“But…”
“No, Bri. You can’t justify this. What you did was unforgivable. You just walked out on him, without an explanation or even a goodbye. You gave him hope, and then you smashed his heart to pieces. And you don’t even care.”
“Hey,” Bri shot Layla a glare. “That’s not fair. I feel terrible for what happened. I’m not heartless.”
“Then why?” Layla threw up her hands. “Why did you do it? Was this some kind of revenge for what he did to you before? Because if it is, that’s pretty low of you. I didn’t think you were that cruel.”
“Have you forgotten that he did the same thing to me?” she shot back. “He made me believe that he loved me, that we had a future together, and then he ripped my heart out and danced on the ashes. Why are you yelling at me? Why am I the bad guy here?” Bri’s shame and guilt were making her defensive, but Layla wasn’t falling for it.
“Because you knew better!” Layla practically yelled. “You knew that you didn’t want a relationship with Cole, but you slept with him anyway. And then, without explaining anything, you snuck out on him like a coward. You didn’t even care what that would do to him. No, it was all about you.
“He’s been trying so hard to make things right with you. To make up for how he treated you and for everything that happened. And you threw it all back in his face. You basically told him that all his work, all his effort, all his hope was for nothing. How can he come back from that?”
Bri’s eyes dropped, all defensiveness gone.
“I’m so angry with you, Bri, I just want to shake you. I mean, is this who you are now? Are you really the kind of person who could do something this terrible, and then think that everything is okay?”
Shame flooded her, causing tears to well up in her eyes. She wanted to just dismiss everything that Layla was saying, wanted to believe it was just some stupid plot of Cole’s to get to her. But it wasn’t. Layla was here on her own, Bri could tell that. And if this was important enough to Layla to fly all the way out here, when she could’ve just had this conversation over the phone, then things with Cole must be pretty bad.
“I’m sorry, Lay,” Bri mumbled. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Then how did it happen?” Layla’s voiced softened, and Bri looked up to see sympathy replacing the fading anger in her friend’s eyes.
“I don’t know,” she brushed a tear from her cheek. “It’s not like I planned this or anything. Despite what you think, I’m not completely evil.”
Layla reached over and took her hand.
“He wasn’t supposed to be there, Lay. If he hadn’t shown up that night, everything would’ve been fine. Nothing would’ve happened, and we could’ve continued on as we had been. But he was there, and it changed everything. I was so overwhelmed, so caught up in my emotions; we both were. And, I wanted it. I wanted to stay with him, and damn the consequences. And I was so happy. For that short time, I was happier than I’d been in ages. But then reality settled back in and I… I don’t know, I panicked. I didn’t know how to deal with the ramifications of what had happened, and I ran. I’m not proud of myself, but I just couldn’t face him.”
“Oh, Bri,” Layla sighed sadly, squeezing her hand.
“I’ve been so worried, worried that I’ve ruined his life, broken his heart.” She laughed bitterly. “I’ve been stalking him for months, trying to convince myself that he’s fine, that I didn’t really hurt him, that he had just continued on with his life as normal. That probably sounds really selfish and stupid of me, but I needed him to be okay, even if I wasn’t. I didn’t want to hurt him.”
“Because you love him.” Layla stated.
“Yes,” Bri replied softly, the admission making her squirm. “Even after everything he put me through, I’ve never really stopped. And I know he’s trying to change. I see the difference, though I may not want to admit it, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to take him back. I just don’t think I can do that again. It’s not that I want to punish him or anything. I’m not some evil, vindictive sociopath. But my heart wouldn’t survive it if something went wrong again. I don’t think it made it the first time.”
“Oh sweetie,” Layla cooed as she moved around the table and threw her arms around Bri. “I don’t think you’re evil. I’m sorry. I may have come across harsher than I meant to. I’ve been worried and worked up over this whole thing for a while. I didn’t mean to take out all my frustration on you.”
Bri nodded before pulling back.
“You know, this is partly your fault,” she eyed Layla. “If you hadn’t told Cole about my show, he never would have come, and this never would have happened. So I’m not taking all the blame here.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” Layla at least looked contrite. “I just really thought it was something he should know about, that he should have that choice.”
Bri gave her a sardonic raise of her eyebrow, and Layla smiled.
“And I know what’s going on between you two really isn’t any of my business, but I can’t help it. I love you, and I love Cole, and I hate to see you both so miserable. This whole situation just sucks. I want the best for you two; I want you guys to be happy. So I can’t help butting in and trying to fix this.”
“I know,” Bri grinned at her friend. “You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t try to help. I just wish your help didn’t come with such a big guilt trip.”
“A little guilt is good for you,” Layla nudged her. “Like I said before, whatever happens, I love you. No matter what, you’ll always be my girl. You and Cole will get through this,” Layla reassured her softly. “I know you will.”
Bri was glad at least one of them believed that.
“Okay,” Layla drew in a deep breath. “I promise, we won’t talk about this anymore. I said what I needed to say, and you have actually set my mind more at ease about this whole thing, so thank you. Now how about we move on.”
“Absolutely.” Bri couldn’t be more emphatic. This was not a topic she wanted to dwell on anymore.
“Good. Now that the nastiness is behind us, let’s get down to the important stuff. When are we going shopping?”
“Really?” Bri laughed. “All you want to do is shop?”
“That’s why you come to New York, right? The shopping. I hope you don’t have any plans this weekend, because that’s what we’re doing.”
“Won’t Devon get mad that you’re spending all his hard earned money?”
“Devon’s getting his masters in Education. Since I graduated, I’m the breadwinner now. It’s my money I’m spending.” She sat up primly.
“You have a job?” Bri couldn’t quite keep the shock out of her voice. Layla wasn’t the 9-5 type.
“As a matter of fact, I do. I’m a receptionist at a doctor’s office. And what’s even crazier, I actually like it.”
Bri gasped in mock horror.
“I know,” Layla agreed. “Who would have thought? But it’s kind of nice making my own money. Even if I do have to share it with Devon.”
“Oh the joys of married life,” Bri laughed.
“Yeah, good thing there are a lot of them,” Layla winked.
Chapter 12
Summer seemed to officially end as school began, and any free time Bri once had quickly disappeared. Her classes at Columbia were demanding, to say the least, and filled any spare minute she had. In addition to her regular classwork, Bri had been accepted for a publishing internship program she’d applied for earlier that summer. Her mornings were filled with classes, her afternoons with her internship, and her evenings and weekends were filled with work and dance classes. Yep, she’d pretty much maxed herself out.
While she was running herself ragged, Bri at least hadn’t had much time to dwell on the fact that Cole was self-imploding and it was all her fault. Exhaustion, she found, helped keep the guilt and worry at bay. And she did worry. Layla, true to her word, hadn’t said anything else about Cole, or how he was doing, even though she and Bri talked often
. There had been a couple times, late at night, that Bri had almost called him, her finger hovering over the last digit of his number, desperately wanting to hear his voice, even if it was just his voicemail. While she’d chosen to run, she’d left part of her heart with Cole when she’d left. And after getting a taste of him again, her body and soul had been craving him. But she never let herself hit that last button. She’d wanted a clean break, it was why she had changed her phone number and forbidden anyone from giving it to him. She and Cole would never be able to move on if they kept running back to each other, and she was determined to break their unhealthy cycle. So, she immersed herself in school and work, and kept her mind as occupied as she could.
Bedlam Publishing, where she’d be interning for the next eighteen months, was located in Midtown, not too far a commute from Columbia. She spent her afternoons running this way and that, doing any odd job the editors or their assistants needed. She quickly learned that an intern was basically just a glorified errand runner. She didn’t know what getting coffee and making copies would teach her about publishing, but this was how things were done. If she wanted a foot in the door after she finished her master’s degree, this was the best way to do it. So, while she and the other interns were ordered around like peons, she couldn’t really complain. She was trying to work herself into a job, after all, even if she wasn’t getting paid for it.
Despite being the lowest man on the totem pole, and being tasked with menial labor jobs, Bri found she kind of enjoyed the publishing house. Working at Bedlam, even in a small capacity like hers, was like working in the middle of a natural disaster. People were constantly rushing every which way, shouting and screaming- good things as well as bad, and there was a constant cacophony of noise that no matter where you went in the office, you couldn’t escape. It was sheer and utter chaos, but she liked it, nonetheless. A big part of why she enjoyed it was the group of interns she worked with. While she’d expected them all to be cut throat and back stabbing, and there were more than a few of those, Bri had found a small group of people that actually wanted to help each other. They’d quickly discovered that they couldn’t do it all alone, and they had each other’s backs and helped each other succeed.
So when Bri walked into Bedlam, on a beautiful September day, she didn’t even cringe when her fellow intern announced it was her turn to do the afternoon coffee run and handed her the floor’s order. She just took the proffered piece of paper with a forced smile. Glancing down at the list, she groaned. Eight orders. Luckily, she and her fellow interns were responsible for getting their own coffee, usually from the communal coffee pot in the break room, otherwise her list would be twice as long.
Rushing out of the office- the editors tended to get cranky without their afternoon caffeine fix, she headed to the nearest Starbucks, which was across the street and down two blocks. As she walked, Bri reveled in the golden sunshine peeking its way in between the clusters of skyscrapers around her. She slowed down to let the warm rays soak into her upturned face. Fall was coming, but she wasn’t ready to let go of summer just yet.
As she stepped into the coffee shop, her attention was drawn immediately to a man sitting at one of the small tables towards the back. He had his laptop open in front of him and he was looking over some documents in his hands. Bri paused, watching him for a moment.
She had run into this same guy here many times over the past few weeks. He’d even held the door for her on several occasions when her hands were full of drink trays. They’d begun greeting each other with a smile or a nod when it became obvious they recognized each other, but they had never talked, never said more than a passing hello or thank you. She had seen him almost every day for weeks, but she didn’t know his name.
She didn’t know why she hadn’t breached that gap and talked to him. He was obviously courteous and seemed nice. And it wasn’t like he wasn’t attractive. His sandy blond hair was cut short and professional, and he had a kind smile. But she’d been hesitant to say anything to him yet. Maybe it was because she was too embarrassed to ask his name after so much time. Maybe she was afraid of making a fool of herself. But, if she was honest, the reason she hadn’t approached this cute, seemingly nice guy was because of a certain NBA player/ex-boyfriend that she still couldn’t get over.
In fact, this was the first guy she’d even noticed since Cole, and she wasn’t quite sure what that meant. Oh, she definitely still had feelings for Cole; she didn’t think she’d ever really get over them. But maybe the nervousness and excitement she felt stirring in her belly as she watched this not-quite-stranger in front of her meant that she was finally ready to move on. Or at least that she was ready to try.
She had come to New York for a new start, and yet she hadn’t moved forward in her personal life at all. She hadn’t even contemplated dating again, declining every date Becks had tried to set her up on. And outside of Becks, and maybe Gracie, she hadn’t really made any new friends either. If she was indeed going to move forward she had to do it in all aspects of her life, not just the easy ones.
And she needed to start now. Forgetting about her drink order for the moment, she gathered her courage and walked up to his table.
She stopped a couple feet away, and stood for a moment, waiting until he noticed her and glanced up. A smile crossed his face as he looked at her expectantly. Before she could chicken out she smiled back.
“Hi,” she said, blushing. “I, um, see you in here a lot, and I realized that I don’t even know your name, and that’s crazy because I see you so often, so I thought I’d come over and introduce myself. Finally.” Smooth. She was rambling like an idiot, and it was all she could do to resist the impulse to smack herself on the forehead.
He didn’t say anything, just kept watching her with that same expectant expression, and suddenly doubt flooded her. He was sitting alone, obviously busy reading important paperwork. He probably didn’t want to be bothered by awkward, blabbering imbeciles.
“So anyway, I’m Bri,” she lifted a shoulder uncertainly, feeling her smile faltering. “Just thought you’d like to know. I’ll let you get back to your coffee.” She turned to leave, wanting to avoid embarrassing herself any further.
Holy heck, she sucked at this. Granted, she’d been out of the dating game for a while, not that she wanted to ask him on a date, but she used to be so much better at this stuff. She could at least introduce herself without bumbling all through it. Apparently, she’d lost most of her social skills due to her lack of practice. This had been a horrible idea.
“Wait,” his voice stopped her, and she turned.
“Hi Bri, I’m Adam.” He stood and held out his hand with a smile. He had a warm voice and nice brown eyes. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Do you have a minute to sit?” He motioned to the empty seat across from him, and she slid in with a quick nod.
“So, Bri,” Adam smiled as he sat. “I do see you in here a lot. Do you work around here?”
“Um, yeah. I work at Bedlam Publishing just up the street.” She shoved her hands into her lap, trying to still their nervous wringing.
“Oh? What do you do there?” He took a sip of his drink.
“Not much, I’m just an intern,” she laughed nervously. Dang it, she needed to get herself under control. One cute guy should not throw her like this. Taking a deep breath, she willed the butterflies in her stomach to calm down.
“An intern. That would definitely explain all the drinks you’ve been buying. I thought maybe you were just a raging caffeine-aholic.” He blushed at his bad joke, and Bri grinned. He was nervous, too. Maybe she wasn’t as awkward as she’d thought.
“So, where do you work?” she asked, feeling a bit calmer.
“I’m a project manager for an investment banking firm. Our offices are in this building, actually.”
“Well, no wonder you’re down here all the time. You seem young to be a manager already. You must be good at what you do.”
Adam blushed at her compliment, and Bri felt her smile
widening.
“Twenty-six isn’t that young,” he smiled. “How about you? You seem a little young to be interning already.”
“I’ll be twenty-three in December. I just started grad school at Columbia.”
“Columbia.” He whistled. “Now that is impressive. What are you studying?”
“English Literature. I want to be a book editor, hence the internship at Bedlam. Though so far it’s been more coffee and lunch orders than anything actually useful.”
“Yeah, but it’s a foot in the door at least. Can’t complain about that.”
“Nope,” she agreed. “So, have you lived in New York long?”
“A few years now. I got a job out here after I graduated from Gonzaga.”
“Wow, that’s quite the move. Do you like it here?”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “It took a while to get used to, it’s very different from Washington state where I’m from. But I do like it. Where are you from?”
“Well, I moved here this summer from North Carolina, after graduating from Duke, but my family is back in California.”
“Ah, a fellow west coaster,” he grinned. “We’ll have to stick together, then.” His cheeks flushed at his presumption. “You know, since we have that in common and all.”
“I’d like that,” Bri felt her cheeks heating in response, but it was true. It would be nice to have another friend, and Adam seemed nice. Definitely someone she’d like to get to know better. Although she wasn’t looking for anything more than friendship, she could easily see herself spending more time with him. Adam’s excited smile solidified that hope.
“Well, I’d better let you get your order. I’m sure you’ve got people waiting for you.” Adam held her eyes. “It was really nice to finally meet you.”
“It was nice to finally meet you, too. I guess I’ll see you around.” She went back to the counter and placed her order. It took a few minutes for the baristas to make all her drinks, but when she turned for the door, multiple trays of steaming hot coffee cups in her hands, Adam was there to get the door for her.
Perfect Imperfection Page 12