by Thea Dawson
It was only then that I realized Jason was hovering behind her. It gave me some bitter satisfaction to note that he looked incredibly uncomfortable.
“So what are you up to these days?” She looked directly at me.
“I’m a travel writer,” I replied, looking away from her and wondering how I could get out of this situation.
“Oh, wow! That sounds exciting! Do you travel a lot?”
“Yeah, I travel a lot,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as drunk as I was starting to feel.
“How about you, Amber?” Chip interrupted, trying to get Amber’s attention off me.
“I work for an NGO that builds trade schools for women and girls in developing countries.”
I swung my head to look at her. “Seriously?” I said. If I’d been thinking coherently, I might have guessed model or highly paid escort.
She nodded, ignoring the incredulous tone of my voice. “Yep, I work more on the fundraising side of things—we’re based in Manhattan—but I get to make field visits once in a while. I was in Afghanistan over the holidays, so I’m having a late Christmas with my parents in Rockford, and I thought I’d come up to Chicago for the social. I wasn’t sure if there’d be anyone here I knew. I’m so happy to see you guys!”
Like she wouldn’t have met a dozen people as soon as she walked in the door. Gorgeous, charismatic, and now saving the fucking world, and in Afghanistan of all fucking places. A whole fresh surge of jealously came over me. The bartender put her whiskey sour on the bar.
Amber reached for her purse, but Chip was faster. “Let me get this. Monica, do you want another one?”
Once again, I realized that my glass was almost empty. “Sure,” I shrugged ungraciously.
“Jason?” Chip asked. “This round’s on me. What’re you having?”
Jason mumbled the name of a local beer and Chip placed the orders. I took a deep breath and spun around in my seat. Now the four of us, hemmed in by the crowd, formed a tight circle.
Amber was just as beautiful as I remembered her, still tall with perfect skin and long, blond hair. But more than that, she had presence. No wonder guys fell at her feet. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see people from all over the room stealing glances at her.
She cozied up to me and clinked her full glass against the empty one I still held in my hand. “So tell me about all the places you’ve been!”
“Oh, you know. Lots of places.”
“Monica’s been to over a hundred countries,” Jason interjected.
“Oh, my God! A hundred? That’s amazing! I get to travel a lot, but nothing like that. That’s so cool. What kind of writing do you do?”
I took a deep breath and tried to collect my wits. “Mostly articles. I’m about to start working on some chapters for a travel book on Southeast Asia.”
I felt Chip take the empty glass out of my hand and somehow my fingers closed around a new, colder glass. I took a big sip, barely aware of what I was doing.
“Wow! I was in Ho Chi Minh City about a year ago. It was just amazing. I’m so jealous! Do you get to go there?”
“Yeah. In fact, I’m heading to Southeast Asia in a couple of weeks.”
Jason’s head snapped toward me, a look of dismay on his face.
“Excuse me, I need to use the ladies’ room.” I took another deep swig of my drink, put the glass down, and made my way unsteadily to the back of the bar.
I lurched into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, saying a quick prayer of thanks that it was a single. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to bring myself into focus. I shouldn’t have had so much to drink. I knew I wasn’t thinking as clearly as I needed to. I breathed deeply, trying to remember the yoga I’d studied in India, and closed my eyes. After a few moments, I felt more in control. I ran some cold water over a paper towel and pressed it to my face, then braced myself to go back out into the bar and deal with Jason and Amber.
I unlocked the door and stepped out, only to run smack into Amber herself, who pushed me firmly back into the bathroom and locked the door behind us.
“Hey!” squealed a voice from the line that had developed outside.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Amber sighed and looked exasperated. She could dominate a room full of people, and here in the tiny bathroom, I felt completely overwhelmed.
“I never slept with your boyfriend, okay?”
“What?” I asked blankly.
Amber rolled her eyes. “Look, I never meant to cause trouble for the two of you. He was hot, you were hot, and I thought you were into it. I really wasn’t out to make all kinds of drama. I just thought we could have some fun together.”
I just stood there, staring at her stupidly. The floor felt unsteady beneath my feet. “You thought I was hot?” I asked, oddly flattered.
“Totally! That hair, that skin. You’re still hot, but that’s a rabbit hole we don’t need to go down.” Amber continued, “Honestly, I probably would have slept with Jason even after you left, but he totally wasn’t having it. After you took off that night, he just sort of sat there, looking all crushed and guilty.” Her voice softened. “I’m really sorry. I never would have tried to do a threesome with you guys if I’d known you weren’t into it.”
I could feel my face turning red. “I was trying to make him happy,” I said so quietly I could hardly hear myself.
“Well, he was an asshole. And for what it’s worth, he spent the next, like, hour after you left telling me what an asshole he was.”
“He never told me.” I could hear some bitterness in my voice.
Amber grimaced sympathetically. “Maybe he was too embarrassed. I don’t know. But he knew he fucked up, and I know he felt terrible.”
There was loud knock at the door. “In a minute!” Amber yelled, then turned back to me. “So anyway, I haven’t seen either of you since then, and then I run into you here, and I’m getting the feeling that this is all still an issue, even though you’re engaged? Beautiful ring, by the way.”
I shook my head. “Not engaged. Long story. I’m not involved at all. Neither is Jason, if you’re still interested.” I knew I sounded bitchy. Amber was trying to make me feel better and, despite myself, I liked her for it. But even after all this time, it still hurt that Jason had never apologized.
Amber rolled her eyes at me. “No, I’m not interested. As it happens, I have a totally amazing boyfriend of my own. So you’re not involved with Jason, but you’d like to be?”
There was another, more insistent knock. “Oh, bite my ass!” Amber muttered. “I said, IN A MINUTE!” she yelled at the door. She stared hard at me.
I nodded mutely.
“For what it’s worth, he seems to care about you quite a bit, too. You should have seen the look on his face when he realized I was going to come over and talk to you.” She grinned devilishly. “So, you like him and he likes you, and for some reason, neither of you is doing anything about it?”
I wanted to say that I’d been planning on doing something about it, but I was still angry, and now I was drunk and jealous and could only imagine what a mess I’d try to make of any serious conversation.
“It’s complicated,” I mumbled.
“I bet it isn’t nearly as complicated as you think,” she replied.
There was another pounding on the door. Amber rolled her eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” She sighed. “Okay, we should let these dolls have the bathroom back. What can I do for you that would be most helpful right now?”
“I think I just want to go home right now,” I said, feeling deflated and overwhelmed. “Maybe you could just tell Jason I left and that I’ll call him tomorrow. I’ll explain everything then.”
She nodded. “Done.” She grabbed the handle of the door, but before she opened it, she turned back. “I don’t know what the deal is with you guys now, but it’s freakin’ obvious to everyone here that you’re crazy about each other. Try to sort that out, okay?”
She strode
out the door, and we pushed past several glaring alumnae. My face felt hot; God only knew what they thought we’d been doing. I could see Jason still talking to Chip on the other side of the bar. Amber gave me a friendly squeeze on the shoulder and began pushing her way toward them. I grabbed my coat from the rack near the door and slipped out into the frigid night air.
Chapter 27
Jason
I swear the crowd parted just for Amber as she made her way to me from the back of the bar. “She’s not feeling well. She went home. She said she’d call you tomorrow.”
I glanced wildly at the door. There was no sign of Monica.
“She just needs a little distance,” said Amber, putting her hand on my arm. “She’ll be all right.”
“What did you say to her?” I asked. I was upset and I sounded angry. Chip took a step forward, looking like he was about to intervene, but Amber spoke first.
“Nothing nasty, if that’s what you’re thinking. I told her—and I’ll tell you, too—that you two need to get your act together.”
“What are you talking about?”
She raised her eyebrows at me. “You’re clearly in love with each other. I’m not sure why you’re not together, but you’ll both be happier when you are.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “She’s not in love with me. She’s engaged. To someone else.”
“No, she’s not.”
Chip and I both stared at her. “Yes, she is,” I replied.
Amber looked exasperated. “Well, two minutes ago in the bathroom, she said she wasn’t engaged to anyone. Maybe they broke up? I don’t know.” She looked around the room as if wondering if there might be less-crazy people she could talk to.
“You think they broke up?” I asked Chip, as if he’d somehow have a clue what was going on.
“Let’s not jump to any conclusions, buddy.” I could tell he didn’t want me to get my hopes up.
“She’s probably really upset,” I said to no one in particular.
“She, uh, she had quite a bit to drink, too,” said Chip sheepishly. “That was sort of my fault.”
Fuck.
Once again, I’d let Amber come between us, and once again, I’d let my drunk and unhappy girlfriend go home by herself.
Except she wasn’t my girlfriend anymore.
“Shit, I’ve got to reach her. I have to make sure she gets home okay,” I said.
Amber sighed. “She may just need to get away for a little bit from whatever all this is. She said she’d call you tomorrow.”
“I still have to go after her. I just need to make sure she’s okay.”
Amber smiled at me and nodded. “Yeah, I get it. Good luck, Jason. I really hope this works out for you two.”
I hesitated for just a moment. “Thanks,” I said, managing a quick smile. I grabbed my coat and headed for the door, while simultaneously reaching for my phone.
Chapter 28
Monica
Somehow, I scrambled out of the cab, up the stairs and through the door of Stephen’s apartment before bursting into tears. The lights were out, and I assumed that Stephen was asleep, so I tried to sob quietly, but I didn’t do a good job. I turned on the side table lamp and got ready for bed as quietly as I could, snuffling and grabbing at tissues as I unfolded the convertible couch and pulled on my pajamas.
Still sobbing quietly, I put the kettle on for some tea. Just as I was tiptoeing back into the living room, the front door opened. Startled, I screamed. That startled Stephen, who shouted right back at me. Despite everything, I laughed.
“What the hell? I thought you were already asleep!” I hiccupped hysterically.
Stephen took one look at my face. “Oh, honey, what happened?” He came over and wrapped me in his arms.
I started to cry again and sank down onto the pulled-out couch. Stephen sat down with me. “I’m still in love with him. I’ve done everything I could to make sure we didn’t get romantic again and it didn’t work. I’m still crazy about him, and I’m going to leave in a couple of weeks, and it’s going to happen all over again, and he still hasn’t apologized for Amber.” I took a deep, shaky breath.
Stephen shook his head. “It doesn’t have to happen all over again. You’re in control this time. You can decide what happens next.”
Even in my semi-hysterical state, it didn’t escape me that Stephen was wearing his best cashmere sweater and smelled even more expensive than usual. “You were out with Patrick, weren’t you?” I asked.
Stephen nodded sheepishly.
“You idiot,” I mumbled.
He nodded in agreement. “Looks like we both have a things for old flames,” he answered.
The electric kettle started to sing. “I’ll get it,” he said. “That orange hibiscus stuff?”
“Yes, please.” The crying had stopped and a feeling of numb emptiness was taking over.
“So what exactly happened to set you off?” came Stephen’s voice from the kitchen.
I hesitated. “Remember I told you about that girl he tried to have a threesome with?”
Stephen nodded.
“Well, she showed up to this thing tonight.”
Stephen had just opened a cupboard and his head swung back around it in a comical double take. “No!”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for a moment.
“Well, what happened?”
“I met Jason there. He was with one of his fraternity buddies, nice guy named Chip. And the three of us were standing around and Amber shows up. And of course, she comes straight over to us, and she’s still gorgeous and she’s got this amazing job, and she’s totally flirting with Jason and he’s just eating it up.” I stopped myself, realizing how jealous and petty I sounded. Jason, to be fair, had looked like he was more likely to toss his cookies than eat out of Amber’s hand.
“So what exactly happened to set you off?” asked Stephen from the kitchen.
“Nothing really. We were all just talking, and all these feelings started coming up again. I thought it was just nostalgia with some lust thrown in, but it’s more than that.”
“Nostalgia and lust are plenty, trust me,” said Stephen drily.
I tilted over until I was leaning my head against the arm of the couch. “I really, really like him. He’s all the good parts I remember from college, but now he’s mature and thoughtful. And he’s been really encouraging about my crazy business and really helpful. I think I’m in love with him. I’m not sure if I was ever out of love with him.” I sniffed again, and a lone tear made its way down my cheek.
“Did you get the chance to tell him you’re not really engaged?”
I shook my head. “No. I’d asked him to go somewhere private with me after so we could chat, and then this whole stupid thing with Amber happened, and I lost it and left and came home.”
“Call him. Call him right now and explain everything.”
I shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what to say to him,” I mumbled, knowing I sounded childish.
Stephen put the tea down on the side table next to me. “This has gone on long enough. You need to get this off your chest now. Call him up and ask him to come over.”
“I don’t want to keep you awake.”
He looked sheepish. “I won’t be here.”
I looked at him in confusion, and then in dawning realization.
“I only actually came by to pick up a few things,” Stephen elaborated. “He’s waiting. I really should go.”
I shook my head at him. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
He was silent for a long moment, then slowly, he smiled. “No. I have no idea what I’m doing. But I know that if I don’t do it, I’ll regret it more than if I do. You know what that feels like, right?”
He squeezed my hand, got up and went into his bedroom, and swiftly packed an overnight bag. He gave me a firm hug on his way out the door. “There’s a lot to be said for protecting yourself, but sometimes you just have to take a chance, you know?”
/> I nodded. “I know.”
“Call him,” he whispered. “No matter what happens, don’t go to bed tonight until he knows you’re single.”
He shut the door firmly behind him, and I was alone again.
I pulled out my phone to find that Jason had left two voice mail messages and sent three texts, all asking if I was all right. I sat on the bed, staring at my phone for ages, then finally hit call.
“Monica? Are you okay?” Jason’s voice sounded frantic.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I took a deep breath. “I still need to talk to you. Can you come over?”
“Of course I will. Is that okay with Stephen?”
“He’s not here. And he wouldn’t mind even if he was. I really need to see you. I’ve just made such a mess of things.” My voice cracked and I stopped to take a deep breath, praying I wouldn’t collapse into tears again.
“I’ll be there as fast as I can, I promise.” Jason sounded increasingly anxious. “I was, uh, actually on my way over there to see if you were all right. Do you want me to stay on the phone until I get there?”
I managed a shaky laugh. “No, I’m upset, but I’m not crazy. Don’t worry. I’ll see you soon. Thank you.”
It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes later that the front buzzer went off. I buzzed him in.
“You shouldn’t have buzzed me in without making sure it was really me,” he scolded me. “Are you okay? Have you been crying?”
Despite everything, I laughed. “Who else would it have been? And I’m sort of okay, and yes, I’ve been crying. We need to talk. Can I get you something to drink? There’s herb tea, beer, single malt—”
“I don’t need anything to drink! What happened? Did Stephen do something?” He stepped forward, looking like he wanted to hug me, but wasn’t sure if he should.
“What? No. He’s off with Patrick. Have a seat. I’ll explain.” I waved him into a leather armchair and sat down on the edge of the pull-out couch, twisting that stupid ring absentmindedly. I saw him eyeing the pull-out couch, questions in his eyes. “Okay, first things first. Stephen is gay.”