her prosthetic leg away from the bedside and into the corner, where they couldn’t trip over it.
‘Did you hurt yourself?’
‘No. You have nice thick carpet.’
Leo suddenly realised that she was looking at the phone in his hand. In his panic, he’d broken his promise to her. We can manage. He’d put all the things that kept her independent out of reach, and then left her on her own.
He dropped the phone onto the floor and walked over to her, kneeling in front of her. ‘Alex, I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s okay.’ One tear trailed down her cheek and she brushed it away. ‘I’m used to thinking about these things. You shouldn’t have to.’
That wasn’t the way it had been last night. But he’d messed up badly and he couldn’t expect her to allow him the precious trust that she’d shown last night. ‘I’ll get your bag.’
‘Yes, thanks. I’ll go and have a shower in the other bathroom, if that’s okay.’ She smiled up at him. ‘There are grab rails.’
He wanted to say that she didn’t need grab rails—that she could hold onto him. But the truth was that she did—because he couldn’t be relied on, couldn’t be the man she deserved.
‘You’ve finished your calls?’ She nodded at the phone, lying on the floor.
‘Oh. Yeah. Nothing urgent.’ Another layer of misery folded around his heart. That was the real reason for her tears. He’d got out of bed so hurriedly that he couldn’t have failed to wake her up, and she’d heard him downstairs. It felt almost as if he’d been caught being unfaithful to her. Leo was under no illusions that he’d betrayed her trust.
He stood, catching up his jeans from the washing basket and pulling them on. It was suddenly chilling to be this naked in front of her. ‘I’ll bring your bag, and then I’ll go and get us something to eat.’
She nodded. ‘Thanks. That would be nice.’
* * *
Alex had gulped down the coffee he’d made and pushed the banana pancakes around on her plate, in a gesture towards eating them.
‘What are you doing today?’ Maybe she’d stay and they could try to work this out. Although Leo couldn’t think how they were going to do that.
‘I should get home. I...’ She shrugged.
‘You’re not coming back, are you?’ He’d seen women decide not to come back before, and he knew the signs. Maybe time had softened the memory, but he didn’t recall it hurting quite as much as this.
‘No, I need... With my leg, Leo, I need to...’ She lapsed suddenly into silence.
‘If you want to give me a reason then give one. If you don’t, that’s fine. But the one thing I won’t take from you is that it’s because of your leg, Alex. That’s not a reason and we both know that.’
‘Yes, we do.’ She gave a sudden, all too brief, smile. ‘I need to feel that you might be able to...that for just some of the time you can forget everything else and be with me, without regretting it afterwards. I don’t think that’s going to happen.’
He could tell her that it would. He could tell her he’d make it happen, but he’d be lying. The panic he’d felt this morning, the tearing regret that he’d been so stupid as to lose himself with Alex, had been a gut reaction but it had been there. She deserved a great deal more than that.
‘No, it’s not. I’m sorry, Alex.’
‘We took a risk and it didn’t work out. That’s okay.’ She looked up at him suddenly. ‘Would you do something for me, please?’
‘Of course.’
‘I want you to delete my number from your phone. And I’ll delete yours. I don’t want us to be...’ Alex gave a little shrug.
She didn’t need to explain. The sudden impulse to beg her not to was almost too much for Leo, but he knew this was the right thing to do. ‘You don’t want me to be looking at my phone, wondering if you’ve called, do you. Because you’re not going to.’
‘No. I’m not.’
It seemed so final, but at least this was real. In some ways this was the most compassionate thing she could have done, in a situation that was tearing him apart. Leo took his phone from his pocket and, with shaking fingers, he found her number and deleted it. When he looked up, he saw that Alex was doing the same.
She stood up, seeming to shed whatever she felt about that, suddenly brisk. ‘I should get going.’
He fetched her bag from upstairs, trying not to look at the rumpled bed. Trying not to smell the faint scent of their lovemaking, which still perfumed the air. By the time he got back downstairs, she was in her coat and looking for her car keys in her handbag.
‘I’ll take your things to the car...’
Alex shook her head. ‘I can manage. Thank you.’ She took her bag and turned, opening the front door. Leo watched her go. Across the bridge, alone this time. Then she put her things into the car and the engine choked uncertainly into life.
He wanted to shout the words after her, but he could only whisper them. Because shouting them might elicit some response from her, and he knew that he should just let her go.
‘Be happy.’
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HER KNEE STILL throbbed a little from when she’d crashed down on all fours. She’d woken with a start when Leo had got out of bed, and realised almost immediately that she’d lost him. Swinging herself out of bed and across the room should have been easy—she’d managed enough times before—but she’d been so shaken by grief that she’d fallen.
Somehow, she made it down the track without either driving into the millpond or crashing into a tree. But any further and tears would have blinded her. Alex pulled off the road into an entranceway to a field, switched off the engine and then crashed her fist into the steering wheel.
This might feel a little better if she hated Leo. If she could convince herself that he wasn’t a good man. If he hadn’t made love to her that way last night. He’d meant it. She knew he’d really meant it.
But none of that mattered. Leo had just been on loan to her. For one gorgeous night she’d thought that he could live for the moment, in the here and now, and then the past had clawed him back again. Alex couldn’t forget the guilt and regret on his face when he’d appeared in the doorway. Last night had meant something to both of them and
that look had taken it all back, soured and destroyed it.
She pulled a tissue from the glove compartment. She was going to cry. She could feel it welling up inside, an insistent and wordless agony. All she could do was to get it over with. She’d fallen down and, however much it hurt, she was going to have to get back up again.
* * *
Getting back up again hadn’t been so easy. Alex missed Leo every day. Every time she walked past the cake shop on the way to the charity’s office. Every time someone wrote to her or phoned her, saying that they’d heard her on the radio.
The dark days of March trickled away and became the slightly less dark days of April. It would be summer soon. Alice had been fitted for her running blade and was beginning to learn to run with it. She’d asked Alex to put a photograph up on the charity’s website, in the hope that the anonymous donor might see it and know how much it meant to her. Perhaps Leo would. Perhaps he’d see it and smile.
* * *
‘Look at these!’ Rhona came flying into the office, a bunch of yellow roses in her hand, her face flushed with pleasure.
‘They’re lovely. You and Tom had a good weekend, then?’
‘It was a great weekend. But Tom doesn’t send yellow roses—he sends red ones. And not two dozen long-stemmed ones either; we’re saving for the wedding.’ Rhona put the flowers down on Alex’s desk. ‘These are for you.’
‘Me?’ Two dozen long-stems sounded suspiciously like Leo. Or maybe he was just the first person who sprang to mind because she’d been thinking about him again, on her way to work this morning.
‘You. Yellow roses. That’s for friendship, in case you were wondering.’
‘Who are they from?’ Alex didn’t dare touch them. If they weren’t from Leo then it meant they must be from someone else. And receiving roses from someone else felt somehow disloyal. Even if there was nothing between her and Leo any more.
‘How do I know?’ Rhona rolled her eyes and plucked a small envelope from the side of the wrapping. ‘It’s knobbly...’
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