The old man hesitated, his white eyes opaque.
“...And now you are confused, are you not?” he said. “By your attempt to bond her with the rest of your team last night...?”
Revik felt anger spark through his light, until he could barely see the old man.
Clicking mildly, the Sark softened his gaze. “...I understand why you did that, too, my son. I have absolutely no judgment of the event. But you must understand...you were not ready to do this with her. There must be a high degree of trust between mates before they can share light in such a way. She had betrayed you too recently for you to be able to tolerate her sharing her light with other seers...even your own people.”
Lowering his voice, he met Revik’s gaze directly.
“You may have hurt yourself needlessly with this, I’m afraid...”
Revik swallowed. Still, he nodded a little as he thought about the other’s words.
Tilting his hand cautiously, Salinse added, “...However, I cannot help but think it is a good thing...this appraisal you are doing of her intentions with you...”
At this, Revik’s gaze swiveled back to his. His words came out hard.
“I had thought you said you would be direct, uncle,” he said. He felt heat flare in his light, almost more than he could pull back. “You think she’s untrustworthy, is that it? That she’ll betray me? Fuck Wreg? What?”
“No...no, no, no, nephew...” Salinse clicked in dismay, holding up his hands once more. “Please, brother...calm yourself. I am not implying anything about her loyalty to you as a mate...”
“Then what the fuck are you implying?”
Salinse’s face grew unreadable once more. The white eyes met Revik’s.
“Balidor,” Salinse said, blunt.
Revik flinched, feeling his light spark out in reaction.
“You wish me to be more direct?” Salinse said. “All right. I will be. I think you have underestimated the power of this individual, nephew. Perhaps you do not realize the ways in which your wife’s viewpoint may have been manipulated through his not inconsiderable skills as an infiltrator...”
When Revik tensed, Salinse tilted his head, bird like, his white eyes like a doll’s.
“...You know this,” he added. “But it bears remembering. In actual versus potential skills, Balidor is the highest ranked infiltrator of any seer we have living...perhaps any in the generation previous. His abilities in this area exceed those of any seer in this compound...including me. Including you, my son.” He gave Revik a regretful look.
“Your potential may outweigh his, even by a considerable span...but not your actual. Not yet. Nor does that of your wife. He is better than you, nephew. You need to realize this...”
Revik glared at him. “What’s your point, Salinse?”
“...I prefer to think she has been led astray, your wife,” Salinse said, gesturing smoothly with the same hand. “That she has simply been overpowered by a seer whose abilities outweigh her own. If that is the case, then we can certainly help her. Perhaps it is the foolish old man in me who believes this still to be a strong possibility...that the situation can still turn out happily for all of us. I wish that more than anything, my son. I hope and pray that you never be faced with a choice you might regret...if you were to find her to be permanently corrupted...”
At Revik’s sharp look, Salinse made another graceful gesture.
“It is a very faint possibility, my son. Do not trouble yourself with it.”
“What exactly do you mean...manipulated by Balidor?” Revik felt his throat close, and forced himself to speak through it. “...Manipulated to do what?”
Salinse shrugged with one hand, seer-fashion.
“Manipulated to do his bidding, nephew.”
“Bidding in what?” Revik growled.
“...If she were conducting an infiltration op in being here, for example,” Salinse said, his voice growing softer still. “...Infiltrating you on the orders of brother Balidor. Attempting to determine a means of taking our operation down from the inside.”
The old seer met his gaze, his white eyes reluctant.
“Perhaps by converting you, brother Syrimne...”
Pain hit Revik in the chest, before he could think about the words...hard enough that for a moment he couldn’t see the fire in front of him. Before he could recover, tears blinded him, coming too fast for him to be able to pull himself together.
But his mind lagged way behind the emotion that rose in him.
He couldn’t actually think anything about what had been said. He couldn’t think much of anything at all. Pain obliterated all of it.
Pain, exhaustion...a nearly childlike hurt wrapped in a realization that he’d known somehow. He’d known something was wrong, that there was something she wasn’t telling him.
He sat there, letting the tears run down his face.
Before he could even see Salinse’s gaunt, hard-boned features, the old seer sat on the bench beside him. He gripped Revik’s arm...sending a dense, almost hard pulse of light through his aleimi, so strong that it stabilized Revik’s briefly.
“Nephew,” he said softly, clicking in distress. “...I am not saying I have actual knowledge of this. I am not saying that...please do not misunderstand...”
Revik’s words came out thick. “You suspect it...”
“I wish us to speak of it, yes. I wish us to try and reach her, before it is too late...”
“You think she is loyal to him?”
Salinse sighed, releasing his arm. For a moment, the only sound was the wood popping in the flames, letting off a fine shower of sparks.
“I have wondered this, yes,” Salinse said, his voice reluctant. “There are inconsistencies in her light, nephew.” Pausing a bit longer, he added, his voice holding regret, “I have felt the Adhipan leader in some of these...anomalies. Marks that he has trained her in this...in some deep shielding skill...”
Revik didn’t move.
For a long moment, nothing seemed to penetrate his mind at all.
Then he nodded, still staring into the fire. Wiping his eyes, he nodded again, folding his arms tighter across his chest.
“What do you want me to do?” he said.
Salinse purred, a bare clicking sound.
“I want you to ask her, nephew,” he said gently. “I want you to ask her, and to offer her the choice.” He patted the Elaerian’s arm affectionately. “She may surprise you yet, brother Syrimne. She may indeed. For whatever she told herself she was doing here at the outset, I have all confidence that you are affecting her deeply, nephew...”
Revik shook his head, his jaw hard once more, but the old seer cut him off.
“...Give her a chance, brother,” he said, soft. “She wants a reason to stay. She wants it more than anything, I suspect. Give her one.”
“So what do I do?” Revik said.
“Give her one,” Salinse repeated simply. “There is no need to make accusations. Not now. Not until we know where she stands.” The old seer purred softer, stroking his arm. “Ask her what she wants. Offer her alternatives to being the puppet of the Adhipan and the Seven. Beijing was a long time ago, brother Syrimne. You have known her far longer than she has him...whatever his talents. Whatever he has sold her on...” His voice grew soft once more.
“She belongs to you, Nenzi,” he said. “Things will end with the two of you...” He quoted, “...Whatever twists and turns may break their paths, forcing them to rejoin...”
Thinking about this, Revik wiped his face. Feeling his throat close again briefly, he forced out an exhale, letting the hardness in his chest relax, if only a little.
He nodded then, glancing at the old seer.
“Yes,” he said. Nodding again, he wiped his eyes as the old man patted his back. “Yes,” he repeated. “Okay. I can do that...”
The old man just sat there with him, holding his arm firmly in his bone-like fingers.
29
HONESTY
SOMETHING WAS
WRONG. I could feel it in all parts of my light. It vibrated at me like a soft warning, so far up in that white column that lived above my head that I could barely hear it.
A soft pulse of warning.
Warm, filled with heart and compassion.
Concern lived there; it reminded me of Vash.
Thinking of him brought up a fresh wave of grief. I missed him, I realized. I missed all of them. As much as I was growing attached to the seers here, the metallic strands of the construct just weren’t the same as that high white light that lived around the Seven and especially around Vash. I could feel the difference more each day...more, seemingly, since that night in the common room. Having all of them in me touched me too, of course, but it wasn’t the same.
It also weighed me down even more in the metal strands of that silver light.
They were all committed to the cause. Each and every one of them had pledged themselves to Syrimne...but, more importantly to me, to Salinse, and by extension, to the Dreng.
I needed to get out of there, I realized in a kind of panic.
I needed to get both of us out, and soon, before—
“What are you thinking about, wife?” he said.
Hesitating, I met his gaze. Seeing the scrutiny there, barely masked by the smile at his lips, I tensed a little. I contemplated different answers I could give, then threw them all out and just told him the truth. More or less.
“Revik...honestly. I just don’t think Salinse likes me much,” I said. “I’m worried it’s going to affect how you see me. I know he’s important to you...”
Revik’s eyes grew openly startled.
Then I could see him thinking, putting this together.
“You think Salinse doesn’t like you?” he said.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, but felt my worry ratchet higher as I wondered if I should have kept my mouth shut. “...It’s just a feeling. He was really nice to me when I met him...but maybe he thinks I’m not religious enough or something.”
I felt hesitation on him. Then, in the same instant, I felt him drop it. Even so, I felt a faint pulse of anger and realized in some surprise that it wasn’t aimed at me. Was he pissed at Salinse for pushing at me in the construct? Had he felt it, too? At the thought, I felt a brief elation.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Revik wouldn’t side with him against me.
Seeing Revik glance at me at this, I blushed.
He clicked at me softly. “Don’t be dumb, wife.”
“I love you,” I said. I felt my throat tighten. “More than anything.”
He grinned again, but I felt that startle him, too. It touched him as well, but he swept it from his expression, so quickly I almost questioned if I’d seen it.
He’d been strange lately. He hid it well, but it scared the hell out of me.
We were in the sparring ring on the main floor. I’d finally talked him into letting me try against him, but so far, I could tell he was mostly giving me the match, and using it as a training tool, if not exactly an excuse to get some exercise. He stepped around me easily, and I watched him gauging the way my body moved, as if memorizing it with his light.
“Okay,” I said, lightening my voice. I bounced back and forth on my toes. “Since we’re being confessional, are you going to tell me what’s been on your mind that you’re not telling me?” Seeing his skin darken slightly, I smiled.
“Come on. You’ve wanted to say something for a few days...stop stalling and just say it.”
He pointed at my left hand.
“You have a nervous tic,” he said, gesturing. “You drop that, right before you go for me...watch that, Allie...”
I smiled, but felt myself flush a little. I had meant to try again.
So far, I’d only managed to hit him once.
His smile turned playful again. “What is this obsession of yours, to beat me up? Is there something you’re not telling me, wife?”
“Not beat you up,” I clarified. “It’s like chess. I want to be able to hold my own. And quit dodging the question...”
He moved in without warning, sliding to my left to sweep my leg. I moved around him. Then, when he got close enough, I threw a right hook at his ribs.
He moved his body easily a few inches, slipping out of the way.
He was so damned fast...it was maddening.
He grinned. “You just need to get beat up a few more times.”
“How many?” I said.
“To match my childhood?” he said. “About 300...at least.”
I flinched at this, even as images briefly swam before my eyes...things I’d seen about his earliest years from the Barrier, with Tarsi. I realized a few seconds later that he’d been referencing the street fighting thing, but not before I remembered the years that had preceded those. I tried to push a few of the more vivid images from my mind, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut. He noticed the change in me and paused, his eyes flickering a little as he read a few flashes off my light.
“You saw some of that?”
I nodded. “I told you Tarsi had me do research on Syrimne...”
“I know. But how old?”
I hesitated again. At the intent look in his eyes, I finally shrugged. “Maybe fifteen. Not younger than twelve. Nothing until after Menlim had you.”
He nodded. His smile grew taut. “I was a runt back then.”
“You were cute,” I said, feeling a sudden swell of emotion. “Cute as hell, actually. You weren’t that much smaller than the others...”
“I was a mouthy little shit.”
“Not from what I saw.”
He smiled, shaking his head. “You must love me, wife.”
He darted in again, getting behind me before I could catch him in a front kick. I immediately kicked out again, pivoting my weight to reach for him as he circled behind me. I only caught him with part of my foot, on the thigh. It slid right off him before I could fully connect. He pointed at my hand again, circling around me.
He hadn’t even broken a sweat, I noticed.
“You’re dropping that...” he said.
“Can you stop teaching for one minute?” I said. “You’re not even trying.”
“Unlike you, the idea of hitting my spouse doesn’t actually appeal to me...”
“If I was any good, you wouldn’t be saying that,” I said. “You love to fight. I’ve seen it. You’re just bored with me.”
He shrugged a little with one hand, but didn’t argue.
“I still don’t want to hurt you, Allie.”
I slid under his arm the next time he moved forward and got him in a solid kick to the thigh. He grinned a little at the impact, and for a moment we exchanged blows. I managed to block most of his hits, until he pushed me back with a precise kick to the middle of my body, below my solar plexus. I stumbled, nearly falling.
“Are you going to tell me?” I said, panting. “Whatever it is?”
He darted around me and I turned, getting him once, solidly in the ribs.
“Did you just give me that?” I said. “Really, husband?”
He smiled again. I couldn’t read the smile, whether it meant he’d given me the hit or not, and rolled my eyes.
“More diversion, huh? So I guess I’m going to have to spend another day guessing what’s on your mind...?”
He smiled, but I saw the seriousness in his eyes again.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about,” he said. “Since the Registry job, actually.”
I smiled. “So? Out with it.”
“It’s been five months, Allie...”
I felt myself tense a little, falling out of stance.
He hesitated, looking suddenly unsure. Lowering his hands, he fell out of stance, too.
“Can we do this somewhere else, Allie?” he said.
I felt the vulnerability on his light. His clear eyes were serious, even a bit nervous. I felt it even before they flickered over me briefly, then across the rest of the hangar. I followed his gaze, saw
Garensche and a few others talking, probably running drills of some kind, prepping for the next op, whatever it was. I could feel something in the works, and only hoped it was that slave camp in Manaus, which hadn’t been one of the ones to fall after the Registry job.
Still, no one was paying attention to us. We were pretty much alone.
“I was going to offer to make you dinner,” Revik said. “Maybe we could talk then...in the room. Or somewhere else, if you’d prefer...”
I smiled. “I thought you couldn’t cook?”
“I can manage, under duress.” He smiled. “I won’t poison you. Promise.”
“Okay,” I said. My nerves worsened. “Revik. Whatever it is—”
“All right.” I felt him give in. “...All right. We’ll talk now. We’ll start, okay?” He gestured towards my face. “I can tell I’ve already said too much. I’m not trying to make a mess of this, Allie...I shouldn’t have let you goad me into it before I was ready...”
Surprised by the emotion I could hear in his voice, I straightened entirely out of stance.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s okay. We can wait.”
“It’s all right. It’s fine, Allie...I’m mad at myself.”
When he looked out over the hangar again, I was watching his face minutely, I realized, holding my breath. I couldn’t quite read him, and it was making me nervous. Truthfully, I’d been nervous around him ever since that morning when we’d woken up, after the night in the common room. Something had been wrong with him since then, but he hadn’t wanted to talk about it. Not since he’d gone to see Salinse, anyway.
When he turned, I watched him study my face with equal care.
I realized, then...I was shielding from him.
I’d been waiting for this, I realized. Since that morning when I’d woken up to find him so angry at me, I’d been waiting for “the talk” to happen. But looking at him, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for it. For that matter, I couldn’t tell if he was, either.
Still, I’d thought I’d known what he was going to say. So when he finally spoke, he threw me off balance, I admit.
Allie's War Season Two Page 49