by Dyanne Davis
Heaven did not intend to let the matter drop. As soon as they returned home she would file a complaint. Hamid was behaving as though he was the only one embarrassed.
When he kept his silent treatment up in the taxi to the Jack Tar Hotel, Heaven kept hers up as well. If he wasn’t talking to her, then she wouldn’t talk to him.
In the elevator Heaven could finally take it no longer. “Why are you treating me like the enemy? I didn’t do a thing besides try to save you from being tossed in jail. Don’t you understand that people have been detained at the airports for much less than shouting and demanding that they stop their search?”
“I didn’t want you saving me. I would have gladly gone to jail for you, if it had come down to it. Don’t you understand that?”
“I understand it, but there was no need for you to do that, Hamid, I didn’t need you to prove anything to me by getting in trouble.”
“That is not your call, Heaven,” he said between clenched teeth.
“You are the most stubborn, arrogant man I have ever met in my entire life. You act as though you are the first person it’s happened to,” she yelled. “It happens, Hamid, and it happens to a lot of people, not just to Muslim men.”
He glared at her, held her gaze, then swallowed his words before walking out of the elevator. He proceeded down the hall carrying both of their bags, unlocked the door to her room, went in, put her luggage on the bed and turned to face her.
“I will not argue with you about this, Heaven. I am not attempting to tell you that an insult to a Muslim man is more than an insult to a black woman. I am telling you that for a Muslim man to have to watch others trail their hands over his woman’s body, the insult is unforgivable. In this case, I will accept your calling me arrogant and a male chauvinist. I am a man. You are not.”
With that, he walked out of her room, down the hall and into his own room.
Heaven stood, fuming for a moment. If only, she thought…but if only what? If only men from the Middle East had not bombed the World Trade Center? If only American forces had not marched full force into a Muslim country and blown their world to bits? If only she had not met Hamid? If only she had not fallen in love with him, and if only he weren’t leaving her? This trip was meant to cement their relationship, not tear them farther apart. This argument was different from any they’d ever had. It involved Hamid’s manhood, his idea of who he was.
Heaven dialed the phone to alert her father that she was in San Francisco. “Remember I told you Hamid is from Pakistan. Please don’t say or do anything to offend him,” she warned, wishing that for once her opinionated father would be able to keep his opinions to himself.
* * *
“John and Ernestine Ross, meet Hamid Ahmad. Hamid, my father and stepmother.” Hamid’s hand was already out to shake her father’s hand. Heaven saw the question in his eyes and smiled. “It’s a long story. I’ll explain later.”
When they returned to the hotel later that evening, they stood in the hall outside of Heaven’s door. She didn’t ask Hamid to come in and he didn’t ask if he could.
“Are you going to tell me now?”
“My father never married my mother. I use my mother’s maiden name.”
“Does it still hurt?” Hamid asked.
“My mother’s death?” Heaven asked, looking at him in surprise. “Of course it still hurts. She gave me life, and I loved her with all my heart. I wish she were alive to see my business, to cheer me on. She would have been happy for me.”
“Would she have approved of me?”
Heaven studied Hamid for a moment. “She would have approved.”
“Your mother, what was her name?”
“Katherine,” Heaven answered. “Frances Katherine Terrell.”
“But you once told me the story of your birth, and you said when you were born your father said he had everything he wanted.”
“He did,” Heaven answered, “and maybe something he didn’t want. He had a wife.” She looked at Hamid. “Good night, Hamid,” she said, and went into her room.
Heaven took in a deep breath. She’d never told that truth to anyone. Not even Brandon was aware of the circumstances that surrounded her birth, and they had known each other practically all their lives, at least since they were six. That was a long time not to share such an intimate detail.
For a long time Heaven had always felt shame for the circumstances attached to her birth. She’d finally let go of it. She didn’t know when it had happened, but it must have been the same time as when she’d decided to let go of her anger over Brandon leaving her.
Fifteen minutes later a knock sounded on the door and startled her.
“Who is it,” she asked, her voice sticking in her throat.
“It’s Hamid.”
Heaven opened the door, wondering if he were going to ask if he could come in, if he could sleep with her. If he hadn’t understood the meaning behind her story, then she had no other way to tell him. Crap happened when you weren’t looking. She would not take the chance of having a child out of wedlock. The stigma might have lessened, but she still didn’t want to pass it to a child.
Hamid was holding his hand open. In it was a basket from the hotel restaurant. Two perfectly ripened mangos lay side by side; a knife and napkin lay next to them.
“This is for you. I told you I like the taste of mangoes.” He kissed her lightly on her lips, shoved the basket in her hand. “Heaven, do you know the story of the great flood and God’s promise to Abraham? He sealed that pledge with a rainbow in the sky. I will seal my pledge to you with mangoes.”
“What pledge?”
“My pledge, my sacred pledge. To be used only when I have been really ignorant. This will be the bond between us. When I give you mangoes you will know that I am sorry for whatever offense I have done. You will know this is my way of renewing my commitment to you. It will be my declaration of love and devotion.”
“Mangoes, Hamid?”
“Mangoes, Heaven. Think about it. No one will know how important this symbol is to us. It will be our private declaration of love.” He held her gaze. “Do you understand how important this is, Heaven?”
“I understand that instead of saying the words that you should, you’re trying to make amends with fruit.”
“Not just any fruit, Heaven, mangoes. Giving you mangoes will tell you what’s in my heart. They will remind you and me of the first time I kissed you and tasted mangoes.” Heaven smiled. “Now do you understand?”
Heaven moved into the room. “Do you want to come in?”
“No, I don’t think it’s proper for us to be in your bedroom alone.”
“Hamid, you’ve been in my home many times and we were alone.”
“But never in your bedroom.” He kissed her, then turned and walked back to his room.
* * *
“Heaven, you know I’m leaving in three days. Is there anything you would like for me to bring you back?”
She wanted to tell him she only wanted him to return. She licked her lips, pulling her top lip into her mouth, chewing nervously on it. “Are you truly coming back in a month?”
“Yes, I’ll be gone no longer than two months, no matter what. Now tell me what gift you would like me to bring you when I return?”
“Bring me a sari.”
“It’s improper for men to buy clothes for women. What else would you like?”
“If you didn’t want to bring me what I wanted, you shouldn’t have asked.”
“Heaven, what’s wrong? Why are we fighting? My plane could go down and you want harsh words between us?” He smiled at her, but she was frowning, not taking his words as a joke.
“Heaven, I’m coming back.”
“But you are going back for good at some point. You told me that was your plan, that you want to open a clinic there.”
“Yes, I do.”
“So your coming back is only temporary. You’re going to be back for a few months, and then you’re going to be out
of my life.”
“Heaven, I will be back.”
She refused to look at him. “Sure, you will,” she said, in a voice devoid of emotion.
“Trust me, Heaven.”
This time she looked at him for a long while before speaking. She wished she had stuck to her plan. Hamid was breaking her heart without meaning to, but that didn’t lessen the pain. “I want you to know before you leave that I went to see Brandon,” she muttered, waiting for his response.”
“Why?”
“When I attacked you, sensei said I had to make things right with Brandon, so I did.”
“Did you settle things?”
“I tried.”
“Is he the reason you didn’t want me there?”
“Partially,” Heaven said, looking directly in his eyes. “But not because of the reason you think. I didn’t want to be around Brandon after he’d hurt me. I couldn’t be at the dojo when he was there, so the sensei let me stay and made him leave. When you wanted to join, it brought up too many bad memories. I didn’t want something to happen with us,” She laughed. “Come on, Hamid, the way we’re always fighting, how long would it take before it spilled over into the dojo?”
“It took you less than two minutes to throw me to the ground when you saw me there, so I’m guessing you’d thought of this.”
“Not exactly, she laughed. “But I didn’t want our private fights to spoil my ability to relax at the dojo.”
“Are you over Brandon?”
“I already was.”
“Will he be rejoining classes at the dojo?”
She lifted her shoulder and shook her head slightly. “I don’t care if he does, if that’s what you’re asking me.”
“Will you still attend?”
“Most likely.”
“There is just one more thing. I don’t understand what you’re saying to me, make things right. Would that mean there is a chance for you to have Brandon, the man who hurt you, back in your life?”
Heaven saw the quick spark of jealousy that laced Hamid’s brown eyes. She reached her hand up to touch his dark curls. “I didn’t go to see Brandon because you’re leaving.”
“No?”
“No. I wanted to make sure I’m with you for the right reasons.”
“And?”
“And I am.”
“Will you be here when I return?”
“Of course, where do you think I’m going?”
“I mean, will you be here waiting for me, Heaven?”
Heaven swallowed. “We’ll talk when you return, Hamid.” She walked to her desk and pulled out folders and began making calls to the nurses she had scheduled to work. She saw Hamid watching her and ignored him. She had to get used to not having him around.
“You’re making assumptions again, aren’t you, Heaven?”
“No assumptions. I’m replaying every conversation we’ve ever had in my head.”
“You can’t be replaying them all, because if you are, you must have surely missed the one where I told you I loved you.”
Heaven pushed her tongue around in her mouth. She wasn’t going to debate love with Hamid. She dialed another client. She had her dream and Hamid had his.
* * *
Hamid sat next to Sassa on the plane. They both had almost been ordered to return home. That, he had not told Heaven. Things did work a bit differently in their country, and respect for family was still something that he valued. The family wanted to have them home to get a feel for exactly what was going on. True, there was a wedding, and true, he was going home in order for his family to share in the joy of his being a doctor licensed in America. But the larger truth was that if neither of those two things had occurred, he and Sassa would still be sitting on the plane bound for Pakistan.
“Hamid, you know we’re in for it, don’t you? First me, then you.”
“I know. Why didn’t you warn me that you had called off the matchmaker?”
“You didn’t care what I was doing. Your only concern was Heaven.”
Hamid growled low, not wishing to fight with Sassa on the small plane. “I didn’t go looking for her, everything just happened. Even my father believes in fate.”
“Right.”
“It was.” Hamid insisted. “Why do you think we met if it wasn’t meant to be?”
“You’ve met many women. Have you fallen for them like a complete fool? Don’t answer. The answer is no. You’ve kept your head. You’ve slept with women in this country, and none have been able to turn your head. And this woman, she’s beautiful, granted, but she’s so tiny. You’re a big man.” Sassa looked slyly at Hamid. “I’m sure you’re much too big for her.”
“Sassa, if that’s your way of asking about my relationship with Heaven, I’m going to tell you the same thing I’ve told you the last million times that you’ve asked: What I do with Heaven is none of your business, and don’t ask me again.”
“She’s what? Is she even five feet, Hamid?”
“Not quite, she’s more like four-eleven.”
“And you’re six-three and a half?” The two of you look funny together. Have you ever gotten a good look at the two of you in a mirror? She’s like this little doll. You would smother her in a short time if you married her.”
Hamid laughed. This was Sassa’s way of trying once again to ask him if he were sleeping with Heaven. He wasn’t, but it wasn’t Sassa’s business. He hadn’t asked Heaven and she hadn’t volunteered. He was doing penance for having said American women shouldn’t have sex with men they were not married to.
Sometimes Hamid hated that he spoke before thinking. He didn’t know that Heaven would have allowed him to make love to her if he hadn’t said those words, but he did think they would have been closer.
“Sassa, have you ever gone into a women’s dress store?” He laughed at the look on his cousin’s face. “Heaven wants me to bring her a sari.”
“Have one of the cousins buy it for you.”
“I don’t know how, but she would know if I didn’t pick it out myself. I will do this.”
“See what I mean? If she asks you to put those little things in your hair, will you do that as well?”
“They’re called twists, Sassa. And if she asked me to do it, yes, I believe I would.”
His cousin slapped playfully at him and he slapped back.
He had not even arrived on the soil of his homeland and already he was wanting to be back in the States.
From the instant the plane touched down, a difference came over Hamid. He was home, and he felt it in his spirit. This would be perfect if he were not so far from Heaven.
Hamid sat waiting for the plane to empty. He hated being bumped and shoved. Sassa gave him an annoyed look, but waited also. What was five more minutes?
The last of the stragglers were gone when Hamid and Sassa stood and stretched, their bodies tired from the long flight. Hamid looked out the window of the plane and smiled before turning toward his cousin.
“You’d better wipe that look off your face before the family sees us.”
“What look?” Hamid asked in surprise. He didn’t believe he wore any special look.
“That dopey, homesick look.”
“Sassa, I was homesick. I’m home.”
“That’s not the look on your face. You’re wanting to be back in Chicago. You are already missing Heaven, and if the family sees just how much, they are going to work on you big time to keep you here.”
“I’m leaving in a month, no more than two months, Sassa, no matter what. I promised Heaven.”
“Like I said, then you’d better stop looking like you want to be somewhere else.”
They walked off the plane still bickering. Hamid didn’t believe he had a goofy look on his face. He was glad to be home.
“This must really be serious.” Sassa punched Hamid in the ribs. “There’s your father waiting for us. They didn’t send a servant.”
“It could be my father missed me.”
“Right.”<
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Hamid turned to frown at Sassa before turning back to look at his father. Sassa was right. There was trouble brewing on the horizon.
As soon as they were done with customs, which was nothing more than a glance, he and Sassa were free to leave. Each carried only a small bag.
“Where are your things?” his father asked both of them.
“We’re going back in a month, so we left most of them.”
“Hamid, you have what you went for. You should have brought all of your belongings. Your mother is not expecting this to be a short visit. You promised you were coming home. The two of you were summoned home because it seems you’ve forgotten our customs. Both of you, calling your fathers to find brides. Both of you, calling your fathers to cancel the contracts. It is not right. You need to be here in Pakistan. As for you, Hamid, we have even found a clinic for you to run.”
This had been the agreement, the plan. Suddenly the sound of Marvin Gaye filled Hamid’s head. He’d used one of his songs to tell Heaven he loved her, to ask her to open up to him. She didn’t believe he was returning. She thought he would hurt her as Brandon had.
“Hamid, I’m talking to you. Where is your mind?” His father squinted, grabbed his head between his hands and kissed him on each cheek. “Give it time and you will forget her. You’re home now.”
“I don’t think…” He saw Sassa shaking his head gently. “I won’t forget her, Abba. I love her and I’m going to marry her.” He saw his father’s shoulders lift but he didn’t answer.
“You couldn’t keep your mouth shut for five minutes,” Sassa whispered viciously. “Now I’m going to get dragged into this. Thanks.”
Hamid’s father turned to Sassa and frowned at his nephew. “Sassa, your father is angry that you called off the plans with the matchmaker. You will go to the girl’s home while you’re here to make amends, and you will tell them the reason.”
“But that whole thing is over. It’s been months. Why do I need to go there?”
“Because this is the way it’s done. Now do you two see why it was urgent for you to return home? You remember nothing.”