“Amber, your dad and I love you very much. We’re so sad this happened, and we’re both trying hard to figure out how we can all pull out of it. You need to give us some time.”
“I understand that, Mom. My problem is that I can’t figure out how to make people believe how sorry I am. Not just because I got caught—I’m really truly sorry.” Amber wiped her eyes. “You know, a lot of people have mentioned my lack of faith. It’s been a real problem, and it’s something I want to fix. You may or may not realize, but I was starting to try to find my way to God—a real relationship with God. I just dragged my feet a little too long, I think.”
She shook her head. If only. “I hope … well … I hope you’ll let me do that and accept my apology. I don’t want this to define me, but I’m so afraid it already has.” She put her face into her hands, her shoulders shaking with the sobs.
“Amber, that’s what I’ve been waiting to hear. Something real that tells us how you feel.” Mom slid to the floor beside her and pulled her close.
“Have we ever kept you from growing?” Dad sounded perplexed.
“No.”
“Well, don’t think for a moment we’re going to start now. We’ll figure this out, and we will not let this define you,” Dad promised. “Now, not to change the subject, although I’m sure we’ll be talking about this for days, weeks—who knows, probably months.” Dad chuckled. “But we have some news that we need to share with you—even if the timing’s all wrong. You want to give her the bullet points? I’m spent.” Dad sat in the desk chair and waited for Mom to speak.
“Yeah, sure.” She sighed. “Your dad was offered a job today. It’s at the community college about forty minutes away from UW. He starts in August. So, right after you’re done with summer school, we’ll be moving. You’ll go to school there because you’ll get free tuition since your dad’s going to be a teacher there.”
“Wow. That’s great. Congratulations on the job, Dad.” Amber knew she should be more excited for her family. A fresh start. But she felt too drained to care that much. “I’m sure it’ll sink in after I get some rest. I’ll have questions then, okay?”
“Sure, we’ll talk more tomorrow.” Dad rose to leave the room. “Are you going to eat some dinner?”
“I’m too tired.” Amber climbed between her sheets. “I’ll eat tomor–”
The next thing she knew, the room was pitch black save for the red glow of the digital numbers on the clock beside the bed. She rolled over, stretched, and opened one eye to peer at the clock. 4:13.
Ugh. If she didn’t get back to sleep, she would have a horrible day at school. Oh, wait. No school for me. No way she’d be able to fall back to sleep after ten straight hours, so she decided to get up. Time to deal with a few things.
Amber went to her desk and took out a few sheets of paper and a pen. E-mail just didn’t seem appropriate. Certain circumstances demanded the special effort of a handwritten note.
Dear Brittany,
Where do I start? How can I ever come up with words that will make you understand what happened—why I did what I did? I’m afraid I’ll never be able to. My biggest fear is that you’ll never speak to me again and never truly understand how sorry I am and how much I love you. You are my sister, my soul. I know, you’re thinking, “How could
she do that to someone she claims to love so much?” I wish I had a good answer. The whole thing started as a way for me to win the car and help my parents. Things haven’t been good around my house, financially—but you know that already, and it’s no excuse for cheating. But it is why I did what I did … initially. Then, when Kyle told me you were going to be framed for it, I felt trapped. I agonized over coming forward with the truth, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. In a weird way, I convinced myself that you wouldn’t want me to, that you’d want to me hang on to the “prize,” so to speak.
I can’t believe I thought that! I know now that I was rationalizing. It’s all so stupid—I was so wrong. Please, please, please forgive me. Please, Brittany.
My dad got a job today. We’re going to be moving in August. I’ll be living about forty minutes from the UW campus. I’ll even get to go to the community college there. I’ve lost a lot, but one thing I’m going to gain is my family back and the start of a real search for faith and God. I hope you’ll help me with that search. Is there any way, Britt? Please?
With all my love,
Amber
Chapter 12
FORGIVEN, WITH A PRICE
“Summer school’s not that bad.” Amber told her mom while they washed dishes together. Being grounded brought on a lot of family togetherness. “It could be a lot worse.” She had nothing to do, and no one to do it with, anyway.
“Yeah, poor Kyle has it a lot worse.”
“I had no idea he’d been in trouble before. I hope he gets things figured out. He’s getting his GED, right?”
“Yeah, he’s working on it. His future isn’t very bright right now, though.” Mom shook her head. “It’s so sad.”
“Yeah. I’m thankful that I’ve got three weeks down. Only three more to go.” Amber counted down the days until their move. She couldn’t wait for the fresh start. Go to a new school. Make some new friends. Find a church. It had been a lonely few weeks.
“Hellooooo?” Mom waved her hand in front of Amber’s glazed eyes. “Are you going to wash those dishes or just stand there?” Her eyes twinkled.
“Sorry. Daydreaming.” Amber started scrubbing again.
“Obviously.” Mom stacked some plates in the dishwasher. “Hey, what do you say we get up early and go for a run? It might be our last one together before the move. Things are going to get busy around here.”
“Okay. I’m good with that. Just … Mom …” Amber hesitated.
“What is it?”
“It’s just … can we please not run like we’re out to prove something? A couple of miles at a nice steady pace—like when I run by myself. That’s enjoyable, invigorating even. I don’t want to have to crawl into bed after we’re done.”
Mom laughed and flicked water into Amber’s face. “Wimp.”
“Hey, I’ve been called worse. I can take it.”
“After dishes, want to find your dad and play Risk?”
“No, I think I’m going to go to my room, work on some homework, maybe even read something that isn’t homework.” Too much togetherness.
“Okay, Dad and I can play Yahtzee or something. Join us if you change your mind.”
Not likely. Amber smiled to herself as she headed for her room. Mom and Dad were great parents—she wouldn’t trade them for the world. But they were still Mom and Dad. Sigh. A college-bound eighteen-year-old shouldn’t have to get all of her entertainment from her own parents, no matter how wonderful. Things are bound to change once we move—they have to.
Mom knocked on the door before she opened it a crack to whisper, “Six a.m. We’ll run the track at the high school since we’ll be on a time limit.”
At least she knocked. “Okay, Mom. I’ll be up.” Amber forced a smile. “Would you mind shutting the door?”
“Sure, sweetie. ‘Night.”
The chirping of birds followed Amber’s lone figure up the mountain pass. The last time she’d run this particular path, it had been snowing and she’d been with her mom and Brittany.
This time, she ran alone. While she was still in summer school, she’d taken to running after class—it brought her healing, time to think.
Time—it moved so fast…. Thank God for that. Amber tried to put the past few months behind her with each step she took. She looked around the familiar terrain. In all likelihood, it would be the last time she’d ever be in this spot. Tomorrow was the big move, and she couldn’t see getting back to Gwinett any time soon. Sometimes a fresh start meant never looking back. Would she be able to do that?
Good-bye. Good-bye. Good-bye. She recited the mantra in her head with each footfall. Good-bye to the home and the town where she’d lived all her
life. Good-bye to her school. Good-bye to her mountain. Good-bye, Brittany? No. Amber shook her head, not willing to let go of her, yet. Unfinished business made it so difficult to let go.
Amber ran longer than she usually did. It felt so good, she didn’t want it to end. Where are You, Lord? She searched; her soul cried out … but she found silence. Was she looking in the wrong place? Her body tired, she sank into the car after an almost four-mile run. She hadn’t made it all the way to the top, to the waterfall, but she got close enough to hear it, close enough to feel it. Good enough—wasn’t it?
On the drive down the mountain toward home, Amber decided she couldn’t leave without giving it one last try. She’d see if Brittany would come to the door today. Turning right instead of left at the bottom of the mountain, she drove the short distance to Brittany’s house.
Parked in the driveway a few minutes later, Amber’s legs felt like rubber. From the run or from nerves? Probably both. Lights shone in the house, but that didn’t necessarily mean they were home. Then, one of the bedroom lights shut off as someone must have left the room.
Amber blew all of the air out of her lungs—still not fully recovered from her run—and inhaled deeply. What would she say to Brittany if she came to the door? What would she do if she didn’t?
Please, God. Ah, He hadn’t gotten in the habit of answering her prayers yet, so what made her think He’d start now?
She climbed from the car and shut the door with a soft click, not wanting the sound of the car to alert anyone to her presence. Stepping onto the porch stoop, Amber reached up and pressed the doorbell. She moved in with her ear against the door so she could make sure it actually rang. Last time she had to ring twice because, when no one came to the door, she thought it possible she hadn’t pressed hard enough. Not this time, though. It resounded through the house.
Amber waited. Maybe they were in the bathroom. And waited. Maybe only one person was home and in the bathroom when she rang. Should she ring again … just in case no one heard it? She pressed the button a second time. And waited. No one came. Should she try knocking in case the bell was broken? But no, she’d heard it ring. Twice. Time for Amber to face facts. Brittany knew she was there but wouldn’t talk to her.
Amber turned away and shuffled to her car, hoping someone would have a quick change of heart and come running after her. She listened for the sound of fumbling with the door locks, someone shouting, “Wait!” from an upstairs window. Something. But nothing happened, so she got into her car and drove away.
She thought it should hurt more, and it did hurt … but not nearly as much as it had at first. Not nearly as much as Brittany hurt, I’m sure.
“Careful with that one!” Amber called to one of the super-sized movers who had a box of her mom’s prized antique dishes balancing on his shoulder as he jogged up the brick porch steps to the dining room. Better not to look. Amber shook her head and checked her watch. Ten thirty. Mom and Dad thought they’d be back with the paint samples by then. She couldn’t wait to get back to unpacking and setting up her new room, but someone had to babysit the gorillas.
As they went for another load of boxes, Amber’s thoughts returned to the day before. It had taken them almost five hours to drive out to their old house, just on the other side of the mountains.
When she toured their new house for the first time, Amber had been shocked at the bright, fresh feeling of the new construction. The walls were white, but Mom planned to remedy that as soon as possible, thus the trip to the paint store for swatches. Wood floors gleamed in every room of the house. Mom had always wanted a house with no carpet—supposed to be good for allergies. The huge windows—floor to ceiling in some places—let in tons of bright light, and the vaulted ceilings in the great room lent a cavernous feel to the place. Awesome.
Amber’s favorite part of the whole house was the enormous fireplace that divided the dining room and family room—people on both sides could enjoy the fire and even see through to the other room. The weather had already started to turn toward fall, and it would get lots of use.
Speaking of lots of use… Amber chuckled to herself, the whirlpool tub. She smiled at the thought of the endless hours her mom would soak in the warm water with the jets pummeling her sore muscles after a long run—she deserved every minute of it. Mom had been so excited at the prospect of having her own whirlpool tub in her very own bathroom that she’d gone shopping for special scented powders that she could use without clogging up the jets.
Crash!
“Wha–” Amber jerked from her thoughts and ran into the dining room. No one there. Phew. The crash had been something other than the china … but what?
She hurried from the dining room through the bright kitchen and out to the garage.
“What’s going on out here?” With her hands on her hips, she stared down four of the beefiest men she’d ever seen.
One smirked. “Simmer down, cupcake.”
“Hey!” They can’t talk to me like that.
Another one, probably the boss, shot him a dirty look. “Miss, everything’s fine. That crash you heard was one of our dollies falling from the truck. No harm done.”
“Oh. Okay.” She suddenly became aware of her stance and relaxed. “Sorry I overreacted. I just want this day to be perfect for my mom. It’s her birthday, you know.”
“I didn’t know that. We’ll have to make sure it’s a special one.” He turned to his men. “Back to work, boys.”
Satisfied, Amber turned to leave the garage. For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, she glanced each way down the street before walking into the house. What was she looking for? It felt uneasy, as though something was about to … or should…. happen. They weren’t expecting visitors, but something was missing. Amber watched the street for signs of life, or a sign of something anyway. No cars headed her way, no one moved about on the streets. Who did she expect to see anyway?
Brittany. That’s what was missing. Brittany should be there sharing the change with her, helping her make this new house a home, exploring the town. But no. She wouldn’t be coming. Nothing had been the same since she cut Amber out of her life. Britt had never replied to the letter, never answered her phone, wouldn’t come to her door—she had washed her hands of her best friend. How could someone do that?
Amber snorted—amazed at her own thoughts. She’d been the bad friend—not Brittany. She couldn’t blame Brittany for being so mad and hurt, but she sure did miss her.
What if she never forgives me? Amber couldn’t shake that thought as she turned back toward the house. What if?
“I FORGIVE YOU.”
Amber reeled back, stopped in her tracks by a powerful force. The thought—the words—hit Amber’s gut, pierced her heart like an arrow shot from a bow. She knew those words were intended for her, and somehow she knew they had come from God.
She grabbed hold. Waves of peace washed over her. She stood and reveled in the feeling, engulfed by complete acceptance. Amber felt loved. The warmth, the presence, surrounded her—she didn’t feel alone anymore, never would. She’d found what she’d been looking for all this time. It had been right there, she needed to reach out for it, to grab on and claim it for herself.
Amber made her way to the front porch where she sank into the swing and took in the scenery. No more looking back. No more looking side to side, up and down the street. No more waiting. Amber looked up to the hills—to the mountains. There she found her hope.
My Decision
I, (include your name here), have read the story of Amber Stevens and have learned from the choices she made and the consequences she faced in both her education and her relationships.
So:
I will avoid cheating in any form: sharing homework, cheating on tests, plagiarism, etc.
I will be honest in all things, even when it means I might face hardships.
I will guard my friendships and uphold my sense of loyalty, treating my friends as I would want to be treated.
&nbs
p; Please pray the following prayer:
Father God, please let the lessons I learned as I read about Amber imprint onto my heart, that I might remember to uphold these standards I’ve committed to. Help me to be an honest person in all things, placing honor and godliness above personal gain, recognition, success or anything else the world might dangle before me. I know You have everything under control, so I submit to Your will. Amen.
Congratulations on your decision! Please sign this contract signifying your commitment. Have someone you trust, like a parent or a pastor, witness your choice.
Signed____________________________________________________
Witnessed by_______________________________________________
ESSENCE OF LILLY
DEDICATION
Wil, when I think about true love and God’s design for marriage, I’m so grateful He led me to you. Your sense of humor and your patience have taught me so much—you bring music to our home. I wrote this book—which deals with one of life’s touchiest subjects—with the desire to help our daughters prepare for their future. You are a wonderful father, and I pray our girls demand nothing less in a husband. I love you.
—Nicole
Chapter 1
IN A CORNER
Lilly LeMure pressed the pillow over her ears, trying to drown out the shouting. You can’t hear them. Nothing’s happening. You’re safe in your room.
No use. The voices coming from down the hall grew louder.
“You need to get a real job. You’re getting fat and dumb sitting behind a desk all day, fetching coffee for middle managers.” Stan’s voice held an edge, taunting Mom to fight back—which she usually did.
“That’s not what I do, and you know it. How can you even say that?” Mom’s voice rose with each word. “I make more money than you. You’re just lazy.”
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