“I…” she hesitated a moment, and then made herself finish. “Of course I want to marry you.”
But from the look on Adam’s face, her hesitation was answer enough.
“I see.” He turned away from her, crossing his arms and staring out the window.
“No, you don’t see. I just…”
“Save it, Bri. Like you said, we have a party to go to.”
They rode the rest of the way in tense silence.
Becks opened the door for them once they reached the boyfriend’s trendy Soho apartment.
“So glad you sods finally showed up,” she teased. When all she got in return was stoic silence, Becks directed Adam to the kitchen for a drink and pulled Bri into the hall. “What is going on?” she demanded. “What’s got your knickers all in a bunch?”
“Nothing,” Bri waved her off. “Adam and I are just in the middle of a fight. Don’t worry, we won’t ruin your party.”
“It’s not my party I’m worried about. Anything I can do to help?” Becks gave her a sympathetic smile.
“No, but thanks. It’ll be okay. Actually,” Bri paused, stifling a smile. “This is the first time we’ve really fought, about anything. I think it’s been long overdue.”
“Okay, but if you two can’t behave yourselves and cause a scene, I will boot you both out on your arses,” Becks winked.
“Got it,” Bri nodded. She felt her anger abating a bit as she grabbed a drink and joined her friends.
Cole was there already, and while Adam was chatting with Becks’ flavor of the month boyfriend, he sidled up to her as she gazed out the glass doors to the street below.
“Trouble in paradise?” he asked, a sarcastic twist to his lips.
“I am so not having this conversation with you,” she huffed, refusing to look at him. She was in no mood for Cole’s condescension right now.
The doorbell rang, and Seb arrived. Bri turned to see him walk in with a lovely brunette on his arm. Completely shocked, her jaw dropped.
“Who is that?” she squeaked, embarrassed and angry with herself for the small burst of jealousy that shot through her. She didn’t feel that way about Seb. She wanted him to move on and find happiness, and she knew that meant that he would date other girls. She’d thought she was fine with that. Maybe it was the girl’s inappropriately low cut dress that caused that spark of possessiveness in her. Or maybe it was the fact that Seb’s eyes couldn’t seem to tear themselves away from his date’s ample cleavage that had Bri suddenly wanting to shove his slutty date back out the door and slam it in her face.
Cole gave her a wry smile, like he knew exactly what was going on in her head. Seriously, she had to get a hold of herself.
“That is Kelly. She’s a production assistant at ESPN, and she and Seb seem to have hit it off. Funny, I didn’t know he was bringing a date tonight.”
“Didn’t you?” she raised an eyebrow at him. “Man, could this day get any worse?” she muttered. Her emotions were too erratic right now for rational thought. All she knew was that seeing Seb with another girl hurt, even though it shouldn’t. She should be glad and relieved that he was over her. But her stupid ego was having a hard time accepting that.
“What’s going on, Bri?” Cole tuned to her, real concern in his eyes. “Why are you so upset?”
“I told you, I’m not discussing it with you of all people.” She turned away from Cole, Seb, and Adam, and walked out the large glass door and out onto the patio. The city lights shimmered down below her, and the cold crisp air made her shiver. Wrapping her arms around herself, she drew in a breath, trying to sort out her conflicting emotions.
“Bri, please, I want to help.” Following her, Cole draped a warm jacket, probably his jacket, over her shoulders. He then joined her at the railing.
Sensing he wasn’t going to give up, she turned to him.
“Why? Why would you want to hear this? And why would you possibly want to help me with my relationship troubles? I’d think you’d be jumping for joy that Adam and I are fighting.” Her incredulity was trumped only by her curiosity. What was he playing at?
“While you may not believe this,” he looked down at her intently, “I am first and foremost your friend. If you are hurting and I can do something to fix that, I will. Let me help you.”
She just stared at him, wondering who this person was in front of her. The old selfish Cole would’ve been trying to press every advantage he had to further the division between her and Adam, doing anything he could to try to lure her back to him. He definitely wouldn’t be offering her help and relationship advice.
“You’re sure?” she asked, still hesitant. “You’re not going to use this against me, are you?”
“Bri,” he sighed, giving her a pointed look.
“Alright then,” she shrugged. Though still dubious, she told him what had caused the fight.
He immediately burst out laughing.
“See, I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” she huffed, and turned to walk away. He reached out and caught her arm, turning her back to face him.
“I’m sorry, Bri,” he sobered, eyeing her intently. “But it does seem like a pretty stupid thing to be fighting about. That guy in there wants to marry you. He wants to share his life with you, and he obviously wants to do it sooner rather than later. And you’re angry with him for it. Do you not see the irony?”
He gazed down at her, with an eyebrow raised in challenge, and suddenly Bri realized just how close they were. Her heart picked up. He’d pulled her almost up against him, but left a respectable amount of space considering he was with another man’s fiancée. Well, an almost respectable amount of space. Cole always did like to push her boundaries.
“You don’t think I have a right to be mad that he’s hijacking everything and making decisions for me?” She made herself focus back on the conversation at hand, and not on how if she shifted slightly to the right, she’d brush up against his arm.
“You don’t think it’s a bit ridiculous that you’re upset because he’s not willing to wait while you drag your feet about this?” he shot back. He must’ve realized their close proximity, too, because he dropped her arm and stepped back.
“I’m not dragging my feet. I just want to be sure that this is what I want before I start making all of these life altering plans. Is that so wrong?”
“Not at all,” he smiled sadly at her. “But if that is the real reason you’re being so reluctant, you need to tell Adam. He has a right to know the girl he loves isn’t ready to get married. You need to talk to him.”
“Oh, like it’s that easy,” she scoffed. “Just walk up to him and say, ‘I’m sorry Adam, but I’m just not comfortable with this whole marriage thing. Don’t worry, it’s not you; I’m not ready to marry anyone right now. But I’ll be sure to let you know when this stupid fear passes. Maybe we can give it a go then?’ Yeah, real simple.”
“Well,” he eyed her, trying not to smile. “I probably wouldn’t phrase it exactly like that. But if that’s how you feel, that’s what you need to tell him.”
She just shook her head. “What if he doesn’t understand? Or worse, what if he’s not willing to wait for me? I don’t know if it’s worth the risk.”
“Is it better to keep fighting this same fight over and over? Is it better to let Adam think that you don’t want to marry him, and you’re just stringing him along? Sounds pretty selfish to me. This isn’t going to resolve itself, Bri. You need to tell him the truth. Either he’ll understand or he won’t, but you’ll never know until you talk to him. The longer you wait, the more you’re going to hurt him, and I know you don’t want to do that.”
“Wow,” she looked at him awestruck. “When did you become the voice of reason here?” He laughed. “Why are you helping me? You could’ve just waited until my relationship self destructed and then swooped in and hit me with all your irresistible Cole charm. Why are you talking me down right now?”
“Well, despite what you may think, I am not the se
lfish bastard I once was.” He gave her a self-deprecating smile. “And while I won’t deny that nothing would make me happier than for you to break off your engagement and forget you ever knew that boy-scout, what I want most is for you to be happy. And this Adam guy seems to make you happy. Well, until recently, when you let your own fears and insecurities come between you.” He eyed her knowingly. “I meant what I said about being in your life in any way I can. I’ve missed you, Bri. I’ve missed my best friend, and I’ll do anything to get her back.”
“Oh,” was the most eloquent reply she could come up with. He was serious and completely sincere. Her brain was reeling at the change in him, wondering if she dared to trust that it was real.
“Go,” he nudged her. “Go get Adam and find a quiet spot to sit down, and talk to him. Be honest with him. If he doesn’t understand, then he’s a wanker and he doesn’t deserve you anyway.”
“Wanker?” she laughed. “You sound like you’ve been spending too much time with Becks.”
“British slang is the best,” he grinned back. “It’s very catchy, even without the accent. Now quit stalling and go. The poor guy didn’t do anything wrong. Go put him out of his misery.”
“Why Coleston Marra, when did you become such a gentleman,” she couldn’t help but tease.
“Only for you, Bri.” He gave her a wry smile. “Only for you.”
Still shocked that Cole of all people had made her see what an idiot she was being, she took his advice and pulled Adam aside to talk to him. She told him everything she was feeling, and he was nothing but understanding and supportive. She should have known better, should’ve had more faith in him. Adam had never been anything but kind, understanding, and supportive; that’s just who he was. She felt terrible for underestimating him. They agreed to pull back a bit, and Adam promised her some time to work out her hesitation and reluctance. He gave her until she finished grad school to figure everything out. But, the day after graduation in May, they’d either set a date to be married, or break up and go their separate ways. They would remain engaged and things between them wouldn’t change, but all plans would be put on hold until May. All in all, it was a more than generous arrangement. There was nothing wrong with long engagements, Adam had rationalized, as long as she didn’t keep him waiting too long.
Having everything cleared up, and feeling much better about the future, Bri and Adam returned to the party. Becks and her boy toy- Bri didn’t bother remembering their names anymore they came and went so quickly, were obviously having a great time, and Seb and his date seemed to be enjoying themselves as well.
It was going to be different, Bri mused, having Seb and Cole living so close to her again. It would take some getting used to, seeing Seb dating. Cole too, if he decided to.
Her heart squeezed painfully at that thought, and she told herself she was being ridiculous. Of course Cole would date. It was only natural that he would try to find someone. She wasn’t selfish enough to want him be alone the rest of his life. She had Adam, and he deserved to find someone who made him happy too. It’s what she’d wanted for him all along; it’s why she’d walked out of his life all those months ago. She wanted him to be happy.
But as the ball dropped in Times Square, her eyes were drawn to Cole. Something in the sad, rueful way he watched her made her want to run to him and wrap her arms around him. He was looking at her like he knew he’d just sent the woman he loved into the arms of another man, and it was killing him. Seeing him like that almost killed her.
Feeling tears welling in her eyes, she forced herself to turn to Adam, and smiled as he bent down to give her the first kiss of the New Year.
Pulling back, she looked over at Cole, but he was gone. She glanced quickly around the room, but she didn’t see him anywhere. Turning to the front door, she caught a glimpse of dark hair just before he slipped quietly away.
Chapter 19
He had to be the stupidest man on the face of the earth. It was the only explanation for what he’d done. Anyone else in Cole’s position would’ve jumped at the opening Bri had given him. She and Adam had been fighting; Adam thought she didn’t want to marry him. They would have most likely broken up over that. Instead of stepping back and waiting out the inevitable, what had he done? He’d actually intervened and talked some sense into her. She’d gone running back to Adam, leaving Cole alone, again. Biggest. Idiot. Ever.
He had to admit, when Layla had called to tell him that things between Bri and Adam were getting serious and if he was going to do something he’d better do it soon, he hadn’t quite believed her. He knew Bri, she wasn’t one to rush into anything, and the idea that she could really be ready to settle down this guy was laughable. But then he’d watched that night as Adam actually proposed, the crazy bastard, and despite her obvious fear and uncertainty, Bri had accepted. Cole had feared he was too late, until he saw them fighting. He knew then that he still had a chance. Bri wasn’t ready to marry Adam, and it was driving a wedge between them. Perfect. But then, when they were poised on the edge of disaster, what had he done? He’d stepped in and pulled them back from the brink. Yep, he was a real genius.
But, Cole admitted grudgingly, it was the right thing to do. Not just for Bri, but for any future relationship they might still have. Oh no, he wasn’t giving up just yet. Just because he’d helped mend her still ill fated relationship, he wasn’t throwing in the towel and walking away. In fact the gloves were coming off, and he would fight to the death for her. He would never be content as just her friend, despite what he’d told her. Watching Bri with Adam these past few weeks had solidified that fact rather forcefully. Every time Adam even looked at her, Cole wanted to punch him. His heart still claimed her as his, even if his body didn’t have that right anymore.
No, there was still too much between them for them to ever just be friends.
Surprisingly, it turned out that helping Bri patch things up with her nice-but-boring-as-all-get-out boyfriend was the best thing Cole could have done. It was this small act of selflessness that had finally removed the last traces of distrust and wariness from Bri’s eyes. Now when she looked at him, it was with puzzled confusion, as if she were trying to figure him out. It was a huge improvement over the anger and hate he was used to seeing there. She was finally beginning to see him for who he was now, not who he’d been. It was more than he could’ve hoped for.
Best of all, the love he knew she still felt for him was slowly resurfacing. Oh, she did her best to hide it behind a facade of exaggerated annoyance, but it was becoming harder for her to maintain her precious walls and keep him out. He’d caught her in a few unguarded moments watching him, and the longing and desire on her face was unmistakable. Unfortunately though, she was stubborn, and still set on this plan of hers to move on without him. But he was stubborn, too, and he was determined to make her realize that she’d never be happy with anyone other than him.
And thanks to Adam, the true idiot in this whole situation, Cole had until Bri finished grad school in May to convince her of this.
It shouldn’t be too hard a task. If Bri were thinking clearly, she’d already have come to this realization on her own. Adam was admittedly a really nice guy, and Cole probably would have liked him if he hadn’t been dating Bri. But Adam would never be able to make her happy, at least not in the long run. He was way too accommodating, and bowed to her every wish and demand. Bri needed to be challenged. She was a fighter at heart, and she needed to be pushed to step outside her own little bubble and see things differently. Adam would never push her or challenge her. Whether he was content to give Bri her own way all the time, or he lacked the deep-seated passion necessary to fight her, Cole didn’t know. But he knew that Bri would tire of Adam’s easy deferment and quickly grow bored. He could see it happening already. It was one of the reasons she was dragging her feet about committing to him. At least subconsciously, if not consciously, she knew that Adam was just a placeholder, someone to distract her and fill the void left by Cole’s absence. He c
ould see it, all her friends could see it, but Bri was oblivious. She was stubbornly determined to make Adam into something more.
It wouldn’t work. He refused to let it work. He hadn’t battled back from the brink of death just to lose her to some boring push over. No. Bri was the end game; she was the only goal he cared about. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer this time.
Cole loved working at ESPN, and he loved living in New York. When he’d learned he’d never play professional basketball again, he was sure that he’d never be able to find something that could ever replace it. In fact, that knowledge had sent him into a deep bout of depression he’d had to claw his way out of. But commentating was proving to be even better than he’d thought it would. He got to work with an array of talented and passionate people who’d welcomed him and his perspective. He even had a car service to pick him up and take him home from work He and Seb made a great team, and he was lucky to get to work with his best friend.
Cole had started off as just an occasional college hoops contributor, but had quickly become a regular analyst, and was even doing some NBA spots on Sports Center. His professional career was vastly different from what he’d thought it would be, but it was no less fulfilling and promising. After months and months of pain and devastation, things were finally coming together for him. He felt happy and centered for the first time in ages. His professional life was settled; it was time to get his personal life on that same track.
Buddying up to Becks, Cole found a great opening to ease back into Bri’s life. Getting an idea of her schedule, he began creating opportunities to see her. He’d show up at Joe’s while she was working, stop by to see her at Bedlam when he was in the neighborhood, or he’d stop by to visit Becks when he knew Bri would be home. Those were his favorite visits because they really seemed to throw her off. He had to bite back his grin at how flustered and nervous she’d get when she’d walk in her door and see him sitting on the couch with Becks. She did not like him in her personal space, and she made sure he and Becks knew it. He felt a little bad for throwing Becks into Bri’s line of fire, but Becks had assured him she didn’t mind. She was concerned about Bri, too.
Perfect Imperfection Page 19