“He’s bright and funny. Athletic. Just a great kid. I really hate the feeling that I’m screwing him up. You only get one shot with a kid.”
Something about that statement sounded final, as if he’d already blown any chance to get it right. Intellectually she understood that everyone’s approach to parenting each child was unique, but she had a feeling that’s not what he meant.
He’d said he envied her brothers, their families. He’d commented that Sloan was like a brother to him, implying that he’d wanted siblings. Because of that Syd would have thought he wouldn’t want his son to be an only child.
“It won’t always be just the two of you, Burke. Surely when you meet the right person you’ll want to add to your family.”
He shook his head. “No.”
“But why?”
“I found out I’m not good at marriage, for one thing. And more important, I wouldn’t want another child to have me for a father.”
At that moment the French door behind them opened and Cam’s voice drifted out. “Dinner’s ready.”
“We’ll be right there,” Syd answered automatically. When the door closed again, she said, “Burke, I think you’re being too hard on yourself—”
“You’re wrong. Let’s go inside and eat.” Clearly he didn’t want to talk about this anymore.
Syd had suddenly lost her appetite. He was so good with kids and really seemed to enjoy them. It was hard to believe he was as bad at parenting as he so obviously believed.
But why should she care what he believed? Why should it matter so much?
What they had was a relationship of convenience. They both had their reasons for putting on this act. It had all made sense until she’d seen him holding that little girl in his arms and the gentle way he’d played with both of her nieces.
There would never be anything serious between her and Burke Holden. But that didn’t stop her from feeling as if his revelation had cost her something really important.
Something that mattered very much.
* * *
A week later, first thing Monday morning Sydney grabbed a cup of coffee and a donut from the customer waiting area at McKnight Auto, then headed for the exit that went outside to the service bay. Her father’s office was on the way and she stopped in the doorway. From this position she could see out the window in case someone drove up. From out of nowhere Burke’s image popped into her mind.
He’d come by twice and both were memorable. The first time she’d asked him to participate in a crazy scheme to convince her father she had a boyfriend. The second time he’d kissed her, the kind of kiss that made her want to put up a commemorative plaque that said, Burke Holden Kissed Me Beside the Hydraulic Lift.
Earth to Syd, she thought. Focus.
“Morning, Dad.”
He looked up from his computer. “Hi, Syd.”
She took a bite of donut and the white powdered sugar sprinkled the front of her work shirt. It was probably the most benign substance that would muck up her clothes today, but getting dirty didn’t bother her. From the time she was a little girl, she’d always liked it. Oil and transmission fluid were the lifeblood of a car and part of the tools of her trade. The purr of a repaired engine was music to her ears.
And the man sitting behind the desk was the one who’d taught her everything she knew. She liked to touch base with him in the morning before they both got busy. They lived under the same roof, but somehow this quiet time before the day started was when important things were shared. And the man had spent most of his time at Loretta’s house lately so there wasn’t much time to chat. In the days since the family dinner at Cam and Ben’s she hadn’t seen much of her dad except at work.
“You and Burke do anything over the weekend?” he asked.
“No.” Syd had no intention of asking him what he and the mayor had been doing.
“What’s wrong with him?” her father demanded.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Your brothers tell me they liked him. He seems an upstanding sort.”
That’s the way she pegged Burke, too. “Alex and Ben are pretty smart.”
For once, fate had dropped a good man in her lap. He was handsome, funny and seemed to get along well with the adult males in her family as well as being great with kids. Dinner had been really fun. He fit in and for once she hadn’t been the odd one out. She’d had a date, albeit a fake one. It was nice not being alone. Which made her sad when she thought about what he’d told her in the backyard.
“I say again—what’s wrong with him? Letting a pretty girl like you be alone on Friday and Saturday. If he doesn’t step up, some other fella is going to come along and squeeze him out.”
She felt a stab of guilt for the deception and was this close to coming clean. But her dad looked so happy and lighthearted. In her whole life she’d never seen his eyes twinkle like this and the spring in his step made him seem ten years younger. She didn’t want anything to change that. Still, she could use this opportunity to nudge him where she thought he should go.
“You should listen to yourself and take your own advice.” She finished her donut.
Tom stood and walked around the desk. “What does that mean?”
“If you don’t seal the deal and marry Loretta pretty soon, some other fella will steal her right out from under your nose. She won’t wait forever.”
“Maybe I’ll seal the deal.” His eyebrows drew together. “Or maybe not.”
She was about to call him out on that but a minivan pulled up outside. “Got a customer.”
Her father turned to look as a woman exited the vehicle. “Uh-oh. That’s Violet Walker—”
“It’s Stewart now,” Syd reminded him.
“I can write up the work order. I understand if you don’t want to.”
He told her that he hadn’t mentioned Violet being back in town because of not wanting to remind her of that painful time. He’d hoped she and Violet wouldn’t run into each other. And that had worked out so well, she’d wanted to say. No, she had to deal with this. It was an opportunity and she realized she’d been waiting for one.
“It’s okay.” She met her father’s gaze. “Took a lot of guts for her to come here. I want to talk to her.”
“That’s my girl. I’ll be right here if you need me.” He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and went back to his computer work.
Syd dropped her disposable coffee cup in the trash by the door then grabbed a clipboard with service form already attached. She walked outside and met her former BFF face-to-face beneath the overhang connecting the office to the service bay.
“Hi, Violet.”
“Sydney.” She looked tense but determined. “The van needs an oil change. I would take it somewhere else, but this is the only place in town. I hope it’s okay, but if not—”
“Of course it’s okay.”
“Charlie offered to bring it in, but I said it would be better this way.”
“That would have been fine. But, the fact is, I’ve been wanting to talk to you ever since that day at the park.”
“Really?” There was eagerness in the single word before a wary expression tightened her features. “Why?”
“To clear the air.” She smiled. “It’s a small town.”
“Yeah. That’s one of the reasons Charlie and I moved back. For our parents, but also because this is a great place to raise kids.”
“And we’re going to run into each other.”
Vi nodded. “I could feel everyone at the park watching to see what would happen between us.”
“Me, too. I’d have said something to you then, but it was more fun to give the people of Blackwater Lake nothing to talk about.”
“I know what you mean.” A small smile eased some of the tension. “I
t always bugged you when people gossiped.”
“Because we couldn’t get away with anything.” A series of long-ago memories scrolled through Syd’s mind like a video. “If I spit on the sidewalk, someone would tell my dad.”
“I know.” Violet grinned. “Remember that time we decided to run away and join the circus?”
“Oh, gosh—” Syd laughed and nodded. “I haven’t thought about that for years. We cut school and went to the grocery store to buy snacks with our allowances. Thinking ahead for the road trip.”
“Not far enough ahead.” Vi chuckled at the memory. “I’m not quite sure what we were going to be in the circus or why we thought they would hire us even if we happened to run across one.”
“Fortunately it didn’t get that far because someone called my dad.”
“And my parents,” she added. “To this day I have no idea who ratted us out.”
“I have my suspicion although it was never confirmed. It’s my theory that there’s some kind of parental code of silence,” Syd said. “And you’re one of them. Look at you. A mom now and Charlie’s a dad. Two beautiful kids—a boy and girl.”
“Right? Todd and Bailey are the best things Charlie and I ever did.”
Syd knew for a fact that she didn’t begrudge this woman her life or have any animosity about the past. But envy was something else. Violet was once her best friend and now she had a husband, children. She had everything Syd wanted. It was everything Syd’s dad wanted for her so that he could move forward with his own life.
But the everything she wanted had always been vague until recently, Syd realized. Somehow Burke had made it come into focus.
“You and Charlie have a beautiful family, Vi,” she said softly.
“Syd, I’m sorry. We never meant for it to happen and you have to know that neither of us would deliberately hurt you. You’re our friend. At least you were,” Violet added.
“I know.” Clearly Violet had heard the wistfulness in Syd’s voice but it had nothing to do with what happened all those years ago. She reached out and touched the other woman’s arm, squeezing reassuringly. “It’s obvious that he didn’t love me or he wouldn’t have fallen so hard for you.”
“You have to know I didn’t do anything. I never came on to him and he didn’t to me, either. It’s just that we all hung out together. Charlie and I felt the attraction. We both tried to fight the feelings but couldn’t. We should have talked to you but eloping seemed like a good idea at the time. I just feel awful about what happened and the way we handled it. And so does Charlie.”
“What do you say we put it behind us?”
“Are you sure?” There was hope in the other woman’s eyes. “I think that would be wonderful, but can you forgive and forget?”
“No doubt about it. I already have.”
“That’s really a load off my mind.” Violet’s smile was genuine and relaxed now. “I’m so glad.”
“Me, too.” She studied her friend—maybe not best friends forever, but definitely friends again. “And I have to say that you look fantastic. You were always beautiful, but the whole maternal, wifely thing is working for you. What’s your secret? You’re positively glowing.”
“Funny you should phrase it like that.” She paused dramatically. “I’m going to have another baby.”
“Oh, my. Congratulations.” Syd honestly meant it, even though that pesky envy poked her again. “That’s wonderful. Is Charlie happy about it?”
“Ecstatic.”
Lucky Violet, she thought.
Every life was filled with peaks and valleys, but this news seemed to make her own valley even deeper. It was off the map of reason, but when Burke had said unequivocally that his future did not have a place in it for more children, Syd had been disappointed on a level that made no sense.
Now the news of her friend’s pregnancy made her disappointment even more acute.
There was an explanation for this reaction, but she didn’t even want to think about it. She took his revelation as a warning to avoid trouble ahead. If the incident with Violet and Charlie had taught her anything it was that knowing the bad was better than getting blindsided.
* * *
After work Sydney walked into Bar None, Blackwater Lake’s local drinking establishment. It was rugged and rustic, with dark beams overhead and a wood plank floor. Illumination came from lantern-shaped lights scattered throughout the place in booths and on tables. In the center of the room was the big, rectangular oak bar with brass foot rail. This was a weeknight so not many of the swivel stools were occupied, but a quick glance at the men and women told her none of them were the friend she was meeting.
She scanned the booths lining the exterior then spotted a woman waving. Maggie Potter was sitting at a bistro table in the far corner and Syd headed that way.
She hoisted herself up onto the chair across from her friend. “Hi.”
“Hey, yourself.” The pretty, dark-eyed brunette smiled.
“Sorry I’m late. Have you been here long?”
“Just a few minutes. Long enough to order our usual.”
White wine. This was a standing date for them and nine times out of ten a glass of Chardonnay was involved along with something to eat. The food was different from the diner, which was a more family-oriented place. Bar None had a happy-hour menu that suited Syd and Maggie, two single ladies on the town.
“So, where’s that adorable little girl of yours tonight?”
A tender expression settled on Maggie’s face. “She’s staying with Uncle Brady and her soon-to-be-official Aunt Olivia. Just between you and me, I think they want to start a family soon and are practicing on Danielle.”
“Have they set a date?”
“No. All we get are a lot of maybe Christmas. Or Valentine’s Day. I think it will be spur-of-the-moment. And small.”
“Sounds nice.”
Maggie nodded. “In the meantime I’m happy to let them dote on my little girl. I love Danielle more than anything, but I do so enjoy a break from her.”
Syd figured that was because her friend was both mother and father to the child. Maggie’s husband had been a soldier and died in Afghanistan before his daughter was born.
She thought about Burke, a single father who thought he was doing a bad job of parenting. She didn’t believe that. The reality was that sometimes kids got dealt a lousy hand but that didn’t mean they couldn’t thrive in spite of it.
Just then the owner of the establishment carried over two glasses of wine. Delanie Carlson was somewhere in her twenties, a curvy, blue-eyed redhead. She’d inherited Bar None when her father passed away last year. Syd knew that she’d gone through some rough times financially and was one of the Blackwater Lake business owners who would benefit from the resort being built. To make ends meet, she’d rented out rooms over the bar, but there was bound to be a spike in revenue during construction as well as when the visitor count jumped after opening.
“Here you go, ladies.” Delanie put a wineglass in front of each of them. “Are you ready to order or do you need another minute?”
Syd glanced at her unopened menu. “I haven’t had a chance to look over the choices.”
Dee grinned. “It hasn’t changed since last week. Or the week before that. Or—”
“Are you implying I should know it by heart?”
“Implying would be more diplomatic than saying straight out that surely you have it memorized by now. So I guess you could say I’m just implying.”
Syd laughed. “It’s a good thing we’re friends or I could take that the wrong way.”
“Okay. Enjoy the wine. I’ll be back.”
Maggie watched the bar owner walk away, then said, “Speaking of friends...I heard you and Violet ran into each other at the park dedication. How did that go?”
“If it hadn’t been civilized, you wouldn’t have to ask.” She took a sip of her wine and savored the crisp, cold liquid. “Coincidentally, I saw her today at the shop. She brought her car in for service.”
Maggie’s dark eyes widened. “Wow. Is there anything I should know?”
“We talked. She apologized, which wasn’t necessary since she already did a long time ago. I just wasn’t ready to listen then.” She shrugged. “They’re happy and have a beautiful family.”
“And you’re envious,” her friend commented.
“Not that she’s with Charlie. Just that she has a husband and children.” Syd remembered the news. “And she’s pregnant again. I’m happy for her. And I’m so over what happened.”
“So you’re friends again?”
“I’d say so. Not like we were but—” Syd was distracted when the front door opened and Burke walked in. He glanced around as if looking for someone, then his gaze settled on her and he headed over.
“What a pleasant surprise. You didn’t mention you’d be here tonight.” He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.
“I didn’t?”
She knew she hadn’t because the information was on a need-to-know basis and he didn’t need to know. He was playing the part of boyfriend to perfection and she couldn’t help wondering why he was so good at deception. She needed to act like his girlfriend and found it far too easy to do that. And, gosh darn it, she wanted a much longer kiss than that paltry peck on the mouth. She felt as if her head was going to explode.
“I don’t think we’ve met. Burke Holden,” he said to Maggie.
She shook his hand. “Maggie Potter. I own the ice cream parlor and the adjacent lunch counter with my business partner. I’ve heard you’ve been in and I’m sorry I missed you. I’m always in the office upstairs.”
Syd resisted the urge to shake her head to clear it. “Maggie and I get together here at Bar None about once a week for a girls’ night.”
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“That’s okay,” Maggie said. “It’s nice to finally put a name and face together.”
And what a face he had, Syd wanted to say. If only he was shallow the way so many handsome men were, their understanding would be much less complicated.
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