by Jaime Raven
I broke into a run again, which prompted the copper to shout for me to stop. But I ignored him and moved as fast as I could along the street in the direction of the sprawling Southampton Common.
I crossed over several more roads and entered the south section of the Common through Cemetery Road. The cop was close behind me. Too close. If I didn’t lose him quickly then his colleagues would join the chase and I wouldn’t stand a chance.
I veered onto the first path which took me into the woods. The darkness enveloped me. There were no lights and I was running blind for much of the way.
At the same time my breath was laboured and my lungs were struggling to suck in oxygen. As the bushes petered out, I found myself bearing down on a pub that was set back from the road. I stopped short of the near-empty car park and stepped up behind a large oak tree, praying the copper hadn’t spotted me.
I stood with my back pressed up against the trunk, holding my breath while listening for his footfalls.
And they weren’t long in coming. Ten seconds maybe. But to my great relief he walked past the tree towards the pub, all the time speaking into his radio and telling whoever was listening that he had lost me.
He came within a few yards of the tree and the torch’s beam washed over the ground around it. But then he quickly moved away, and I was able to let out a long, silent breath.
I waited until I couldn’t hear him any longer and then peered out from behind the tree. I saw him walking across the car park towards the pub.
That was when I made my move and stepped backwards into the bushes.
Then I left the Common and legged it across The Avenue and down the road to the right of St Andrew’s Church. I hugged the shadows as I hurried along several quiet, dimly lit streets. All the time I could hear the urgent clamour of police sirens heading towards Ruby’s house.
But I didn’t spot any more patrol cars or officers on foot. I did, however, pass several pedestrians who gave me strange looks and wide berths.
I headed south, skirting Bevois Valley and the Royal South Hants hospital, and after a while I found myself in an industrial area close to the river that meanders through the city. It was a quiet part of town late at night, and all the buildings were in darkness.
I came to one that looked as though it was derelict. Around the back, facing the river, there was a covered loading area which struck me as a good place to stop and take stock of my dire situation.
I sat on the cold, concrete floor up against a wall. My body was numb, my mind in utter disarray. Despair now consumed me like a black, suffocating cloud.
It was hard for me to take in what had happened and harder still to see a way out of the terrible mess I was in.
The voices in my head were at odds with each other. One was telling me that I shouldn’t have fled the scene, that I should have opened the door to the police and told them exactly what had transpired from the moment I received Ruby’s text message.
But the other voice was saying they would never have believed me – just like they didn’t believe me the last time – so to have stayed would have been a huge mistake.
But by running away I was still in deep shit. It wouldn’t take the police long to find out I’d been in the house, and the planted evidence would convince them I had killed Ruby.
It was only a matter of time before they caught me or I was forced to turn myself in.
My thoughts spun around, trying to work their way out of my head. I was too traumatised even to cry. So I just sat there, rigid as a tent peg, my body shivering despite the fact that the air felt warm.
I kept seeing Ruby’s body on the tiled floor, the knife jutting out of her chest. The image looped in my head, making me feel sick.
Then suddenly I saw Scar’s face and a sharp pain pricked my heart.
Oh God, what had I done?
I didn’t dare try to imagine the pain and suffering she was about to experience. I’d let her down big time. If only I had ignored Ruby’s message. Why the hell hadn’t I stuck to my word?
Because you’re selfish, Lizzie. And so fucking stupid.
It struck me then that I needed to talk to Scar. I had to tell her what had happened and warn her that the police would soon descend on the flat.
I didn’t dare try to return there. I’d be too exposed, and the roads in that part of town would be buzzing with cop cars.
I fumbled for my phone and speed-dialled Scar’s number. As I waited for the call to connect, I tried to work out what to say, but the words wouldn’t come together.
The phone rang and rang and I prayed that she’d answer it. But if she was still asleep and the phone was in the other room, then she might not hear the ringing.
Pick up, babe! Please.
A recorded message eventually kicked in, and my heart tried to crack open my ribs. A terrible thought pulsed through me: what if I never saw Scar again? It was a horrid possibility, and it caused me to let out an anguished cry.
With a huge adrenaline rush, I jumped to my feet and tried to compose myself. The question facing me was what was I going to do? The short answer was: I had no idea.
But I had to do something. I couldn’t walk around the city aimlessly for hours or even days on end.
I looked out across the river towards Woolston. Lights shone in hundreds of flats and I envied the people who were safely ensconced in their homes. Why couldn’t I be one of them? Why did life have to be so cruel to me?
I was about to start walking again, because I couldn’t think what else to do, when my phone rang.
It was Scar. I hesitated before answering.
‘Lizzie! Is that you?’
I had to force the words out through the crimp in my throat.
‘Something’s happened,’ I said. ‘I need to talk to you.’
‘What? I thought you were in bed. Where are you?’
I knew then that I had to see her. It wouldn’t be enough just to explain myself over the phone.
‘Get dressed as quickly as you can and come and meet me,’ I said.
‘I don’t understand. What’s going on?’
‘Please don’t ask any questions, babe. Just move your ass.’
‘But you’re scaring me. Why aren’t you here?’
‘I’ll tell you when I see you.’
‘Where are you, for God’s sake?’
I had to think quickly. I didn’t know exactly where I was so I needed to come up with a location.
‘Shamrock Quay,’ I said. ‘It’s down by the waterfront close to the football stadium. I’ll be waiting at the entrance.’
‘But Lizzie …’
‘Just hurry, please. I need to see you before it’s too late.’
I hung up then before she could ask any more questions. As I shoved my phone back in my pocket, my body convulsed with a violent shudder, and I threw up for the second time that evening.
19
I set out for Shamrock Quay, a busy marina and boat building centre by day, but a quiet spot at night after the restaurants close. I reckoned it would take me about ten minutes to get there if I didn’t get held up along the way.
The streets seemed to close in on me as I walked. With every step I could feel the tension build and the fear grow. My heart was racing and pounding in my chest, limbs trembling uncontrollably.
Plus, I was having second thoughts about meeting Scar. Was it fair of me to involve her? The police would surely find out and accuse her of being an accessory, and that was the last thing I wanted.
But I still couldn’t bring myself to go it alone. My emotions were spinning out of control and the panic was like a flaming ball inside me.
I was desperately scared, but it helped me to focus right now on just one thing: spending a few minutes with the woman I loved before both our worlds imploded.
I walked as fast as I could, but still Scar beat me to Shamrock Quay. It came as a huge relief because it meant I didn’t have to hang around. I saw her car as I shuffled along the pavement towards the entrance. She was st
anding next to it looking out for me. The sight of her made my eyes sting and my heart jump.
It was gone midnight so the area was deserted. She’d parked in an unlit part of the street and I didn’t see any CCTV cameras close by.
Scar spotted me as I dashed across the road, and as I approached her my insides knotted up.
‘What the fuck is going on?’ she yelled when I was close enough to hear.
‘Just get in the car,’ I said.
I opened the passenger door and slipped in and Scar got in beside me. The engine had been left running and the dashboard lights were on.
‘We need to go somewhere secluded,’ I said. ‘We’re too exposed here. I know a place not far away.’
She stared at me, her eyes bulbous and fixed, and I felt awash with shame.
‘What have you done, Lizzie?’ she said through tight lips. ‘Please tell me.’
She looked terrified. Her hair was a ragged mess, her eyes streaked and bloodshot.
‘When we get there,’ I said. ‘Please just drive.’
With some reluctance, she engaged gear and we pulled away from the kerb.
She sat in furious silence during the few minutes it took to get to an isolated spot in the shadow of the city’s Itchen bridge. It was a small unlit parking area that served another waterside industrial complex, a short distance from the St Mary’s football stadium.
When we pulled up she killed the engine and turned to face me. The silence was suddenly so profound that it roared in my ears.
‘So come on, Lizzie,’ she said. ‘Where have you been and what have you done?’
Her eyes burned in a way I hadn’t seen before. I wanted to cry, but I was afraid that if I started I wouldn’t be able to stop.
‘I’ve fucked up, babe,’ I said. ‘Really badly. And I don’t know what to do.’
She continued to look at me, her fear clouded with confusion.
‘But I don’t get it. We went to bed together. We were both asleep.’
‘You slept, Donna. I couldn’t. So I got up to have a smoke. And that’s when I got a text from Ruby.’
I started to tell her everything. But it wasn’t easy. My words kept getting trapped by lumps of emotion.
Her features twisted in anger and disbelief as she listened, and when I was finished she said, ‘You stupid, stupid woman. You told me it was over. You promised you’d let it go.’
She started sobbing then, deep anguished sobs that were distressing to hear. My body ached at the thought of what I had done and what I’d lost. My mind filled with sadness and pain and my chest became a symphony of agonising drumbeats.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, and I knew I sounded pathetic.
She stared at me through her tears, her brow furrowed, her glare intense.
‘I can’t believe it,’ she muttered. ‘Everything is ruined.’
My face flushed with shame and the ball of sadness expanded in my chest so much I felt it was choking me.
She squeezed her eyes shut as the tears rolled down her cheeks, and her nose began to run.
I leaned towards her and held her face in my hands. She opened her eyes and looked at me.
‘I’ll turn myself in,’ I said. ‘I realise now that it’s the only option open to me. I just had to see you first.’
She took a large breath and shook her head.
‘You can’t do that, Lizzie. The police will never believe you. You’ll go to prison for the rest of your life.’
‘But I can’t run away,’ I said. ‘I’ve got nowhere to go and they’d eventually catch up with me.’
Scar reached up and moved my hands away from her face, but she held onto them.
‘I won’t let them take you away, Lizzie. Even though you’re a fool and a liar, I know you’re not a murderer. And I also know I love you, and my life wouldn’t be worth living if you went back inside.’
Her words sent a shiver down my spine. ‘But what can I do? It won’t be long before every copper in the county is looking for me. There’s enough evidence in Ruby’s house to get me convicted in a nanosecond.’
‘Then it’s a case of fight instead of flight,’ she said. ‘The people who did this to you will be thinking that they’ve solved their problem, that you’ll soon be out of the way so they won’t have to worry any more about being exposed. It means they won’t be expecting you to go after them. But that’s precisely what you’re going to have to do. And it might not be as hard as you think because you at least know who they are.’
Relief squirmed in the pit of my belly. I could barely believe that Scar was prepared to stick by me despite the gravity of my current situation and despite my recent actions. Her words gave me a frisson of hope, even though the fear was still thick inside me.
She pulled me to her and gave me a hug, which ignited an almighty pang of guilt. I didn’t deserve her forgiveness or her unconditional love, and I struggled to rein in the tears.
‘We’ve got nothing to lose, Lizzie,’ she said. ‘We either go for it or you give up and accept that both our lives are over.’
I could see the desperation in her eyes and it moved me.
‘Do you think we can do it?’ I said.
She nodded. ‘It’s what we’ve been doing, Lizzie. Digging at the truth. Only now the stakes are much, much higher.’
She was right on that score. It was no longer just about avenging Leo’s death and unmasking those responsible for stitching me up the first time. It was now about self-preservation. Survival.
But my head was filled with dark clouds and self-doubt. I felt stressed and vulnerable and I wasn’t sure I had the resolve to take on the challenge.
‘Think about us, Lizzie,’ Scar said. ‘And think about your mother and brother. If you go back to prison our futures will be a living hell.’
I swallowed hard and took a deep breath, then clicked my internal dialogue into the positive and told myself that it was still possible to expose the bastards and save my own skin.
‘You’ve convinced me,’ I said with a wavering smile. ‘Let’s do it.’
We stayed in the car to talk it through. We couldn’t just drive off without a plan of action. Outside, a thin rain started up and we watched it weeping down the windscreen.
Scar removed a pack of cigarettes from her bag and we sparked up. I took a long, hungry drag, letting the nicotine get deep into my lungs. It eased the tension within me, but caused my voice to grate hoarsely as I spoke.
‘So let’s take stock of where we’ve got to,’ I said. ‘I’ve talked to all those who were on the list I drew up in prison. That’s DCI Ash, Joe Strickland, Ruby Gillespie and Anne Benedict. Plus, the editor of The Post and the brother of Karina Gorski.’
‘Don’t forget the woman at the cemetery,’ Scar said.
‘That’s right. Neil Ferris’s widow, who I’m convinced is harbouring a guilty secret.’
‘And then there’s the lunatic with the tattoo.’
‘Sean Delaney,’ I said. ‘It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s the one who killed Ruby and knocked me out.’
The mention of Ruby’s name sent the image of her lying dead on the floor cartwheeling through my head.
‘Why do you reckon she was murdered?’ Scar said.
‘Two reasons,’ I answered. ‘She became a liability after telling me she was made to lie in court about the knife. Also, the police knew I had a grudge against her and therefore it’d be easy to frame me for her murder.’
‘And do you still think Strickland is behind both killings?’
‘He has to be,’ I said.
To me everything pointed to Strickland. He was at the heart of all that had happened, the eye of the vortex. All I had to do was prove it. It sounded so fucking simple.
‘We should tell Tiny what’s happened,’ Scar said. ‘He might be able to help us.’
I nodded. ‘Good call. Maybe he can find out where Sean Delaney lives so that we can pay him a visit.’
‘What about Strickland?’
> ‘You’ve already got his address so we’ll go there first.’
‘If that’s the plan then you need to be prepared to get rough. We can’t hold back or pussyfoot around. If those guys won’t open up then we have to make them.’
‘I realise that,’ I said. ‘Which is why I’m glad you’re with me. You’ve got experience when it comes to cutting off the testicles of men who upset you.’
I called Tiny, expecting him to be at home in Portsmouth. But he’d fallen asleep in his car outside my mother’s house, and I woke him up.
He started to apologise but I cut in. ‘That doesn’t matter, Tiny. Everything has changed, and I need your help.’
I put the phone on speaker and told him that Scar was with me. Then I filled him in on what had happened and what we’d decided to do.
I thought he was going to try to talk us out of it, but instead he said, ‘That’s some fucking dilemma you’re faced with. Ican see why you’re steering well clear of the police. They’ll roast you.’
‘My only hope is to get evidence to prove I didn’t kill Ruby,’ I said. ‘Which means I have to go after those I believe to be responsible.’
‘You mean Strickland and his team?’
‘Exactly. We know where Strickland lives, but what I need from you is an address for Sean Delaney.’
‘I told you before I don’t have it,’ Tiny said.
‘But can you get it?’
‘I could try.’
‘Then please do. If he did kill Ruby then we need to get to him as quickly as we can.’
‘Why not call the cops and steer them in that direction?’
‘Because what happened tonight convinces me I can’t trust them.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, I didn’t give my new mobile number to Ruby. Only you, Donna, my brother and the police had it. And yet a text message was sent to me from Ruby’s phone.’
‘So you think the police gave it to her?’
‘More likely to her killer because I’m pretty sure he’s the one who sent it.’
‘Jesus, Lizzie. This gets worse by the second.’
‘It was all part of the set-up to get me to go to the house and find the body,’ I said. ‘First the text, then Ruby’s front door was left open, then I found the body and got clobbered. Finally the police patrol car turned up. I’m guessing they were meant to get me before I had a chance to scarper.’