by Dyanne Davis
When the last person was gone from her home-slash-office, Heaven went to her closet and pulled out the box she’d stuck in there several months before.
She pulled the sari from the box and smiled. She loved it. Studded with rhinestones, the brownish-colored silk was beautiful. It was very intricately designed, with tiny birds and flowers woven into the material. There was also a matching scarf.
Heaven held the sari to her cheek, trying to imagine Hamid in a clothing store picking out women’s clothing. She was positive he’d picked it out because there was a mango tree sewn into the fabric.
Gold glittered in the box and she pulled out a dozen gold bracelets, earrings, and more scarves. Then she spotted a small package wrapped in tissue paper lying there amidst the jewelry. She sucked in a breath. It wasn’t mangoes, or the rotted fruit would be creating a horrible stench. She opened the tissue and then she let her breath out. Dried mangoes. She should have known Hamid would find a way. She spotted a card with his tiny scrawl.
“Heaven, I will return. Don’t give up on me—don’t give up on us. Put the mangoes on your desk so you will see them every day and know our bond remains intact. You know how to reach me if you need me. I can only assume that you’re too angry to talk to me since you’ve disconnected your phone and won’t answer my letters. Even so, I remain firm in my commitment. I love you and I will return for you. Hamid.”
Heaven’s hands trembled as she held the dried mangoes to her heart. She would put them on her desk as a reminder that she shouldn’t have gotten involved with Hamid. But also, she would be grateful to him for reminding her that there was more to life than hating.
Heaven received letters from Hamid almost on a daily basis. She didn’t open them, but something prevented her from throwing them away, maybe the sight of the mangoes.
As the weeks passed, she told herself it didn’t matter. Her life was full. She was working and going out with her friends, even dating on occasion. And at the dojo, things were much better than she would have ever thought. It didn’t even bother her when Brandon’s obviously pregnant girlfriend came in to watch the matches.
To Heaven’s credit, she didn’t attempt to kick Brandon any harder than she would have anyone else she was sparring with, but she couldn’t deny the momentary pleasure she felt when she fell on the mat and Brandon attempted to stomp her. Her leg shot up automatically and she landed a solid groin kick.
When Brandon dropped to his knees and glared at her, she meant it when she told him she was sorry. She blinked. “Brandon, why didn’t you have your cup on?”
“Because I didn’t expect to get kicked by you,” he said between clenched teeth.
Heaven held out her hand and then she smiled. “Come on, Brandon, I didn’t do it deliberately. You should have had a cup on. Besides, you were trying to stomp me.”
“But I wasn’t really going to do it.”
“Right,” Heaven answered, then broke into a full grin. “Maybe we both wanted to get in one last shot. Come on, let me help you up.” She grinned even wider when Brandon finally smiled at her and took her hand.
“I guess you deserved to land that kick.” He stood bent over with his hands on both knees and looked across the room. “It’s a good thing I’ve already reproduced or I think I wouldn’t be able to. Good block.”
Brandon stuck his hand out and grinned at Heaven. She shook it, looked over his shoulder, and spotted the sensei watching them and beckoning her to come into his office.
Heaven’s heart sank to her stomach. She’d been warned about being overly aggressive. Now she was going to be kicked out for something she hadn’t done deliberately. Her mind was whirling as she walked toward the office, wondering if Brandon would vouch for her.
“Close the door, Heaven.”
She let out all of the air in her lungs, took a deep breath, closed the door and turned back to face the teacher. “Sensei, that was a legal block, I didn’t know Brandon wasn’t wearing a cup.”
“What?”
Heaven stopped her explanation when she realized the teacher had not even seen her and Brandon sparring. She followed his eyes as he looked toward the phone. “Talk to Hamid,” he said.
Heaven glanced toward the door, then at the instructor who took the hint and left the room, closing the door behind him.
“Hi,” Heaven said as she waited for Hamid’s voice.
“It isn’t fair of you to initiate a fight and not give me a chance to fight back,” Hamid said softly.
For the first time in months, Heaven felt reconnected to the universe. “That wasn’t what I was doing,” she said after a long pause.
“Of course it was. You like being in control. You’re there, and I’m here. So you assumed you’d win this by changing your number, not answering my letters, running away from me.” He paused and said softly, “How childish, Heaven.”
“You tracked me down to tell me I’m acting childish?”
“Well, aren’t you?”
“You arrogant—”
“I love you, Heaven.”
“I love you too.”
“Do we have a bad connection?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What did you just say?”
“You heard me,” Heaven laughed.
“Repeat it.”
“You should have been listening.”
Hamid was laughing. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you also,” Heaven replied, without a second of hesitation.
“Then why didn’t you get in touch with me? Why did you make it so hard?”
“I don’t know, Hamid. I thought it was for the best. What good would it do either of us to let this go any farther? You’re there and I’m here, and I do understand why you stayed.”
“Doing this is not more important to me than you are, Heaven.”
For a moment she didn’t answer, but she understood what Hamid meant. “You had to live up to your word, your commitment.”
“I made a commitment to you also, and I will find a way to live up to that as well.”
“You’re not married yet?”
Hamid laughed and the sound washed over her. She really had missed him.
“How could I be? You’re there and I’m here.”
“Easily.” Heaven held the phone to her heart and gave thanks. She swallowed the tears, wishing Hamid were standing in front of her, wishing she could kiss him, wishing she’d not waited so long to tell him that she loved him.
“Heaven, are we going to fight about that as well?”
“Why not? We fight about everything else,” she said softly.
“Are you going to give me your new number or will I have to find other means of talking to you? I have a carrier pigeon, but I’m not sure if it can travel that far.”
“You won’t need a pigeon, Hamid.”
“How are things between you and Brandon?”
“No war,” Heaven laughed.
“No love?” Hamid asked.
Heaven thought for a moment, wanting to be certain.
“Heaven,” Hamid said, “don’t tease me.”
“No love,” she answered at last.
“Any regrets?”
“Some,” she answered truthfully.
“Any regrets about us?”
“Some.” Heaven smiled, knowing that on the other line Hamid would know it. “I regret not telling you sooner that I loved you.”
“Can we get through this?”
“I’m willing to try,” Heaven said. She heard the click of the door behind her and finally gave Hamid her new number. “I love you, and avoiding you hasn’t changed that. Listen, the sensei wants his office back. I’ll talk to you later.”
* * *
“I thought you weren’t going to wait for Hamid to return to this country,” Peaches said as she picked up the dried mangoes from Heaven’s desk. Heaven took them from her.
“I’m not just sitting at home.” Heaven held the dried fruit in her hand for a moment b
efore continuing. “But I’m not slamming the door on him either. He loves me.” Heaven took another look at the dried mangoes. “And I love him. He went to a lot of trouble to reach me. I don’t have my hopes up, but we’ll see what happens.”
For the next couple of months, Heaven continued to date occasionally when she could find the time from her business. She was forever being paged in the middle of the night. It was time she hired someone to help put out the brush fires. Fulfilling dreams could be a lot of work.
* * *
Hamid looked around the clinic. It was running smoothly. He was working sixteen-hour days to get it that way. The place was spotless, and he had the best help he could find. He could see the pride his father showed, the initial disbelief from his brothers, and then the pride from them also.
His mother and sisters continued their clucking over him, saying that he was working too hard and needed a woman to take care of him. Hamid agreed, but not a woman of their choosing. He had his own woman in mind, and it was time he returned to claim her. At least things had gotten easier since she’d relented and begun talking to him. Now that Sassa was getting married to the woman he’d found in America, Hamid was expected to return for the wedding.
He had made arrangements for two doctors he trusted to take over the running of the clinic until he returned. His father was in charge of the clinic finances, not much of a duty since they were operating at a loss. Still, the main thing had been to get the clinic up and running and to give care to people who couldn’t afford much more than a chicken for payment. His father believed in the adage, ‘To whom much is given, much is required.’ Hamid supposed he believed that as well, only he was beginning to think that too much had been required of him and of Heaven.
Hamid looked around, wondering how he could ask Heaven to return with him to a business that made no money. He knew her business was booming. It would be unfair of him to ask her to give that up. Still, he wanted her with him. And it wasn’t as though he were penniless; no, he was far from that. But he didn’t want money to be the deciding factor.
A week later, he was ringing Heaven’s bell unannounced. She buzzed him in and surprised him by running down the stairs. He looked up as she came down and for the first time in his life, he had what he’d been waiting for. Heaven’s eyes were glittery with tears, tears of joy and love. The look she was giving him as she ran toward him was worth dying for. This was the look he’d thought she’d never give him. It was true; absence did make the heart grow fonder.
Hamid caught Heaven, lifting her off the steps, wrapping her securely in his arms and kissing her for long minutes. They stood on the stairs unable to talk, able only to kiss and cry tears of joy.
“Hamid, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Heaven said when she was finally able to form words.
“I started to, but now I’m glad I didn’t. I don’t think I would have received this reception.”
“You would have received it. You came back as you promised.”
Hamid licked his lips, his eyes fastened on Heaven’s face. He would not lie to her about the timing of his visit.
She read the truth in his face. “You didn’t come back for me, did you?”
This time instead of the light of love that had been in her eyes only moments ago, there was fire. Hamid prayed for understanding before answering her.
“Not entirely. Sassa is getting married.” Heaven was pulling away from him. He could see the freeze come over her as though she’d willed the love she had for him to turn to ice. “I was coming back for you, Heaven.”
“When?”
“I don’t know,” Hamid answered honestly. “This just made it easier. I didn’t have to explain.”
“Loving me requires an explanation?” Heaven tilted her head to look up at him. What nerve. “Get out.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Hamid, if you don’t get out of my face this moment you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
Heaven moved away from him and stood with her legs apart. “Get out or so help me I’ll…”
Hamid’s hand caught her closed fist and he narrowed his eyes. “Stop it, Heaven, don’t be a fool. Do you really think I only came back to attend a wedding? Look at me,” he ordered. “You are the reason I returned. Are you not listening to me? I said Sassa’s wedding made it easier. I didn’t have to feel as though I’d gone back on my commitment. As for explaining about you, do you think there’s one person in my entire family that doesn’t know about you? Do you think anyone could force me to marry a woman I don’t want? I love you and by God, you’re going to accept that.”
Heaven struggled to get away. “This is deja vu, Hamid. Didn’t you learn that you can’t order me to love you?”
He pulled and brought her within inches of his chest. “So you’ll tell me freely. Do you still love me?”
“You’re holding my arms and you consider that freely?”
“Heaven, stop being so damn stubborn. Do you love me?”
“I love you.” Heaven stared into his brown eyes and shook her head. “I love you, Hamid.”
“Good.”
“But I still want you to get out.” Heaven brought her foot down and missed his toe by a centimeter.
He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll see you later.”
* * *
The ringing phone was a blessing to Heaven. For twenty minutes she’d stood where she was after Hamid left, wanting to continue being angry with him, knowing that he’d not come back for her, but for a wedding. Then suddenly it dawned on her that she didn’t much care why he’d come back. He was here, and for now that was what mattered. The possibility of having a long distance relationship where she would see Hamid once or twice a year occurred to her.
Heaven thought of Mrs. Reed and the advice she’d given her. She thought of Brandon, who had complained and said he wished they had fought. And she thought of herself and Hamid. Together they were the proverbial oil and water. Cliché or not, that’s exactly what they were. But she could not imagine them ever having a dull moment. She wondered, though, if the fighting would ever come to be all they had. That wouldn’t be enough to sustain them through the hard times if it were.
* * *
Two hours later Hamid was back at her door. This time she didn’t race down the stairs, but buzzed him in, opened the door and sat down to wait for him.
“I see you’re not as happy to see me as you were earlier.”
“I think I may have overreacted and it went to your head.”
“I like seeing your eyes light up when you see me enter the room.”
“Then I would suggest you don’t tell me that you came to see me because of your cousin.”
Heaven stood watching him, noticing his hand was behind his back. “What do you have?” she asked.
“Something for you but I’m wondering if I should give it to you now. You should treat me nicer than you do.”
“I treat you the way you deserve to be treated.” Heaven tilted her head and grinned at Hamid. She waited for the next words from Hamid. She was trying so hard to shield her heart from him, but there was only so much she could do. She breathed in and knew what Hamid held behind his back.
Hamid smiled and pulled a basket from behind his back. It was filled with fresh mangoes. Heaven stared at the ripened fruit. They were perfect. She could smell the sweetness. She remembered Hamid’s vow. “What are those for?” she asked.
“I told you I would always give you mangoes by way of apology. I’ve messed up with you again, but the obvious solution has been staring me in the face for months.”
Heaven’s breath hitched in her throat. “What do you mean?”
“Remember that song you played for me when you first started tutoring me?”
“Which one? We played a lot of music.”
“The country song.”
“We played a lot of those also.” Heaven watched as Hamid slipped a slim CD case from the basket and marched over to t
he stereo. He popped it in. “Do you remember now,” he asked, as the music filled the air.
“I remember,” Heaven said softly.
“Well, I have a surprise.”
Heaven laughed as Hamid began singing. After she got over the accented country twang, she realized he didn’t sound half-bad. In fact, he sounded pretty good, not R. Kelly good, but Hamid good.
He sang several love songs before sitting next to her. “All those things I want.”
Hamid spoke so softly and earnestly that Heaven held her breath. “What do you want?” Heaven asked, as Hamid gazed intently into her eyes.
“Let me ease your fear,” he answered.
“What?”
“Heaven, I want to erase your pain.”
“I don’t have any pain.”
“Yes, you do. And I want to take it away. I want you to love me, Heaven, and I want you to let me love you. I want us. All of this, our madness, all of it.”
Heaven could feel the beginning of tears. The madness Hamid spoke of, this wasn’t what she’d had with Brandon. It was never what she’d ever thought love was like. But she knew this was love. His hand caressed her cheek.
“Heaven, let me make you believe in love again. Allow me to give you so much love that your tears will disappear forever.” He bent and kissed her softly on the lips. “Let me love you, Heaven.”
“Are you talking making love to me or loving me?”
“Both.”
“Why would you ask a woman that’s not your wife to sleep with you?”
“I wouldn’t, not you.” He licked his top lip, his eyes never leaving her face. “Marry me, Heaven, and ease my pain. Make my dream come true,” he whispered softly and then knelt on the floor on his knees. “We were meant to be together, you know that. Ignore whatever reason brought me back to this country and listen to your heart. I love you. Marry me, and I’ll prove it to you.”
Tears were now streaming fully down her cheeks. “We would kill each other, and you know it.”