by Val Wood
The labourers had begun on the river embankment intended to abate the flooding, building it up ready for the winter storms. Joseph had every excuse for coming to inspect their work, and then drop in on Mary-Ellen during the day as well as in the evening. The air was full of the scent of blossom: honeysuckle, dog rose and heady cow parsley; honey bees gathered the nectar, butterflies fluttered in the hedges and frogs hopped about the deep ditches. Curlews and herring gulls flew overhead, whilst kingcups spread a golden carpet beneath their feet.
‘I shall remember this for ever,’ Joseph said one night as, with his arm round her waist, they stood on the bank looking out across the saltmarsh and the Humber. The men had packed up for the day and gone for their supper and he and Mary-Ellen were quite alone. The tide was swift and a brisk breeze was blowing, catching the white spray and tossing it capriciously.
‘I’ve never been to that place on ’other side,’ she murmured. ‘It would be strange to look across ’river from over there.’
‘Lincolnshire! Would you like to go?’ he asked, anxious to please her. ‘I wouldn’t think of rowing or even sailing across from here – there are too many shoals and sandbanks, and you’re at the mercy of the winds – but we could drive into Hull and cross to New Holland by the steam ferry.’
‘One day, mebbe,’ she said. ‘For now I’m content just to be here with you.’ She ran her hand across her belly. ‘And with our child.’ She lifted her eyes up to Joseph. ‘If something should happen to me,’ she began, and he turned, a frown creasing his forehead. ‘Women do die in childbirth,’ she whispered, as she saw anguish written on his face. ‘My ma did. You’ll take care of it? I don’t mean for you to take it home. I know that your ma wouldn’t want a bastard child, but would you support it so that it didn’t end up in ’poorhouse?’
‘Mary-Ellen!’ She saw tears glisten in his eyes. ‘How can you say such a thing? What would I do if anything happened to you? I wouldn’t want to live!’ He put both arms round her and held her close. ‘I couldn’t go on without you.’
‘But will you?’ she asked again. ‘Look after it?’ And she wouldn’t rest until he had said he would.
Jack Terrison called one day just before the autumn harvest began. He had been to a farm in Welwick, he said, and thought he would come over and pass the time of day. ‘Don’t see much of you, Mary-Ellen,’ he said. ‘I wondered how you were managing without your da. Have you got a job o’ work?’
His face was brown and weathered, and he had grown a shaggy brown moustache which made him look a lot older. She felt his eyes on her, and although she didn’t think he would notice her thickening body, for she still wasn’t large, she dropped her shawl from her shoulders and let it slip about her waist.
‘I’m managing,’ she said. ‘Doing a bit o’ this and that.’ She had in fact been offered work at the inn in Welwick, but Joseph insisted she refuse it. Submissively, to his amazement she did, as the offer had come at a time when she had felt tired and didn’t really want to work there in any case. But she had been gratified to see the pleasure on his face when she had agreed.
‘’Ellises treating you all right?’ Jack asked. ‘Good landlords, are they?’
She’d murmured that they were and wondered if perhaps he suspected something for he had kept his eyes on her face as he’d asked.
‘I can’t offer you a cup o’ tea, Jack,’ she excused herself. ‘I’m right out and was just on my way to Aunt Lol’s to beg some from her.’
‘I’ll give you a lift if you like,’ he offered, ‘’Waggon’s just at ’end of ’track.’
‘I like to walk by ’river,’ she said. ‘It’s so hot and there’s a nice breeze blowing in off ’sea.’
‘Aye, there is,’ he agreed. ‘We’re starting to cut corn in ’morning so I hope ’wind keeps up. It’ll be all hands on deck. Well, for them as has to work. There’s some as can skive off like Mr Joseph. He’s nivver there when you need him.’ He looked sideways at her. ‘You could probably earn a copper or two if you’d a mind to come ower to Skeffling,’ he said. ‘They’re a bit short on women to gather up corn and I can allus give you a ride back.’
‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘I might do that.’ She pondered on what Joseph’s mother would think if she saw her out in the fields and knew that she was the woman who was carrying her son’s child.
She didn’t go to Skeffling, but went instead to help with the harvest in one of the Welwick farms. She valued her independence and felt that she had lost some of it since becoming Joseph’s lover. The weather remained blisteringly hot and she was so tired at the end of each day that she fell into bed and slept a dreamless sleep, barely waking even when Joseph slipped in beside her.
‘You shouldn’t be doing this,’ he complained, stroking her brown skin. ‘You’re carrying a child. My child!’
She smiled and turned over with a sigh. How different they were. Women like her had to turn their hands to anything. He should know that.
‘Jack Terrison suggested I come to Skeffling to help with ’harvest,’ she murmured sleepily and made a little laughing sound as she heard his intake of breath. ‘But I decided against it.’
‘Mary-Ellen!’
She turned back to him and snuggled up close. ‘I’m teasing,’ she breathed. ‘I didn’t consider it.’ She opened her eyes and gazed at him. ‘But I wanted to earn some money of my own,’ she said softly. ‘I’d have to if you weren’t here.’
‘But I am here,’ he told her. ‘I always will be.’
Harvest finished and autumn turned to the cold days of early winter. Joseph sent a waggonload of wood and a man to repair the cow shelter and put back some tiles that had blown off the roof of the cottage one windy night. Mary-Ellen grew heavier and sluggish and Aunt Lol predicted that the child might be born at the beginning of December and not at Christmas after all.
‘Will Mr Ellis pay for a midwife?’ Lol asked when she had come one day, with her own child strapped against her like a gypsy woman.
‘I don’t want one,’ Mary-Ellen said. ‘Though he’s threatened to send a doctor.’
‘A doctor!’ Lol exclaimed. ‘Oh, what it must be like to have enough money to afford a medical man!’
‘But I’ve said I won’t have him,’ Mary-Ellen told her. ‘I’m young and fit. It’s a natural occurrence. Why should I want a doctor?’
Aunt Lol nodded. ‘Aye! Men are best kept away at a time like that if you ask me.’
Her labour pains began one morning halfway through November. She considered walking to Welwick to tell Lol, but it was a cold wet day and she decided to wait until Joseph came at supper time, as he had been doing every evening. Lol had suggested only the day before that one of her daughters should come and stay with her, so that she could come and fetch her when she was needed, and Mary-Ellen agreed that it was a good idea, but not yet, she said. She didn’t think the baby was due so soon, and neither did she want anyone else there when Joseph called.
It was early evening when he arrived. It was dark, wet and blustery and all work was finished at Burstall farm. He brought cold chicken and ham, a loaf of bread and a bottle of wine. He also brought the shawl which he had bought for her, and this time she accepted it, saying tenderly that she would wrap their child in it.
‘I don’t want any food,’ she told him, putting the soft wool to her cheek. ‘But I’ll have a drop of wine – not a full glass. Then you’ll have to fetch Aunt Lol.’
‘Will you be all right on your own until I get back?’ he asked, opening the wine and pouring it for her. ‘Have you told her about me?’
‘She’s guessed.’ She took a deep breath and her hand was trembling as she took the glass from him and gulped down a mouthful. ‘I’m scared, Joseph,’ she confessed. ‘Bring her back straight away. She’ll know what to do.’
He put his mackintosh cape on again. ‘And then I’ll fetch the doctor.’
‘No! I don’t need a doctor! Only Aunt Lol.’ The fewer people to know about this the better, she t
hought. The doctor might tell his wife and she might tell their housekeeper and she might pass it on to somebody else and soon the whole neighbourhood would know. Never having had the services of a doctor, Mary-Ellen had no idea of medical professionalism or discretion.
‘The doctor we use is very considerate.’ Joseph had his hand on the sneck. ‘You needn’t be embarrassed or—’
‘I’m not,’ she cried. ‘But I don’t want him. I onny want Aunt Lol. Now go! Please!’ she added fretfully. ‘And be quick.’
How do I bring her back? he thought as he swung onto Ebony’s back. Will she ride up behind me? I can’t expect her to walk all the way here! He reached the road and turned onto it and as he was about to urge Ebony into a canter he heard a shout. He pulled up and saw two figures coming towards him. One was a man carrying a lantern, the other a woman with a bundle draped across her front.
‘Mr Ellis, sir!’ It was a man’s voice.
‘Who is it?’ It was too dark to recognize them.
‘Ben Marston, sir, and Mrs Marston.’
He rode across to them. ‘Are you Aunt Lol?’ he asked, staring down at her.
‘Aye, sir, I am. I was just going up to stop with Mary-Ellen.’
‘I was coming to fetch you. Mary-Ellen asked me – she’s …’ Joseph was unsure how to tell her that Mary-Ellen had started in labour. It was different with lambs or calves. No-one thought anything about discussing them, but a woman giving birth was shrouded in secrecy and mystery.
‘Aye,’ Lol said, squinting up at him. ‘I asked Mr Marston if he’d walk me here tonight. I thought when I saw her yesterday she was due any time. Perhaps if you’d be kind enough to come up ’track wi’ me, Mr Marston could go back home.’
They trudged back up the track to the cottage, Joseph leading the horse. He realized as they walked that the bundle Mrs Marston was carrying was a child, for he heard it snuffling and Mrs Marston murmuring to it.
When they reached the door, he said, ‘How long will it take? Can I stay?’
‘You can’t come in, sir. Not while she’s giving birth!’
‘But it’s my child,’ he declared. ‘I want to be with her. To help her through it.’
‘Never heard of such a thing!’ Aunt Lol said firmly. ‘Come in and see her now, and then you’ll have to make yourself scarce. Beggin’ your pardon, sir,’ she added.
He looked at her and knew that she wouldn’t be moved. It seemed that he would be spending the rest of the night in the cow shelter, with the company of only the goats.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Mary-Ellen was pacing the floor. Her cheeks were flushed and the hair curling over her forehead was wet with perspiration. ‘Oh, you’ve come, Aunt Lol!’ she breathed. ‘How quick you’ve been.’
She gazed at Joseph, standing there as if uncertain what to do, and said softly, ‘Look into my eyes. What do you see?’
‘Your heart!’ he replied on a breath.
‘Kiss me,’ she whispered. ‘And then you’ll have to leave.’
Aunt Lol busied herself putting her child into a chair and making him comfortable whilst Joseph gathered Mary-Ellen into his arms. ‘I’m so sorry, my dearest love,’ he murmured. ‘I don’t want you to suffer. This is all my fault.’
Mary-Ellen shook her head. ‘Mine too,’ she said tenderly. ‘I loved you. Wanted you. Never wanted anybody else. Never will,’ she said huskily. ‘If I’m spared.’
‘I beg you, Mary-Ellen,’ he pleaded. ‘Don’t say that! We’ll have a good life together, no matter what others think. You and I and our child – children.’
‘Go now,’ she said, reaching to kiss his lips. ‘This is something I must do alone. Go home and come back in ’morning.’
He shook his head and said pensively, ‘How can I go home when I know you are here and about to bring our son or daughter into the world? I’ll take a blanket and stay in the cow shelter, and Mrs Marston will come and fetch me the minute it’s over.’ He turned to Aunt Lol. ‘You’ll fetch me, won’t you? I’ll be there.’
‘It might be a long night, sir,’ she said, but her eyes were compassionate. Her husband had always taken himself off to the hostelry whenever she had been in labour. ‘You’d be best going home.’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I’ll wait!’
It was bitterly cold in the shelter. There were no proper walls and he huddled within the blanket in a corner. The nanny goat wandered over and sniffed and bleated at him and Ebony. I’ll stink of goat, he thought, and closed his eyes, trying to snatch some sleep.
It was a cold grey dawn when he felt someone shaking his shoulder and he sat up quickly, his joints aching and stiff.
‘Will you come, sir?’ Aunt Lol’s voice was shaky. ‘You’ve got a daughter.’
He scrambled to his feet. ‘Mary-Ellen! Is she all right? Is she well?’
‘She’s had a bad time, sir. Just like her ma allus did.’
‘I’ll fetch the doctor,’ he said. ‘I insist. No matter what Mary-Ellen says.’
Aunt Lol led the way and stumbled as she went through the door. ‘Here he is, my lovely,’ she said, her voice cracking with a false indulgence. ‘Just as you asked. Fast asleep with ’nanny goat, he was.’
‘Mary-Ellen!’ He gave a small gasp when he saw her face, white against her black hair, which streamed across the pillow. He avoided looking at the bundle of bloodstained sheets heaped in a corner, and knelt by the bed. She lifted a frail pale hand and stroked his face.
‘We have a little girl,’ she whispered. ‘Will you love her?’
He pressed his lips to her palm. ‘I will,’ he said softly. ‘Just as I love you. What name shall we give her?’
‘Susannah,’ she murmured, and tears slid from her eyes. ‘My mother’s name.’
‘I’m going to fetch the doctor.’ He put his finger against her lips as she began to demur. ‘I want you fit and well, and our daughter too, and then when you’re up and feeling better we’ll talk of finding a house and—’
‘No,’ she murmured. ‘I think – I think it’s too late. I should have done as you said, and had him – here before. I shouldn’t have – been so proud. Speak to Aunt Lol,’ she said wearily. ‘I’ve no breath left.’
‘What?’ In stunned bewilderment he turned to Aunt Lol who was standing with her back to them, her hand clutched to her head. ‘What does she mean? I’ll go for the doctor now. I’ll be back within the hour!’
‘Yes, sir.’ When Lol turned to him, he saw the pain and anguish on her face. ‘Tell him to come straight away. She’s lost a lot o’ blood. It was – complicated,’ she stammered. ‘’Babby was ’wrong way on.’
‘I don’t want you to go,’ Mary-Ellen pleaded. ‘I want you to stay. And I want – I want to hold my daughter in my arms.’
Joseph gazed at her, the blood gone from his face and his lips parted, and then looked at Lol who was lifting a white bundle from a drawer.
‘Here she is, God bless her. Tek a look at your daughter, sir,’ and she turned the bundle so that he could see the crumpled face of the child. ‘She was early, I think, but that’s as well,’ she muttered. ‘We’d have lost ’em both had she been bigger.’
‘What do you mean? What do you mean?’ He was angry with tension.
‘I mean, sir,’ her voice dropped to a whisper, ‘that if we’re to save Mary-Ellen, you mun go now to fetch ’doctor. She’s lost – is still losing – too much blood.’
‘Don’t – talk about me.’ Mary-Ellen’s voice was getting weaker. ‘I know – what I want.’ She stretched out her arms for the child and when she was settled against her breast, she held out a hand to Joseph to come to her. ‘Don’t leave me,’ she whispered. ‘Stay with me.’
Joseph dropped to his knees. ‘For ever, Mary-Ellen. I’ll stay with you for ever, but don’t you leave me! I can’t live without you. Don’t want to live without you.’ He put his hand to his eyes and wept. ‘Tell me this isn’t true! Tell me it’s some nightmare I’m going through!’
‘I�
��m so tired, Joseph,’ Mary-Ellen murmured as the life-blood seeped from her. ‘I need to rest. We’ll talk – when – when I’ve had a sleep. But don’t go. I want to see you here when I wake.’
He half sat, half leaned on the bed, the bed where they had shared such love and passion and their daughter had been conceived, and put his arm round her so that she was nestled in the crook of his elbow. ‘Rest then, my darling,’ he said softly, and kissed her forehead. ‘Everything will be all right. I won’t let you go. I’ll keep you safe.’
Aunt Lol took the child from Mary-Ellen as her eyes closed, and Joseph gently rested his head against hers, feeling the smoothness of her face, the softness of her thick hair, and heard the sighing of her breath as she fell asleep.
He shivered as he awoke, blinking as Lol spoke to him. She had a child at her breast and he gave a small gasp when he realized that it was the newborn, his own daughter, that she was feeding. He gazed down at Mary-Ellen lying so still in his arms.
‘Sir,’ Lol said softly. ‘She’s gone.’
‘No!’ he said sharply. ‘No! She’s sleeping. Mary-Ellen!’ He gathered her closer to him but she was limp and unresponsive. ‘No. Don’t leave me! I won’t let you go. Never! Never!’
He began to weep, crushing Mary-Ellen’s lifeless form against him. ‘I can’t believe that you’d leave me. You said that you’d always love me,’ he cried out accusingly. ‘How can you leave me alone?’
‘Let her be, sir.’ A torrent of tears ran down Lol’s cheeks. ‘And you’re not alone. You have a child. A daughter.’
‘I don’t want a daughter,’ he shouted at her. ‘I want Mary-Ellen! She’s the only one I’ve ever wanted. How will I live without her? What will I do?’ He laid her back on the pillow and stroked her face. It was cool to his touch. He knelt by the bed and put his hands together. ‘God in heaven!’ he said vehemently. ‘Are you listening to me? Or are you not really there? What did I do to deserve this? Why did you take her from me when I need her so much?’