by CeeCee James
“I can never make up for that.”
“It’s okay, Sis. I’m a big girl now. And it wasn’t long after you left that I realized you weren’t my mom. You were still a girl too. You’re allowed to be weak and needy, you know.”
“Ugh, I don’t even like hearing you say that.” Miranda frowned.
“Did you end up going to school?”
Miranda shook her head. “That’s a story for another day. Now tell me the second reason.”
“The second reason? Oh, the reason why I ran when you told me.” Cassie grabbed her lip gloss off the nightstand and liberally applied it. Smacking her lips, she said, “I never liked Uncle Vince. Right before you showed up he kicked my dog.”
“He kicked Poppy?!”
“Yeah!” Cassie nodded. “Poppy hated him.”
“That dog was a smart dog.”
Cassie laughed. “Yes, the best dog ever.”
* * *
They visited for another hour before the nurse shooed them out for Cassie’s physical therapy. Jason and Miranda walked to the elevator in silence. Miranda reached it first and punched in the floor number.
Jason came forward with slow steps. His eyes crinkled in sadness. He grabbed her hands and hauled them up, wrapping them tightly around his neck. Gently, he swayed back and forth.
“There it is,” he whispered in her ear, barely breathing. “The strength I’ve always admired about you.”
She clung to him, not wanting to let go. He smelled of both the grass he’d been cutting earlier in the day and motor oil. Closing her eyes, she allowed him to rock her, feeling the strength in his arms.
He ran his hand gently down her back to her waist, and pulled her even closer. His heart thumped in her ear, speeding up when she did the same along his back. She felt his cheek rest on the top of her head. Then his lips softly kissed her hair. His index finger traced along her jawbone, and then he tipped her face towards him. They stared into each other’s eyes. His face lowered, his eyes flicking to her lips. Miranda could barely breathe.
The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Two orderlies walked out.
Jason gave a deep exhale and pulled away. He looked down at Miranda, his mouth curving into a half-smile.
Miranda’s heart jigged a double beat in disappointment. She looked away to hide her frustration. Clearing her throat, she reached back to tuck her hair around her ears.
“I wish I had a rubber band,” she said, trying to smooth her hair.
Jason’s eyes crinkled. “I’m fresh out of those. Remember how you used to always wear them around your wrist?”
“Back when I was smart. Now look at me. Crazy hair and no ponytail holder in sight.” She laughed, but inside she never felt more confused. What the heck is going on inside his head? Am I just imagining all of this? You look at me like you want me, then push me far away.
She twisted her hair up in a messy bun and tucked the ends under. I might have to let go of hope, just to quit being tortured like this.
His eyes grew thoughtful, like he wanted to say something about her hair. Instead, he rubbed his scruffy chin. “Coffee or pizza?” he asked.
“Which one does the cafeteria serve the best?”
“Hmm.” He squinted in thought. “By best do you mean witches’ brew, or just pure poison?” He gave her a wink and then caught the elevator door as it tried to close.
23
Present Day
Monday morning started off fairly well, all things considered. Miranda ran downstairs to discover a huge box of doughnuts Jason had brought home the night before. It’s Monday, I’m definitely going to treat myself to one before work.
Miranda’s phone dinged for a new text message. She scooped the phone off the counter as she snagged a donut. Old-fashioned glazed, mmmm. Sweet vanilla scent wafted in the air. Taking a big bite, she read the message. Her brow wrinkled and she quickly typed a response.
“Who was that?” Jason asked from his usual place at the end of the counter.
Slowly setting the phone down, Miranda took another bite, her thoughts running deep.
“That was the guy from the bar.”
“What guy?” His worried look flashed across his face.
“You know, the weirdo.”
“Dane?” His fingers tapped on the counter in either worry or frustration, Miranda couldn’t tell.
“Yeah.”
“What’s he texting you for?”
Miranda shook her head. “Quit your worrying. He asked me out for lunch. The strange thing is I don’t even know how he got my number.”
“What’d you say?”
“I blew him off.” Miranda nodded in assurance.
“How?”
“I said that sounded like fun, but I was busy.” She took a sip of her coffee. Jason’s skeptical expression stopped her mid-drink. “What?”
“That’s not rejecting him. That’s encouraging him to ask again.” He shook his head, before clenching his hands against the back of his neck.
“Stop. I was trying to be nice.”
“I told you not to mess with him. He’s a psycho!”
“I wasn’t messing with him. I was turning him down. Politely. I don’t want to anger a psycho.”
Jason put his hands up in disbelief. “Whatever. I can think of a million other ways to do it. Things like: ‘Hey, I have a boyfriend,’ ‘I’m dating someone,’ ‘I’m moving to Siberia.’ What you said is just going to encourage him.”
“Listen, I don’t need your help. I think I know how to turn down a guy.” Miranda’s face flushed. Trying to calm herself, she picked at a fuzz off the front of her shirt.
Jason watched her for a moment. “I didn’t mean to say you couldn’t do it. I just don’t like the thought of that guy having any contact with you. At all.”
Feeling somewhat placated, Miranda said. “Don’t worry. I’ve got it under control.” Then she smiled, “And if for some reason I need help, I’ll be calling you for the best dump lines.” She gave him a wave as she headed to work.
The dental office was incredibly chaotic that day with both new patients and insurance disasters. One emergency visit had to be worked into the dentist’s already jam-packed schedule. Dane texted her back at some point, but she didn’t get a chance to read it until sitting in the car after her shift was over.
-Maybe another day?
She texted back:
-sorry, my work schedule is so full. Not making plans right now.
The response was immediate:
-You need some down time.
Miranda groaned. Now she was in a texting conversation with this guy. She threw her phone in her purse, aggravated, and started the jeep. Maybe Jason was going to have to give her some pointers after all.
He wasn’t home when she got there, so she made herself some tomato soup and a grilled cheese. Dividing the soup into two mugs, she grabbed her food and went out to the porch swing.
She heard the Chevy rattle up the driveway. Leaning her head back against the cushions, she tucked her bare foot under her leg. The sun had set, leaving the lake rimmed in dark pink.
A few minutes later the sliding door opened, and Jason joined her. “Thanks for the soup.”
“I left you a couple sandwiches, too. Did you see them?”
He showed her the sandwich in his hand and joined her on the swing. Archer rested his paw on Jason’s knee in greeting. Jason rolled his eyes and tore off a piece of his crust and gave it to him. Miranda lifted the mug to hide her smile.
Ignoring her, Jason leaned back. The first stars twinkled in the sky.
“How was work?”
“Crazy. Horrible. You?”
“The same.” He raked back his dark hair from his forehead and rubbed his temple. “This is nice.”
The swing gently swayed. Miranda couldn’t tell if it was him or her pushing it, but she tucked both feet up, and gave it over to him to keep it moving.
“Hey! Did you see that?” Jason pointed up, his voice e
xcited.
“What?” Miranda tried to follow his finger, but didn’t see anything but the stars.
“It was a shooting star. A big one. Keep watching.”
She stared into the sky, trying to see anything. A memory unfolded in her mind of the last time she’d watched the stars with her dad. She felt a pang of loneliness and sent up a goofy prayer. Oh God, if my dad and mom are okay, let me see a shooting star. A sigh escaped.
Jason shifted a little next to her, turning a bit. “What’s the matter?”
“Memories,” she whispered, then wrinkled her nose at the melancholy way she sounded.
“What memory?” He asked it so softly that she knew she’d have to answer. She bit back a groan.
“Just thinking of the last time I watched the stars with my dad.” Miranda took in a deep breath, and held it for a second. She wanted her voice to sound calm and in control. “It was summer. We’d gone to the zoo that day.” A smile crept across her lips. “Cassie rode the camels, but was so mad because her camel made disgusting noises with its tongue the entire time she was riding him.”
“No camel riding for you?”
“Uh. No. I was too cool for camels.” She thought about it for a minute. “Actually, I think I was wearing a dress that day, which is weird, because I never wore dresses.” Her forehead creased, trying to remember.
“My uncle was with us.” The unwanted memory flooded her mind. “He tried to pay for me to go on the camel. I kept telling him I couldn’t because of my dress. He told me to push it up, that it would be fine.”
“What a sicko. What’d your dad do?’
“He told me to do what made me comfortable, then wandered over to watch my little sister. I was twelve. That was my one and only time I went to the zoo.” Miranda closed her eyes for a second, willing the memories to go back into their box.
“I’m sorry.” Jason leaned back into the swing. “The last time I went I was about the same age. My Grandma took me.” He laughed. “Poor thing had to sit at every bench along the way I think. But it was fun.”
Miranda put her feet down and stopped the swing from moving. “That’s cute. Little granny’s boy.”
“Hey, don’t knock it. I loved my Grandma.”
“What was she like?”
Jason imperceptibly stiffened. He always did that when she asked questions about his past. The pause lengthened, and Miranda didn’t think he was going to answer. She was about to change the subject when he spoke. “She was a great lady, the best cook in the world. She used to be one of my Cub Scout den mothers.” His eyes crinkled. “She always made this s’mores casserole. She was the one who taught me to make a fire. Which turned into a skill that was handy for the both of us.” He grabbed her knee and shook it gently.
“Your Grandma sounds like an amazing lady.’
“Yeah, she really was. I wish she was still here.” He glanced sidewise at her. “If only to teach you to cook.”
“Oh my gosh! Just when I thought you were a nice guy.”
He laughed. “I’m just teasing you. I mean, you haven’t killed me yet.”
“That’s true. I’m sick of being the one that always has to change something about themselves.”
Jason snorted.
“All this growing up and maturing is bugging me,” Miranda continued.
“You have no idea how much I’ve changed.”
She smiled. “Yeah? Like what?”
He lightly touched the bracelet on her wrist. “I haven’t been this happy in a long time.”
“Happiness is a change?”
“Yeah, for me it is.”
“What were you before?”
More silence. He spun her bracelet around her thin wrist. Her arm prickled in goosebumps under the light tickle.
“Just plodding along, doing what I was supposed to do, I guess. Trying to forget the past. Hoping some great plan would open up and clue me in to the next step.”
“Jason,” she hesitated. “Why haven’t you tried to find…. someone?”
He gave her a sharp look. “Someone? Really, Miranda?”
“I don’t know….”
“There’s only so far I can let people in. You know that.”
“Because I broke your trust….”
“You know it goes deeper than that. Yeah, I’m afraid. There I said it.”
Her heart hurt at the broken, emptiness of his voice. “Love is a good thing, Jason. You know you are worth being loved, right?”
He flinched at her words, and pushed away, his face closed off. Miranda took a deep breath and tried to break the mood. “Anyway, I know that feeling of plodding along. And when it gets too strong, that’s when I play a little Candy Crush and it all goes away.”
Jason laughed, his relief obvious at the change of topic. “You’re such a nerd.”
“I should be insulted, but it’s true.” She stood up. “Well buddy, I’ve got an early day at work for me tomorrow. Claudia wants to train me on the new P.O.S. system.” Miranda groaned. “Hopefully I don’t break it.” She opened the sliding door.
“All right, sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
“And if they do, hit them with your shoe,” Miranda finished, before sliding the door shut.
24
Present day
- Why are you ignoring me?
Miranda stared at the text message. Dane again. What’s with this guy?
Jason shifted the truck and stepped on the brake. Miranda glanced at him as she slid her phone back into her purse. No use getting him riled up about it just yet.
“What do you think about Cassie?” Miranda asked. Her sister had made huge improvements, and was healing fast. The doctors were releasing her to a rehabilitation center soon. And once her muscles were strong enough to continue treatment at home, she’d be released for good.
“You going to be ready for her when she comes home?”
“I’m nervous, I’ve got to admit.” Miranda bounced high off the seat as Jason hit the hospital speed bump hard. “Dude!”
He smirked. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
Cassie was sitting in her armchair when they arrived in her room.
“Wow! You look cute.” Miranda commented as she walked up to give her a hug. Cassie’s blonde hair had grown where it had been shaved. She had a silver stretchy headband pulling the rest of her hair back, and eye makeup on for the first time.
Cassie dipped her head at the compliment and her cheeks colored.
“What do you think of our girl?” Miranda said to Jason. But he wasn’t paying attention, instead stood glaring at the other corner. Miranda pushed back the hospital curtain to look. A young man nervously sat in the chair, paling under their gaze.
Clearing her throat, Cassie got their attention. “Miranda, Jason, this is Leif.”
Leif sprung up and offered his hand to Jason.
Oh no, Miranda thought, seeing the burn in Jason’s eyes. He took the proffered hand and gave it a bone-crackling squeeze.
“It’s nice to meet you.” Leif tried to hold his own. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“I’ve heard nothing about you.” Jason released his hand.
Leif licked his lips and nodded, before offering the smashed hand to Miranda. She wanted to give it a harsh squeeze too, but something about Leif’s brown eyes softened her. He was just a kid, maybe eighteen himself. Gangly and thin, his clothes hung on him like he hadn’t yet grown into his height, but his face had a sweetness about it. Miranda took his hand gently. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too,” he said. “Uh, please sit.” He waved at his chair.
“I’ll stand,” Jason glowered. Leif swallowed, but stood up tall.
“Well, since we’re all here, we have something to tell you,” Cassie said.
Miranda lowered herself to the bed as a wave of dizziness swept over her. No, please not marriage…
“I wanted to tell you sooner, but Leif asked me to wait until he was here.�
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Leif walked over and held her hand. “You want to tell them or do you want me to?” he asked gently.
Her eyes shone with tears. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t think this would affect me.” She brushed them away, before looking at her sister. “Leif and I were going to have a baby together. I lost the baby in the accident.”
Miranda let out a deep exhale. “I’m so sorry, Cassie.”
“It’s okay.” Cassie bit her lip. “It was one of those things we thought would never happen to us. To be honest, I completely freaked out when I found out I was pregnant. So it’s hard not to feel guilty now.”
“It’s going to take some time to process,” Miranda said. “What is it you always tell me? It’s not your fault.”
“I know this isn’t the best way to be introduced to someone’s family,” Leif said. “I just wanted you to know that I love your sister.”
“Yeah?” Jason stared him down. “Where have you been all this time?”
Leif squared his shoulders. “I wasn’t allowed in the room because I wasn’t a family member. It’s been torture. You have no idea.” His mouth flickered in an expression of pain. Cassie picked his hand off her shoulder and kissed it. The corners of his lips slightly lifted. “I’ve been here every day since she woke up.”
“How come I’ve never seen you?” Jason demanded.
“It hasn’t been easy,” Cassie admitted. “We had the nurses in on it, too, trying to keep everyone separated. I just wasn’t ready for you all to meet until I felt stronger.”
“It isn’t the way I would have done it, but I wanted to do what was best for her,” Leif added.
“Wow.” Miranda blinked. “So clandestine. I’m glad we finally get to meet you and the secrets are out of the bag.”
“Me too, because you are going to be seeing a lot of me,” Leif said.
Cassie laughed. “Thanksgiving, Christmas.”
Jason’s eyes bulged and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I need some fresh air. See you tomorrow, okay, Cassie?” He leaned over to kiss her cheek. Standing back up, he frowned as he looked at Leif.