~ ♥ ~
For the ride to my uncle’s place we’d all piled into Jay’s car. Gabi sat up front with him and Cam was again forced to take the seat next to me. She’d put on her headphones as soon as she’d gotten in and still hadn’t removed them as we made our way up to the door.
Jay ushered the girls in first then followed behind them.
I dragged my feet up the steps and over the threshold, uninterested in a family get-together. I’d still yet to scratch that itch and it was becoming unbearable.
When I entered the living room there was a bunch of ‘awww’ and baby talk going on. Jay stood next to my uncle who was sitting in his chair and the girls were leaning over the sofa looking at something.
There was someone seated on the sofa but Gabi and Cam blocked my view of the person. Jay hadn’t mentioned company. The last thing I was in the mood for was meeting new people.
Gabi stood with a baby in her arms. It was dressed in a blue onesie and had a chocolate complexion. She smiled down at it then went over to Jay.
Once she moved, its mother was finally revealed...my mother.”
Heat raced to my heart and I clenched my fists so tight my knuckles started to hurt. “What the fuck is she doing here?”
My uncle scowled at me from his seat. “Watch your language in this house.”
I shot him a look then went back to staring at the woman who’d given birth to me and made sure I knew she regretted it every waking moment of my life. My gaze shifted to the man beside her. His bald head gleamed like a freshly polished bowling ball and his skin seemed to be only a few shades lighter than one.
Uncle Kareem stood and started making introductions. “Sasha, this is my son Jayson, Jay this is your aunt Sasha, Benjamin’s mother.”
Jay’s eyes nearly bulged from his head as he looked from me to her. He went over to the sofa and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Unc continued introducing everyone and they all made nice while I stood near the door unable to move as bolt after bolt of lightning struck until there was nothing left of me but a sizzling sack of flesh and the blackness that was my soul rose above me then fled.
“Benjamin why don’t you come have a seat.”
I glared at my uncle then marched toward the kitchen, headed straight for the liquor cabinet. I tugged at knob but it wouldn’t budge.
“Did you really think I’d leave it unlocked after what you pulled on the day of your auntie’s remembrance?”
I faced my uncle with my fists clenched and tried to control my shallow breathing. “Why the hell is she here?”
He crossed his arms and leaned on the wall. “I’m not gonna tell you again about your language.”
I scoffed and shook my head. “Because clearly me swearing is the biggest issue at the moment. Why’d you invite her here?”
“Because this is my house and I’ll do whatever I want in it. Any other questions?”
“Nope, just the same one.” I leaned against the counter and crossed my own arms.
“In light of recent events, I thought it was about time for some forgiveness in this family.”
“Forgiveness? No. Hell no. She can jump off a fucking bridge for all I care.”
He pushed off the wall and stepped toward me. “I understand that you’re upset right now–”
“Upset? Why does everyone throw that word around like they know what I’m feeling? I’m not upset. I’m fuckin’ pissed,” I shouted, slamming my first on the counter. “After the hell I lived through and she shows up years later flaunting her new family in my face, and I’m supposed to what? Play big brother? Play catch with my step dad? Go on family picnics and shit? No. Fuck that.”
“That’s not what I’m asking you to do, Benjamin. Just...talk to her.”
“And say what exactly? She’s a fucking stranger.”
He sat at the table and motioned for me to sit across from him.
I opted to remain standing.
He sighed then stood again. “Look Benjamin, believe it or not, I understand how you feel. You aren’t the only one who had to deal with an addict for a mother. If I didn’t believe she at least wanted to stay on a clean path she would not be sitting in my house right now. She and I have been communicating for a little while now, and according to her husband, she’s been clean for a little over two years now and is trying to better herself as a person.”
I stared at him for a long time. Everyone seemed to forget how well I knew this woman. Even if he’d grown up with her, I’d lived through her addiction. We’d been down this road too many times for me to not know the outcome.
He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “Fine, you want me to talk to her, I’ll talk to her.”
I went back into the living room and sat in my uncle’s recliner with my hands folded in my lap and looked at the happy little family sitting on the couch.
Unc clasped a hand on my shoulder and gave me a warning look. “Jayson, would you mind taking the girls upstairs so we can have a family discussion?”
“Sure thing, Pops.” He stood and ushered the girls away.
When it was just us four...and a half, if you count the little blue bundle in my mother’s arms, I turned my attention to her.
She smiled at me while rocking the baby in her arms. “Would you like to meet your brother? His name is–”
“No.” As far as I was concerned I didn’t have a brother, or a mother for that matter. “So Unc tells me you been clean for two years now.”
“Yes–”
“And it took you seven hundred odd days to remember you already had a kid?”
“No, Benny–Benji. I just wasn’t ready to face you yet.”
I scoffed and propped my foot up on my knee. “Yeah, because clearly everything is about you.”
The room was silent for a few minutes and then she handed the baby off to her husband, who hadn’t stopped staring at me since I sat down. She reached in her purse and dug around. “I have something for you.” She pulled out a card and sat it on the coffee table between us.
I picked up the business card and looked it over. The name Creed popped out at me. Nathan Creed - Prosecutor. I sat the card on my lap and slowly lifted my gaze. “What’s this?”
She smiled again, one that didn’t go past her lips, and fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist. “Well, when you were little you used to ask about your father a lot. I took the liberty of looking him up. You know, in case you wanted to find out about him. We haven’t been in contact yet, but–”
“What the hell makes you think I want to know him?” Sure I used to ask about him, but only in hopes that maybe there was some place else I could be. Questions of his whereabouts were met with a slap to the face, so eventually I’d stopped asking.
After I’d come to live with my uncle and aunt, years of curiosity had finally been put to rest. I’d overheard them talking one night, about him. The things I’d learned made me sure he wasn’t the type of person I wanted to know.
She glanced at her husband and tucked her hair behind her ear. “You don’t have to, baby. I just thought maybe you’d want to know more about yourself.” She wrung her hands and looked to her husband again. Her unease reminded me of when I was younger and she’d go too long without a fix.
Her husband squeezed her hand and gave a small nod.
A smile once again claimed her lips as she faced me again. “Kwesi and I have been talking and we wanted to treat you to breakfast sometime.”
I stared at her for a long time then glanced at my uncle who still stood beside me. I was trying to determine what parallel universe I’d stepped into where I was all of a sudden supposed to be okay with all the shit my so called mother had done and just accept her back into my life with open arms.
For my uncle’s benefit I kept my response civil. “No thanks.”
I stood, prepared to make an exit when she spoke again.
“Please, Benji baby. Can you just give me a chance? I want us to try to be a family.�
�
My eye twitched and I fell back in my seat. “A family? It looks to me like you already got that. Finally got your all black baby. What do you need with a mutt?”
“Benjamin.”
I glanced at my uncle and frowned. “What? Those are her words.” I leaned back and folded my arms. “Right...mom? Isn’t that what you used to call me? You know besides shithead, faggot, and what was that other one? ...oh yeah, mistake.”
She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Save your sorry. Take it with you when you go to hell.”
Her husband spoke up for the first time. His deep voice and thick accent surprised me a bit. “I will not sit here and let you disrespect my wife.”
I shifted my gaze to him and sized him up. He was a pretty big dude, could probably whoop my ass without even trying. But I’d reached pique I don’t give a fuckness. I lifted my mouth into a smirk and sat forward. “Tell me, Kwesi was it? In the two years since you’ve been playing house, has my mother confessed her sins to you? Did she tell you about the time she forgot to buy food for damn near a month and I survived by eating from a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant? What about when she took me to McDonalds? Not to get me a happy meal of course, but a little prize of her own. She left me there and I had to walk damn near a mile home, in the dark, by myself. I was ten. Or how about the time she beat me for no apparent reason and when I wouldn’t stop crying she beat me again then hit me in the face with a belt buckle? I still got the scar,” I said, pointing to the vertical line in my eyebrow where hair hadn’t grown in ten years. “She tell you any of that?”
He glanced at his wife and she dropped her gaze to the floor.
I stood to my feet and looked down at them. “Nah, didn’t think so.” I rounded the chair heading towards the stairs then stopped and faced them again, this time only looking at my mother. “This was actually pretty fun after all. We should definitely do it again...right after you do the world a favor and die.”
Chapter Eight
~ Camryn ~
If they kissed one more time I was gonna scream. Every time I looked up Jay and Gabi had their lips glued together. You’d think after four months the honeymoon phase would’ve faded by now. It was cute at first, but after a week of them openly flirting, whispering in each other’s ears, and kicking me out of my own dorm so they have ‘sexy time’ as Gabi so eloquently stated, I wanted to gouge my eyes out. And after that, sit them in two separate corners far, far away from each other.
Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for them, but flaunting your love in front of lonely people was just plain rude. I was just trying to be a happy single girl and they were making it so difficult.
Jay whispered something in Gabi’s ear that made her eyes grow a size larger.
She giggled and smacked his arm. “Stop being bad.”
I stood and excused myself from the room. The arguing coming from downstairs had finally stopped and now the house was eerily quiet.
I wasn’t really sure what to do. I didn’t want to just show myself around, but I also had no interest in watching Jaybrielle stare into each other’s eyes. I sighed, realizing I had no choice, and then popped into the bathroom before heading back that way.
A blast of cold air hit me as I passed Benji’s open bedroom door, causing me to shiver a bit. The curtains on his window blew open revealing the back of his black coat. I turned and took a step toward Jay’s room, but something made me stop. Call it curiosity or perhaps even craziness, but something caused my feet to move in the direction of that window.
He sat on the roof staring straight ahead of him.
The window was the type that opened outward so I knocked on the glass to get attention, but he didn’t respond.
He lifted something to his mouth the turned his head slightly to blow out smoke through his nose. When he did so I noticed the green buds in his ears.
Bracing myself on the ledge, I leaned out a bit and tapped his shoulder.
He jumped and swung around with a scowl on his face. When his eyes met mine the anger in them evaporated and they were once again pools of despair.
He snatched out his earphones and gave me a curious look. “What?”
“You okay?”
His brows furrowed and for a long minute he just stared at me. “Yeah,” he said before turning his back to me again.
I glanced back at the open bedroom door then looked at him again. I was really starting to hate that small part of me that cared about Benjamin Creed. Sure I cared about all people, but on a personal level his thoughts and feelings had never really mattered to me. Not until I saw that glimmer of humanity in him. Damn him for making me care.
Sighing, I boosted myself up onto the windowsill and then climbed out into the freezing night air.
Benji cut his eyes at me and took another pull off what I could now see was a joint. “What are you doing?”
I shrugged and pulled my knees to my chest, wishing I’d worn thicker pants. “Checking on you.”
He looked at me and frowned. “Now who’s being hot and cold?”
I dropped my gaze to my knees and tucked my lips into my mouth. “I guess I kinda deserved that, but honestly, I’m mostly cold right now. Why are you out here? It’s freezing.”
He stuck the joint between his lips then pulled off his coat and handed it to me. “Because my uncle would shove his size thirteen down my throat if I even thought about smoking in the house.”
I zipped his coat up to my chin, trying not to gag on the weed smell, then pulled my hands into the sleeves. “So I take it you and your mom don’t get along.”
He released a dry chuckle. “That’s putting it lightly.”
“I don’t think anyone likes their parents all the time. They all have their issues. Take my gold digging mother for example.”
He scoffed and shook his head. “Cammie, you don’t even know the half of it. I’d take that any day.”
“Trust me, it’s not as fun as it sounds.”
He lit up a second joint then leaned back on his elbows. “Wanna know how I was conceived? My whore of a mother didn’t have enough money for her precious powder, so as payment she fucked her dealer, who happened to be her ex-boyfriend, and here I am.” He took a long drag of his joint then looked at me. “So forgive me if I’d rather have a mother who sells her body for designer clothes instead of drugs.”
I blinked a few times, unsure how to respond to his statement. I’d known he had his issues but I’d have never guessed it was that. “I–I’m sorry.”
He looked over at me and chuckled a bit before his face straightened again. “I’ve never understood that.” Instead of elaborating he took yet another pull from his joint.
I was tempted to snatch it and throw it over the edge of the roof. “Understood what?”
His brows knitted together as he looked at me. “What?”
“You said–never mind.”
He stubbed out the joint then flicked it away before laying on his back with his hands behind his head. It was a wonder he didn’t freeze with the thin t-shirt he wore.
Ten minutes passed before I finally grew weary of the silence. “What about your dad?”
Benji continued to gaze up at the sky and sighed heavily. “What about him?”
“Well, judging by the blue eyes and silken curls, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say the big black guy downstairs isn’t him.”
He let out another breath then reached into his pocket and pulled out a card. He handed it to me then pulled himself back up into a seated position.
I looked over it then handed it back. “Is that your...”
“Yeah.”
“Drug dealer turned prosecutor, wow.”
Benji stayed silent and stared down at the card. He dug in his pocket again then pulled out a lighter and held the flame beneath his father’s business card.
I snatched it from his hand before he could ignite it. “What are you doing?”
“What are
you doing?”
“Apparently stopping you from doing stupid things. Don’t you want to at least know who he is?”
“I know enough.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
His right cheek poked out as he ran his tongue along the inside of it. “For one, he ain’t here.”
I folded my arms, still holding on to the card. “And?”
He smacked his lips and lowered his brows at me. “Fuck you mean and?”
I narrowed my eyes but let the curse slide. “I mean, what’s that have to do with anything? For all you know he doesn’t even know you exist. Maybe that’s why he’s not here.”
His gaze softened and he cut his eyes away from me as if in thought. “Even so, that doesn’t change the fact he was a drug dealer.”
“Key word ‘was.’ He’s obviously gotten his life together. So his past is unsavory, that doesn’t mean he’s a bad person now. People change.”
His eyes darkened again and his frown returned. “They don’t.”
“I refuse to believe that. Everyone has the power to change if they really want to.”
He just shook his head at me and faced forward without another word.
I shoved the card into his hand. “Fine, burn it then. But if you ask me, I think you’re just afraid.”
He looked at me while twirling the card between his fingers. “Afraid of what?”
I gave an exaggerated shrug. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
He sat with his knees pulled up and his chin resting on his arm and stared out into the night. I was unsure how much time had passed before he finally spoke in a whisper. “Pain.” Laying his cheek on his arm, he stared over at me. “I keep building up these walls but somehow little bits of it seep through. At least that’s how it starts. Before I know it, those tiny fissures start to splinter. The pressure of it all has built up so much that more and more starts pushing its way in. The pain is filling up quicker than I can patch the gaping holes and by the time I do there’s just too much.”
His voice broke and I had the urge to reach out to him. Instead I hugged my knees tighter and met his gaze. “You ever thought that maybe it’s time to let those walls crumble? You can’t heal if you’re just patching the holes. Just like any wound, you have to let them breath, or else they’ll just fester and what started out as a tiny scratch is now this big oozing nasty thing that you can’t just put a bandage on any more.”
Teach Me (College Daze Book 2) Page 6