“Dehgoies,” Balidor’s voice echoed. “...whatever she says, this will have a price tag attached you won’t want to pay..."
Revik hung there poised, pausing to smile again at the organic wall.
“You want to see her whimper again, my brother...is that it?”
"We can beat you into a bloody coma, every day if we want...”
Revik only laughed. “If you didn't want me fucking your girlfriend, 'Dori, you shouldn't have let her in here alone. You must have known she'd come to me eventually..." He grinned down at me. “Isn’t that right, love?”
I didn’t answer, but felt my jaw harden.
Poresh hit Revik with another dart. Revik removed it from his neck, crushing that one as well. Poresh aimed another that Revik tried to dodge, but it caught in his hand until he jerked out the needle, tossing it onto the organic floor.
"Just a few more minutes..." Revik said, panting. "Just give me a few more minutes with the missus, boys...then I'll behave, promise..."
I saw from his eyes that the darts were affecting him, but not enough. I could hear the four infiltrators in the Barrier. They were trying to decide if they could risk rushing him, or if Revik would hurt me before they could separate us.
Even as I thought it, Revik's light flooded into mine again, seemingly against his will. He let out another low gasp, even though I couldn't be sure how much he felt through the collar. I saw pain flicker over his features, just before it expanded like water into my light. I was gasping then, I couldn’t help it. Holding my bound arms, then my throat, he pushed my legs wider apart. Briefly, I felt him lose control. I felt myself opening to him, and he seemed to notice that, because he let out another half-gasp. That one, he turned into a laugh.
“Tell me you love me, wife...”
“I love you...”
He laughed again, harsher that time.
Balidor’s voice rose.
“I’ll put you on wires, brother. I’ll do it personally. For months if I have to. You won’t be able to feed yourself. You’ll beg us for the next fix...”
Revik glanced up at the camera again, smiling. As he did, he maneuvered his way into me, entering me all the way before my brain caught up with what he was doing. His whole back arched once he was fully inside. The hard end of him extended almost the instant he had, going so far into me I felt my aleimi flare out.
I cried out, my back arching my hips further against him.
Briefly, his eyes closed.
“Gods,” he said, looking up at the camera again. “I forgot how good this feels...you don’t need me to tell you that, though, do you, brother Balidor? Even collared, I could come right now...I really could...” He slid into me deeper, closing his eyes longer than a blink. “You sure you’re fucking her often enough, though, brother? She’s awfully tight...”
That time, Balidor didn’t answer.
I tried not to think about the seers on the other side of the organic wall.
Or my brother.
Just then, Tenzi rushed him.
He and Illeg closed the last yards while Revik's eyes were half-lidded over me. Revik still held my throat, but his fingers had loosened, resting at the base of my neck. He probably still could have crushed my windpipe, but instead he laughed when he saw them coming.
The next thing I knew, they'd hit and dragged him off of me.
I rolled under them and away, looking back even as I tugged up my pants. By then, Illeg and Tenzi were tagging him with the electric rods. I was on my feet and gripping the string ties of my pants before I knew how I'd gotten there, and then I was backing off, standing outside the painted circle on the floor. A part of me couldn't believe it had happened...another part couldn't believe it was over, that I was just standing there, watching them beat on him. I found myself staring, almost paralyzed as they hit him again and again, until he was pinned up against the wall, holding up a cuffed hand, protecting his head. He looked drugged now, only half-conscious. He was still laughing though, gasping as Tenzi hit him again with the metal rod.
I was still standing there, numb, when the hatch door opened behind me.
I turned in time to see Balidor's face. He'd crossed most of the floor almost before I realized what he intended to do. Seeing the look in his eyes, I tried to get in between him and Revik.
"No!" I yelled, grabbing the front of his shirt. "Balidor...he's down!"
Balidor shoved me aside without looking me directly in the face. He barely paused to get me out of his path; his feet never changed course as he walked straight up to Revik. He was kicking him against the wall before I could think to do anything but yell at the others to stop him.
I watched, numb again, as Illeg and Poresh dragged him off.
Revik sat up once Balidor was off him. Pulling up his pants, he wiped the blood off his mouth with the back of a hand, smiling up at the Adhipan leader.
"Something bothering you, brother...?"
"You goddamned little prick!" Balidor snarled. He seemed too enraged to even speak clearly, to force out words. He kicked Revik again, hard, in the thigh, evan as Tenzi jerked him back. "You're out of lives, Rook," he growled, lower. "I'll see you dead if it's the last thing I do..."
Revik smiled at him again, leaning against the wall. "Temper, temper, Balidor," he said. "Remember, your girlfriend can't live without me." He winked at me, his eyes cold once more. "Isn't that right, love? Isn't that why you came to me...?"
Closing my eyes, I looked away, keeping my expression still.
"We're done in here," I said. I gave Balidor a hard look. "We're done, 'Dori. I want you and your people out of here. Now."
Balidor gave me a look that actually made me flinch.
Swallowing, I gestured a seer's shrug.
"It's over," I told him, trying to reassure him with my eyes.
It didn't work. If anything, the fury in his expression only worsened. Only when Tenzi started pulling him backwards did Balidor finally turn away. He walked out of the tank almost as quickly as he walked in, and I saw Revik smiling as he left.
"Be seeing you, brother..." Revik called, right as Balidor reached the door. "Thanks for the loan. It wasn't quite long enough though, brother...I might need to borrow her again..."
The door shut with a hollow clang, and Revik chuckled.
Biting my lip, I didn't look at him directly as I tied up my pants and pulled my shirt down over the top of them. Unable to think of a better time or way to exit, I finally just looked to Poresh and Illeg, signaling with my hand for them to leave with me.
"Come visit me anytime, wife," Revik said, smiling. "Anytime at all..."
I didn't look at him again, but walked straight for the round hatch. I managed to get outside without changing facial expression, but only just. Poresh and Illeg trailed silently behind me, locking the tank's door once we were all on the other side.
Then I found myself standing in the security chamber, facing a room full of seers...and Jon, who wouldn't look at me, at least not directly.
For a long moment, no one said anything.
Looking around at faces, I couldn't help feeling a little sick, realizing what they'd seen through that organic pane.
But it was too late to regret anything now.
I’d gotten what I wanted...more or less.
Revik might not feel exactly like himself...like either of the men I remembered.
But I could feel him again. I could feel him in my light.
7
BEGINNINGS
LISTENING TO THE other seer yell at me, I held my head and my tongue, watching him pace in front of the low mattress in my room. I tried to remind myself he was worried. In fact, both of the men standing in front of me were worried, upset, probably completely freaked out at what they’d just seen.
Even so, I wished Cass had been there. It would have bothered her too, but she would have listened to me at least. She would have understood why I’d done it.
More than anything though, I just wanted to be alone.
I wanted a shower. I wanted to change my clothes.
I wanted them to leave so I could collect myself back into some semblance of myself. I wanted about an hour to remember who I was, before all of this.
But they didn’t leave.
Finally, after another ten minutes or so, my patience began to wear thin.
“You knew this would be ugly!” I said, breaking into one of his tirades. I looked up, meeting his gray eyes in frustration. “‘Dori, we talked about this! You said yourself that this would bring out every ugly thing buried in him, that he would pull out the stops, trying to drive me away. Do whatever he could to make me hate him...”
“I didn’t expect to have to stand there and watch him rape you!”
I shook my head, clicking angrily as I folded my arms.
“Alyson...we heard everything. Everything you said to one another. Are you going to tell me you didn’t provoke him to do this?”
I felt my cheeks grow hot.
I guess I didn’t really expect them to spare my feelings around the fact that they’d all be watching, but I still felt my anger sharpen, mixed with a kind of bitter embarrassment.
It also brought to mind the last time Revik and I had been together in front of other people. That time, at his stronghold in the mountains, he hadn’t wanted any of the other seers to even see me naked. It had still been embarrassing. It still had been very un-Revik, at least in terms of the man I’d known before all this...exhibitionist and possessive and almost a test in a way, as if he’d been worried I’d want the others if he opened that door. But he hadn’t been trying to humiliate me, or to hurt me. He’d been loving and half out of his head with desire, and by the end he’d been so soft, it was almost –
“You let it happen, Allie!” Balidor burst out. “You walked right into it!”
“Yeah,” I said tiredly, looking up at him. “I guess I did. Can we move on, please?”
“Why, Al?” Jon spoke up from the door.
I turned, meeting his gaze.
He’d said a lot less than the other man, but he looked greener than most of the seers when I walked out of the tank. He still looked upset. Almost like a pain lived somewhere in his abdomen, and he couldn’t quite push it down.
Even so, his voice was calm, and it was a real question.
Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair, shaking my head.
“I know you won’t understand this,” I said. “But I needed to.”
“You needed to?” Balidor said. “For what possible reason?”
Glancing at him, I realized he’d been listening as intently as Jon for my answer. Hurt blazed at me from his eyes, but beyond that I saw fury. A kind of helpless, undirected fury that seemed to leak out the edges of his light.
“I needed him to let me in,” I said patiently. “Sex is as good of a way as any. It’s better than most, actually.”
“That was sex, now?” Balidor said.
“It was close enough,” I said, giving him a warning look. “It worked, okay? And it could have been worse. For a minute there, I really thought he was just going to beat me up. That might have worked, too, but I have my doubts...”
“So you’re going back in there,” Jon said neutrally. “Today, I mean.”
Sighing, I looked up at him, vaguely pleading him with my eyes.
“Yeah, Jon. I am.”
“Absolutely not!” Balidor said angrily. “Not after that! You can’t just go in there, as if he didn’t just do that thing to you...”
I turned to Balidor, holding his gaze as calmly as I could.
“‘Dori, I can. Everything I did in there will have been a complete waste of my time if I don’t. I don’t know how long the connection will last...” Looking away from his expression, I clicked to myself again, tugging ruefully at the torn green shirt I still wore. “...I only came out of there to clean myself up. I’m going back in within the next two hours.”
There was another silence, this one fuller.
In it, I could feel the two of them looking at one another, silently communicating with their eyes. I didn’t bother to try to decipher what their collective verdict was of what I’d said. Looking up when I felt it finish passing between them, I motioned towards the door.
“A little privacy, please.” I added politely, “...If you don’t mind.”
Jon only hesitated for an instant. Nodding, he took his weight off the door, and rested his fingers on the long handle. Pausing as he opened it, he glanced at Balidor.
“‘Dori?” he said. “You coming?”
His voice held the faintest trace of warning.
The Adhipan leader looked at me for a moment longer, his gray eyes hard.
“If he rapes you again, Allie...”
“He won’t,” I said, shaking my head. “He won’t get the chance. Not for a good long while, anyway...so don’t worry about it.”
“I’ll beat him until he can’t walk,” Balidor said, his voice an open threat. “Whether you authorize it or not. I’ve half a mind to do it anyway, as soon as you’ve finished with him today...or maybe just let one of the Wvercians have at him...”
I lifted an eyebrow, but otherwise didn’t let my reaction reach my face.
“‘Dori,” I said quietly. “It wouldn’t help.”
“It would help me.”
“Well, it’s childish,” I said. “And anyway, it’s probably what he wants.”
For a long moment, the Adhipan leader only looked at me. Then, his eyes still holding that roiling anger, he bowed to me curtly and turned, leaving out the door in front of Jon.
Before he followed, Jon gave me a weak smile.
“Hope you know what you’re doing, sis,” he said.
I met his gaze, and for the first time, I fought a tightening of my throat that swiftly wanted to turn into something else.
But I wasn’t going to let them see me break down. It wouldn’t help anything...in fact, it would only confirm to them that I needed to stop this, or move slower, whatever. It had been hard enough to keep my composure in front of Revik afterwards, but I’d managed it.
Remembering his words as I walked out, I shook my head, almost to myself.
“Allie.”
I looked up. I’d almost forgotten Jon was there.
“Allie,” he said. “Just be careful, okay?”
I gave a humorless laugh. “Believe it or not, I’m trying to be careful, Jon. I don’t actually want to die, despite what everyone here seems to think...”
“I don’t just mean with Revik. At least not like that.”
I gave him a sharper look. “Then what?”
“You were there, too, is all.” Hesitating, he studied my eyes. “I know you think you had to do what you did, going after him...after the Sword, I mean. But it scares me a little, that you were able to do that, Allie.”
“That I was able to do what?” I said, feeling my voice tense.
“What Revik said. He’s right in a way. I totally get why you did it, I mean that...but you really yanked him around.” He swallowed, gesturing at me a little lamely. “You pretended to be his wife, Al. You pretended to be his friend...and you made friends with of all of his people. More than that...you pretended to be his partner. I honestly think that means as much to him as the marriage...maybe more in some ways. He’s always had to do all of this stuff alone. The idea of the two of you, working together...that was huge for him, Al. Then he finds out it was all a lie, that you were infiltrating him...”
At something he saw in my face, Jon left off.
Clearing his throat, he averted his gaze, shrugging.
“I just mean...he trusted you. You probably really hurt him, breaking his trust like that. Maybe more than you realize.”
I felt my jaw harden.
I couldn’t think of a good reply, though. The same thoughts had gone through my head, more than once...even before I knew what Voi Pai had done. I knew what I’d done was beyond the pale on some level. But I also knew that I’d proba
bly do it again.
“So you think it was wrong, what I did?” I said.
“I didn’t say that.” Jon’s voice held a thread of frustration. “I’m just saying...be careful. You and Revik...you share light. I guess I’m just wondering if maybe the Dreng are affecting you, too. Maybe more than you realize. You used to care about means, Al...not just ends. You didn’t have such an ‘anything goes’ approach to the people you love...”
I looked up, meeting his serious gaze. After throwing around things I could have said in response, I finally just sighed, running my fingers through my hair.
“I know,” I said.
“You do?”
“Yeah.” I looked at him. “I’ve known for awhile. I felt it...even in D.C.”
The surprise in his eyes turned to bewilderment.
“Have you told anyone?” he said.
Giving a short laugh, I threw up my hands. “Because I need more people telling me I should kill him. Deciding both of us need to die...as agents of the Dreng.”
Jon flinched, but I saw him nod a moment later, as if thinking.
“Yeah,” he said finally.
“I’ll be careful, Jon,” I said. “Right now, that’s about all I can promise. Getting Revik well is the only thing that’s going to help either one of us. And as for the other stuff...the stuff I did to him...” I hesitated again, gazing at the wall of my room without seeing it.
“...I’m trying to fix it. Some of it, anyway...the stuff I can fix...”
“Allie, I know you are.” His voice sounded apologetic, almost pained. “I know you’re trying. This isn’t a lecture...I’m not trying to give you grief, I swear. I’m worried about you. Even what you did in there, today. On one level, he abused you...on another, you totally manipulated him. I’m not sure which one bothers me more, honestly...”
“Do the others know?” I heard the sharpness in my voice.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Obviously Vash and Tarsi know something, but I suspect that’s not who you mean. Balidor knew what you did today. It’s the reason he’s so pissed, I think. He’s scared you’re going dark, Al...or I think he is. He’s probably not the only one. You’ve gotten so...I don’t know...”
Allie's War Season Two Page 68