by Louise Corum
And he had been. He’d been out of the office on and off all day, in the factory, then lunch with clients, then back to the office and then out again. He’d just missed her, he guessed.
John realized with a start that he had known all along that Ray might unearth his sister. When Ray had been smaller, he’d take him out there by himself and whisper in his ear that that’s where his aunt was laid to rest and that if she was alive, she would love him so much, mainly because they looked a lot alike. He’d thought the boy was too young to understand and he’d stopped doing it once he started to talk. It had felt good to tell someone, to get that dark oppressive secret off his chest, even if he was telling a baby who didn’t understand what he was talking about.
John wondered if the boy had kept the memory in his mind and had one day decided to find his aunt. Then he realized that’s why Ray liked to dig there because that’s where his aunt was. He’d never covered the grave with rocks as had been his intention. He had planned on doing it but kept putting it off. After a while, he just didn’t see the point. He had enough to do and figured there would never be a reason for anyone to look. However, he knew Ray was digging there and never made a move to stop him. He figured that he was just a little boy and there was no way he could dig that deep. Why hadn’t it occurred to him to just tell him to dig in another part of the yard?
John shuddered, realizing how very stupid he’d been. Maybe he’d subconsciously wanted Ray to unearth Elka and was just laying the groundwork for this to happen. But why would he have done that? Guilt. It had to be guilt.
As John looked out the window he saw everyone in the backyard suddenly move to the grave. One man was inside, down so deep only the top of his hat could be seen. John leaned forward. What was the man doing? Commotion ensued and then someone yelled, “There’s one more body!”
One more body. John’s mind was in frenzied, panicked state. What could this mean? What did it mean? The announcement startled John. There was another body? Had he inadvertently buried Elka almost directly on top of another body? And when they pulled her out and disturbed the soil they had noticed something odd in there, something like another body.
But who had put the other body in there? Whose body was it?
It was all too much, too confusing, too maddening.
There were two, not one, but two bodies. He could explain the first but not the second. Who could it be? Then he remembered that he’d chosen that spot because the ground had always been a little soft there. That had to be what happened; he’d inadvertently buried Elka on top of another person. But who was that person? Had they been there all along, even before his father had built the house? Maybe it was an Indian grave? John didn’t know. It was just something he couldn’t explain.
“It’s male,” someone said. “It’s a male body.”
Male?
“Young!” someone else yelled. “It looks like a young man!”
A young man. A young man! How young? How old was this young man? And who was he? John racked his brain, trying to figure out where it came from and who put it there. But he drew a blank.
An officer came in and told him he had to question him now. He wanted to know what had happened and why it had happened. Without hesitation, John told them everything and once he was done, he asked the officer, “Who is that other person?”
He stared at him. “If you didn’t put it there, we don’t know.” He paused and asked, “You don’t know, do you?”
“I don’t,” he said.
The officer shook his head and said, “We have to take you into the station now.”
John nodded. He knew they had to. He told him that he understood and held out his hands. They put handcuffs on him and led him out of the house and down the walk and into a police car. He looked up at the house and saw Kathleen standing with Ray. Both of them staring at him. He nodded at them, hoping they wouldn’t worry and wished he’d told them he loved them before he’d left.
The officer got in the car and apologized for having to take him down to the station, told him it was “procedure.” John was thankful that they were being so courteous.
The police weren’t harsh with him. A detective sat him at his desk and listened to his story.
“But why didn’t you just call us when it happened?” the detective asked.
John shrugged. “I wasn’t sure if anyone would believe me.”
“Well, they might have and they might not have,” he said. “Still no clue about that other body?”
“I wish I knew,” he replied, really wishing he did know who it belonged to. Who could it be? He asked him, “How long did it look like it’d been there?”
“At least thirty years, maybe even forty,” he said. “The coroner isn’t finished yet. We can’t be sure but looks like he’d been in there a while.”
John thought about that. Thirty years? Forty? Then he remembered something, that old drunk that had come by the house, Amos. He remembered him saying his brother had gone missing about that many years ago. But that couldn’t be him, could it? It couldn’t be James, could it?
John didn’t know and he didn’t want to even speak of this to the police. So, he pushed it out of his mind and he kept his mouth shut. When they asked if he would like to speak to a lawyer, he said yes and told him his lawyer’s name. He was surprised at how the turn of events had gone. He didn’t think they would believe him about Elka, but they had. And they weren’t too distressed over it, either. He supposed they’d seen a lot worse in their time.
He was also surprised that no one asked about the twenty or so odd years that he’d taken care of her. They didn’t care. They’d just unearthed a body in someone’s backyard and that meant they had more work to do. What intrigued them was the fact that the person who had buried the body was an upstanding member of the community and that the body had been that of his sister. People would talk about this for years.
John got a visit from his lawyer and was told he wouldn’t have to spend the night in jail. He was released and was surprised to see Kathleen waiting on him outside the station. She smiled a little and opened the car door. He hesitated to get in.
“Come on, John,” she said. “Let’s go home.”
He nodded and got in the car and she drove. They didn’t speak for the longest time, then Kathleen said, “Why didn’t you just go to the police and tell them it was an accident?”
It was very surreal for John and he couldn’t help but marvel at how calm everyone was. But then again, his biggest crime had been lying, and maybe overmedicating his sister.
“John?” Kathleen said.
‘Because I was afraid they wouldn’t believe me,” he said.
“How could they not have?” she asked. “It’s not like you were a known criminal.”
He nodded and thought about it. He had felt like a criminal and like it had been his fault, and, truthfully, it had been. He was at fault for trying to do something that was impossible for one person to do—take care of a mentally ill person. He felt like a bad person because he had wanted to go against his mother’s wishes and get rid of Elka, if only to send her away. This was the root of why he was afraid no one would believe him. He had wanted her gone. He had wanted to be free of her. It was hard to admit that, but once he did, he breathed a little easier.
From the grave, Elka still controlled him. But it wasn’t Elka, he realized. She had never really controlled him. It had always been his mother and her demand that had bound him to this. It had been his guilt and grief at her early passing that made him promise to do what she wanted. He’d just wanted to honor her memory and her wishes but he knew he’d carried it too far. Look at where it landed him.
“Honey, it wasn’t your fault,” Kathleen said and took his hand.
“It was too,” he said. “I should have put her in an institution. I failed her and then I buried her and ignored her. That makes me a criminal.”
Kathleen shook her head. “No, it doesn’t. It was an accident.”
He turned to her and said, “Maybe it wasn’t an accident. Maybe I did it on a subconscious level. I didn’t have that much remorse, Kathleen. I mean I did, at first, but it faded over time.”
She swallowed hard and nodded. “You did what you had to do at the time, John.”
He shrugged and looked out the window, then back at her. “I just wonder who the other body belongs to,” he said and again thought of that old drunk, Amos, talking about his brother James. He shook the thought from his mind and said, “I can assure you, I didn’t put him in there.”
“Who knows who put him in there?” Kathleen said. “And I know it wasn’t you.”
“Yeah, but I put Elka in there, didn’t I?”
“Don’t blame yourself. It was an accident,” she said again.
“It didn’t look very accidental at all, I can tell you that,” he said, then started to talk, almost to babble, “And I thought, well, you know I’ll lose everything I have. And she was the reason I broke up with you that day, remember?”
“Oh?” she said and stared sideways at him. “You never told me that.”
“Well, I very well couldn’t, could I?” he asked. “I didn’t want to tell you about her and that’s why I broke up with you. But I couldn’t keep seeing you and taking care of her, too. It was too much.”
Kathleen nodded that she understood.
“And then Elka and I had a big fight and I gave her the medication and then… She died. And then it was like a nightmare and I thought you wouldn’t want anything to do with me and I’d go to jail and then I thought… Why do I have to tell anyone? I sacrificed for her for all those years and I just figured it was my time and I took it. It was wrong, I know that, but the thought of letting what we have slip through my fingers was worth whatever hell and torment I had to go through in my mind. Breaking up with you like that almost killed me. I couldn’t stand it. Maybe I did kill her so I could have you. I don’t know.”
“Oh, honey, don’t say that,” she said and smiled softly at him. “You are a good man. Your mistake was trying to take care of a mentally ill human being. That’s no job for a brother. That’s a job for an institution. I told you about my uncle. It’s too hard on people.”
“I have to say this, Kathleen,” he said. “Being with you and having Ray was worth the sleepless nights and the guilt. I’m sorry but it was. If that makes me a bad person, then so be it.”
She smiled again at him. “Sweetheart,” she said. “When will you accept that you didn’t kill her? Maybe you did give her too much medication, but maybe it was just her time.”
He thought about that and nodded. Maybe she was right.
“It’s okay, honey,” she said. “Let’s stop talking about it right now. Let’s just go home and get you something to eat.”
“Okay,” he said. “But I want you to know that I’m not a murderer. I wouldn’t hurt anyone and I didn’t mean to hurt her. I want you to know that you and little Ray are safe with me.”
She laughed a little. “Oh, my God, John! Do you think for one minute I don’t know that? Please. I know how good you are. I wouldn’t have fallen so hard for you if I hadn’t. Now stop talking about yourself like you’re some serial killer. It was an accident and that’s that.” She smiled at him.
He found her smile so sweet that he couldn’t help but smile back. She always had that effect on him.
She pulled up to the house and said, “I’ll go fix you something to eat and you go wash up. I’ve sent Ray to my mother’s for a few days until things calm down.”
“Thank you,” he said, then stared at her. “Does your family hate me now?”
She stared back and then laughed a little, shaking her head. “Of course, they don’t, John! How could they? It was an accident! They’re behind you, honey, a hundred percent. Daddy even said he’d bust you out if they kept you too long!”
This made John chuckle. He did love her family. They were a good bunch.
“Now, go,” she said and jerked her head towards the backdoor.
He nodded and they got out of the car. He went upstairs, took a quick shower, changed into some clean clothes then went downstairs and found a nice meal laid out on the kitchen table. He smiled at Kathleen and sat down to eat.
The phone rang. He glanced up at it, then at her.
“I’m not going to answer it,” she said. “They’ve been calling since you left.”
“Who’s ‘they’?” he asked.
“The papers, the neighbors, everyone,” she said. “It’s none of their damn business.”
He smiled at her, then shook his head and continued to eat. She had made him his favorite meal of pork chops and mashed potatoes and he was ravenous. When he was done, he told her he was going into the sitting room for a drink.
“I’ll join you in a minute,” she said and began to gather the dishes.
In the sitting room, he went straight for the liquor cabinet and poured a double shot of whiskey. He threw it back and grimaced then poured another and took it to the couch. As soon as he sat down, Kathleen appeared in the door.
“Would you like one?” he asked.
“No thanks,” she said and sat down on the other couch, facing him.
“Thank you for being so understanding,” he said. “You don’t know how much I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome,” she said. “But that’s what wives do.”
“You’re the best,” he told her. “And I mean that.”
“Thank you, John,” she said and smiled. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“But I killed my sister.”
“Stop saying that!” she exclaimed. “That’s just your guilt talking.”
“And shouldn’t I feel guilty?” he asked. “How can you ever look at me the same?”
“Because I know you wouldn’t hurt a fly,” she said. “And I know how bad your sister was.”
His head jerked up. “What do you mean?”
“I know, John,” she said. “I know what happened. I also have a feeling I know who the other body belongs to.”
John’s mouth dropped. “What? How do you know that?”
A surprised look came over her face and she studied him moment before asking, “Do you mean that you don’t know?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t know. Know what? What are you talking about?”
“Do you not know what happened to your sister to make her lose her mind?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t. They wouldn’t tell me.”
“Are you kidding?”
“No,” he said.
“Oh, God, that’s awful,” she said. “So you took care of her for years and had no idea what drove her over the edge?”
“Right,” he said. “Do you know?”
“I know,” she said, staring at him. “I know what happened to Elka.” She paused and gave John a long look. “They never told you, did they? I can’t believe they never told you.”
“No,” he said. “How do you know?”
She sighed and lit a cigarette. “I guess it was about two years ago. I wanted a chair for the study and I remembered you had said there was a bunch of old furniture in the attic. So, I went up there to look.”
“And you found my mother’s journals,” he said.
She stared at him. “You knew about them?”
“I found them once,” he said. “But I didn’t read them.”
“Well, I did,” she said.
“And?”
“The journals didn’t tell me much, they were very vague,” she said. “But they did mention that a woman named Velma McClure used to work for your mother years ago. I just wondered if she was still alive.”
“Velma?” John asked and remembered her fondly. She was one of the sweetest women he’d ever known and always had fresh baked chocolate chip cookies waiting for him after school. “She was our maid for years.”
“I know,” she said and puffed on her cigarette. “So, I looked her up and paid her a visit. Apparently, she and
your mother were very close.”
John thought about that, remembering them talking and laughing all the time. They had been close. John stared at Kathleen and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me all this?”
“Well, I thought you knew,” she said. “I mean, something like this… I just thought you knew and I thought you would bring it to me and if you didn’t, then it was because it was too painful. So, for once in my life, I kept my mouth shut.”
“What did Velma tell you?”
She sighed and said, “A lot. She told me everything. Your mother confided in her for years and Velma kept her mouth shut.”
“That’s amazing,” he said. “I never even thought about talking to Velma.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Would you like to know what happened, John?”
He stared at her and realized that once he knew what happened, he might be set free. Once he understood what Elka had been though, he could move on. It was this secret, this secret that had been locked inside of this house for so long that ate him up. He was ready to release it once and for all.
What Happened
It was all so terrible. It was all so tragic, all so unnecessary.
Elka hadn’t been ten, as he remembered; she’d been sixteen, almost seventeen and John had been around ten. She was beautiful, happy and ready to take on the world. There was talk about her debutante party and the man she’d someday marry, though their father would not let her court just yet.
As soon as Kathleen began to talk, John’s memory opened and it all came back to him. It was like a switch had been flipped in his mind and he suddenly remembered all of it. He could still see Elka and his mother in the kitchen baking one day just before Thanksgiving. He was sitting at the kitchen table drawing in a notebook. He’d forgotten how he liked to draw. They were chatting at the counter, laughing and his mother was teasing her. They were best friends who loved to do everything together. They shopped and cooked and talked into the night.
“I want to be a pilot, Mommy, I swear I do!” Elka exclaimed.
“Elka, you know you can’t do that,” she said. “You have to be a proper young lady. Ladies don’t fly planes!”