by Dakota Gray
“I had every right to walk away when you shut down on me.”
“You did. Still hurt like a bitch.”
She pushes me again, this time it’s not as hard. “So what does any of that mean?”
“I should have just told you.”
“Told me what?”
“December twenty-third is when I fell in love with you. I love you, Kennedy.” I glance up and laugh. “I love a woman with two last names—one of them was a president. I love a woman who sprouts freckles. A woman who believed in justice so much she got out of the game to keep that faith and started her own business. A woman who takes in strays and cares for them. That woman is you and I can’t function without you.”
She pushes me again and then I’m backed into the door. There’s nowhere else for me to go.
“Now what?” she yells. “I fall into your arms?”
I shake my head. “I wanted to stop being a chickenshit, hiding behind my father—how he treated me growing up. I wanted to be...Duke Alexander for once. He’s a dick. He’s a fucking shark in court. But he’d tell the woman he loved how he felt about her.” I breathe in. “I’m probably going to need about five bottles of booze to get through your rejection, but I wanted you to know I was wrong. You deserve hope. It doesn’t always nut punch you. I was so wrong. Hope like a motherfucker. Every day. Believe in it, because if you don’t, you can fuck up something good.”
I have to walk away. I have to do it so I don’t throw myself at her. I don’t need to go jail too.
“Duke Alexander,” she says, her voice a whisper. She pushes her fist into my chest. “Why are you telling me this now? Because I won’t talk to you? You lost?”
“I love you.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I love you, Kennedy.”
Her face twists, reddens, and then she’s crying. “You’re an idiot.”
“The dumbest person on earth.”
She punches my chest, not even hard enough to sting but I let her. “You hurt me.”
“I did, and I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I’m so mad at you.”
“Punch me harder if you need to.”
“You might like it.”
I can’t help it. I laugh. “I promise you can make me pay every time you remember. I’m not even asking you to forgive me. Dear god, just let me stand next to you.”
Kennedy rubs her face into my shirt and I’m sure she leaves a mess from her makeup. I don’t care. She’s leaning into me, breathing me in. She mutters something into the cotton. I lift her chin so we’re eye to eye.
“What?”
“I never hated you. I wanted to. I told myself I should.”
“But?” And my heart feels funny as I wait for her answer.
“I want the pens. They were cute and I would cut anyone who tries to take them.”
I brush my mouth over her brows. “I’m sure Gwen put them up for you.”
“I want to see you in a tank top fixing stuff for me even when I’m pissed at you.”
“Always.” The promise is easy to make. “Just don’t leave me again. I don’t know if I could take it.”
Her lashes are spiky and wet, but she holds my stare. “You always hurt me when my guard is down.” She rests her hand on my heart. “I do the same to you. We’re a mess, Duke.”
“Then be my mess.”
“As long as I can be yours.”
She kisses me, and I figure I’ve made my case. Still it won’t be enough. I’m going to tell her every day how much she means to me. I’m going to emote like a mutherfucker, because it’s okay she makes my knees a little weak, my palms sweaty and my heart feel funny.
We did this shit the hard way and I’m never going to let us break again.
And, you know, Kennedy’s stubborn too. I doubt she’ll let me.
EPILOGUE
TWO WEEKS LATER
I’m standing at my office window. It’s a decent view. Skyscrapers surround Lance and Chase, but we’re at the top of the park. Acres of the city transformed into a cornucopia of walkways, flowers and trees. No jungle gyms for kids to play—it’s not that kind of park. It’s midday and the sun creeps over the lowest building.
At the knock at my door, I smile. “Come in.”
A husky voice wraps around me. “You bribed Gwen so she wouldn’t talk to me?”
“Yup,” I reply without feeling an ounce of guilt. “Come here.”
“You gave her a hundred bucks. Duke, that’s just playing dirty.”
I don’t turn to her just yet. The sun is rising over the buildings and I know she’s going to look good in front the windows. She looks good anywhere.
“I took the Sec out for dinner last night. Drinks too. I think most of them are still hungover.”
She slips in front me, her arms crossed. The sun catches the chocolate strands in her hair and the flecks of gold in her eyes. “I think this is the very definition of racketeering.”
I shake my head then place a kiss on her forehead. “No matter how much you fantasize about me being a part of the Irish mafia, I’m just an attorney with a big sausage.”
My heart might skip when she smiles at me. “Not even Gabriel will spill the beans, and I’ve been at him all morning.”
I cup her cheeks. “Ask me.”
She drops her arms only to put them around my middle. “Did you or did you not make senior partner this morning?”
I kiss her instead of answering. I get to do shit like that now. She lets me. I am forever grateful I get to touch her, love her. But I’m still me. I give her tongue and fuck her mouth to make her moan and grind a little into me.
She pushes me back an inch a minute later. “You didn’t get it, did you?”
I keep my face free of any emotion. “Preston called me up to his office. All the partners were there. He started to talk and complained about my absence a few weeks back. He listed all the things I suck at—bedside manner being the top. The other partners joined in.”
“I’m so sorry, Duke.”
I shake off the apology. “And I sat back in the chair. I kept thinking this is what I wanted. To sit in front of the partners. For them to look at the work I’ve done, how loyal I’ve been. Yeah. Fuck them for complaining about anything I’ve done for the firm. Now Preston takes over again, and I’m thinking of what I really want now, more than anything. Then it came to me.”
“Your own firm?”
I smile. “I want to get married.”
Kennedy blinks. “What?”
I brush my thumb over her cheekbones. “I don’t just love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve always chosen work because it was dependable. I was good at it. It’s what an Alexander does. I suck at being a good guy. I have trouble telling you how I feel at any given moment. I’m an asshole. I’m willing to work at that. All of it. I want to do all of it with you.”
“Duke...”
“Will you marry me?”
She takes a step back. “Is this because you didn’t make senior partner? I don’t want to be a consolation prize.”
I breathe in slowly. “You will never be that. Have never been that. I got partner.”
“What?” her face brightens.
“Preston rambles, but he’s a man of his word. He overruled the other partners and named me. Not the point. I want to marry you.”
“Oh.”
I do my best to not give her the death glare. “That’s it?”
She laughs. “Duke Branson Alexander—”
“Dear god not the full name.”
Her eyes sparkle. “I love you.”
It’s my turn to blink. “But...”
“I realized I hadn’t said it. We’ve been breathing each other’s air for two weeks straight and you’ve been so good to me. You’ve been kind, thoughtful, loving. I guess I’ve been scared to say it back. But...I love you, Duke. You want to marry me even when you hadn’t heard me say the words.”
Something inside me shifts a
nd all I know is that my heart feels funny. “Weren’t you the one who said actions speak louder than words?”
“Yes, and—”
“You forgave me. You helped pick out a new couch since you hated the white one.”
“My butt sticks to it when we have sex.”
“You also check in on my mother.” I smile. “You’re annoyed I bribed everyone so only I could tell you the news about the partnership. I could go on. At the end of the day, shit, after the end of three years I know there is only one person on earth I want to spend the rest of my life with. It’s you, Kennedy. It’s always been you.”
She blushes and her eyes get misty. “I will marry the shit out of you.”
My heart thumps hard. “Will you?”
“Yeah.” She lifts to the tip of her toes against my mouth. “You made partner.”
“I did.”
“I’m stupid happy for you.”
“You’re marrying me. I’m stupid happy.”
She grins. “Gwen is going to know we’re both so very happy as soon as I leave your office.”
“Then the Sec.”
“So...” she glances at my desk. “Should we celebrate?”
I shake my head. “You still need you to concede I’m the better cook.”
“I’ll cover dessert.”
“As long as I get to eat it first.”
She blushes again. “For the rest of my life, I’ll say things you can be obscene about.”
“Promise?”
She brushes her mouth along mine. “Promise. We should still celebrate. Both things.”
I consider that. My mother would throw me a party. Nate and Tarek would take me out clubbing. What I want...I look into her eyes. We’ve come full circle.
I smile when the thought hits me. “We should. I know exactly what I want.”
“Champagne? Dinner in?”
“Kennedy,” I lower my voice, “put your hands on my desk.”
Her breath stutters then her gaze heats. “Like that?”
“Please put your hands on my desk.”
“Since you said please.” She tugs my tie free. “For later.”
My heartbeat thuds slowly at the promise. Speeds up as she struts over to my desk. The only woman in the world I would ever consider fucking at work rests her hands flat on my desk and bends over.
Did I forget to mention she’s wearing a dress? Heels?
And now I know she’s not wearing panties.
“You knew I got partner,” I say.
She looks at me, a smile creeping out. “And I knew how you’d want to celebrate. You get bossy when you’re happy.” Her gaze goes soft. “I didn’t expect the marriage proposal.”
“Yeah?” I stroll from the window to my desk. I reach past her to open the top drawer. “We know each other too well. I had a backup plan since I know everyone loves you, Kennedy. Someone would spill the beans.”
I put the diamond ring on the desk next to her hand. I smile at her soft gasp. “You let Gabriel step out for coffee. He picked that up from my mother and brought it by for me. It’s my grandmother’s. She was incredible. She loved my grandfather until the day she died. She took none of his shit though. He spent the rest of his life loving her for that.”
“On your mother’s side?”
“Yes.”
She straightens, her dress falling back down her hips.
I whisper in her ear, “See if it fits you.”
Kennedy picks up the ring and slides it over her finger. I ball my hand in her hair and lift her face to mine. She inhales, like she’s trying to take me in, like she can’t believe I’m kissing her.
And she’s wearing my ring.
She murmurs against my mouth, “I love you, Duke. Probably did the moment you threw that smile of yours my way.”
If it's not clear, this moment—This One—is what it truly means to win. I have a woman who loves twisted-as-fuck me and I love her.
I won’t bore you with the details but we stay happy for a long, long lifetime.
BIO
Dakota Gray is the author of the Filth series. She’s a longtime romance reader and she’s not ashamed to fangirl over heroes with dirty mouths, dirtier minds and a soft heart.
Gray writes the heroes you shouldn’t take home to mom, sassy heroines and sigh-worthy happily ever afters.
You find her website HERE. You can LIKE her Facebook page or follower her on TWITTER.
For updates or sneak peeks on new releases you can subscribe to her newsletter.
Last but not least, if you liked HARDCORE, you might also enjoy PERV.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
If you’re reading this you either consider me a hack because this book didn’t live up to PERV or you can’t wait for the next book. Either way, thank you for reading. I am just some weird person who talks to imaginary people without readers.
Speaking of...PERV was kind of a firestorm I didn’t expect. I held a few more fucks as I wrote this book, but the important thing was always staying true to the character. That was the lesson. Every book I write teaches me something. PERV taught me to be fearless. HARDCORE taught me character is the only thing that will save you. It’s the only thing that will guide you when you’re in over your head.
And every book needs all hands on deck.
So in no particular order I want to thank folks who helped me navigate during the perfect storm.
Jennifer Leeland, thank you for always letting me know I’m awesome even while I’m telling you you’re delusional and completely wrong.
Ames, Robin, and Sasha...you crazy bunch keep me humble and let me be petty without judgment. I adore you all.
Bree, you let me flail and I don’t think you realize how often I don’t. Thank you for creating that safe space.
Donna, I will forever be in your debt for the plot bunny.
Incy, once again you were the voice of reason.
Lily, thank you for letting me know I hadn’t fucked up completely.
Merryn, you are invaluable as a peer and a fangirl. Everyone needs a person like you in their life.
I am pretty sure I’m leaving some folks out, but really thank you everyone who were a part of the firestorm. I really can’t put into words what it means as an author to be read. My words didn’t get sucked into the ether. (Geek alert.) I knew what it was like to be Vincent from Doctor Who, an artist who turned their pain into joy.
I will forever be grateful.
Thank you.
PERV EXCERPT
“You're in between jobs?” The woman scrunches up her nose and I continue to smile.
The scar on my left cheek looks like a dimple when I do. The dimple makes me look sweet, congenial. You can take me home to mama. I'll say “yes, ma'am,” and “no, sir.” In the bar's shitty, low lights my sandy brown hair would gleam, rounding out good ol' Southern boy with charm and manners. Never fails to amaze me they miss the glint in my eyes, but my baby blues are deceptive.
And Cali girls love accents, even in big cities like Hartsburg.
“Sugar,” I say, “I know what you're thinking. Unemployed and thinks his good looks can get him far.”
Her cocoa brown skin looks perfect as she raises a brow. “Yup. I'm thinking you probably can't even pay for my drink.”
“Sugar.” I drop my tone and put every bit of Georgia in the single word. Some ancestors roll over in their grave, but this is the honey. I catch all manner of butterflies with it. “What do you want to drink? It's on me. I won't even mock you if you get something girly.”
“Oh, you won't?” She laughs and whatever she put in her coiling curls glistens in the glowing light.
She's pretty, and not just in a serviceable way. Her brown eyes may be doe-shaped, but there's something in her gaze that's holding my attention. Not surprising. I'd caught sight of her when she'd first came into the club. Her walk wasn't timid. Closer to a strut, with long, sure steps. Standing next to her and leaning against the hardwood, I still have a few inches on he
r. That makes her short and sexy as shit. Altogether, she's...interesting and I want to taste her.
Yes. Attraction is that simple for me. Would I like her to sit on my face? Yes. Proceed. No? Pass. I am nothing if not a simple man.
“I swear,” I say, “I will keep back any untoward remarks about your fruit being in your liquor.”
“You make a lot of assumptions.”
“Then what are you drinking?”
She leans against the bartop and makes eye contact with the bartender. She puts her tits—in the low-cut black dress she's wearing—on the bar. Tastefully displayed tits, sure, but still cleavage for days.
Now, this was my usual hangout. I often came with my friends, Duke and Tarek. They are buffers. Lone men in clubs are suspicious looking. The DJ ain't half bad any given night either.
But that's beside the point. This is my usual hangout. I'd been waiting five minutes to get noticed. She puts her tits on the bar like she's going into female-stealth mode for booze, holds Elton's gaze for five seconds and the man damn near floats over to her. She smiles, and the way her eyes crinkle even has me holding my breath.
What the fuck?
“I'll have a martini.” She edges her body in my direction.
I know it's a good sign, but I'm still reeling from the subtle moves she pulled on the bartender. Her smile though—it was seductive and shy. All she had needed was a lip bite, and at least three men in the vicinity would have proposed marriage.
I narrow my eyes and recalculate how I'm going to talk her out of her panties. She's going to require more than charm and a smile.
Elton finally manages to throw some attention in my direction. He's maybe in his early twenties, hits the gym enough he could probably moonlight as a bouncer for Fade. Blond hair, cautious brown eyes. Normal. “The usual?” he asks.
“Yeah. Scotch, rocks.” The exchange over, I go back to checking out Stealth and Heels.