Maybe more than boss him around. But could I really hurt him?
“It’s not about hurting me, Allie,” he said.
Thinking about his words, I nodded. I knew that.
I could feel a vague fear lingering there, anyway.
He watched me wrestle with it. I could almost see the thoughts running behind his eyes, but he wasn’t sharing those with me, either, not even through his light.
“Untie me,” I told him softly. “We should talk, Revik.”
He shook his head. “That’s not much of a negotiation, wife.”
“I have to negotiate to get you to untie me? Come on, Revik. I mean it. We should talk.”
He smiled, sliding up my body to kiss my throat.
“You mean about your dreams?” He clicked at me in mock admonition, supporting his weight on his arms and hands, causing them to tense where he hung over me. “You call me a workaholic. I don’t shop-talk you when you’re trying to fuck me, wife.”
Before I could let out a snort, he shifted his weight, pressing more of his body into mine. Adjusting his legs and arms, he pinned me down, pulling me down the bed until my locked arm was straight over my head, and I couldn’t move. I still had ahold of his light, but he fought me enough that I had to struggle to hold him that way, too.
His light was getting stronger again.
“This isn’t negotiation, either…” he gasped. “You’re only making me intransigent. More intransigent…”
“Intransigent?” I laughed.
“Stubborn. Unwilling to change one’s views.”
“I know what intransigent means,” I said, torn between laughing and frowning at him, even as I rolled my eyes. “My English is still better than yours. Are you really not going to talk to me?”
“Let me go,” he coaxed. “We can fuck a few times, then talk.”
“Revik.” I let out an involuntary laugh. “You’re impossible.”
“Let me go,” he coaxed. “I’ll leave you here the rest of the day if you don’t.”
Studying his eyes more carefully that time, I smiled. “You’re serious.”
“Dead fucking serious.” He pressed his body against mine, gasping when I stopped him, using his light. “Here’s my negotiation,” he said. “Let go of my light. Let me control this… and I’ll give you what you want. I’ll tell you everything you said last night. I’ll tell you anything you want to know about Dalejem… and my weird fantasies about you hitting me.”
He paused, letting that dangle for a few seconds before he shrugged, a faint smile hovering on his narrow lips.
“…Don’t let me go, and I’ll retaliate.”
I rolled my eyes. “Retaliate, how? By chaining me to a wall?”
His eyes turned visibly more predatory. “It’s a win-win for me. I might leave you in here for days. Make you perform sexual favors before I feed you.”
I held his stare. “What if I did the same to you?”
I saw pain flicker across his face. Seeing the expression there, and more than that, feeling it in his light, I shook my head, clicking at him.
“Gaos,” I said. “That turns you on, too? You’re hopeless.”
“Are you going to fuck me?” he said. “Do you really want to have a heavy conversation before we do this? Or is this revenge? Some kind of power play?”
Thinking, I had to concede his point.
Sighing, I shook my head.
“No?” he said. “To which part? Are you going to fuck me?”
“I was thinking about it,” I admitted, looking up at him.
His eyes hardened as he returned my gaze, right before his pain worsened.
“Fuck negotiation, by the way,” he said. “Next time, I’ll just bring you with me. Violate you whenever I can’t stand it anymore… lock you to fixtures in random cabins on the ship.”
“For more of your friends to find me?” I snorted. “Great. I’ll alert the media.”
He paused, right as he’d been lowering his mouth.
Staring at my face from an inch away, he frowned. “Do I want to know?”
Seeing the suddenly much less amused expression on his face, I sighed, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut. “I’m sure you’ll hear about it, soon enough,” I said, pressing my free hand to my forehead. When his eyes narrowed, I pushed at his chest with the same hand. “If you unlock me, I’ll tell you. How about that?”
His pain worsened. That time, it felt a lot less like separation pain.
Feeling the change in his light, I grasped hold of his hair in my hand. I gripped him harder when he avoided my eyes.
“Hey.” Worry flickered through my light, and my voice. “Come on. What? We were kidding around, right? Nothing happened, Revik. Nothing like that. No one saw me really.”
“But you were going to let me think they did?” he said.
I sighed, exasperated. “I didn’t say that. I was teasing you, for fuck’s sake.”
He clicked at me, his accent abruptly worsening. “I told you, I’m not fucking kidding around about some things. Not with us. Remember? Not kidding. Not entirely. Those were my words. I think I said it more than once, that I wasn’t going to be rational right now––”
“Okay,” I said. “Hey, calm down. I hear you. And I’m sorry.”
His voice turned harder. “The fuck you are. You’re not sorry. And you’re not hearing me, Allie. Or you wouldn’t be doing this. You wouldn’t be…”
Stopping himself, he let his words trail.
I was still staring up at him when he shook his head, his eyes distant. I felt his light close more and swallowed, studying his angular face.
“Revik––” I began.
He shook his head. “No. Let me say this.” I felt his muscles clench, just before he slid off me. “Jesus. You’re going to make me have a serious fucking conversation right now. When we’re both in so much pain we’re going to be irrational assholes about it.”
He leaned back to his side, even as I released his light. More worry flickered through me, but when he met my gaze, I didn’t see any real anger there.
“Allie.” He exhaled. “You have to know this. I’m really not kidding about wanting to know where you are… and yes, who you’re with. I know it’s controlling. I know it’s fucked up. But I asked you to humor me on this, wife, at least for a little while. I asked you. You said you would. You also said you understood. I told you I’d do the same for you… anytime you want.”
“Only to chain me to your bed,” I said, clicking softly. “…and leave me here.”
“I left a note!” He stared at me, frowning. “We have a fucking safe word––you never used it. You knew where I was. You could have contacted me any time. I’m not saying you can’t do what you want, wife, with whoever you want… just tell me! Just fucking tell me for a little while, all right? Ease my fucking mind!”
Feeling my shoulders unclench, I nodded, caressing his neck.
“Okay.” Sliding my hand down his body, I felt him shiver as I paused to massage his chest. “But I didn’t go anywhere, Revik,” I reminded him. “You knew exactly where I was.”
“Fuck, Allie. Don’t screw with me on this. Did someone really come in here?”
I hesitated, then gave a noncommittal shrug. “I suppose it’s possible.”
Exhaling in frustration, he stared at me. After another pause, his eyes hardened. “Gods. I’m going to kill that fucker. This time, I really am.”
I blinked at him. “Did you just read me? Seriously?”
“Is that not allowed anymore, either?” he said, frowning.
I had to admit, he had a point.
We both pretty much read one another with impunity. The unspoken rule seemed to be that anything one of us didn’t actively shield from the other was fair game. We never came out and said that, of course, but we’d been living it for a while now.
Still, the sudden change in his mood threw me.
“No,” I said. “Of course you can read me.” I pushed my upper bod
y up on my elbows, frowning at him. “Really, I was more impressed,” I admitted. “What did you get off me just now? Or are you trying some sneakier-than-usual way to get me to ‘fess up names? Pretending you know when you really don’t?”
“Jorag,” he said, blunt. “Balidor. Chandre. Pagoj. Chinja.”
I blinked. “Okay. Wow. I am impressed. Either that, or I am seriously slipping.”
He clicked at me, but the annoyance didn’t fade from his expression. “Did he really stare at you like that? Or are you trying to wind me up? Because if it’s the latter, there are better ways to do that. Safer ways, anyway.”
“Safer for who?” I said, cocking an eyebrow at him.
“Safer for Jorag,” he growled. “Safer for you, if you were serious about wanting me to unlock you from that wall anytime soon.”
Seeing the genuine irritation in his eyes, I clicked at him, putting light in my fingers as I touched his jaw. “It’s not a big deal, Revik.”
I hesitated, trying to decide if I should bring up the Terian thing. Part of me thought I should wait until after I’d coaxed him into sex, especially now that he was already upset. He might be a little more amenable to the information after sex, I reasoned.
Or, realistically… he might not.
Maybe, if I was being totally honest with myself, I wanted sex, and I was pretty sure sex would be off the table once he found out about Terian. Then again, maybe that wasn’t the best basis for making communication decisions regarding my husband––particularly not in relation to topics he was obviously still sensitive about.
Especially not when we still had communication issues in general.
Revik stared at me, not speaking. I could still see that darker look in his eyes, but I could no longer feel what lay behind it.
“Where were you all morning, anyway?” I said. “Balidor had no idea.”
He shook his head, clicking at me. “Don’t change the subject, wife. I’m really not in the mood.”
I exhaled, exasperated. “What is the subject, exactly? I said I was sorry.”
He exhaled, but didn’t answer.
I was still trying to decide what was going on with him, when the pain coming off his light abruptly worsened. He was looking at my eyes when I turned, his mouth hard as he stared back at me. I felt his frustration at his inability to make me understand, to really see what concerned him. I felt his irritation that I hadn’t said anything about Balidor and the others coming in here, but somehow, that felt mostly like worry, too.
Looking at him, I realized he was talking himself back from an adrenaline rush. The fact that someone came in here without him knowing had actually scared him.
I watched his face, perplexed. It occurred to me that some of this might really be about his fear of something bad happening to me again.
He let out a low snort, staring at me incredulously. “You think?”
I felt my face warm. “You really think Jorag could be a plant?”
“Jon was a fucking plant, Alyson!”
“But Jorag?” I frowned, skeptical. “I mean, the genius of the Jon thing was, there was no way we’d ever suspect him. And he wasn’t a ‘plant’… they actually screwed with his mind. But Jorag? I mean, how many times has Balidor looked at him?”
“He was in both Rebellions.”
“Yeah, pretty much my point,” I said.
“And mine,” Revik said, his voice sharper.
Thinking about his words, I nodded, biting back a more flippant response. I knew none of the high-level Adhipan fully trusted some of those ex-Rebel seers––meaning those whose light had been sculpted by Menlim personally. Jorag was one of those seers.
In through the out door…
Was that what Terian meant? Was he warning me about the ex-Rebels?
I kept the thought quiet, hidden behind a shield.
“So… what?” I exhaled sharply when he still hadn’t spoken. “You keep the old lady locked in the closet for the next however-many months? Then what? A shiny new GPS bracelet with shock-capability to knock me out if I get outside of your comfort zone?”
When Revik still wouldn’t speak, wouldn’t even look at me, I gripped his hair in my free hand, shaking him lightly to get his eyes to turn.
“…You know what I mean, don’t you husband?” I said softer, using my light to pull on him. “Like what they put on dogs? Or does that turn you on, too?”
He didn’t answer.
I swallowed, then decided I had to bite the bullet.
I had to tell him.
“Anyway.” I swallowed again, my voice cautious as I trailed a finger over his collarbone. “There’s no guarantee that any place is safe, Revik. Not really.”
He didn’t answer.
Feeling my face tighten, I shrugged, avoiding his eyes.
“…And you can’t really get mad at them,” I added, even more careful. “Jorag and Balidor and the others, they were just doing their job. They came in here because…” I hesitated, watching his face. “Well, really, because the breach alarm went off,” I said, talking faster, still watching his eyes. “In here, I mean. Only in this part of the tank, Revik. He didn’t get anywhere near Lily, or any of the others. He, Terian, I mean, must have figured out how to hack into the computer network, and…”
Feeling Revik’s whole body tense, even as his expression abruptly darkened, I spoke faster, talking over the explosion I could see growing behind his eyes.
“…It was virtual, Revik. Just virtual, okay?” I saw the muscles of his shoulders harden to rock. “‘Dori tells me he didn’t get near the construct of the tank compartment… any of the tank compartments. He didn’t get near Lily. Or Maygar. None of the alarms went off in either of their cells, or in Cass’s. Terian claimed he just wanted to talk to me, that Shadow wasn’t involved. Of course, that was probably bullshit, but he really acted a lot more like Feigran than Terian.” Thinking about that, I shook my head. “It was pretty weird, actually. It seemed like…”
But Revik was already climbing off of me.
I trailed, watching him regain his feet, feeling my throat tighten as he leaned down to yank his shirt off the floor. His light had retreated behind one of his bunker-like shields.
His face had gone entirely blank.
I frowned, watching as he tugged the shirt over his head, twisting it around to shove his arms through the sleeves. He yanked it down his back with one hand even as he fumbled in his pocket for a headset. Fitting the mechanism over his ear, he activated it, or must have, since I saw the light glow, right before he walked over to the table where he’d set the breakfast tray.
He buckled his pants and belt as I watched.
I saw his irises blur, indicating either sub-vocals, or––
I flinched, feeling his light wrap suddenly and invasively around mine. I didn’t feel much of him in that, either. I felt him asking me, too, although not very warmly.
Realizing what he wanted, I opened, letting him have it.
He pulled every fragment of my interaction with Terian from my light. He took all of it, without so much as a single question to me beyond asking if he could do it.
His light retracted the instant he was done, reconfiguring behind a dense shield.
He’d gone full-blown infiltrator on me in under a minute.
I was still staring at him when a whisper of presence touched my wrist. I heard an audible click and turned my head.
The cuff on my wrist fell open.
I blinked, lowering my freed arm from the wall. Turning back towards Revik, I rubbed my wrist, watching him.
He was already shoving his feet into his shoes, which he’d left near the bed. I watched him tug on the back of the deck shoe, hooking the thick cloth over his heel as he hopped on one foot. Realizing abruptly what he was doing, I sat up, climbing off the bed after him.
“Revik, wait. Baby, wait… don’t go.”
He didn’t even look at me.
I saw his jaw harden, though.
F
eeling the unmistakeable “stay away” vibe on his light, I ended up just standing there, watching as he flipped up the console cover to the left of the hatch, hitting through the lock sequence once he’d exposed the DNA-encoded keys.
He gave me one last, hard look after he’d finished entering the code––a look I read at once, and decided to comply with, if only because I probably would have felt the same way, if our positions were reversed. Reaching back over the bed, I snatched the sheet off the top of the mattress, wrapping it around my body before the door opened.
“Revik,” I sighed. “Seriously. Can we talk about this?”
He didn’t look at me that time, either.
I felt a hard coil of pain leave his light, but most of it didn’t feel like separation pain.
I couldn’t even tell if the anger I felt in that pain was aimed at me. It didn’t really feel like it. He’d gone into some kind of hyper-aware military mode instead, maybe through some perverse reflex around the breach, or maybe because the whole thing triggered something else in his light. I could feel he understood the attack had been virtual only; he just didn’t care.
Woven into the anger, I felt a focus that unnerved me, that told me he wasn’t just leaving to get away from me.
He had a destination in mind. Some kind of goal.
Before I could think of what that might be, the door opened wide enough for him to squeeze through the opening. Within seconds, he’d disappeared, giving me only a bare glimpse of Neela’s surprised face before he vanished down the hallway, heading for what looked like the stairs to the upper levels of the carrier. Watching him over her shoulder, Neela turned to give me a startled look, a question in her hazel eyes.
Rather than answer it, I just motioned with one hand for her to close the door.
The request seemed to snap her out of her bewilderment.
Giving me a seer’s nod, she made the respectful sign of the Bridge, keeping her head below mine as she started to comply.
Neela still acted pretty weird around me, truthfully.
Prophet: Bridge & Sword Page 22