She’s Lily’s grandmother, he reminded me softly.
I don’t give a shit, I muttered back in his mind.
They’ll be leaving soon, he sent, not to be deterred.
Yeah, with our fucking daughter, I sent back, my anger growing. She’ll get plenty of “grandma” time with her then. Or did you forget?
Revik didn’t answer.
I gave Kali an openly hostile look as she walked past us on her way out of the tank, presumably so Revik and I could be alone with Lily. She smiled at me, and I fought to make my expression polite. I failed though, and ended up dropping Revik’s hand to clench my fist.
Kali scarcely missed a beat, smiling at Revik instead. She put out a hand, as if to touch his arm in passing, but I pushed her light roughly off his.
“You might not want to be doing that… sister,” I warned.
Revik flinched, looking at me in surprise.
Then, as if feeling another something off my light, he moved, seemingly to insert his body between me and my biological mother.
Through all of it, Kali looked only at me, her green eyes wide.
I saw the hurt there, but the frown scarcely touched her full mouth before she shook her head, pulling her light back in the same set of seconds. She opened her aleimi deliberately then, making it submissive.
“I am sorry, daughter,” she murmured, bowing politely. “My profound apologies.”
I heard the hurt in her words that time, too.
Even so, I still felt myself pulling away from her light, not wanting to feel it. The fact that she got anywhere near Revik right then, given everything, was enough that I had to bite my lip to remain silent. A part of me wanted to tell her to fuck off, but I didn’t do that, either.
In any case, Kali gave Revik a wide berth, aiming her feet deliberately for the oval door. I watched her go, still having to fight back the colder fury that coiled around my light.
Turning to Revik after the door closed behind her, I used my mind to speak to him, even as Lily came up and grabbed hold of my fingers.
She’s not allowed in here again, I sent. Not without my permission.
Revik frowned, glancing behind him towards the door.
He only nodded, once.
I could tell he didn’t agree with me.
I could also tell he didn’t want to argue about it here, in front of Lily. I felt him thinking about Uye, and the fact that most of my anger seemed to be irrationally aimed at one parent and not the other.
I bit my lip at that, too.
Lily wasn’t going to tolerate my ignoring her for more than a few seconds, however.
She leaned the whole weight of her body, which now looked around five years old to me, with my human-conditioned eyes, in her attempt to drag me across the room. Gripping my one hand in both of hers, she pulled me towards the fuzzy chair in the far corner of the room. She looked up at Revik somewhat warily as she did it, and forgetting about Kali, I frowned, following her gaze to my husband’s face.
He really did look tired.
“He should take a nap,” Lily announced, pointing him towards the couch.
I burst out in a laugh. “Really? Should he?”
“He has to be quiet,” she said, her voice bossy in that way only small children’s voices can be bossy. “…My guys are sleeping.”
She pointed to the row of stuffed animals lying on her bed, what she called her “guys” for some inexplicable reason. I nodded, fighting another smile as I glanced at Revik.
“Because he’s always such a chatterbox,” I murmured.
“He has to sleep!” Lily insisted.
I laughed again, clicking softly as I looked at Revik.
She wants to talk to you alone, Revik said in my mind, too soft for her to hear. I probably shouldn’t have come in here with you.
Remembering the scene at the security station outside the tank, and the vibe I’d gotten off Neela, I sent him a pulse of warmth.
It’s fine. Just lie down, like she said. I’ll talk to her.
Lily was still tugging on my hand as Revik walked over to the couch and sat, and then turned, stretching out his long body to lie on his back. Lily watched him carefully, her clear eyes narrowed, as he lay his dark head on one armrest, closing his eyes before stretching out an arm. He lay the arm over his face, shielding his eyes.
I felt a satisfied flicker go through Lily’s light, even as she pulled harder on my arm. She brought me to the far corner of the room and indicated with her hand and light that she wanted me to sit first in the green, fuzzy chair. I smiled at the crouching piece of furniture, something I knew Chandre had dug up for Lily after one of our salvage runs.
Lily had half the seers on the ship wrapped around her little finger, even stuck in here. I had to wonder how much worse that would get, once we let her out of here.
Frowning, I stared at my daughter’s light through my own.
I could see everything so clearly all of a sudden.
My seer sight zoomed in on her more, until I was staring at structures I could see rotating higher up in her aleimi.
Careful, wife… Revik blew at me softly.
My irritation returned, but not at him. I sent a pulse of something along the lines of fuck the rules in his direction, and felt a glimmer of amusement from him in return.
But Lily wasn’t having any of my distractions that time, either.
Climbing into my lap, she wrapped her arms around my neck and began talking quietly into my ear. Of course, she was no where near as stealthy as she seemed to think she was, so I could tell Revik heard most of what we said.
“Are you mad at Daddy?” she said in my ear.
I smiled, shaking my head at her. “No.”
“Not even a little?” she said, frowning that time, and forgetting to be as quiet.
“Not even a little,” I told her, still smiling.
She pursed her lips, thinking about my answer.
“Was he mean to you?” she said, trying to get at the truth by a different angle. “Is that why you were gone?”
I thought about that. Then, not wanting to lie to her, I tilted my hand, a seer’s form of ambivalence, what bordered on a shrug.
“Maybe he said some things at a bad time,” I admitted.
From the couch, Revik grunted.
Lily glanced over at him, then back at me. “Uncle Wreg and Uncle Jon are really mad at him,” she informed me.
I nodded to that information, glancing at Revik.
“They are, are they?” I said, quirking an eyebrow.
“Yes,” Lily said, looking at Revik, too. “They think that’s why you went away and didn’t come to visit me for so long.”
Revik didn’t look up that time, and his light remained quiet. I saw him shift his weight on the couch, though. I also saw his mouth tighten under the shadow of his arm.
“Are you mad at Daddy?” I asked Lily, turning back towards her. “Is that why he has to take a nap?”
From the couch, I felt a softer pulse of humor. I felt the sadness underneath that, too.
I only looked at Lily, though.
After a few seconds, she shook her head. I felt relief in her light, even as her arms tightened around my neck.
“No,” she said. “No, I’m not mad at him. I just didn’t want him to be mean.”
I laughed, hugging her back. “He’s almost never mean, honey.” I glanced at Revik then, still grinning. “…Although he has his moments.”
“So does Mommy,” Revik grunted from the couch.
I felt the relief in his light, though, and again found myself wondering what had been going on over the past few days. I definitely got the sense Revik didn’t want to talk about it.
Lily was playing with my hair though, and I felt her light weaving back into mine, relief coming off her as she relaxed into my arms and aleimi.
Remembering again just how young she was, and how often Revik and I weren’t in here, I fought back a ripple of pain. Thinking about my friend
s back in San Francisco with their kids, and what their lives had been like––at least before the nightmare of the last few years––didn’t help. They spent most of their time with their kids, especially when they were this young.
They were with them pretty much 24/7.
On the other hand, I knew most seers were forced to give their children up even younger than this. It had been more or less standard practice since World War II, when trade in live seers exploded. Most seer parents had their kids sent to schools with military-grade protection, some run by the Adhipan and the rest run by monks.
That had been true right up until C2-77 hit.
It was still true, really. In fact, some of our people––meaning ‘Dori’s people, operating out of Asia––still guarded seer schools high up in the mountains.
Thinking about this, I slid deeper into Lily’s light.
I felt Revik hovering over the two of us from the limited Barrier field inside the tank, and gently pushed him back so I could get a better look at Lily on her own. I only realized I was targeting the structures Shadow put there after Revik moved out of the way.
Following threads across and through the higher structures in Lily’s aleimi, I stared at things in her I’d never seen before, and not only because I’d been following security protocols.
I could see more now, for some reason.
From the couch, Revik coughed.
I looked over questioningly, but instead of speaking to me, Revik addressed Lily.
“Mommy’s light is different now, isn’t it?” he said.
I looked at Lily, startled.
Lily nodded, a serious look on her round face.
That face looked so much like Revik’s––at least, the younger version of Revik I remembered from the Barrier––I grinned, squeezing her impulsively.
“I do?” I said to her. “I look different?”
Lily squinted at the empty space above my head.
“It’s different,” she agreed, talking mostly to Revik. She continued to look up, her small mouth pursed, jutting out her lips. “It’s more… colors now.”
Revik grunted. “Yes,” he said. “What else?”
“It’s more…” Lily paused, and I could see her thinking about words. “…More high up. More pictures in it.”
Revik nodded. “I see more pictures, too,” he told her.
I glanced at him, but he didn’t meet my gaze.
“Her eyes look different, too,” Lily said, her voice more confident now. She turned, staring up at my face. “Do you see that, Daddy? Mommy’s eyes are different…”
Revik nodded, settling his head back on the armrest. “Yes. I saw.”
I frowned, but didn’t interrupt them.
“What happened to her?” Lily said.
Revik clicked softly, under his breath. He made a vague motion with one hand, one that came off like a shrug, but had a more nuanced meaning in seer, something along the lines of, only the gods know for sure, from what Wreg taught me.
Lily continued to look at him where he was stretched out on the couch. As she stared, I felt a flush of pain off her light. That time, it felt aimed at Revik.
She’d missed Revik, too.
Not because he hadn’t been in here––I could feel from both of them that he had been, at every time increment they allowed him to be. I more got the sense Lily had remained aloof from him during those sessions. I glimpsed pieces of the last few times he’d been in here, and I could feel her avoiding him with her light.
I didn’t probe either of them too deeply for specifics. It felt like it was between the two of them.
That being said, I was pretty pissed off at Jon and Wreg.
From the couch, Revik clicked softly.
When I looked over, I saw relief in his light, along with love in his eyes.
“Don’t be, wife,” he said, his voice soft.
I nodded, noncommittal.
I was looking at Lily’s light again.
I could see everything now, including those fine, dark threads Balidor warned me and Revik about, the ones woven directly into her aleimi by Shadow. I could see where they spiderwebbed around the natural light structures over her head, like an infestation of micro-fine plant roots. Looking at them made me feel sick. I could see them structuring and re-channeling Lily’s light, even here, cut off from direct contact with the Dreng.
Those tiny threads were the reason Lily remained a prisoner inside her segment of the tank, unlike Revik and Maygar. We knew if we gave Shadow and the Dreng access to her light, they’d continue to warp her development, until eventually, she wouldn’t be able to function without them at all. She’d be like Revik was after Menlim broke and re-broke and regrew structures in his light. She’s be like that, only worse.
If we didn’t find a way to fix Lily’s light, she might literally not be able to live without them. She might be stuck living in the tank the rest of her life.
From what Balidor said, Revik’s dependency was never so biologically-based. He’d been older when Menlim kidnapped him, and, though young, he’d previously lived with parents who loved him, who cocooned him in protection and light.
For the same reason, he’d develop those most basic, primitive structures that tied him to the world without interference. It took repeated traumas to break Revik’s light enough to give Menlim the same level of control over him.
Lily, he’d had as a tiny embryo.
I could feel now just how early he’d started planting and nurturing those metallic threads in her light. I could see her there, floating in a tank, surrounded by Menlim and his fucked up scientists. He’d started messing with her the first day he took her out of me.
I shook off the image, but not before it brought a harder flush of pain.
I shoved back the memory of Cass, right before they put me under in my mother’s bedroom. I fought out the image of her face, smiling at me, the satisfaction in her expression.
It hurt too much. Even now, after everything, it hurt too much.
Anyway, dwelling on that wouldn’t help Lily.
Peering closer at those dark threads, I frowned, following with my eyes and light where Shadow deliberately used those metallic structures to replace her natural aleimic framework, forcing the rest of her aleimi to grow around them. I could see now, what he’d done––beyond just the cloud of shadowy spiderwebs Balidor showed me before. I could see the actual mechanics of what he’d removed and replaced.
He’d deliberately targeted the threads that tied Lily to her physical body. Being the most “semi-dimensional” aspects of her light, they were also those that provided the interface with Lily’s physical body.
If that interface got cut, or disrupted, Lily would die.
Which meant, if I removed those metallic threads, I would kill my own daughter.
Now, looking at Lily’s light, I could see how deliberate that had been.
I could see where Menlim had broken threads, burning them out of existence before they’d been allowed to grow and thicken under the natural resonances of Lily’s light. After altering, breaking and removing those fluid, living threads, he’d replaced them with the cloying, metallic, rigid, and dead-feeling light of the Dreng.
I stared at the connecting points, looking at where they began and ended.
I looked at how he’d fractured pieces of her light, fusing them with structures infused with the light of the Dreng. I could see how her light had grown right into the structures through that same forced resonance.
It was like grafting the branches of a tree together.
Or maybe more like forcing a tree to grow into the side of a steel skyscraper.
In any case, I could see why Tarsi and Balidor warned me not to get my hopes up. From what I could tell by scanning Lily’s light, the natural structure she’d lost as a baby wouldn’t simply regrow on its own. Not in time, anyway. Not before she died.
The problem was absolutely structural.
Thinking about that, I frowned more.
I was still looking at those structures when a low tone came from the higher portion of one wall. The organic speaker there sparked to life a half-second later.
“Esteemed Bridge.” I recognized the voice as Balidor’s. It rose slightly, as if he’d twisted the volume knob on the speaker from the security station. “What is it that you are doing, exactly, my dearest of sisters?”
He must be monitoring the security console from the CIC.
Rolling my eyes, I continued to keep most of my attention on Lily’s light. “Examining my daughter’s light. Is that all right with you, my loveliest of brothers?”
From the couch, Revik let out a low snort.
“Not really,” Balidor said. “Esteemed Sister, we discussed this––”
“No,” I said, cutting him off. “You did. You discussed it, Balidor… and I listened. Now, I’m overruling you.”
There was a silence.
When I glanced at Revik, he raised an eyebrow at me in question.
He didn’t speak, though. Lily remained quiet, too, tugging on the necklace I wore with Revik’s ring on it. I could tell she was listening, just like Revik was. I may have imagined it, but I swear I felt something leave her light, something that felt a lot like hope.
Maybe that’s what finally did it. Maybe it was that bare whisper of questioning hope I felt on my daughter, that I felt on both of them.
Either way, I made up my mind.
“What’s the current state of the construct?” I asked Balidor.
There was another pause.
“Meaning what, Esteemed Bridge?”
“Meaning… what is its current state? Any leaks? Is Shadow able to see past it, from what you can tell? From what any of the others can tell?”
Again, I got a curious ping from Revik.
I continued to focus on the speaker in the organic wall.
“Why are you asking me this, Esteemed Bridge?” Balidor said.
Clicking a little under my breath, I shook my head. Smiling wryly, I glanced at Revik, meeting his gaze as I told Balidor the truth.
“I want to know if Shadow would be able to see my husband and daughter outside of the tank,” I said. “…If, say, I were to remove the specific resonances and structures in their light that allow the Dreng to penetrate our construct now.”
Prophet: Bridge & Sword Page 43