by Lisa Grace
***
The weather was still a little brisk even though the sun was shining. Grace was glad she’d thought to put on her thin coat before heading over to Tommie Lynn’s. Grace walked slightly hunched over from the pain in her lower back. Every ten steps or so, there would be a sharp pain down below where she knew the baby would come out. It felt like the baby was stretching out to bump its head down there to say, “Let me out.”
She wasn’t feeling any other pain yet, certainly nothing to scream about. She passed a couple of neighbors and nodded cordially their way, as they did the same. Socks caught up, meowing for her to stroke his fur. He started pushing against her leg as she tried to avoid stepping on him. “Oh Socks, not today! I’s can’t bend over! You be a good Socks an go on home now.” Instead he kept brushing up against her legs the whole way to Mrs. Tommie Lynn’s house.
When she reached Mrs. Tommie Lynn’s another sharp pain down below hit as she rapped the knocker. Grace had always liked Mrs. Tommie Lynn's door knocker. It was shiny brass and shaped like a cross. It gave her comfort. Most of the folks around here had little ship bells, since most everyone around here did something for the merchant ships.
Tommie Lynn opened the door, “Why Grace, come on in. Come in and sit down.”
Mrs. Tommie Lynn, motioned for Grace to follow her into the kitchen.
“Mrs. Tommie Lynn my water broke,” Grace said.
“It’s fine, dearie. You can still sit and have a cup of tea. You have time. Firsts don’t come that quick.”
She sat Grace down and got her a cup of tea.
“This here is a special tea. It’s made from flowers. Poppy, rosehips, chamomile, and hemp. Herbs and flowers to help relax you and take the edge off the pain. “Now the next time you get a sharp pain, you tell me. That will let us know how soon before we need to get you lying down.”
Grace felt better knowing she was with someone so calm. She sat and sipped her tea, silently enduring her lower back pain which was now a constant dull ache.
“Where is Bethany? I thought for sure she would she would walk you over. Did she step out for something?”
“No Mrs. Rebecca stayed behind as she’s not feeling well and Bethany stayed to tend her. She’ll be coming round with my things—and the baby’s, soon.”
The tea was relaxing her. It made her feel like she was floating, even when the pains hit.
“What do you think you’re having Grace? A boy or a girl? Do you have any feeling one way or the other? This is your last chance to dream.”
Grace thought what a funny thing to say. Maybe it was the tea.
“I think, I feel…, I hope… Part of me wants a girl, but not if what happened to me could happen to her. The other part of me wants a boy, so he can fight for himself and build a life the way he wants it. I guess it is all in God’s hands.”
Tommie Lynn smiled, “Yes it is, truly it is. Have you picked out names?”
Grace smiled shyly, “Faith, if it’s a girl, and—,” a pain hit her making it feel like a sharp knife was rubbing the muscles across her belly. “A pain’s hitting Mrs. Tommie Lynn.”
“Good girl you’re doing fine, just fine,” Miss Tommie Lynn smiled. “Just keep breathing. It is passing. Take a breath. You are doing the same as every woman since the time of Eve. Nothing to it, keep breathing…”
And just as suddenly, the pain let up. Mrs. Tommie Lynn patted Grace on her shoulder, “Now we wait for the next one.”
“How long do you think it is going to take?”
“Well your pains will come sooner and sooner. I’m sure your baby will be here nigh midnight. But if the darling is in no rush, the baby could take a whole day.”
There was a knock at the door. It was Mrs. Bethany with two spare nightgowns a few baby blankets, soft cotton rags for the baby’s bottom, and some spare sheets.
“So how’s our girl doing? How long for our Gracie?”
Tommie Lynn looked at Bethany, “Well, this being her first and the pains are coming not so close yet, I think it might be well on past midnight.”
Bethany nodded.
“How is Mrs. Rebecca doing?” Grace asked.
Bethany said, “She is feeling a bit under the weather. That poor dear, age has not been kind to her this winter. She’s sore and tired. Not up to all the shaking of traveling. She’s napping now so as I can stay and keep Grace here company for awhile. Would you like to take a nap, Tommie Lynn? I can sit with her for a few and then I’ll have to leave to feed Mrs. Rebecca her dinner.”
“I’ll take you up on your kind offer, seeing as how this will be a night birth or even early morning. I will take a nap. Bethany, let me show you where everything is. Water, of course, on the fire.” She walked past the fireplace to the back bedroom, “Here is Grace’s room. The sheets are on the small bed, she can have that one.”
Grace knew the bigger bed was for the white ladies and that Mrs. Tommie Lynn was trying to be nice.
Mrs. Tommie Lynn went into her smaller bedroom next door, “I’m grateful you brought spare sheets Bethany. Wake me if you need anything or when it’s your time to leave.” Mrs. Tommie Lynn gently shut her door.
About that time another contraction hit and Bethany reached over to hold Grace’s hand until it passed.
By then Grace forgot that she never said what she would name the baby if he were a boy.
***
Six hours later, Grace was soaked through and through. Bethany had left after three hours of sitting and waiting. She had to get back to Mrs. Rebecca before she woke for he evening meal. Six hours of labor and still the contractions after all this time were not close enough for her to push. Grace lay on the bed trying to rest up and gather strength between the contractions. She had never been so tired from pain before in her whole life. While the pain made her whole body shake and shudder and the weight of the blanket was enough to add pain when the pains came, she found it was the kind of pain that made her want to grit her teeth. Grace turned inside herself and waited the pain out, knowing it would pass.
“I am glad you are not a screamer, Grace,” Mrs. Tommie Lynn said.
Even through the pain she felt hunger as she’d had nothing to eat since breakfast. Grace also felt excitement. Soon she would be a mother. No matter what else life had in store for her, she would be a mother. She would bring life into this world. In her exhaustion Grace felt joy and hope for her and her baby’s future. She might not be free, but her baby was. As soon as her years were up, her and her baby would start a new life. Her baby would know nothing of slavery or being indentured. This was another vow she made to God and God had every intention of fulfilling her vow.
***
Around midnight, according to the chiming of the clock tower things began to speed up for Grace. “Now Grace, you push the next time that pain hits. You push and you push hard.”
“I feel like I have to use the bedpan first,’ Grace said, afraid she was going to mess right there on the sheets. “Girl, that’s the baby’s head your feeling. Don’t you worry about making a mess. You push the hardest you’ve ever pushed if you want that baby out soon.”
“Here,” Tommie Lynn took her hand and put it between her legs. “That’s your baby’s head,” she said.
It felt hard and wet and warm. Grace ran her hand along it and felt hair. “My baby has hair,” she said.
“Yes, your baby has hair. I promise if you push hard now, the head will come out, and if you push hard on the one after that, your baby will slide right out. All I need from you Grace, right now, is two good pushes. You can do it.”
The next wave hit and Grace pushed as hard as she could grunting to get every drop of her will into it.
“Good, good, the head is out,” Tommie Lynn said. But Grace could tell by the expression on Tommie Lynn's face that something wasn’t right.
“What’s wrong?” Grace asked.
Tommie Lynn looked up from the baby and put a smile on her face, “Nothing Grace, the head is out, just a beautiful b
aby,” Tommie Lynn smiled, “One more good push to get the shoulders out and you can hold your little boy or girl,” Tommie Lynn smiled again, grabbing some cloth and wiping the baby’s face with warm water, supporting the weight of the baby’s head with her other hand so Grace wouldn’t rip from the weight of the baby hanging half-in half-out.
The next wave hit and Grace pushed, grunting once again from the strain and then it was over. She felt the baby slide out. Tommie Lynn held the baby upside down by his ankles and held the baby up while she patted him. Tommie Lynn cleaned him. He let out a nice healthy cry. A boy. Tommie Lynn cleaned him off with the warm wet rag, wrapped him quickly in a blanket, and gave him to Grace to hold.
Grace looked at her baby as he was handed to her and tears slid down her face. He was beautiful. Grace looked up smiling at Tommie Lynn, but she wasn’t smiling at all, she looked shocked and sad.
Grace looked back down at her mewling baby and noticed how pale his little face looked against her dark skin. She looked at his hair, a light golden brown. Straight as a stalk of corn. Not curled up and black like hers. With a shock it hit her. Her baby was white and pink. Not a dark, rose-red pink. The little button nose and delicate features. He reached out and grabbed her finger and held on tight. White little fingers. Perfect. Five on each hand.
Tommie Lynn looked at the baby and shook her head. A tear fell from Tommie Lynn’s face, “You can’t keep your baby, Grace. You can’t keep him cause he’s white. I know this is the North, but they’re not going to let you raise a white baby.”
Grace held him. She didn’t know what to say. “He’s mine. He’s all I got. You can’t take him away,” Grace said. “Lots of women have white lookin babies.”
Tommie Lynn shook her head, “Not like this. He doesn’t look like he’s got a drop of you in him.”
The baby held on and went to sleep.
Tommie Lynn sighed, “Oh Grace. It’s not me. If they have to, there are men in this town who will take him by force or rumors will fly that it’s your Mistress’s or Caroline’s. The business will be ruined from the cruel things people will say. But even then, in the end, there are men in this town who are not going to let you raise a white son. Now tell me the truth. Who is the father? We must take his son to him and he must raise this child as a son, or a nephew, or younger cousin.”
Grace held her son and wouldn’t look at Tommie Lynn. This was her baby! No one else’s. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.
“Now tell me who is the father?”
Grace could not believe what she was hearing. Give up her child? Give up her child to the monster who had violated her? Give him the most precious thing she owned? Yet she knew it was true. Was this her punishment? Was her crime so terrible? Praying she was not pregnant by that wicked man? And now God would ask her to give up this gift? The most precious thing she’d been given? Was she not to have happiness?
Tommie Lynn was right. The men in this town would not let her raise her white baby. She would run away again. Her and her baby. But she knew the men anywhere would not let her raise a white baby on her own. They would say he was stolen. Not hers. If he had just a little bit of dark color in him, she could have kept him. Maybe if she held him awhile and prayed hard, maybe some dark would come to his skin. Grace started to cry, “Can I hold him just for an hour? My baby, just for an hour. It will still be dark. Please, oh my baby! My precious, precious baby!”
Tommie Lynn said, “Just an hour. We will have to say your baby died, Grace. We will say it was a girl. It’s the only way. I’m sorry Grace. So sorry.”
Tommie Lynn asked gently one more time, “Who is the father?”
Grace looked at her baby’s face and held him close to smell him and give him all the love she had. She whispered into his sweet little soft head, “I’m so sorry, so sorry.” Tears fell on his full head of baby fine hair.
“Major Rivers. Major Stanton Rivers,” Grace whispered. She couldn’t believe that evil man was going to cause her the greatest pain of her life. A pain that would last for the rest of her life.
Tommie Lynn repeated, “Major Rivers?” Tommie Lynn sat quietly a minute, thinking. Major Rivers came from a very wealthy and respected family. He was a leader in the community. “Well then, this is a stroke of luck. He has no heirs. It’s rumored his wife is barren. Mrs. Rivers herself has been sickly as of late and not out and about. Grace this might just be God smiling on your son. I must get ready to see him. Enjoy him while you can.”
Tommie Lynn took the pan with the after birth and the cord, wrapped it carefully, and placed it in the basket. She took a bottle of maudlin down, and put a clean apron over her dirty skirt. She then sat and had a cup of tea while she planned her approach of Major Rivers. After an hour, Tommie Lynn went back into Grace’s room.
“I’m sorry dear. It’s time,” Tommie Lynn said. She took the baby and gave him a rag dipped in goat’s milk for him to suck. He went right to sleep. Being birthed was hard work for him.
“Your baby will be raised like a king, Grace. There is nothing he will not be able to have. Major Rivers is a gentleman, a very wealthy man.”
Grace cried silently as she let Tommie Lynn lift him out of her arms. Tommie Lynn placed him on top of the contents in the basket. She then gently lowered the lid on the sleeping baby.
***
Chapter 6 - Major Rivers
Mrs. Tommie Lynn set out quietly into the night. Major Rivers’ home was on a street of wealthy estates. Mrs. Tommie Lynn had been in a few of them to help bring life into the world.
With Mrs. Rivers being barren, she’d never had reason to enter their lovely home. Mrs. Tommie Lynn took the back road and knocked at the backdoor. A housemaid opened the door. “It is urgent, I have brought the medicine Mr. Rivers has requested for his wife. I must see her now, before it is too late. Show me to her room first, then tell Major Rivers to join us as soon as he sees fit. Now show me the way quickly.” The young housemaid was so surprised she did exactly as Tommie Lynn requested. She took her up the servant’s back way. Tommie Lynn was used to speaking with authority. When babies are being birthed, you don’t have time to wait nicely. Babies don’t know nothing about waiting.
When they got to the door of Mrs. Major’s room the maid paused. Tommie Lynn put her hand on the knob, afraid the baby would wake any minute and spoil the ruse.
“Now you go tell the Major, Tommie Lynn the birthing lady is here and everything should be well for his wife and his child.”
“Child?” The girl stood there with a dimwit look on her face.
“Yes, she is with child and the baby is coming a little early. Now go bring him quick. No time to waste, girl.” Tommie Lynn didn’t wait for a response. She opened the door and walked right into Mrs. Rivers’ bedroom shutting the door in the poor girl’s face.
“Ma’am, Mrs. Rivers?” Tommie Lynn approached the bed. One lamp was still lit dimly lighting the room.
Mrs. Rivers woke with a start, “Who are you and what are you doing in my room?” She reached up to ring the bell by her bed, but stopped when she saw what Tommie Lynn was pulling out of the basket.
“How? A baby?”
“Your baby,” Tommie Lynn added hastily as she walked up and placed the baby in her arms, “A boy. His poor mother died in childbirth and I thought of you and the Major,” Tommie Lynn smiled. I brought the rest of the birth. I’m sorry, but I must make a little mess, to make it look real.”
“Look real?” Mrs. Rivers said.
“Yes, like you gave birth. No one need know but you, me, and the Major.”
Tommie Lynn could see the look of love on Mrs. Rivers’ face as she glanced down at the perfect sleeping baby in her arms. It was clear she had wanted a child.
Mrs. Rivers looked up at Tommie Lynn excitedly, “Do it. Make the mess.”
So Tommie Lynn did.
“May I call out a little? I’ve heard it hurts,” Mrs. Rivers said.
Tommie Lynn looked at her, “Well yes, you can if you like.”
>
So Mrs. Rivers did.
“What is the matter…,” Major Rivers came bursting into the room.
Tommie Lynn closed the door quickly behind him in case any snooping servants were hanging around.
“Your son,” Tommie Lynn said to him, “your wife gave birth a little early but both are doing well. You sent for me just in time.”
“Our son,” Mrs. Rivers added, “Now you have a son to carry on the family name.”
Major Rivers did not know how to take the scene in. The blood, the baby his wife was holding, and Tommie Lynn.
“May I have a word with you privately Sir, concerning, the health of your son and,” she clears her throat, “my fee.” Tommie Lynn curtsied.
The light went on behind Major Rivers eyes, a more worldly matter in which he had much experience, “Of course, your fee. Yes, please come down to my drawing room and then I will have Ben, our groomsman, see you home, safely.”
Out in the hall and down the stairs, he said loudly for the snooping house help, “Thank you for coming so late on such short notice. We thought it was just another attack, never hoping Elizabeth was with child, in her delicate condition.”
When they were safely behind closed doors, the Major stepped menacingly toward Tommie Lynn, “Whose baby is it?”
Tommie Lynn looked up at him unafraid. She knew he and the Mrs. wanted this baby or he would have thrown her out right away.
“Yours. I was telling the truth. From a young lady of your acquaintance who died during the birth. She said before dying, you forced yourself upon her and this baby is the result.”
The Major looked her in the eye briefly, and turned away nodding his head. No denial, just a quiet acknowledgment that it was true. A chill shook Tommie Lynn as she realized that Grace’s plight must have befallen several young women as the Major did not even question the story. From her profession she learned to build a thick skin knowing that not all babies were born from love.