by Vaughn, Ann
But he couldn’t stand it, so today he wanted to try to do something about it. He hated the distance and that she was keeping him at arms length.
“Where are we?” Tessa asked when he parked his truck.
“This is part of the original McCanton homestead,” he said after he helped her out of the truck. He grabbed a blanket and a picnic basket from the back and then laced his fingers with hers.
“I didn’t realize y’all had this much land,” she said.
“Twelve hundred and fifty acres,” he replied, “but this is my favorite. I told my dad this is where I want to build a house someday.”
She looked at him, surprised. “I thought you wanted to be a Ranger.”
“I do...but I want to come back here someday.”
They rounded a thick growth of trees and brush and he heard Tessa gasp. He smiled, seeing his favorite spot through her eyes. It was really breathtaking. A waterfall roared over the limestone cliff and pooled into a large opening of the lake.
“Shane,” she breathed, “this is beautiful! How did I not know this was here?”
“Not many people do outside my family,” he said, spreading the blanket on the shore.
Tessa smiled down at him when he sat on the blanket, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “Let’s go swimming,” she said.
“Swimming? Tess...we don’t have suits,” he said but froze when she lifted her shirt over her head, revealing her white, lacy bra. She tossed her shirt at him and then her hands went to her shorts.
“Come on, McCanton, don’t tell me you’re chicken.”
He cleared his throat and caught her shorts when she tossed those to him as well. It wasn’t that he was chicken exactly, it was that he’d gone so hard at the sight of her bra, he didn’t want to freak her out.
“Come on, Shane, come swim with me,” she coaxed.
“In a minute,” he said, and cringed when she stepped closer to him. She leaned down until mere inches separated their faces, her hand reaching down to caress him through his shorts.
“Like what you see, baby?” she asked, leaning in to kiss him.
“Tess,” he groaned.
She laughed, squeezing him. “Come swim with me.”
He cursed under his breath and kissed her, then stood and stripped down to his underwear.
“Let’s go,” he said, lacing his fingers with hers.
Together they went into the water and splashed and played until Shane swam up and snagged her around the waist and pulled her to him. Tessa was laughing and wrapped her arms and legs around him, combing her fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck.
“You are so beautiful, Tess,” he whispered, his free hand skimming her face.
“Shane,” she breathed, her legs tightening around him so that he could feel her core pressed against him.
“Graduation is right around the corner,” he said.
“Don’t remind me,” she groaned.
“We won’t have much more time together.”
“You’re right. We won’t.”
“I want you, Tess.”
She smiled. “I can feel that,” she said, wiggling against him.
“Babe,” he groaned, pressing his forehead to hers.
She licked at his bottom lip then caught it between her teeth.
“Make love to me, Shane.”
He crushed her to him, sealing his lips over hers, holding her tight while he walked to the shore. He wasn’t sure what had changed, but at this point, he wasn’t going to question it or push his luck. Still holding her in his arms, he carried her to his truck, pulled a blanket from the backseat and carried her back to the shore by the waterfall. He placed her on her feet, spread the blanket and then took her down.
“Tessa, look at me,” he said, smoothing her hair back from her face. She looked up into his eyes, cupping his face in her hands. “You with me, baby?”
She licked at his lips. “I am so with you,”
“I don’t have protection with me.”
She smiled up at him. “Lucky for you, I’m on the pill.”
His eyes widened. “What?”
“Regulates my period, and I really don’t want to be talking about this right now.”
“Right, yeah, I’ll just...”
She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him as he took her signal and thrust into her. She gasped and he absorbed her cry as he felt the thin barrier of her innocence give way. In that moment, she was finally, really and truly his.
Later, they snuggled together on the blanket, watching the waterfall. Tessa turned on her side and traced her finger over his lower lip.
“This spot would be a perfect place to build a house. Can’t you just see it? Large, wrap around porch, rocking chairs and porch swings all over. Swimming pool. And inside...lots of fireplaces.”
Shane laughed. “Fireplaces? This is Texas, babe, how often does it really get cold enough for a fire?”
She shrugged. “Well, not often, but I don’t care. I like fireplaces. I want one in the kitchen and in the living room and definitely one in the master bed and bathroom.”
“So, at least four?”
“The one in the master suite could be a pass-through from the bedroom to the bathroom.”
“OK, so three.”
“Oh, but I want one on the porch or by the pool, too.”
“Duly noted. Anything else?”
“Let’s see...oh, I want a sitting area in the master bedroom...and a balcony.”
“Master sitting area, balcony. Check.”
She rolled so that her upper body rested on his. “What about you, what do you want?”
“A really big bed,” he said, making her laugh.
“A big bed, OK. How big?”
“Big, big. Bigger than a King size.”
“We’d have to have linens custom made for it.”
“So, you can sew, right?”
“Shane!” she gasped, playfully slapping at him.
“Of course, all this depends on whether you stay here and wait for me,” he said, sobering.
“Why do I have to stay here? You’re going off to college, why can’t I leave?” she asked, sitting up.
He sat up, too. “Are you leaving, Tess? You haven’t said what your plans are for after graduation.”
She raked her hands through her hair. “Ugh. That’s because I don’t know, Shane. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Like I said before, Mama can’t really afford to send me to college. She’d try, but it would be extremely hard on her. I can’t ask her to do that.”
“Are you still considering the military?”
She got up and paced to the shore, her back to him. Shane watched her for a moment then got up and wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing her shoulder.
“Talk to me, Tess,” he urged.
“I wish I had a clear vision of what my future held. I just don’t know anymore.”
“What happened to the little girl who told me we were going to be married one day?” he teased.
“Life got in the way,” she replied.
“What was that all about, anyway? You never did explain that to me.”
“All what?”
“You telling me we were going to be married one day when we were big.”
She hugged her arms over his, making him tighten his hold on her, one arm just under her breasts, one around her waist.
“I had a dream about you, just before school started. I didn’t exactly know it was you. I knew it was Sheriff McCanton’s son. In the dream, we were married and we had a baby.”
His arms tightened and she felt him smile against her neck. “A baby?”
She nodded. “A boy. We named him Gabriel Shane.”
“Well, yeah, that’s kind of a given.”
She looked over her shoulder at him. “What?”
“The first McCanton who was Sheriff of Indian Springs was named Gabriel Shane. He named his son Shane Gabriel. Ever since then, the oldest son is given th
e name either Gabriel Shane or Shane Gabriel, depending on what the father’s name is.”
“But...your dad’s name is Luke.”
“He’s a second son. My Uncle Gabe was killed in action in Vietnam before having any kids. So, since he was Gabriel Shane, I was given Shane Gabriel...and one day, my son will be Gabriel Shane...but how would you have known that when we were five?”
Tessa shrugged. “I probably just thought reversing the name was cool. Who knows.”
He kissed the side of her head and for a few more moments, they stared at the waterfall, each lost in their own thoughts. Shane knew she was holding back something. He knew that finally having sex with her wasn’t a fix-all, but he’d hoped it would have her opening up more.
“Tess...baby, please, talk to me,” he pleaded.
“I don’t want to get into it all now, Shane, please.”
“Don’t shut me out.”
She sighed. “I’m not, I just...the world and all its problems can crash in on us tomorrow. Let’s just have this time now, just you and me.”
“I’m going to be leaving for Austin in a few weeks. I just...I want to know what you’ll be doing, where you’ll be.”
She closed her eyes a moment, then turned in his arms, rocking up on her toes to kiss him. It was a rotten trick, distracting him with sex, but she just couldn’t get into her future plans with him now.
Frustration with her grew as the days melted into weeks. Tessa dodged him at every turn when he tried to press her about her plans while he was at UT. And even though they were intimate nearly every time they were together, he could feel her pulling farther and farther away from him. Confirmation came on the eve of him leaving for UT.
On their last night together, he’d driven her two hours away to a hotel. They soaked together in the en suite whirlpool tub and made love like it was what it was: the last night they would be together for a while. Neither wanted to address the elephant in the room but as the time wore on, Shane knew the sands were running out.
“Baby...you have to talk to me,” he said when they were back at her house, sitting in her driveway.
She took a deep breath and turned to face him.
“I know...these last few weeks have been...amazing, Shane. I’ve loved every single minute of it. And it’s going to hurt when you’re gone.”
“So, you’re staying here?”
She met his gaze and shook her head. “No...I enlisted in the Army. I’ll be leaving next week for Basics.”
“What?” he breathed.
“I told you I was considering the military.”
“Yeah, you did, but I assumed you would discuss it with me.”
“It hasn’t been an easy decision...but it’s been mine. I had to be able to make it on my own, Shane, can’t you understand that?”
“I do understand, but that doesn’t mean you should have shut me out...where will you...”
She shook her head, “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to hold you back. I want you to go to UT and I want you to have the full college experience, and you can’t do that if you have your mind on a girlfriend who may end up on the other side of the world in her deployment.”
“Tessa-”
“You’ll see I’m right when you get on campus and are surrounded by all those hot college girls.”
“Stop it,” he said, his voice low.
She placed her hand on his cheek and looked deep into his eyes.
“I love you, Shane, I always will...but our lives are going in different directions now. Maybe, someday, when you’re done with college and I’m...wherever I’m going to be at that point, we can re-visit this and see if there’s something here to salvage, but deep down, you know I’m right. We have to move on with our lives.”
Shane felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest but he let her go. He knew it had more to do with her issues with her so-called father but it didn’t make her leaving hurt any less. A part of him even knew in the long-run that she was right; their lives were moving in different directions and it would be difficult, if not impossible, to maintain a long-distance romance. But he couldn’t help feeling that when he left town to head to Austin, he was leaving his heart in her hands.
When he was settled in his dorm, he fired up his computer to send her an email, only to find one from her in his inbox. Taking a deep breath, he opened it.
Dear Shane,
I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to tell you about my plans. Every time I tried to talk to you about it, I couldn’t get the words out. You know this hasn’t been a decision I came to lightly. I suppose I never really told you my reasons behind the decision, however. As I sit here typing this, I realize I still have a hard time putting into words why I chose this. I guess the easiest answer would be, I want
the challenge of it. I want to see if I can do it. And I want a chance to see the
world beyond Indian Springs.
I know if it had been up to you, we would still be considering ourselves
together. In a perfect world, I would stay with you forever, but that isn’t our
reality. You’re at UT and I want you to have every ounce of the college
experience while you are there. After Basics, I have no clue where I’ll be,
if I’ll even be in the States or not. I just didn’t think it was fair to ask you to wait.
I love you, Shane. I always will. I don’t know where our roads will take us.
Someday, I hope we find each other again. I meant what I said when I we were five: we’re going to get married, someday, when we’re big...it just may be that we have to take the long way home to get there.
Forever yours,
Tessa
He stared at the screen a long time. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of what she’d written. How was he supposed to take that? His heart was still reeling from her cutting him loose yesterday.
Taking a deep breath, he decided for the first time in his life to lay his heart open and bare all in an email.
Tessa:
I’m not really sure how to respond. I’m sitting here in my dorm room and I feel like there is a huge hole in my chest. You ripped my heart out last night. I don’t understand why you couldn’t talk to me about the Army. I thought we could talk to each other about anything. That’s what you do when you love someone. You talk things over and work things out.
That being said, I guess I understand why you let me go. I don’t agree
with your reasoning, but I do understand...a little. Neither of us really know life outside of Indian Springs. We don’t know what the world holds for us, and you’re right, holding on to each other may be a mistake. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
Can’t shut off my feelings like that. So, from this point on, we can be friends.
Your vision, not mine. I gave you my heart. It’s yours to keep. If you don’t want
to be mine any longer, I get it; but I ask that you don’t shut me out of your
life. I want to know what is happening with you. Ever since we called our truce, we’ve always been able to talk to one another. I still want that. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you. So, please, as pathetic as my begging
sounds, just promise you will stay in touch. Email me. Text me. Call me.
I’ll do the same. I love you.
Always,
Shane
Chapter Five
Over the next years, they stayed in contact via email, texts and instant messaging but he’d had to work hard at guarding his heart. In the years since graduation he’d dated here and there, but no one could replace Tessa in his heart, and he was afraid no one ever would.
Every time he went home for the holidays or to visit his family, he found himself aching to see her, but she was never there when he was. It got to be too painful to be back home in their old haunts so he began coming back less and less.
The last time he saw her, was again at the street dance to open the county fair. It was right after he gradua
ted college, when he’d just finished training to be in DPS. He hadn’t really wanted to come, but Gracie was dating a new guy and he wanted to be able to read him the Big Brother Riot Act and see if he was worthy of his baby sister.
He was sitting at a table on the outskirts of the dance floor, watching his sisters dance with their boyfriends and feeling a bit at loose ends himself. He had gone out with girls through college, but never had an exclusive relationship with anyone. He’d enjoyed his college years, had plenty of female companionship, but since losing Tessa, he hadn’t really wanted to attach himself to anyone else.
Lifting his beer bottle to his lips, he started to feel a current running through the crowd. Something was happening on the other side of the dance floor area from him. He watched with mild interest until he saw the crowd shift, and then it was like in a movie…time literally stood still.
Coming through the crowd, looking better than he ever remembered, was none other than Tessa Kelly. His heart began thumping hard in his chest. Blonde hair, eyes so green they were almost turquoise, so bright he could see them from across the dance floor, even with the dim illumination from the party lights and tiki torches. She wore a white tank top with a rhinestone cross on the front, jeans that hugged her hips and showed off curves that she hadn’t had the last time he’d seen her and boots that were heeled and sexy as hell on her.
He stood and the movement drew her gaze to him. When her eyes met his, she laughed and took off at a run toward him, dodging the couples dancing. He met her half way and she leapt into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, squealing with laughter when he spun her around.
“How the hell are you?” he asked, laughing.
Before answering, she cupped his face in her hands and leaned down to plant a scalding kiss on him. Shane tightened his hold on her and kissed her like there was no tomorrow. She tasted even better than he remembered.
“Get a room, McCanton!” someone called, causing Tessa to pull back. She pressed her forehead to his and slid her hands from his cheeks to his hair.
“Oh, my God, I’ve missed you!” she breathed.