Choosing You

by Allie Everhart

  “Maybe I want it to go away. Did you even consider that?”

  “Of course I have. And I understand if you want nothing to do with me.” His voice is soft, his eyes full of sadness and regret. “If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll see if we can get different partners in English. I’ll never bother you again.”

  I don’t know if I’m a glutton for punishment or have lost all common sense, but I don’t feel ready to cut this guy out of my life.

  “Tell me what you want, Jade.” Garret takes my hand and holds it loosely in his, like he’s afraid I’ll yank it back if he holds it any tighter.

  I glance away, hoping I’ll come to my senses and tell him to get lost. I focus on the shriveled up leaves on the ground, their brilliant fall color now faded. I watch as even more red and orange leaves drop from the trees above us. I wait all year for the trees to turn color and within a couple weeks, it’s over. Why does everything good have to end?

  When I look back at Garret, his expression has changed. All hope is gone. He seems to assume that my long silence is an answer. He lets go of my hand and starts to walk away.

  “I want pancakes on Sunday.” I blurt it out without even thinking.

  He turns back slowly. “What?”

  “You asked me what I want. I want pancakes on Sunday. You said it would be a tradition. I’ve never had a tradition. You started it, but then it ended and I want it back.”

  A cautious smile comes across his face but he remains quiet.

  “I want to see more movies from that box in your room. And maybe share another pizza.”

  He takes a few steps forward. “That could be arranged.”

  “But more than anything, I want a promise that you’ll never do something like this to me again. Because I won’t forgive you, Garret. This is it. I mean it.”

  “I know you do.” He holds out his hand. “Friends?”

  “Maybe. We’ll see how it goes.”

  He puts his hand down.

  I pull the sweatshirt tighter around me as a gust of wind blows. “So what happens if your dad finds out about us?”

  “He’ll stop putting money in my account and probably take my car. But I don’t care about that. I need to make a stand. Otherwise he’ll keep trying to control every aspect of my life.”

  “This is so stupid. I can’t believe he won’t even let us be friends. When I had dinner at your house he told you to get to know me.”

  “Yeah, but he didn’t think it would actually go anywhere. He didn’t think we’d end up being friends. Or more than friends.”

  “But he picked me for the scholarship. He can’t hate me that much.”

  “He doesn’t hate you, Jade. In fact I can tell that he likes you. But he’s so focused on the Kensington image and what people think that he can’t see past it. And Katherine only makes it worse. Plus it doesn’t help to have people like Ava and Blake gossiping about us.”

  “Maybe you should go to more charity events or afternoon teas or whatever you rich people do. Then maybe everyone would see that being friends with me isn’t that big a deal.”

  “I doubt it’ll make a difference but I could try that.” He smiles. “Although I don’t go to afternoon tea, Jade.”

  The wind picks up again. “We should go inside.”

  “In a minute. First I need you to show me that thing I taught you.” He holds his arms out in front of him. “It’s been weeks now and you probably forgot how to do it.”

  I sigh dramatically. “Do I have to?”

  “Yes. You need to practice.”

  I wrap my arms loosely around him. But he hugs me tight, his warm chest pressed against mine and his strong arms shielding me from the cold.

  It feels good to be this close to him again. It feels right. I shut my eyes, breathing him in, listening to the pounding of his heart.

  “Oh yeah, you definitely need more practice,” he says. “We’re gonna have to do this a lot in order for you to get it right.”

  I couldn’t agree more.

  18

  After class on Thursday I return to my room and find a note on my door telling me to go see Jasmine, my RA. When I get to her room, she hands me a big box.

  “Care package?” she asks.

  “Um, yeah. I guess.” I take the box and quickly leave. I don’t want her or anyone else to know it’s my birthday. I’ve never liked my birthday. Growing up I had to watch other kids hand out party invitations and bring cupcakes to school while my mom acted like my birthday didn’t exist.

  Back in my room, I rip open the box. Inside there’s a few small bags of potato chips, packs of gum, a box of snack cakes with candles taped to the top, colored pens, a couple wrapped packages, and three envelopes. I pop a piece of gum in my mouth, then open the wrapped gifts. Inside the first package are two long sleeve athletic shirts, one black and one white. The other package contains a pair of black running pants. It’s exactly what I need for the colder weather. The sizes are even right.

  Two of the envelopes have Frank’s barely legible handwriting. I choke up just seeing it. I miss him so much. And knowing he went to all this trouble for my birthday causes that watery eye problem I can’t seem to get under control.

  The first envelope is a birthday card signed by both Frank and Ryan. It’s a funny card about getting old with a picture of a wrinkly dog on the front. Inside is $50 cash and a note telling me to use it only for fun. The water escapes my eyes and runs down my cheek. It’s too much money. I expected $10 or $15, not $50. Frank needs that money for his medical bills way more than I need it for my birthday. The other envelope contains $100 for expenses.

  Just as I’m about to call Frank the phone rings.

  “Happy birthday!” Frank and Ryan say it in unison.

  “Thanks, guys.” I wipe the tears off my face. “And thank you for all the gifts, but it was way too much.”

  “Nineteen is a big birthday,” Ryan says. “It’s your last year as a teenager. We couldn’t cheap out on you.”

  “How do you like the gifts?” Frank asks. “You know how bad Ryan and I are with women’s clothing. Do they fit?”

  “I didn’t try them on yet but you got the right sizes. I can’t believe you two went shopping.”

  “Chloe helped me,” Ryan confesses. “She’s a runner, too. She said you’d want that stuff if you run in the winter. Something about how the fabric breathes. But I picked the colors. She wanted to get you pink shirts.”

  “Thank God you talked her out of that.”

  “Any plans for tonight?” Frank asks.

  “No, not yet.”

  “Jade, I told you not to sit in your room.”

  “I know, but Harper has class on Thursday nights. I’ll find something to do. Maybe I’ll hang out with Garret.” I regret saying it the second it slips out. Frank and Ryan don’t know the whole story about Garret, but they know he’s the reason for my depressed mood the past few weeks.

  “You’re seeing him again?” Frank’s tone is more angry than concerned.

  “We’re not dating. We’re just friends.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t like that boy.”

  “You don’t even know him.”

  “He hurt you,” Ryan says. “You were miserable for weeks. And if he did it once, he’ll do it again.”

  “Okay, let’s change the subject. Thanks for the money but you really shouldn’t have sent so much.”

  “Part of that money is only for fun,” Frank reminds me.

  “Yes, I know.”

  “I need to get to work,” Ryan says, “but Happy Birthday, Jade. I’ll call you later this week when I have more time to talk.”

  “Bye, Ryan.” I hear the phone click as he hangs up.

  “Jade, did you open the other envelope?” Frank asks.

  “No, I forgot about it. Let me grab it.” I reach over to my bed and pick up the long white envelope. “Okay. Got it. Should I open it?”

  “I’m not sure. I wanted to talk . . .
” Frank’s voice trails off as my attention turns to the front of the envelope.

  The phone almost drops from my hand when I see my mom’s handwriting. Then it actually does hit the floor when I see what she’s written. To my sweet daughter, Jade. From your mother.” I flip it over and written on the back over the envelope flap it says, I will always love you, Jade.—Mom.

  “Jade? Are you still there?” I hear Frank’s voice and pick up the phone.

  “What the hell is this? Some type of sick joke? This isn’t funny, Frank.”

  “It’s real, Jade. It’s a letter from your mother.”

  “Yeah, I can see that. But she’s dead so how is this possible?”

  “She wrote it when you were just a few weeks old. I’d already moved out of Iowa by then so she mailed it to me and said that if anything ever happened to her I was to give you that letter when you turned 19. When I moved in down the street from you I asked her if she still wanted me to hold on to it but she couldn’t remember writing it. But she was pretty out of it by then.”

  “Why didn’t you give this to me sooner? She’s been dead for years.”

  “When she gave it to me she asked me to wait and I was respecting her wishes.”

  “I can’t believe you had it all this time and never told me. Dammit, Frank. I’m really mad at you right now. And I hate being mad at you.”

  “I understand if you’re mad, but your mother had her reasons for waiting and it wasn’t my place to question that.”

  “Do you know what it says?”

  “She just said it was a letter to you about her hopes and dreams for your future. Like I said, she wrote it right after you were born. It was one of those keepsake things she wanted you to have after you graduated high school. But then she wasn’t here to give it to you.”

  “My mom had hopes and dreams for me? Yeah, right. You’re thinking of someone else’s mom.”

  “You don’t have to open it if you don’t want to.” He waits for me to respond but I don’t. “Just set it aside and if you decide that you never want to read it, that’s fine. It’s up to you.”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “If you want to talk about it, call me. I’m always here for you.”

  “I know. And I didn’t mean to yell at you. Thank you again for the gifts. And for remembering my birthday.”

  “I’ll always remember. I wish I could be there with you to celebrate, but since I can’t, you go out and have some fun tonight, okay? Promise me.”

  “I promise. Bye, Frank.”

  We hang up and I stare at the letter still stuck in my hand. Why would my mother write me a letter? When was she even sober enough to write this? Unless she wasn’t drinking back then. I just assumed she was, but maybe she starting drinking later. The words she wrote on the outside don’t sound like her at all. My sweet daughter? She never called me sweet. And on the back she writes that she loves me? She never once said those words to me, at least not that I can remember. I get up and shove the letter in my desk drawer. I can’t deal with it right now. I’m not even sure I’ll read it.

  There’s a couple short knocks on the door. “Jade? Are you in there?”

  It’s Garret. I haven’t talked to him since our decision to attempt the friends’ arrangement again.

  I open the door. “Hey, Garret. What do you need?”

  “I was just coming down to say hi. Can I come in?”

  “Um, yeah, I guess.” I wasn’t expecting company and I definitely wasn’t expecting Garret. We hadn’t yet discussed the terms of this new friendship, like rules about stopping by unexpectedly.

  “What’s all this?” he asks, seeing the pile of stuff on my bed and the wrapping paper on the floor.

  “It was for my birthday.”

  “Your birthday? When was your birthday?”

  “It’s today.” I go over and pick the wrapping paper off the floor.

  Garret stands in front of me. “Today is your birthday? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Why would I tell you?” I go around him and toss the paper in the trash. “It’s just another day.”

  He blocks me again as I try to walk past him. “It’s not just another day. It’s your freaking birthday! Are you going out with Harper later?”

  “No. She has class. I didn’t tell her it’s my birthday.”

  “Why didn’t you tell her?”

  I sigh. “Because I don’t care that it’s my birthday. It doesn’t matter.”

  “It matters to me. And we’re celebrating whether you like it or not.”

  “Garret, I really don’t want to.” I take a seat at my desk and open my biology book. “I’m just going to do some homework and go to bed.”

  He slams my book closed. “You are not doing homework on your birthday.” He yanks me up from the chair. “I’m getting you out of here. It’s only 6. We have all night. I’ll take you to dinner, a movie, whatever you want.” He pauses to think for a second. “I’ll take you for pancakes at Al’s. They serve them all day and we’ve missed all those Sundays. What do you think?”

  “I think you’ve lost your mind. You’re way too excited about this.”

  “Because it’s your birthday. It’s a celebration. And you’re not spending it in your room doing homework.”

  I remember my promise to Frank. “Okay, I suppose I could go out for pancakes. But I’ll pay for myself. Frank gave me birthday money.”

  “Al gives you a free meal on your birthday. You just have to show your driver’s license.”

  “Really? That’s awesome! You should have told me that before. I would have said yes right away.”

  He laughs. “I know another place that offers birthday freebies. We’ll go there later tonight.”

  “What place?”

  “It’s a surprise. You ready to go?”

  “Give me a few minutes to change clothes and do something with my hair.”

  “Okay. I’ll be down in 10.”

  I walk him to the door. “You said you just came down here to say hi, not go out all night. Don’t you have stuff you need to do?”

  “This is way more important.” He leans down and kisses my cheek. “It’s your freaking birthday, Jade!”

  His excitement over my birthday makes me laugh. It even puts me in a better mood. I decide to forget about my mom’s letter. I’m not letting her ruin another birthday.

  Garret takes me to the pancake house where I order the largest stack of pancakes on the menu. Then we go to the movies. I pick a teen horror film, Garret’s least favorite genre. But it’s October. It’s horror movie season. And besides, he made me watch that romantic comedy.

  After the movie, we go to the diner we went to when I first arrived on campus.

  “Guess what you get free on your birthday?” he asks, as we’re getting out of the car.

  “The Boxcar whatever?”

  “Jade! You ruined the surprise.”

  “You asked me! And it’s the only thing I know on the menu since you never gave me a chance to look at it.”

  As we’re eating the huge sundae, which I generously offered to share with him, his phone rings.

  “Go ahead and answer it,” I say, devouring the crumbled cookies.

  “What do you want, Blake?” Garret leans back in the booth. “Yeah, I’ll be there. But only if you keep your mouth shut.” He looks at me. “It’s her birthday. I’m out with her right now. You got a problem with that?” He listens. “Yeah. See you Friday.” He sets his phone on the table.

  “What was that about?” I ask.

  “I made a deal with Blake. If I go to some parties with him, he’ll stop telling my dad about us.”

  “I thought you weren’t going to worry about your dad anymore.”

  “I’m not worrying about him. I’m just trying to make things easier for us. And things will definitely be easier if Blake stops talking to my dad.”

  “What about Ava?”

  “She has a new boyfriend. She lost interest in me. She won’t say any
thing.” He leans forward again, grabbing his spoon and scooping some ice cream from the bowl. “So since you neglected to tell me that today was your birthday, I’ll have to give you your present later. Is there anything you want or should I just surprise you?”

  “No, don’t get me anything. Really. This was plenty.”

  “You ate for free all night. I only paid for the movie. And it was bargain Thursday so I hardly spent any money.”

  “Gifts don’t have to cost a lot, Garret.”

  “I know. But I like giving gifts and the movie doesn’t count. I want to give you something.”

  “Then I’ll let you spend $5. That’s it.”

  “I can’t buy anything for $5. That’s nothing.”

  “That’s your limit. If you can’t make it work, then I don’t want anything.”

  He nudges my foot under the table. “You’re impossible. You know that, right?”

  “I prefer to say I’m a challenge.” I set my spoon down and push the bowl away. “I’m stuffed. You can have the rest.”

  He digs his spoon into the ice cream that remains on the bottom of the bowl. “You ate all the cookies.”

  “Because they’re my favorite part. And it’s my birthday.”

  “I know. I was just kidding. So you’re 19 today?”

  “Yeah. I’m kind of an old freshman.”

  “Me too. My birthday’s in August. I guess I already told you that.”

  “What did you do for your birthday?”

  “I went to Cabo for two weeks and learned to surf from this pro-surfer guy. And when I got back we had a big party at the house and I got the car.”

  “Is your birthday always like that?”

  “They’re all a little over the top. But it’s not just me. Everyone around here has parties like that. Last year for Sierra’s birthday, her parents paid $300,000 for her favorite band to come play a couple songs. That whole party had to have cost a million.” He drops his spoon in the bowl. “I can’t eat any more.”