He felt his jaw harden again, even as he stopped. His fingers tightened on the page, but he continued to read.
...Tell Wreg I’m sorry, too. About Nikka, and about shooting him, and everything else.
I don’t know how to close this, other than to say, I really do hope your life turns out the way you want. You deserve something real with someone...something that isn’t just about sex or mythology or whatever else. You deserve to be happy after everything you’ve been through. I know you think I judge you for all of that, too, but I really don’t. You may not believe this, but if anything, it makes me respect you more. Through all of it, no matter how bad things got, it seemed to me that you at least tried to do what was right...or at least what was less wrong.
And despite what I’ve said above, if you ever really do need me for something, I’m here, Revik. That goes for your people, too.
...Allie.
He stared at the signature.
For a long moment, he couldn’t think at all.
Then he forced his eyes to move, then his fingers. He flipped back to the first page, reading the whole thing again, this time poring over even the details in the logistics he’d skimmed before. He read every word, twice, then he leaned his head against the wall.
For a long moment, he only sat there, staring at the overhead light.
Then he turned his head.
Focusing on the wall, he spoke loud, nearly shouting into the microphone.
“I want to talk to Vash!” he said.
When no one answered, he pounded his hand on the floor, raising his voice.
“Do you hear me, Jon? Dorje? Whoever the fuck is out there...get me Vash, now!”
18
PAYMENT
“HOLD UP YOUR arms, Esteemed Bridge,” the seer said politely, gesturing towards my body.
Sighing a little, I did as he said, opening my jacket and turning around slowly. He felt me over for weapons, not invasively, but unnecessarily. I knew their organics would have picked that up already, even if I’d whittled a gun out of wood.
I’d decided before arriving that I’d go along with whatever hoops Voi Pai threw up for me to jump through. I knew she intended to see me eventually, and also that it would probably go a lot faster if I just refused to react, or get impatient.
At least three hours had passed since I’d first entered through Tian’anmen Gate.
“This way, Esteemed Bridge,” the seer murmured, keeping his eyes below mine.
I followed him, only sparing a glance upwards at the high walls of Meridian as we approached one of the arched entrances.
Snow covered the fields outside the gate, powdering the branches and twigs of the wet-limbed trees. Lanterns hung from poles on chains along the long path between the trees leading to the u-shaped walls of Meridian itself. It was cold, but they had given me a furred cloak, and now more torches and lanterns followed our procession inside. As we passed through, and the five bridges crossing the canals grew visible, I felt a pang of...something...when I saw how bare the city was, compared to how it had been in the spring. Some part of me wanted to read more into that, somehow. Or maybe it was the lanterns swinging from the hands of robed seers, sparking something else in me, some flicker of memory, even if it wasn’t mine.
“I sent word ahead,” I said softly to my seer guide in Prexci. “Is she amenable to seeing me on this night? Or would we wait for morning now?”
The seer looked up at me. He walked beside me in full ceremonial robes, but in a version that seemed to be much thicker in layers and fabrics. His eyes shone at me in the lamplight, a pale blue the color of glacial ice.
“Mistress Voi Pai would very much like to see you now, Esteemed Bridge,” he said cordially. “She apologizes profusely for the delay...a military matter arose unexpectedly, and she was forced to secure the grounds prior to accepting your audience.” He gestured respectfully to me in the pause, still bent at that odd angle as he walked, to keep his eyes below mine. “...The security measures invoked upon your entrance are a part of that protocol, Esteemed One. It seemed too much of a coincidence, with your arrival...we did not wish to take chances.”
I gave him a slightly sharper look, one that was more appraising.
It took me another moment to realize I looked at him that way because it felt like he was telling the truth. Of course, that only really meant that he believed it.
“Thank you for your explanation, brother,” I murmured. “I confess, I worried my person may have fallen out of favor with your most honorable mistress...”
He smiled. Again, the smile appeared genuine. “Not at all, Holy One.”
I winced a little, but managed to keep the smile on my face, bowing to his words and giving the countersign with my hand. Some of my honorifics I found easier to stomach that others. He’d just voiced probably my least favorite of the bunch.
“You have been here before,” he said, a moment later.
I nodded, then, realizing he might not understand the human gesture, given where he lived, I gestured yes in seer. “I have had this honor before, yes,” I said.
“You were collared then,” he said.
I turned my head, but I only saw puzzlement in his eyes, a kind of genuine curiosity. I realized I liked this seer with the blue eyes. I couldn’t have said why, exactly.
“I was,” I said. “It is a complicated story, brother.”
“I assumed it must be so.”
“What is your name, if I may ask?” I said, meeting his gaze again. “Have we met before, brother?”
He gestured in negative, smiling. “No, Esteemed One, but everyone who lives in the City was aware of your visit. We watched you walk the grounds. Every day you walked...for a very long time. Sometimes into the night, you walked, too.”
He paused, smiling wider.
“...And my name is Ulai, Esteemed One.”
I smiled back at him, acknowledging his words with a wave of my hand. “Please call me Alyson...or Allie.”
“Yes, Est...” He laughed, correcting himself. “Allie. And thank you for that honor.”
“And you are remembering right, brother Ulai,” I said, glancing around us as we entered the tree-filled lane along the first of the winding canals. The trees looked rather huddled and afraid without leaves and blossoms, and with the dark black sky above.
“I did walk,” I said. “...Every chance I could while I was here. I had spent much time indoors prior to that, mostly in caves, in fact, and had no intention of wasting my time in the City by neglecting to witness every one of its charms.”
“And it was spring...err...Allie.”
“Yes. It was spring.” I sighed, smiling at him. “It is a kind of paradise here, in the spring, in my mind. All of the trees were blooming. All of the birds were nesting. I remember the tiger cubs in the back pens with particular fondness...”
He was taxing my limited knowledge of formal Prexci, but he didn’t seem to notice, or mind. I was trying to decide what else to say, when he spoke up again.
“And the screens by the queen’s entrance to the Royal Gardens?” he said. “Do you remember those, Esteemed...Alyson?”
I thought for a moment. “The dragons? Green and blue, with peacocks...and an image of the intermediaries of Wisdom and Folly?”
His smile turned almost childishly pleased. “Yes,” he said. “Exactly right, Esteemed One!” At my smile, he added, “...Allie. Those are mine, if you’ll permit me to boast.”
“You made those?” I didn’t keep the wonder from my voice. “It is very, very beautiful work, brother. I am deeply impressed...”
He smiled wider at that, so that it reached his eyes.
I found myself remembering that from the last time, how proud the seers here were of their City inside a city. That pride had been justified, from what I’d been able to tell. From the numerous works of art to the cleanly ordered beauty of the daily rituals along the lit pathways and sun-filled gardens, the City felt more like a lost, ancient world than ev
en an oasis from outer Beijing. A silence hung over it that spoke of a profound concentration and stillness, and yet I remember it feeling very happy, too. Children ran through the inner markets and played. When they weren't working, adult seers walked and laughed and threw parties in the different gardens, rode horses or visited one of the many artisan shops or indoor theaters. The seers seemed at ease in the security and safety of the high walls, and the humans seemed content to live and work alongside them, even in the role of quasi-servants.
The abuse, beatings, collars, slavery and degradation of seers at the hands of humans that I witnessed in the States...and even in India, despite its large seer population...didn’t seem to exist in the City at all.
Even now, in the ice and snow, I could feel that peculiarly subtle and complex construct that hung over the Lao Hu enclave. In addition to its security features, which were likely unparalleled outside of the Pamir, the construct also maintained the inner purity of the light of the Inner City. It created a true sanctuary from the confusion of lights just outside the City gates, and maintained a “frozen in time” flavor that instantly caused something in my aleimi to relax. It also evoked an alien nostalgia for some particular time period or flavor of history that I couldn’t quite name, but that didn't seem wholly Chinese, either. Whatever it was, it always hovered just outside of my reach; I couldn't pin down anything specific to me, much less remember.
In addition to the physical buildings of the City, the construct housed probably a few thousand Barrier rooms and spaces that could be accessed if one had the proper permissions. I’d been allowed to roam through some of these, including reconstructions of the old human City, before the time of the seers...all the way back to when the humans lived as nomads in this part of the world. Some of the constructs were imaginary places, things dreamed up by their seer creators. Some were views into possible futures and distant pasts, including one where one could sit and watch dinosaurs, even picnic among them as the sun set...and several that reconstructed pieces of history in the time of the greatest of the high seer civilizations, both of the First Race and the Second Race.
Remembering all of this now, I couldn't help thinking that the City existed as the last, true refuge for seers. The Pamir was mostly gone, an echo of what it once had been.
Although officially its guardians and protectors, there was no question that the seers had claimed the City as their own. The Lao Hu paid for that privilege by providing the Chinese human government with the largest, most highly-trained, disciplined and loyal group of infiltrators that existed anywhere else in the world. Even at the peak of the Seven, the Lao Hu’s numbers had been greater than those the Council commanded. Now, with the near decimation of the Seven’s Guard during the attack on Seertown, as well as the loss of many in the Adhipan through that same fight and its aftermath, the disparity was even greater.
Revik had been the only one who came close to challenging the strength of the Lao Hu, and compared to the Chinese infiltrators, his camp had consisted largely of half-trained, undisciplined misfits looking for a fight. Of course, that fighting force had been in its infancy; even in the time that I spent with them, I saw that beginning to change.
Revik had been grooming and training them as soldiers...and he had been looking to grow their numbers, too, both through freeing ex-infiltrators from the slave camps and human prisons, and by recruiting from among the ranks of free seers.
Thinking about this, it struck me again how naive I'd been. I should have realized that Voi Pai would view Revik and his armies as a threat. Maybe she was even right, to see the danger there, in terms of the direction things were going. It was likely why she courted Balidor, as well; she'd been looking for a closer relationship with the Adhipan, the only group besides the Lao Hu really qualified to train the growing rabble of free seers.
In any case, I should have realized she’d take the opportunity to wipe her rivals out...before they were “grown up” enough to be a real threat.
Revik was right. I had been stupid. Or at the very least, incredibly naive.
My companion pulled me once more from my thoughts.
“Is the Esteemed Bridge hungry?” Ulai asked politely.
I glanced at him. I considered a polite lie, then smiled instead. “Starving, actually,” I said, using the more common version of Prexci. “Is there any chance you have a pizza waiting for me in there, brother?”
He laughed at this, delighted by my informality. “The food on the human planes...”
“Is cardboard and ash, yes, brother...agreed. But due to my low-brow upbringing, I can’t help but crave their cardboard now and again. Especially when I’m truly hungry.”
He laughed again.
“We can find you much more agreeable food, Esteemed One. I have our chefs working on something now I hope you will like...although perhaps it will not be quite what you have imagined with your American-style pizza...”
I found myself remembering my favorite pizza joint in San Francisco, and smiled. I didn’t realize he'd felt the memory until he gestured in appreciation.
“That helps, Esteemed One...” He smiled again in faint embarrassment. “...Allie. It helps a great deal in fact. Our cook expresses his appreciation for the impression...”
I had to chuckle at this, clasping my hands behind my back as I walked. “I will be very interested to see what they come up with, brother...”
“As will I,” he affirmed sincerely.
“You will have to taste it with me,” I teased him. “Ensure it passes muster.”
His eyes grew serious. “I will taste it anyway, Esteemed Bridge. To ensure it is safe to eat before risking your person.” His eyes grew troubled, and far-seeing. “...Particularly in these dangerous times, where you are being unfairly marked by militants and fanatics, Esteemed One.”
I smiled wanly at this. “...Allie,” I reminded him.
“Allie. Yes, of course, Esteemed One.”
I raised an eyebrow at this, and both of us laughed.
I realized I missed this, just talking to other seers. Seers who didn’t yell at me for being stupid, or try to force me to make decisions that meant other people’s lives. I’d forgotten that all of the seers in the world didn’t view me as the devil...even if most of those in the West currently did. It occurred to me in the same breath that I’d forgotten, while holed up in that mountain, just how many of those others really did want to kill me.
It was possible, of course, that some here might as well.
“You are safe here, Esteemed sister Allie,” Ulai said, seeming to find a compromise with my name and title that he felt comfortable with.
He said it with a vehemence I found comforting.
“Thank you, brother,” I replied, tipping my hand respectfully. “That is a reassurance I very much appreciate at the moment.”
We were passing the third set of gates inside the outer wall of Meridian.
I had lost my previous land markers to some extent, but I was fairly certain we had passed inside the segment that had belonged to the private quarters of the Imperial family, back in the days when the City was occupied solely by humans. I recognized some of the building fronts, and although the gardens were bare of most plants, the rock formations I remembered remained, along with several pieces of art that withstood the weather well enough to remain outdoors. One of these, a stone sculpture of a turtle with the world under one foot, I remembered.
Sighing a little, I pulled the coat more tightly around my chest. I fought to keep my mind clear, but something about being here brought the previous year more sharply into relief. Remembering how I’d felt when I first saw Revik in that courtyard, waiting for me under the trees, I had to fight back a low surge of pain.
For a moment then...for just the barest moment...he’d looked like Revik to me again. The look in his eyes, the way he’d studied my face. The way his light felt.
It came back, now and then, while we stayed in those caves with Salinse. Glimpses of him, through the f
og of the Dreng. Just enough to confuse me, to make me want to reach him all the more. I think I could have gotten him out earlier. I think a part of me waited to see if he would want to go with me, without my even having to ask. But that day never came, and the longer we stayed with his people, the more I realized that was just a fantasy, too.
Now, of course, I understood. He’d known he couldn’t survive without them. Not intact anyway. He might not have known that consciously, but on some level he knew...well enough to return there after they reunited him with that part of him that was Syrimne. Well enough to stay, even after he could probably tell I wanted us both to go.
Pushing those memories further from my light, I glanced again at Ulai. I was going to try and engage him in conversation again...anything to get my mind off of Revik and how I’d left him...when he smiled at me, gesturing towards a building to our left.
I hadn’t noticed at first, since a wall separated us from its windows, but now that we reached an opening in the white stone, I could see that the building he indicated was awash in lights.
“Our mistress waits for you there, Esteemed sister,” Ulai said.
I nodded, slowing my steps without realizing I did it. I noticed only because Ulai paced me, and I saw him correct. Taking a breath, I walked the stone path directly towards a sliding door that stood open. It hadn’t been open a moment before, so I had to assume they’d felt us approach. I simply hadn’t noticed them scanning me...which wasn’t all that unusual here, given the complexity of the construct. I often couldn’t feel other seers in it, or even humans.
Usually they could feel me, though, like Ulai had, so I had to assume it had to do with varying levels of access granted to those living inside.
“Exactly, right, Esteemed Allie,” Ulai said, smiling.
I followed his hand as he indicated up the stairs and into the entryway beyond. There stood a darkened throne I remembered vaguely, and a collection of sculptures of birds and fish and even a dragon. Tall trees stood behind and beside it as well, reaching almost to the high ceiling, where wooden tiles had been cut and hand-painted in bright gold and red, creating an illusion of depth, almost like pyramids inverted inside each piece of wood. Tapestries fell down the far and side walls, along with tiered kites and lanterns. The inside seemed more richly decorated than I remembered...perhaps from much of the art having been moved indoors.
Allie's War Season Two Page 99