by May, Nicola
‘It’s been so long since I had any female company - or sex for that matter.’
‘Oh, Nick. I understand completely where you are coming from. I didn’t feel the sexual urge thing to be honest, but I guess for men, that’s probably different. I did feel so alone. But you’re not. Your family sound great, and what a brave step coming to the Bow Wow. And now you have told us the truth, the people there will be a great support too. Simon comes across as useless at times, I know, but you couldn’t ask for a better person when you need help.’
‘And you, Ruby. What can you be?’ He sighed deeply. ‘You’re such a great girl, and if I was ever to have a relationship with someone else I’d like it to be with someone like you.’
‘Exactly, someone like me, but not me. It’s not the right time, Nick. Get yourself back on track and then you’ll be ready to let someone else in. It’s nearly two years for me now and I’m almost there.’
‘So, do you have a boyfriend, then?’
‘Well, not really. There is this guy who did adore me but I fucked up, because of the grief thing. And, now he’s gone off saying I need to sort my head out.’
‘And is it sorted out?’
‘Well, I am thinking about him more and more, which I guess is a good start.’
‘So, could you go back to him?’
‘I don’t know. He’s probably got bored of waiting by now and maybe I do need to have a fling or two first before I commit to another proper relationship.’
‘Really? You’re thirty-five now, aren’t you? I think if you’ve found a good ’un you should hang on to him. Why waste any more of your life searching for something that probably isn’t even out there anyway.’
‘Look at you, Mr Wise Man.’ Ruby smiled and vowed to contact Michael later that evening. ‘Come here.’ She pulled Nick towards her in a massive bear hug. ‘Sometimes a hug is enough, especially at this stage, and I am always on hand for those - you hear me? And chats, and tears, and rants. Just throw it in with an odd cup of hot tea and a custard cream, and you’ve got a friend for life here.’
Nick pulled away, held her at arm’s length and looked right at her.
‘You are so strong, Ruby - my inspiration, in fact, and it’s a deal. I’d be honoured to call you my friend.’ She reached for her coat and Nick helped her put it on. He walked her to the door and he pecked her on the cheek.
‘So just to check, are you sure a shag’s out of the question?’
Ruby pretended to swipe him with her hand. ‘Yes! Well not now, for sure.’
The Fireman clicked the door shut and tears began to roll down his face. But this time, they were tears of relief. Relief, that he had jumped yet another of the huge hurdles that the grizzly grief monster had thrown at him.
– Chapter Forty-Four –
Michael sat at his writing desk staring at his computer screen. He found the words difficult to type without Ruby to give him inspiration for his next plotlines. It hadn’t even been three weeks yet since he’d last seen her, but it felt like an age. He missed her. She was always such fun to be with. Plus, he was feeling horny today.
She had sent a couple of texts just saying Hope you’re OK. Neither of which had a question mark so he didn’t think she was that bothered for an answer.
Thinking of texts, he realised his phone had been very quiet this evening.
‘Damn,’ he said aloud. It had run out of battery and he suddenly remembered he had left his charger at the Rural Writers’ Magazine offices earlier today. He would have to retrieve it tomorrow as they all would have gone home by now.
***
Ruby rounded the corner to Amerhand Road feeling drained. Her moment with Nick had taken it out of her emotionally. But on a bright note, she was glad that she had moved on so much. It hadn’t been that long ago that she had fallen over in the street on New Year’s Eve. The night when Michael had appeared as her knight in shining armour and literally picked up the pieces.
She saw Margaret’s curtain twitch as she walked past her neighbour’s house.
‘Ruby!’ the old lady shouted after her from her front door. ‘Took a parcel in for you today, duck.’
Ruby doubled back. ‘Oh thanks, Margaret, that’s kind. It’s probably the special sequins I ordered for the cocktail dress I’m working on.’
‘Not quite!’ Margaret appeared with a huge bouquet of flowers.
Ruby gasped. ‘Aw, they are beautiful.’
Bless Michael, he had been thinking of her after all. She couldn’t believe that he would just dump her just like that. It seemed so out of character that he hadn’t even replied to her Hope you’re OK texts.
‘See. I told you he was a good ’un, Rubes. Now I must get back in, Coronation Street double bill tonight. Catch up soon.’
‘Yes, indeed we shall - and thanks so much for taking the flowers in.’
Ruby walked to her place with a spring in her step. She placed the bouquet on the kitchen table and ripped open the little mini-envelope that accompanied it, excited about reading the message that she knew Michael would have really thought about. Instead of being delighted, however, she was slightly perturbed.
Sorry if I was a bit of a dick the other night, too much of the funny juice. Dinner Friday at 8 to make it up to you? I’ll send a car. Enjoy the flowers. Harry X
How lovely to get flowers, but she would much rather they had been from Michael. He said he had loved her, and love was strong. Surely, he must still want her? But why had he not texted her back? She would text him now and put a question mark so he would have to answer. If he didn’t answer, then she would know.
Ruby bit her lip, and after drafting and re-drafting the text countless times she decided that simplicity was the way to go.
I miss you. Let’s meet soon? X
– Chapter Forty-Five –
‘I don’t like being pregnant, Rubes. I can’t drink, I’m nauseous from dawn till dusk and I keep getting sharp pains where everything’s moving into place evidently.’
‘Oh Fi. I did say getting a dog would be easier.’
‘Thanks - that’s really helpful now when I’ve got the Rev’s rug rat cooking in here.’ She pointed to her stomach where a perfect little bump had formed. ‘Make me a ginger tea, can you?’ From her lying down position on Ruby’s sofa, Fi rustled about in her handbag and threw two tea-bags at her friend. ‘Have one yourself, mate - or would that be like cannibalism with your colouring?’
‘Ha, bloody ha. Not too sick to take the piss, are you, Ms Donahue? Now, on a serious note, have you thought any more about what you are going to do?’
Fi put her hand to her forehead. ‘It is such a mess - I don’t know. I have to have this baby, Ruby, you know that. So that is one major decision made. If I tell Simon, it would be scandalous for him and he might lose his job, but then again it was him who dipped his huge dick in without a by your leave.’
‘And if you tell James it will destroy him. How’s he been lately anyway?’
‘Just the same horrible self. Still no sex. Pushing me away completely. It is making me seriously think about leaving him and going it alone, anyway.’
‘I know you love him though, Fi. You are just putting on a brave face because he’s being so awful at the moment. Try talking to him. Maybe he’s got problems at work or something. I’d hate you two to split up.’
‘Well, if I tell him this and he understands, then he is a keeper for sure. But who in their right mind would want to take on another man’s baby. Especially the result of a one-night stand.’
‘Well, it would certainly be something to sell to one of those magazines that deal with sensational stories: “40 year old Irish vixen sleeps with black vicar and keeps it from her white boyfriend”.’
‘I’m still fecking thirty-nine!’ Fi had to laugh. ‘But do you know what? Just talking this through has made me know what I have to do. I am going to tell James tomorrow.’
‘The truth?!’
‘No, of course not the truth.’
‘I thought we hadn’t either, but during a recent argument when I said we never did it any more, he reminded me of the great session we had had the Saturday after my shenanigans with Simon. Rubes, I was so fecking drunk I’d forgotten! So I have my alibi.’
‘Until baby Simon pops out in all his ethnic glory.’
‘I will deal with that then. I’m feeling too rough for the explosion that telling the truth will cause.’
‘I don’t think that’s the right thing to do.’
‘It’s the only thing I feel I can do at the moment, Rubes.’
‘Then, of course I will stand by you, but what a mess.’
‘Lovely flowers, by the way,’ sighed Fi. ‘I told you Michael would come running. Men are like bloody elastic bands. Let them go for a while and they come twanging back with a vengeance.’
‘They are not from him, they are from Harry. He wants to take me out for dinner on Friday, said he’d send a car.’
‘Bloody hell, send a car? He must be loaded.’
‘He is a typical City boy. Not scared of flashing the cash whenever he can.’
‘You don’t sound as if you like him much?’
‘He annoyed me the other night, but I guess he was drunk. Maybe I should just give him another chance, seeing as Michael has definitely disappeared.’
‘Michael hasn’t disappeared: he said he wanted you to take time out.’
‘Yeah, but I sent a text last night – with a question mark - and nothing! Maybe I should move on. But, I do keep thinking about him, Fi.’
‘Well, tell him them! I hate to bring up Gorgeous George but we had exactly the same conversation about him. I remember it vividly, because I believe it was the night that Basset Hound you were looking after shat under the table in the pub. Fecking hilarious.’
Ruby laughed out loud. ‘Yeah. We kept feeding him pork scratchings to shut his howling up. He belonged to one of their clients, when I worked for that divorce lawyer.’
‘So, going back to Michael: men aren’t mindreaders, Rubes. You have to spell it out to them. They think in terms of sport, beer and sex. If you can speak in any of these languages then you’ll be just fine. Just phone him!’
‘Fi, you’re bloody mad.’
‘I’m bloody right, you mean. Hmm, now, what should you do first? Pick up the phone to Michael or reply to Harry’s dinner invite?’
‘It’s OK, dear friend. I know exactly what I am going to do.’
– Chapter Forty-Six –
Ruby looked out of the window and smiled. A black Mercedes, indeed. Young Harry was certainly pulling out all the stops. She hadn’t even asked how old he was, but he looked younger than her, that was for sure.
She reapplied her lipstick, put on her coat and headed out into the chilly evening. Once settled in the back of the comfortable car she checked her phone. Still no text from Michael. Well, that was it. If he was playing it this cool then he must have either met someone else or just didn’t care any more. Thank goodness she had someone in the wings. She smiled, thinking of Fi who always said that it was essential to have a man on stage, plus one in the wings and one in rehearsal.
The Mercedes pulled up by a smart Soho restaurant. Harry was outside, just stubbing out a cigarette. He hurried to open the car door.
‘Madame!’ He took her hand. ‘I hope your carriage was to your satisfaction?’
Ruby smiled. He seemed softer tonight somehow. Maybe because he was sober. He guided her to a table in the back corner of the restaurant. ‘I thought you wouldn’t mind if we started with this?’ He winked over to the waiter who immediately poured them a glass of pink champagne.
‘Cheers.’ They clinked glasses in unison.
‘Look, Ruby, about the other night.’
‘Hey, it’s fine, Harry, you were drunk, I was in a bad frame of mind. It’s good to see you again.’
She actually meant it too. Just looking at Harry made her heart lurch because it was so like just staring at her George. His teeth were slightly crooked and his hair longer, and of course he had the little mole on his cheek, but that was it. If she half- shut her eyes, it was him.
‘How old are you by the way?’ she asked.
Harry squirmed slightly. ‘Coming up to the big 3 0 this year. September, in fact.’
‘Please don’t say the seventeenth?’ Ruby added.
‘Yeah - how did you guess that?’
Ruby felt sick. ‘This is just too weird, Harry. That is the same day as George…’ and then she said it, the word that she hadn’t been able to say since her beloved husband had died. ‘You know, George my late husband. His birthday was the very same day.’
‘That is quite a coincidence.’ Harry’s voice sounded genuine. ‘I am really sorry about your loss, Ruby. But I take it George left you all right, did he? Moneywise, I mean.’
‘Yes, he did. His dad had passed away not long before and had left him a tidy sum. We bought his place in Putney together and the life insurance covered that, so yes, fortunately I’m fine.’
‘Plus, of course, being a successful businesswoman in your own right, you must be raking it in? I looked on your website actually. Great designs. You should be proud of yourself.’
‘Aw, thanks,’ Ruby blushed. As she got to know this imposter, he didn’t seem half as bad.
‘Another glass of champagne?’ Harry enquired.
‘Lovely.’ Ruby was beginning to feel quite heady. She excused herself and went to the ladies, where she checked her make-up and her phone. Three days and nothing from Michael. Well, sod him - he’d had his chance.
Harry and Ruby shared lobster and the most beautiful cherry cheesecake that Ruby had ever tasted. She flinched as she caught sight of the bill that Harry insisted on paying.
‘Nightcap back at mine?’ he asked casually, lighting up a cigarette as they stepped out into the thronging Soho street.
‘I’d love that,’ Ruby hiccupped, knowing already that she wouldn’t be heading back to Amerhand Road anytime soon.
– Chapter Forty-Seven –
Ruby felt slightly sick as she got out of the taxi the following morning. The Amaretto had flowed when they got back to Harry’s place - a very smart apartment overlooking Tower Bridge. She had tried to shut herself off from any thoughts of George, but when Harry started to undress her hungrily, she couldn’t help it. The sex had been hard and intense. And that’s all it had been. Pure sex. A need for both parties to satisfy themselves. When she had sat astride Harry and looked down, all she could see was George, but it didn’t put her off, just made her more aroused.
And, then, when the drunken tussle was all over, she lay back and thought of Michael. Gentle, kind Michael, who pleasured her in such a way it made her feel warm, feel wanted. He wouldn’t have turned over and gone straight to sleep. He would have held her in his arms like he always did. Said she wasn’t allowed to be alone with her thoughts after they had made love. He wanted to be with her so she felt safe. Bless that man!
She needed to sort her head out. George was dead, regrettably Michael might as well be, and Harry, although the spitting image of George, was just that. A look-a-like of her late husband. She thought back to their first meeting and Tony Choi’s fortune cookie message. Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind. Deep down she knew that Harry was not a potential suitor. He didn’t make her heart flutter and her mind blurry like George had done. But the sex was good enough and she was beginning to warm to him slightly, so surely a bit of fun was allowed?
She waved to Margaret, who was polishing her knocker, and then was startled by someone calling her name as she put her key in the door.
‘James? What are you doing here on a Saturday morning?’ she said. ‘Is the mad one with you?’
‘No, she’s at home. It’s you I need to talk to you, Rubes.’
Ruby went cold. Fi must have told him that she was pregnant. Maybe he had worked out it wasn’t his.
No, Fi assured her they had had sex the same week as Vicargate, so there could be no dispute. Well, not until a miniature Simon Dye popped out the other end anyway.
Ruby put the kettle on and sat next to James on the sofa. It was weird thinking that he used to live in this very same flat with George when she had first met her husband-to-be. James hadn’t changed much, just a few more lines around his eyes and his hair was still the same salt and pepper that it had always been. He was doing really well as a solicitor now in his own partnership. They had had a lot of laughs together and more recently some tears. She and James used to be as thick as thieves, in fact, Ruby thought to herself. They had shared an awful lot as friends and in a way Ruby missed this, as when he got together with Fi things naturally changed slightly.
Ruby noticed how tired James looked. He looked different in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on. And then she realised what it was: he looked sad. He had no light behind his eyes.
‘What’s up, mate?’ Ruby enquired as breezily as she could, placing two cups of tea down on the coffee table. ‘Seems weird having you here without Fi - a bit like the old days, eh?’
‘Yes, we had some laughs here, didn’t we? I miss George too, you know. He was such a good mate to me.’
Ruby started to well up. ‘Don’t get me going, but is this why you wanted to talk to me? You know it’s always good to get it out.’
‘No, it’s something current and far more serious.’
Oh shit, Ruby braced herself. As much as she cared for James and she truly did, her loyalties had to lie with Fi. James cleared his throat. She gripped on to the cushion on her lap. It was as if they were about to set off on the highest, most terrifying rollercoaster in the world.
‘I’m impotent, Rubes. Firing blanks. I will never be able to father a child.’
‘Fuck!’ was all Ruby could muster.
‘I can still do that.’ James managed to smile. ‘I’ve been just so horrible to Fi and this is why. I thought if I kept on, she would just leave me for being a bastard. But she’s hung in there. I truly believe she must really love me, or maybe she’s just plain stupid. Because whatever I throw at her she takes it and tries to see the good in me. Tries to help me through whatever is bothering me.’