by C. Luca
“Tessa, it’s stalking,” he says with exasperation.
“Do you want me to be mad?” I ask with a laugh.
He pulls his left arm from beneath my shoulder and reaches up with both hands, dragging them through his hair. He’s clearly frustrated with my reaction, and I find it kind of amusing.
I sit up, brushing hair out of my face. I’ve grown accustomed to being naked around him, and this time, I don’t bother grabbing the sheet. Besides, as long as he’s answering my questions…
“Did you somehow scare off the few men that showed interest in me?” I ask carefully, watching him intently for any sort of reaction.
He sighs and slips his hands behind his head, looking completely relaxed, though his eyes reveal differently. I have my answer.
“Why?” I ask softly.
“Not for the reason you think,” he warns. “If you got close to anyone, you’d have to lie about everything. With the way you’d been acting, I felt there was a good chance that you’d break the rules.”
“But I was so lonely,” I protest.
“Better to be lonely than dead.”
My intention hadn’t been to begin an argument, so I cuddle into his side again. I’d rather enjoy our time together, because I know it’ll be fleeting.
Thankfully, he wraps an arm around me, and I drape my leg over his as I had before.
“Kane?” I ask.
“Hmmm?”
“Will you tell me how you got involved in the business?” I ask cautiously. There’s a good chance he’ll shutdown on me, but I have to try. Today, he seems to be willing to delve deeper into conversations. I’ll be kicking myself later if I don’t take the chance.
A heavy silence fills the room.
I keep my head resting on his chest, not looking up at him so that he doesn’t feel pressured. He’ll either tell me or he won’t. Everything within me remains still as I wait to see his reaction.
“Kane isn’t my real name,” he finally says in a low, rumbly voice. “Technically, I don’t exist.”
I remain silent, letting him talk even as I want to sit up and stare at him with shock.
“Like your family, mine was targeted and killed, including my little brother. He was only five at the time, but some hired killers don’t give a shit about kids,” he says flatly with a hint of bitterness. “I was just eighteen and the only survivor. I knew enough to go underground.”
My heart aches for him and the family he’d lost. I hadn’t realized his situation was so similar to my own. He’s sadly familiar with everything that I’ve gone through, and now I understand why he began his company. As much as I hate that he’s suffered loss, I am thankful that he’s here to protect me.
“The past needs to stay in the past, so I can’t share more than that.” His hand moves along my back and begins to make caressing circles. “I started the business,” he reveals.
I look up at him sharply, recalling how he refers to his coworkers as ‘his.’ “You’re the boss, the man in charge,” I realize.
He meets my gaze and nods. “There’s a lot that goes into keeping the business running. When I went underground, I took all the family finances with me. I built the business from the ground up, and it’s become what it is today.”
“Kane, what you do…” I say with admiration.
“It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do, and I’ll continue to do so until the day I die.”
His expression turns very serious. “I’m not going to deny that this has turned personal, but it can’t go any further, Tessa. When this is done, I will continue the business, and you will move on and make a life for yourself.”
“I know,” I say softly.
His eyes remain on mine, and something deep within his hazel gaze twists with emotion. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I give him a sad smile. “I know that, too.”
There’s a long moment before he says, “I don’t think I should buy more condoms,” in a gentle, careful tone.
He’s telling me that we can’t do this anymore, and my heart constricts. “Okay,” I say quietly, ignoring the dull ache forming inside my chest.
It’s not like I didn’t see it coming, but it still stings.
Twenty-one
Tessa
The atmosphere in the trailer has changed since our conversation yesterday afternoon. It isn’t as much strained as it is heavy and somber. This morning, I’d smelled the remnants of cigarettes in the living room. Kane must’ve been doing a lot of thinking, because usually the scent isn’t as strong by the time I wake up.
As I sit in the armchair, working on a word puzzle, Kane sits on the sofa, one of the laptops on his lap. I’m trying hard to do my own thing and not act like I’m bothered by his rejection.
No, it’s not really rejection, I amend.
I know he wants me.
I see it in his eyes and the way he watches me. It’s the reason that I’ve opened up so easily to him and been so bold. He makes me feel confident and amazing.
What he’s doing is pushing me away out of some sort of need to protect my emotions.
My pen pauses.
Well, the job too is another reason.
And his age.
I scowl.
He has way too many reasons for pushing me away, and it’s frustrating.
“Tessa?”
I look up to find Kane watching me with those probing eyes of his.
Shoot.
I wish I wasn’t so terrible at hiding my emotions, because I really don’t want to have to listen to him repeat all the reasons why we can’t be together.
So naturally, with my usual lack of restraint, I blurt the first thing that comes to mind. “Will I have to change my name?”
The possibility of a new name has been weighing heavily on me. I just can’t imagine being anyone other than Tessa. It took a very long time to grow accustomed to the name and to become someone new, but once I had, I’d fully embraced it. I’ve grown comfortable with the woman I am today, and I don’t want to have to pretend to be someone else.
I just want to be me.
Kane closes the laptop so that I have his full attention. “Yes.”
I’m incredibly disappointed, and my mood begins to crumble further. “Can my name be changed to Teresa or something similar so that I can still go by Tessa as a nickname?” I ask hopefully. That’s about the only way I’d be capable of embracing a new identity.
His eyes turn gentle. “Not a good idea.”
I set aside the flimsy word puzzle and tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “Can I at least be the one to choose the new name?” If I have to have a new name and there’s no way around it, I’d like to be the one to pick it.
“We’ll see,” Kane says lightly. “Right now, we need to concentrate on making Tessa Wilkins safely disappear.”
I sigh with resignation and give up on the subject. “Do you know yet where I will go? Will I be staying in the United States?”
He shakes his head. “None of that will be figured out until the immediate danger is behind us. I know you’re frustrated with having to start over, but I don’t have the answers to everything you want to know. Things like that take a lot of planning, and I can’t plan for that until I can do so safely,” he explains.
I nod, not saying anything further. I understand what he’s saying—it makes complete sense. But knowing my entire future is up in the air is…quite depressing. The worst is wondering if Kane will still be my handler. As much as I want an answer, I fear it.
Better to know now though than to find out at a later date and be crushed further.
“Will you still be watching over me when I start over?” I ask him, bracing for the answer.
His eyes abruptly become shuttered. “No,” he says simply.
Pain slivers throughout my chest, and I try to hide it. “Because of…us?” I ask thickly, unable to keep my voice normal. It feels like someone has punched me in the gut, and my chest doesn’t want to fully
expand as I draw in a tight breath.
Kane’s mouth firms in a straight line. “That, and you’ve seen me.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you don’t know what we look like, we can blend into the background and watch from afar when we need to. You can’t move on with your life if you’re always searching for me in a crowd.” His expression softens as he lands the final proverbial blow. “When this is over, Tessa, you won’t ever see me again.”
My eyes burn, but I fiercely hold the tears at bay. I’m done crying these days. “Is it protocol, or is it because that’s what you want?”
“Both,” he admits.
Sometimes, I wish he wasn’t so brutally honest.
Kane rubs one of his eyebrows as if he’s developing a headache. “It’s become too personal. I can’t be the one to watch you move on. Even if I tried, it would never work—you’d see me everywhere, or be looking for me when you don’t. You know it has to be this way.”
I do, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt.
“Tessa…”
“I know,” I say abruptly. “You warned me it would be like this.” But I’d still given into temptation. Not that I regret it.
Kane is silent now, watching me.
There isn’t really anything left to be said, so I return my attention to the word puzzle, and I hear Kane open his laptop once more.
* * *
Late that night, I lie in bed, wide awake. Every so often, I catch a faint hint of cigarette smoke.
Kane can pretend he’s fine with us parting ways when this is over, but I think it bothers him more than he’s letting on. The constant smoking at night is a dead giveaway. He hasn’t smoked this much since…well, as long as I’ve known him.
I gaze up at the dark ceiling, chest feeling heavy.
What I’d really like to do is go out into that living room and confront him about everything. I’d like to tell him that our age difference doesn’t matter. He needs to stop implying I’m like the average twenty-two-year-old. My situation is completely different, and I certainly feel more mature than the women I’ve come across throughout the past year. Not to mention I want a man who knows what he wants and isn’t into mind games.
Granted, I’d been a little naïve about a few things, but nearly being kidnapped twice really does change a person.
Then, there’s Kane’s job.
Why can’t we be together when this is over? He knows the real me, and he certainly doesn’t have to pretend anything in front of me. If he’s been watching over me for years, it clearly hasn’t affected his ability to operate the business.
Why couldn’t we be together while he still runs the company?
These are all things I’d like to point out to him.
But I won’t.
Just as I know he cares about me; I also know he’s determined to part ways in the end. I can’t force him to see things my way. All I can do is take each day as it comes and see if Kane’s resolve begins to crack.
For the first time in my life, I think I’m falling in love, and it’s bittersweet. They say love can hurt, and I would have to agree, but I’m not giving up.
I won’t until Kane gives me no other choice.
Twenty-two
Kane
It’s been a week since I’d told Tessa that I would no longer be her handler after she’s safe. I simply could not allow her to hold onto any hope that things might turn out to be different than what I’ve been trying to prepare her for.
I fucked up.
I turn away from the window and stub out the cigarette in the ashtray on the table. After settling back onto the sofa, I release a nearly silent, heartfelt groan.
Giving into my desire for Tessa was selfish.
I’d known we wouldn’t be able to keep it casual no matter how much she’d insisted otherwise. She hides it well, but I can see that she’s hurting. Knowing that I’d caused her pain burns me as well.
Tessa is the last person I would ever want to unintentionally hurt. What she doesn’t know is that walking away from her at the end of this is going to be pure torture for me.
She’s gotten under my skin.
It’s only been three weeks, give or take, but that’s been long enough for my obsession with Tessa to turn into something real.
I stare hard at the three loaded guns I’d set on the coffee table before me.
As each day passes, I become more tense knowing that any day an attempt to kidnap Tessa will happen. Since we weren’t sure if I’d been followed the night we’d moved here, Bryce intentionally made it obvious where we are. He’d gone into the city and made certain he was easy to follow back here.
So not only am I feeling like shit knowing Tessa’s likely feeling rejected by me, but I’m also on edge. I’ve intentionally led danger to our doorstep, and if shit goes bad, I won’t be able to live with myself if I lose Tessa.
She doesn’t know it, but I’m no longer working at night. Instead, I am alert, my guns loaded, my mind ready to take on the threat that could cost Tessa her life.
I was caught off guard at the loft, but this time, I won’t be.
So, I spend my nights sitting on the sofa, waiting until dawn before willingly closing my eyes for a few hours. I’m not the only one feeling the strain from this waiting game. Leo, Bryce and Sean are feeling it as well. If it were a small-time crook after Tessa, it’d be a breeze to secure her safety.
But whoever is after Tessa has a small army at his fingertips, which means the greater the ambush, the greater the risk to us all.
We could lose our lives trying to protect Tessa.
I’ve never lost any of my men, and I sure as fuck don’t ever want to experience that kind of hell.
Because that’s what it’d be, hell.
As for Tessa, just the thought of failing to keep her safe is like a sucker punch to the gut.
She’s trusting me with her life, and I damn well want to make certain that she has a future. One that she’ll hopefully experience all the things she deserves.
As much as it’ll tear me apart letting her go, I want her happiness more. After everything she’s been through—the things I wasn’t aware of—like her situation at the boarding school, her misconception that men can’t look beyond her leg because I wouldn’t let anyone get close to her…
In some ways, I made things unintentionally worse for her. It’s important that I make certain that never happens again.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, yanking me out of my thoughts.
I’m already on my feet, hurriedly slipping my guns into my holsters while using my free hand to scan the text.
It’s from Bryce. Incoming. Two vehicles—one a van. Plan B.
Motherfucker.
There could be up to a dozen or more coming for Tessa.
As I rush for her room, I turn off all the lights on my way.
Bryce’s rental is at the beginning of the neighborhood, so I’ve got about twenty seconds to get Tessa down the hatch so Sean can hide her out of sight.
Thankfully, she’s a light sleeper, because she’s already sitting up when I barge into her room.
“Time to go,” I bark out as I yank open her closet and shove the rug aside.
We’d been over this scenario—thank God, so Tessa hurries over and obediently begins climbing down into the darkness.
I can’t see her expression, and when she briefly hesitates, I firmly but carefully push her head down, signaling that there’s no time to pause.
She disappears into the darkness beneath the trailer.
Twenty-three
Tessa
It’s completely disorienting to go from sleeping to suddenly crawling down an escape hatch. I’d banged my elbow on the corner of it while slipping through, but the soreness is easy to ignore as my heart thunders inside my chest.
This is it.
The dreaded ambush is happening, and it’s not just my life I fear for.
As I hurriedly crawl through the darkne
ss in the direction Kane had once shown me, the dirt beneath my palms and knees dig into tender skin. The dirt is riddled with bits of gravel.
I ignore the minor stings and quickly crawl towards the direction of where the opening should be. It’s dark, and I can barely see as I try not to breathe too loudly and push back my panic.
Act now, panic later, I tell myself.
I can only just make out a part of the fence moving aside, a shadowy hand reaching in to help me.
“Dandelion,” the owner of the hand whispers.
Thank God.
I slip my hand in his, and I’m quickly yanked to my feet. With a firm hand, the man propels me behind a nearby pine tree along the side yard. In the darkness, I can only make out his shadow.
The sound of car engines reaches our ears, and he shoves a phone into my hand.
I stare up at him blankly. What is he doing? This isn’t part of the plan.
“There’s too many. Find a place to hide in the neighborhood. We’ll find you when it’s safe.” He’s no sooner finished talking when already he’s shoving me towards the next trailer.
Kane had warned me that any hesitation on my part could cost a life, so I rush for the neighbor’s trailer as the sound of the car engines grow closer.
It’s not easy to run with my damaged leg, but I manage to hide myself from sight behind the mobile home just as two vehicles pull up to the home Kane had bought for us.
Inhaling deeply through my nose, I lean against the side of the trailer. Rough, peeling paint digs into my palms as I brace myself against the outer wall.
My mind is a chaotic mess, and I stand there for a moment, struggling to pull myself together. I can’t just run through the darkness without thought. I need to keep my head straight and control my fear.
I draw in another silent but deep breath, trying to calm my pounding heart. As much as I want to peek around the corner to see what’s happening, I know better.