I felt his total indifference to that, even as his irises ignited. I saw him fight to think about it, to make himself care, until he shook his head, clicking softly.
“I’ll block us,” he offered, smiling faintly.
They’ll still feel it if they look.
“Not as much.”
I had a sudden flush of panic. Where’s Lily?
“She’s in school, Allie. She’s not here. She won’t feel anything.”
The others will. They’ll feel it enough to know what we’re doing––
“I don’t give a shit, Allie,” he said. “Do you?”
Looking up at him, I tried to decide if I did.
His pain snaked through my light, until I struggled to even think in straight lines, much less care what a bunch of other seers were doing down the hall. I could feel the want on him so badly, it pretty much erased everything else.
My light grew submissive under his and he let out a heavier groan.
Reaching down, he grabbed hold hold of the elastic on my underwear, ripping it off with one hand. I felt the bite into my hip before the fabric gave, and gasped.
Before I could catch my breath, he turned me over.
Then he had his fingers inside me.
He paused long enough to position me with his hands, forcing me partway to my knees before he slid his fingers all the way into me again, using so much light I could barely stay still, and wouldn’t have been able to, if he hadn’t been holding me there. The pain grew denser in his light. His aleimi wound even deeper into mine as he continued to use his light on me, until I felt his cock harden more, felt the hirik extend.
He let out a low sound when I cried out, half out of my mind when he started sending me more specific images of what he had in mind once he had me where he wanted me.
I gasped at the more violent flickers I felt through his light. He wanted to hit me. He wanted to fuck. He wanted anal sex, too, maybe after I gave him head, maybe with his cock or the telekinesis or both. More than any of that, he wanted me to submit, for my light to be completely submissive to his while he did it.
He wanted surrender. He wanted utter and complete surrender.
I felt that wanting like a physical force through his light.
I felt him wanting things he’d seen Ditrini do, things I’d felt him react to before.
When that made my pain worse, he showed me more.
He let out another low gasp when I agreed to whatever he wanted, right before his eyes closed, longer than a blink.
I still felt him suppressing things, trying to decide how far to push things with me. I felt that restraint enough that I fought against his hold, trying to get free for real. His grip on my aleimi tightened more as I fought him, and I felt my fighting him turn him on, until his pain blinded me, nearly making me lose touch with the room.
“Gods.” He murmured it against my ear. “What the hell is wrong with us?”
I let out a choking laugh, but I couldn’t move, and his pain made me groan.
“I don’t know,” I managed, panting. “Are you wanting more children or something?” Feeling another hard stab of his pain, one that worsened exponentially as I felt him think about my question, I added with a half-humorous gasp, “…Because I think that’s pretty much off the table for the next ten years or so, isn’t it?”
He didn’t answer.
He kissed me instead.
He deepened the kiss, until I lost my train of thought. When he finally paused, a few minutes later, he sat up long enough to yank his shirt over his head.
When he leaned down to kiss me that time, I noticed his tongue tasted like hiri.
It grew hotter in my mouth the longer the kiss went on, even as he slid more of his pain through my light. His body grew heavier, his light more open. Everything relaxed but his arms, which tensed where he gripped my wrists.
The images in his light got more explicit again, even as he let out another groan, fighting to get the hard end of his cock to retract so we could fuck for real.
Whatever this thing was between us, it was getting worse.
It was definitely getting worse.
I felt Revik agree.
The closest my mind came to understanding it came in the form of pictures––of the two of us smashing walls, breaking something that stood between us, that kept us separate from one another, even now. Even at the cabin, we’d been careful with each another. The emotions had been softer, more cautious. More insecure, maybe.
Some of that had been vulnerability and openness, but some of it had been a kind of politeness, too.
That politeness was gone now.
Before I could get very far into that train of thought, he was inside me––
And then I wasn’t thinking anything at all.
43
ANOTHER PROBLEM OF LIGHT
“ALYSON?” BALIDOR SAID. “May I have a word?”
I turned, feeling myself tense––and blush––even before I saw the uncomfortable look on Balidor’s face. My rear end still hurt from Revik’s hand, my skin and bones from the cuffs he’d tightened around my wrists. My back hurt––along with other parts of me––and I had the disconcerting feeling that everyone around the two of us knew it.
Worse, it kept pulling my mind back to Revik, back to sex.
Which I knew had been Revik’s intention.
It also made me conscious of the darting yet intimate touches I still felt from his light, which of course only pulled the attention of the other seers even more. At this point, I felt like everyone in the room was watching us, noticing how I moved, how I walked––staring at the outline of Revik’s fingers and palm on my ass through the thick combat pants.
Jorag was the worst about staring, and getting too close to me with his light.
For some reason, he’d been positively shitty about that for months now. I had no way of knowing whether his reaction came from seeing me and Revik so obviously post-coital, specific knowledge around what we’d been doing, or just horniness in general. Whatever the cause, I felt more pain off the other seer than I could really deal with gracefully.
It was bad enough that I ended up warning him blatantly, motioning towards Revik meaningfully after I hand-signed for him to cut it out.
Jorag read my gestures and flushed.
He also looked away pretty damned quick the instant Revik glanced in our direction.
Now though, with Balidor standing in front of me, I saw Jorag glance at me surreptitiously again. His eyes lingered longest on my rear end, which made me wonder again if they’d seen more of me and Revik in that flag cabin than I really wanted to think about.
I wasn’t the only one getting stares.
I’d caught Dalejem’s eyes on Revik more times than was strictly necessary, and a few of the female seers gave him looks, as well. Unlike Jorag, Dalejem had the sheer politeness (or maybe common sense) to stay away from us, at least.
Kali and Uye left altogether while we’d been gone.
I didn’t ask why. Truthfully, I didn’t want to know.
The fact that probably the best infiltrator alive now stood in front of me, subtly checking out my light, didn’t exactly help the embarrassed heat that crawled traitorously over my skin.
I could feel Balidor’s reluctance as he cleared his throat, averting his gaze.
I couldn’t feel anything specific about what he wanted, but that was hardly unusual with the Adhipan leader, no matter how embarrassed he might be. Waiting for him to speak, I glanced at Revik a second time, feeling that pain in my light worsen when I glimpsed his profile.
Fuck. What was the matter with me?
What was the matter with both of us?
“…Is that a yes?” Balidor said, polite as always. “Alyson?”
I glanced across the room and caught Dalejem staring again, only at me that time, not Revik. I returned his stare, flushing, then looked back at Balidor.
“Sure,” I told him. “What do you need?”
; Revik stood a few yards away, talking to Vikram and Yumi, but I felt his light’s attention more than halfway on mine, wrapped into parts of me that were difficult to ignore, despite the thoughtful nod he gave to whatever Vikram was saying. He gave me a bare glance, his eyes sliding over Balidor before a small frown touched his narrow lips.
I felt the more protective shield that went up in his light, wrapping mine more densely in his. His stance shifted in the same beat, his arms folding over his chest as he planted his legs wider.
It was his immovable stance, I noted, with a bare thread of humor.
Or maybe his just try it stance.
That time, when he looked at me, he sent me a whisper of heat. Maybe he could tell I liked it when he got all male on me, even when it wasn’t particularly warranted. Or maybe he could just tell I was having trouble ignoring anything about him right then.
“Sure,” I repeated. “What is it, ‘Dor?”
I tore my eyes off Revik, only to find the Adhipan leader looking between the two of us, that sharper scrutiny back in his eyes.
I made my voice flat, businesslike. “Is this about the primary landing again? Because I told you, I’m going. Which means Revik is going. That’s non-negotiable.”
He barely seemed to hear me. Looking between me and Revik, he scanned us both openly, a harder look in his gray eyes.
That time, he dropped the polite act.
“What is this,” he said, motioning between the two of us. “What is going on, Alyson?”
I paused a beat before answering, feeling my light flare in reaction to the aggression in his voice, along with a corresponding flare from Revik.
“…Like that,” Balidor said, his voice pointed. “Like what just happened there.” He motioned between the two of us again, his gestures sharper. “What is that?”
I was about to answer, when I found myself glancing at Revik. He was watching the two of us openly now, eyes wary, his light visibly charged.
I sighed, folding my arms, barely conscious I’d already more than half-imitated Revik’s wide-legged stance. “Is there a problem, brother Balidor?” I bit my lip. “Is this about the sex? Because we’re not exactly the first couple who’s ducked out of work to indulge. In fact, I hear you and Yarli––”
“This isn’t about that,” Balidor cut in, motioning in the negative and giving me a warning look. He glanced at Revik, his expression harder. “Something is going on with the two of you. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about… or that I don’t have a right to ask. You know damned well he’s only recently disconnected from Menlim’s construct, and we have no way of knowing for certain if that was accomplished in its entirety. You cannot afford to be secretive regarding any changes in his light, Alyson. You cannot be secretive with changes this drastic in either of you. Now, tell me. What is going on?”
Revik was staring at us.
Catching my eye, he entered my light.
What does he want?
I rolled my eyes. He wants to know what’s going on with us. What do you think?
His jaw tightened. I don’t like his tone. Tell him to back off. He’s standing too close.
“––Alyson?” Balidor said, sharper.
Realizing I’d missed the first part of what he’d said, focusing on Revik, I refolded my arms, taking a half step back without thinking about why I’d done that, either. I struggled to focus on the male seer in front of me, on what we were talking about.
As I did, part of my brain acknowledged the validity of Balidor’s question, as well as my unwillingness to go there with him.
Revik’s light continued to wrap into mine, pulling my attention, demanding it––
Balidor caught hold of my arm. “Alyson!”
I jumped, startled.
The Adhipan leader’s grip managed to jerk my attention back to both him and the room. It worried me when I realized how quickly I’d drifted. Before I could speak, or pull my mind together enough to try, Revik appeared at my side.
Well, a little in front of me, really.
He inserted his body between mine and Balidor’s so quickly, I barely acknowledged the fact that he’d forced the other seer to let go of me.
“What the fuck do you want?” Revik said. “What is this?”
The maleness thing was on overdrive now, and while it affected me, I grew conscious of the stares we’d officially begun to garner from around the room.
To his credit, Balidor barely flinched.
Instead, he looked around Revik’s body to me, his eyes showing an open exasperation. He didn’t send any words to me directly, but from his vague hand-wave towards Revik and his meaningful frown and head-tilt, I got the point without needing to hear it.
He might as well have said, See? You’re seeing this, right?
I sighed, catching hold of Revik’s waist.
Without meaning to almost, I didn’t just tug him back, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling on him with my light as much as my body, so that I felt his aleimi wrap into mine, his body melt into mine even as that protective thing continued to flare off his light. The latter caused his muscles to tense and release against me, making me conscious of his hands, of the long muscles in his thigh, his arms.
He let me pull him back, though, and I felt elements of his light grow submissive, even as his pain sharpened from the direct contact with mine.
And yeah, okay, none of that helped my concentration any.
I forced my eyes back to Balidor, even as my vision blurred. Realizing my eyes had started to glow, I blinked them, trying to pull back my light.
“Both of you, chill,” I said, without releasing Revik. I looked at Balidor. “Yeah, ‘Dori, I get it. I’m just not sure how this falls into the ‘dire, imminent peril’ category, given what we have on our respective plates right now. Yes, there’s something going on with our light. Yes, we’re acting a little weird because of it. It’s not like we’ve been hiding that fact. And if we feel the need to take a few more private moments together as a result, what’s the big deal? We’ll do our job, I promise you––”
But Balidor was already clicking at me, at both of us now.
He glanced at Revik more warily, then returned his gaze to mine.
“Alyson, it is not okay. Not now. Not when we don’t know what’s causing it.” He gave Revik another look. “Neither of you will be able to view this objectively.”
“And you can?” I said.
Balidor gave me a harder look, one that bordered on cold.
Realizing how that sounded, I glanced at Yarli in reflex, feeling my face grow hot. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Clicking at me in irritation, Balidor waved off my words.
Feeling my jaw tighten, I said, “So what do you suggest? Are you really telling me to stop having sex with my husband?”
I didn’t realize how loudly I’d said it until the room around us went quiet.
Glancing around without releasing Revik, I felt my jaw clench before I looked back at Balidor. I saw his gray eyes watching me again, me even more than Revik.
I felt pain on Revik, too, but I also felt him thinking, worrying maybe, and looking at his own light where it wrapped too tightly into mine, especially in terms of specific structures we shared through our aleimi. I felt him worrying about me, about what his light might be doing to mine. I felt him remembering how deeply parts of his light had been hooked into Menlim’s, and how connections of that kind always went two ways.
I also felt Revik thinking how very like Menlim it would be, to use Revik’s light to get to me.
Then I felt a little sick, realizing Menlim had probably watched me and Revik together, pretty much since the beginning of our marriage.
Revik glanced at me, and I saw pain in his eyes, along with a heavier look, one that bordered on disgust. That disgust had a familiarity to it, like he’d felt himself being watched in such a way for a long time––for most of his life, really. Anger lived there too, a kind of helpless fury from
feeling the prison there, from knowing it, but not being able to escape it.
I also felt a harder pulse of understanding.
As if reading all of this along with me, Balidor gestured at Revik with a flowing hand.
“He knows!” Balidor’s voice still held exasperation, but now he sounded relieved, as well. “He understands this all too well! How is it that you can pretend there is no risk of infiltration, Alyson, given what Shadow and his people have perpetrated against us already? How can you pretend this is a small thing, ‘given what we have on our respective plates’?”
I glanced up at Revik. His mouth firmed as he looked at Balidor. I felt him agree with the other seer, right before he glanced at me.
Realizing I agreed with Balidor, too, I let out a frustrated exhale.
“Okay,” I said. “Then we’d better look at this now.”
“Now?” Balidor frowned, glancing around the room, as if to remind me we were already in the middle of a planning meeting.
“Yes,” I said. “Now. Close this meeting. Open another. Pull whoever you need. Yumi, Wreg, Jon, Tarsi, Loki, Varlan… hell, Dalejem, if he’s any good. Whoever you want there. Then tell us where you want us. Anywhere but the tank. I don’t want to bring Lily into this, and even if you sedate her, her light would be too involved inside the tank. It’s better if we stay out here. In fact, have someone pull out of class and put into her own room’s construct until we’re done––”
Balidor was already nodding, acknowledging my words with a gesture.
He took himself away before I could think of anything else. I watched as he motioned sharply to Yumi, who stood on the other side of the room.
Watching the two of them for a moment, I sighed, looking up at Revik.
He returned my look, eyes sharp, a faint smile touching his narrow lips.
I could feel he meant the smile to be reassuring, but it wasn’t really. His light grew increasingly distracting again, the longer we stood there, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to let him go. The fact that Balidor managed to worry me about what was going on between the two of us only made me want to hold him tighter.
Prophet: Bridge & Sword Page 46