by Joanne Rock
But she hadn’t really considered how she’d feel if the risk didn’t pay off. Of course, that would have negated the whole idea of taking a risk. If the outcome had been certain, she wasn’t gambling a darn thing.
Instead, she’d revealed her deepest emotions, shared everything with him. In doing so, she’d sent him running. Maybe he’d felt suffocated. Maybe he hadn’t really wanted anything more than one night. She couldn’t possibly know for sure. But his decision to hit the mountain for a snowboard run instead of staying to kiss her good morning made it apparent that he didn’t reciprocate all those feelings she had for him. So now all she had to show for her efforts was a heart shattering into a million pieces on the bathroom floor.
*
Determined to stuff down all her hurt about Gavin, Rachel kept a smile pasted on her face as she stared out the window of the bridal room off the church nave. The small parlor, decorated in butterscotch yellow with hints of blue, was a convenient place for the florist to drop off the bouquets or nervous brides to make a last-minute bathroom trip. There was a vanity with good lighting where two of Kiersten’s attendants worked on last-minute touches refining their makeup. She looked stunning in the lace and tulle gown, her makeup and hair perfect, her skin glowing with good health. The bride leaned over her bouquet of crimson roses and poinsettias, inhaling the scent with a dreamy smile on her face.
Rachel couldn’t be happier for her, and Diana, Heidi, and Emma—the ladies who were part of the ceremony—had warmly welcomed Rachel. It would have been an ideal day if not for the fact that Gavin had snowboarded away with Rachel’s heart this morning. She felt the ache of her empty chest like a heavy weight inside her. She wanted to put her hands there, over the spot where her heart should be, in an effort to hold herself together.
She’d been looking out the window into the parking lot off and on for the last twenty minutes, wondering if she’d catch a glimpse of Gavin in his tuxedo. The thought of seeing him in the church in his best man role felt like more than she could bear. But she had to. She’d fought all week for some semblance of acceptance from her hometown so she could be here for Kiersten. She wouldn’t chicken out now.
“The dresses are all gorgeous!” Emma announced from her spot in front of the full-length mirror close to where Rachel stood. “You are a miracle worker.”
Emma’s bridesmaid gown showcased Rachel’s most dramatic change of the three. The bodice was completely different and so much more flattering. The new dart along the hip helped define Emma’s curves.
“You look beautiful,” Rachel told her honestly, peering around the room at each lovely woman present. A mix of emotions clogged her throat, but she swallowed them down. “You all do.”
Her voice broke a little.
“Sweetie, are you okay?” Kiersten rushed closer, setting aside her bouquet to take Rachel’s shoulders in her cool hands. “What’s wrong?”
Why was it a good friend could see right through all your social posturing and fake smiles? Kiersten’s concerned gaze made it all the more difficult to pretend everything was okay. Still, Rachel shook her head, unwilling to spoil her day.
“It’s fine. Everything’s fine.” She forced a smile. “I’m just so glad I got to be a part of your big day.”
“Me too.” Kiersten hugged her before she started rearranging a few of the floral bouquets for some informal photos on her camera.
Two of her bridesmaids helped her, offering suggestions on artful arrangements of rose petals along the vanity table. But Luke’s sister, Emma, remained behind, her gaze still on Rachel.
“Something’s wrong,” Emma announced, keeping her voice low. “What is it?”
Rachel hesitated.
“I’m not buying that those are happy tears.” Emma passed her a tissue. The concern in her voice was genuine.
Checking to make sure the bride was still distracted with taking photos, Rachel decided to confide in her. Emma had been up front and honest with Rachel, after all. She deserved the same in return.
“I’m worried about Gavin and me.” She got the words out with an effort. Talking about it made his defection feel too real. “I thought things were going so well, but now… I don’t know.”
“He looked so happy last night,” Emma whispered back. “I saw you dancing together and he couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
“That was before—” She wouldn’t share intimate details of her broken relationship. “That is, I think I scared him off by taking things too seriously. I shared my feelings with him, and his response was to go snowboarding.”
“My brother goes to the driving range sometimes when he’s got a lot on his mind,” she volunteered, winding a comforting arm around Rachel’s elbow. “Maybe Gavin just needed to clear his head.”
Rachel bit her lip, knowing in her gut that it was more than that. Something was wrong. “I don’t know.”
“Guys don’t always know what to do with their feelings.” Emma shot a glance toward the bride as if to make sure the conversation was still private. “My mom says it’s like a foreign language to my father. We speak it all the time, but they don’t. Maybe he didn’t know the right words.”
“I hope you’re right.” Swiping her eyes with the tissue, Rachel wadded it up and tossed it. Her father hadn’t been that way about his feelings, she caught herself thinking. He’d been open. Demonstrative. But, then again, he’d hidden his depression from her his whole life.
Maybe Emma had a point.
Emma peered up at the clock on the wall before raising her voice again. “And I hate to interrupt, but, Kiersten, should we be worried the processional music hasn’t started yet?”
Grateful for the distraction before she melted into tears on a day that needed to be all about Kiersten, Rachel took a deep breath. Gathered herself. She looked up at the clock too and realized the wedding should have started twenty minutes ago.
“Would you like me to take a peek out there and see what’s going on?” she asked.
Even though seeing Gavin in his wedding finery in front of the altar was going to be a fresh hurt on top of all the others. A reminder of the future she wouldn’t have with him.
Kiersten glanced at her hopefully. “Would you?”
“Of course.” Heading toward the door leading into the church nave, Rachel steeled herself to see Gavin. Before she reached the handle, however, the door burst wide.
Luke Harris filled the archway, his broad shoulders stretching the material of his black tux, his sudden presence making the bride and all the bridesmaids squeal with dismay.
“You aren’t supposed to see the bride yet!” Luke’s sister shrieked at him, shoving ineffectually at his chest. “What are you doing?”
“Luke, go away!” Kiersten called from behind the bathroom door where she must have hidden herself. “It’s bad luck.”
The other girls were tsking and Rachel noticed a couple of Luke’s ushers in the nave behind him. Not Gavin, however. The best man was nowhere to be seen.
“I told you she was here to make trouble,” Luke called over his sister’s head.
He seemed to be addressing Kiersten, but he glared at Rachel like she’d just crashed the wedding.
“Was it even true what you told me last night about your dad having contact with someone in the Caribbean?” he asked Rachel directly. “Because I went against my father’s wishes to call the police about that.”
Diana and Heidi hung back, providing a human shield between Luke and the bride in case Kiersten came out of the bathroom.
Trying to follow Luke’s rant, Rachel focused on answering the question. “Of course it was true. Why would your father care about that?”
“What are you talking about?” Emma stood beside Rachel, fists on her hips, scowling right back at her brother.
Rachel wasn’t afraid of him, of course. He was a decorated military veteran, a hero, and all-around good guy. But she also felt glad to have an ally beside her who seemed ready to take him on in case he decided she
really was too much trouble after all. Out in the church, the organist played a song from Handel’s Messiah, the holiday tune a little incongruous for a wedding, but she guessed the musician was stalling for some reason.
Luke’s parents crowded behind him, their matching frowns mirroring their son’s.
Confused and more than a little worried, Rachel wondered where Gavin had gone. Shouldn’t the best man be with the groom right now?
“Never mind.” Luke brushed aside his sister’s concern. To Rachel, he said, “I asked one thing of you. I asked you not to hurt the people I care about.”
What did he mean? She was the one who’d been hurt. Anxiety churned in her stomach.
“And I wouldn’t,” she insisted. “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”
Kiersten flung open the bathroom door, ignoring the protests of her friends. Stepping into the bridal parlor, she confronted her groom.
“Luke.” She pointed a finger toward him. “I want Rachel here. She’s my friend and she hasn’t done anything wrong.”
“Honey, you look so beautiful.” His face scrunched up, and Rachel almost felt sorry for him, he looked so agonized. “I sure don’t want to upset you, today of all days—”
“Don’t ‘honey’ me!” Kiersten shouted at him. “What is this obsession with Rachel?” she fumed. “Are you not over her yet? Is that what this is about?”
Rachel draped her arms around her friend’s shoulders, hoping to calm her down. “It’s not that.” She glared at Luke, willing him to spit out whatever he came here to say. “Can you tell us what I’ve done wrong now? Then go, maybe, so the wedding can get underway?”
She really wanted to go home, in fact. The sooner this day was over, the better. She’d been swallowing back tears for hours.
“I can’t get the wedding started yet,” Luke retorted, shoving a hand through his hair, rumpling it hopelessly. “Because the best man isn’t here.”
Beside her, Kiersten gasped. Or maybe Rachel had.
She felt the anxiety in her belly turn to panic. Gavin wouldn’t simply not show up for Luke’s wedding. He’d missed most of an important U.S. snowboarding team meet to be in Yuletide this week.
“I knew she came home to ruin this wedding.” Mrs. Harris had a triumphant set to her shoulders. “Haven’t I been saying that all week? You can’t trust a word she says.”
What was that about? Rachel’s mind raced, trying to fit together the pieces. This wasn’t just about her, Luke and Gavin. The Harrises didn’t like her being back in town for reasons that went deeper than that.
Emma whirled toward her mother. “Stop it, Mom. You’re not helping.” Luke’s sister turned to Rachel next. She laid a hand on her arm and asked, “Do you think something could have happened to Gavin?”
A pang shot through her.
All thoughts of the Harrises fell away.
He’d been on the mountain. Her panic turned sharper. All her worries about losing him were nothing compared to the idea of him hurt—or worse.
Rachel shook her head helplessly, but she hurried to her bag to pull out her phone in case she’d missed a call from him.
Luke spoke up again, his own phone in hand. “He texted me first thing this morning to say he had some things he was trying to work out. A problem.” He pointed to the phone, apparently reading that part verbatim. “Involving Rachel.”
Her phone, in the meantime, showed no missed calls or messages.
“What happens when you call him?” she asked.
“Straight to voicemail,” Luke answered, pocketing his device. “So what gives?” He turned back to Rachel. “Did you feel the need to break up with him before he left town?”
Rachel was too worried about Gavin to pay attention. She tried his phone for herself, her fingers shaking. Right now, she’d be grateful to hear he was on a plane heading to Austria for his meet. At least then, she’d know he was okay.
“Luke.” Kiersten marched past Rachel and her bridesmaids, her cheeks red as she confronted the groom. “That’s enough.”
Her bridesmaids lined up beside her, but this was no processional. They stood like a wall between Rachel and Luke. Even Emma stayed with Kiersten, shaking off her mother’s hand.
“Honey, I just want to know what happened so I can figure out if we should start without him—”
“Out!” Kiersten told him, administering a shove to his chest before Heidi shut the door on him. But Kiersten wasn’t done yet, through the wooden barrier, she called, “You should be so lucky to have a wedding at all!”
And even through her fear for Gavin, Rachel felt her heart sink a little more. It had been the last thing she wanted to do, but just as everyone in town had predicted, it seemed Rachel had a hand in ruining the wedding.
Dropping onto the ottoman near the dressing table, Rachel wondered if she should leave. Kiersten was fuming, but Diana and Heidi were there to comfort her. Emma took the seat by Rachel, her gaze sympathetic. “My phone battery is still charging, but if you let me borrow your phone, I can call the Mountain Patrol and see if they can connect me to the ranger station. Find out if there were…you know. Accidents or anything.”
Rachel nodded wordlessly, tears spilling over now. She’d been so foolish to come home in the first place. Luke was mad at her. Kiersten wasn’t speaking to her groom. And Gavin…
“Look!” Diana stood suddenly, staring out the window into the parking lot. “Isn’t that him?”
Rachel glanced up, toward the window. Emma was on her feet, moving closer to pull aside the sheer curtain, giving them all a better view of a man in a gray tuxedo stepping down from the cab of an eighteen-wheeler out in the parking lot. The rumble of the engine vibrated the windows a little, the big trailer blocking out some of the winter sunlight.
The man in the tux didn’t need to turn around as he leaped to the ground from the running board. Rachel knew that hair. Those shoulders. The athletic grace.
“Gavin.” Her heart gave a lurch, her feet rushing toward the window to see him better.
“Oh, thank God,” Kiersten said behind her, squeezing Rachel’s shoulders since she’d appeared at her side.
Emma patted her back, still holding aside the curtain. “I knew he was fine.”
Rachel’s knees buckled, and she steadied herself on the sill. She really had thought something happened to him on the mountain. Outside, Luke and his other attendants ran out to the parking lot to circle him. They exchanged mild punches and hugs involving a lot of backslapping, which was when Rachel noticed Gavin’s forearm was in a splint.
Whatever had happened, it could have been much, much worse. She was grateful. Thankful. Now, she just needed to make it through the wedding—surely Kiersten would forgive her groom now—and Rachel would have to find a way to put the past, Yuletide, and the man she loved behind her.
*
Gavin fought the urge to turn around and stare out into the congregation throughout the wedding ceremony. His sprained wrist didn’t ache nearly as much as his need for Rachel.
He knew his role as best man dictated he pay attention to the joyous but very serious ritual unfolding in front of him. He’d skipped most of a team meet to be here for Luke and support a friend during a big day in his life.
But all Gavin could think about was Rachel.
He’d wanted to speak to her before the wedding vows took place, but Luke had already paid the organist overtime to placate restless guests since Gavin arrived late. Gavin could hardly ask him to hang on for another ten minutes while he spoke privately with Rachel, even though that’s all he wanted to do.
He needed to see her. Talk to her. Ask her important questions about what happened between them last night. And what she wanted to happen next. Yet, almost as if she’d been avoiding him, she’d hurried to take her seat in the church beside her mother the moment Gavin walked into the nave. She hadn’t even met his gaze.
Was she upset with him? Mad even?
He wouldn’t blame her. He’d be
en kicking himself all day for letting her wake up alone this morning. What if she walked out of the church after the wedding without giving him a chance to explain? Tension stretched across his shoulders in an iron grip. His splint and the bandages beneath it chafed.
He wanted to text her and tell her to meet him outside the church but he’d broken his phone on the mountain this morning, and texting in church—especially in his best man role—wouldn’t look good.
So when the preacher wound up the ceremony, announcing the newly married couple to the congregation, Gavin found his chance to turn around, gaze searching through the pews on the bride’s side of the building, looking for Rachel.
He found her quickly enough during the recessional, like his heart and mind had an auto-detect feature to seek her out in a crowd. She was the only one he was drawn to. The only one he wanted.
However, when their eyes met, her gaze flitted away fast. She looked down in her lap. Whispered something to her mother. And then she darted out of the pew to head for the exit.
His heart sank. He needed to stand in a receiving line next. But no matter. He’d given a hell of a lot to be at this wedding for Luke. Right now, Rachel Chambers came first.
“Cover for me,” he whispered to the guy next to him, an usher who’d graduated the same year as Luke.
The dude nodded.
So Gavin peeled off toward a side exit, bypassing a closet and a meeting room space. Ahead, a red sign glowed: “Exit.”
Gavin shoved it open and headed out into the snow, determined to win the woman he loved.
Chapter Twelve
Tugging the hood of her cape up over her head, Rachel rushed away from the church before anyone noticed her leaving. She’d told her mother her allergies must have returned, a perfect excuse for her red-rimmed eyes through Kiersten and Luke’s wedding.
Snow fell in tiny flakes, the kind of precipitation that usually led off a major storm. Big, fat flakes were decorative gifts from the sky. The tiny ones meant business, even if right now they looked like tiny bits of glitter falling all around her as she headed toward the Hearthside Inn where the reception would be. She’d parked there anyhow, so even if she skipped the remaining festivities, she would need to meet her mom there to drive her home.