“Yes,” Revik said.
“You want to kill her. Is that it?” he said, still holding his gaze. “Or are you still afraid of your uncle, even after his death?”
Revik hit him in the stomach, doubling him over. Letting him drop back to the floor, he hit him in the face again, then square in the temple. Balidor threw up his arms, protecting his head, but Revik kept hitting him, kicking him until Balidor grabbed his wrists, pulling him closer. After a pause, Revik stopped moving. He stood there, breathing hard, his body still taut. To Jon he looked almost paralyzed now though. He stared at the floor, his face close to blank.
He was still standing there, when Jon realized he was crying again. Nothing seemed to penetrate his expression, however.
Balidor grabbed his hair, forcing him closer. Anger filled his expression. Words seemed to come out of him unwillingly, even as he met Revik's gaze.
“Nenzi,” he said, his voice harsh. “You were a goddamned child.”
“No.” Revik shook his head, his face blank. “No. Not for all of it...”
“You blame yourself for Laren? I would have done the same, my brother...”
“Not only her...you said it yourself. All of them...”
“You blame yourself for your mother? Your sister?”
Revik closed his eyes, trying to push the other seer away. He didn’t struggle very hard though, and Balidor grabbed his arms, right before he kicked Revik's legs out from under him. Both of them ended up on the floor. Jon flinched when Balidor punched Revik in the face, hard enough to rock his head on his neck. He hit him again, but Revik didn't fight back. He raised his arms when Balidor hit him a third time, still lying on his back on the floor.
"Don't let him!" he gasped, when Balidor hit him again.
"Don't let him?" Balidor gripped the front of his shirt, his voice harsh. "Don't let who, Nenzi? Your uncle?"
Revik didn't answer him, shaking his head, his eyes confused.
Balidor hit him again, hard enough that Jon flinched.
Revik gasped, holding up his arms. "Gods...'Dori...don't let me." Tears filled his eyes. "I can't...you're right. I can't stop it..."
Balidor stared down at him, his gray eyes flickering between Revik's. For a moment, he only looked at him, his expression stone.
"You really do believe it, don't you, runt?" he said finally. "You really believe he's out there somewhere still, that he controls you..." Disbelief colored Balidor's words, warring with the anger that still lived there. "...You think he'll rise from the grave to force you to kill her, is that it? Or is it Salinse you fear? Is it even real, Nenz, this belief in your uncle's shadow...or is he just a voice in your head? Is it just an excuse?"
The confusion returned to Revik's face, right before he shook his head. Tears once more ran down his cheeks. Balidor hit him again, but the empty, lost look never left Revik's eyes. He didn't fight back when Balidor hit him again, that time knocking his head against the floor. Revik stared up at the other seer, his face unmoving.
"Kill me," he told Balidor.
For a second, the older seer hesitated, staring down at him.
"Kill me," Revik said again. "Please, brother...kill me. Kill me..."
The anger returned to Balidor's voice.
“It’s too late to kill you, Nenz. She’ll die without you. You know that.”
Revik shook his head. The words penetrated that time, though. Jon saw his expression crumple, just before he looked away, wiping his eyes with his hand.
“No, brother...”
“Yes, Nenzi. She will.”
He shook his head. “We should never have been married. I didn’t know who I was.”
Again, Jon saw something in his words penetrate the mask of Balidor's face. Or maybe less the words. Maybe it was the openness in Revik's face, the lost note in his voice as he lay there, refusing to fight back. Balidor stared down at him, as if warring with his own feelings. Finally, he shook his head, clicking sharply.
“It doesn’t matter now. You know it doesn’t.”
“It does matter.”
Balidor’s voice grew angry. “You can’t change it, Nenz. It’s too late.”
Revik shook his head again, but his jaw clenched, even as he stared at the floor.
“You know I am right,” Balidor said, his voice surprisingly gentle. “...You will remember this now. Even if you do not want to, you will remember.”
Revik didn’t answer, his eyes still focused on the green tiles of the floor.
Jon just stared at the two of them in the monitor, looking between their faces even as he wondered why they were no longer fighting. He flinched then, almost shocked when Balidor lowered his hands with a sigh, glancing at Tarsi and Vash, as if to confirm something he'd heard only in his head. Jon saw him gesture an acknowledgement, probably to that same message, right before he climbed easily up off the younger seer. Jon watched in disbelief as the Adhipan leader leaned down once he was up, offering a hand to help Revik up, too. After a pause, he saw Revik respond, if only by looking at him. As much in confusion as anything, Revik took the offered hand almost tentatively. He let Balidor pull him to his feet, then stood there, unmoving, while Balidor gauged his face, his own still taut.
Balidor seemed as unsure how to react as Revik did.
“You feel better, brother?” he said finally.
Revik looked at him, his eyes incredulous. “No.”
Something in his response broke the tension on Balidor's face. He laughed.
The laugh even sounded real, Jon thought.
“You’re sure?” Balidor said.
“Yes, I’m fucking sure.”
“Are you hungry?”
Revik rubbed his mouth, staring at the blood that came away on his pale hand. He looked at the other seer, his eyes still holding that confused disbelief. Then he seemed to be thinking about his words, and Jon saw a frown furrow his brow.
“Yes,” he said finally.
Balidor laughed again, even more genuinely than before. Clapping Revik on the shoulder, he turned his head to look towards the organic window.
“Bring us food, my friends,” he said, louder. “As much of it as you can...and make sure it is something I can eat. None of that damned human crap.”
“Curry,” Revik spoke up. “I want curry. Jon...tell them what kind...”
Balidor amended, “Except curry. But not for me...”
“And hiri,” Revik added.
“Bourbon also would not be amiss.”
Revik gave a low snort, almost a grudging laugh.
Folding his arms around his chest, he winced, looking at one of his hands. The knuckles on it were swelling, already bruising under the bright red. It looked like he might have broken it.
Turning away from the window, Jon gave Dorje an incredulous look.
But the Tibetan-looking seer only smiled at him, patting his arm. Jon found himself a little alarmed when he saw tears in the other’s eyes. Dorje wiped them away, smiling wider, even as Jon glanced back over his shoulder at Vash and Tarsi, who were also smiling.
“What the fuck just happened?” he said, to no one in particular.
Tenzi, who stood next to him, laughed.
REVIK LEANED AGAINST the wall of the tank, a plate balanced on his legs. Chewing on a piece of bread, he winced when it hit the part of his mouth still sore from getting hit in the face. His hand hurt the worst, even more than his jaw, where Balidor had clocked him harder than he’d been hit in at least a few years...apart from his time with Terian, anyway.
He found himself studying the face of the other seer warily.
Balidor leaned against the wall beside him, his posture totally at ease. He took a large bite of an iresmic wrap while Revik watched, chewing contentedly as his light coursed over and into that of the food. Revik couldn’t see the light of course, but he could see the difference in the other’s expression, even before he sighed, turning towards him.
“You like curry when you’re blind?” Balidor said.
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Revik nodded, almost before he realized he was still staring. Forcing his eyes away, he returned them to his plate.
“What?” Balidor said. “You want to ask me something...what is it?”
Revik felt his jaw stick in the bread. Without looking up, he took another bite, chewing about half as long as he should have before swallowing. He kept his eyes on the organic plate.
“She said she loved you?” he said, his voice neutral.
Balidor laughed, a little bitterly though.
“Nice,” he said, resting the wrap back on his plate. His voice held a trace of his previous anger. “Feigned nonchalance. Very good, brother...”
“Did she?”
Balidor gave him a sideways look. After a pause, he clicked in irritation.
“Yes,” he said, blunt.
Revik felt his chest tighten. He didn’t look up.
“Why didn’t you go with her?” he said finally.
“I wanted to. I asked her.” Balidor gave him another look, his face briefly hard. “Hell, I begged her, brother...right before I kissed her. And after, too...”
Revik felt his jaw harden more. Taking another bite of the curry, he didn’t speak.
“Nenz,” Balidor said. Anger sharpened his voice, forcing Revik to turn. “She told me she didn’t love me like that. She was clear about it.” Giving a low snort, he took another bite of the wrap. Chewing, he looked at Revik again, his gray eyes holding a denser irritation. “...Hell, she’s always been clear about it. I was the one who wanted more.”
Revik didn’t answer. It took him a moment to realize he was staring at his plate, holding bread in his hands without moving. Forcing himself to focus his eyes, he scooped up another chunk of the green curry, nodding without looking at the other man.
“I understand.”
“No,” Balidor said, his voice angrier. “You don’t.”
When Revik looked over, the older seer’s expression was hard once more.
“She’s never been unfaithful to you, Nenz. Never. That whole thing with me...it was an op. I may have lied about manipulating her into it...but the op part was true. She felt like crap about it afterwards. I’m kind of amazed she went through with it at all, to be honest.”
Revik just looked at him, studying his face. Then he nodded, inclining his head, a seer’s concession without real agreement.
“She told me differently,” he said.
“Did she?” Balidor’s voice was skeptical.
“Yes.” He looked back at the Adhipan leader. “She said she had feelings for you. She told me she didn’t sleep with you again because she was afraid of what might develop between the two of you if she let it...” Swallowing, he averted his gaze, pushing the bread through the curry without seeing it. “She also said it was intimate. The sex.”
Balidor didn’t answer for a moment.
Then he sighed, a near purr of clicks, leaning his head back against the green tile.
“Gods above, Nenz.” He stared at the far wall. “She can’t control her light. She’d never been with anyone but you before...she opened to me as if I were you. She didn’t know any different. She didn’t even realize she was making love to me, when we could have just had sex...”
Revik felt his jaw harden more, until it hurt again. He felt his body tense along with it, but didn’t let himself look up, or think too much about the other’s words.
“You know what I mean,” Balidor said, exasperated. “Why didn’t you teach her anything?”
“Teach her anything?” Revik stared at him. “Like what?”
“Like about her light. Like about sex, Nenz...how it’s different for seers.”
Revik felt his jaw clench again. “You think I should have taught her how to fuck other men?”
“No.” Balidor clicked softer, but more irritated. “But you could have shown her something. I nearly had a heart attack when she did that to me...”
Revik held up a hand, turning on him sharply. “Enough.”
“I just mean...”
“Enough!” Revik growled. “I don’t want to hear any more about this, brother! Unless you want me to start hitting you again...”
Balidor raised an eyebrow. Then he looked away, clicking softly with a smile.
“I don’t think I came out the worst in that fight,” he said.
“The hell you didn’t.”
“I let you have those on the wall.”
“Sure you did.”
“I had you on the ground first.”
“I’m blind, brother Balidor...”
Balidor chuckled loudly, raising a hand in a peace gesture as he leaned back against the wall.
“Always there is an excuse...” he said jokingly.
There was a longer silence, where the two of them just ate.
Then Balidor shifted his eyes back to his face, the humor in his expression gone.
“Where would she go, brother Revik?” he said.
Revik turned, staring at him before he could stop himself. “What?”
“Where do you think she is? Where would she go, if she wanted to disappear?”
Revik continued to look at him, almost blank, feeling something in his chest stop. It occurred to him, studying the other seer’s face, that he hadn’t really believed them before, when they told him they didn’t know where she was. Looking at Balidor now, it felt true.
“I don’t know,” he said finally. “Have you checked the States?”
“As well as we could, with the contacts we have there.”
“San Francisco? What about her family? She has an aunt she was close to.”
“We have looked, brother.”
“No one has heard from her?”
Balidor gestured a short no, then modulated it slightly with the same hand.
“She called Vash...once,” he amended. “To tell him she was leaving China. That was it.” He looked away, resting his shoulders and back against the wall. After a pause, he gave a humorless chuckle. “She quit you know...before she left.”
“Quit?” Revik looked at him. “Quit what?”
“Being the Bridge.”
Revik frowned at him. “What the hell does that mean?”
Balidor shrugged with his free hand, taking another bite of the thick wrap. Once he’d finished chewing what was in his mouth, he turned his head again.
“Honestly, brother,” he said. “I have no idea. She said she was ‘tired of pretending.’”
Revik winced at the words. Staring down at the curry, he realized he was no longer hungry. After a pause, he moved the plate, setting it on the floor beside him, then shoving it further away with one bare foot. He stared at the floor a second longer, trying to think before he gave up, resting his head on his arms. He tried to relax, but couldn’t.
“Gods,” he said after a moment. “Can’t you track her? Vash or someone?”
Balidor shook his head. “We’ve tried. No one can find her. We lost her not long after she got to the Forbidden City.”
“Well, the shields there would hide her,” Revik said, raising his head. “It is no wonder you would lose her there. No one saw her leave?”
“No,” Balidor said. He met his gaze uneasily. “I taught her to shield well, brother. She is very good at it...better than me. She might know we would watch for her exit.”
“She has to go into the Barrier sometime.”
“Perhaps she has found a construct. Someone to shelter her.”
“Like who?”
“I don’t know, brother. Any ideas?”
Revik frowned, staring at the far wall. For a moment he didn’t speak. Then he turned, looking at the other seer, his arms still crossed over his knees.
“Jon said she would never speak to me again,” he said.
Balidor raised an eyebrow. “Jon doesn’t understand seers as well as he thinks.”
Revik didn’t feel reassured. He gestured with one hand, again not really agreeing.
“He knows Allie,” is all he said.<
br />
20
UNFEELING
“I DON’T WANT to do this.” I looked at Ulai, feeling my face tighten as I gazed up at his pale blue eyes. “Seriously. Do I have to do this?”
Voi Pai answered me before he could. I looked over, saw her staring at me with those vertical pupils from where she stood in the middle of the square room. I recognized the room, even...it was the same kung fu palace chambers I’d woken up in when I landed here the last time. I remembered the bed with the wooden frame and the detailed carvings. Even with how old it was though, and how beautifully constructed, it still reminded me of a fort I would have created with Jon and Cass out of blankets and couch cushions when we were kids.
“What is the problem, Esteemed Bridge?” she said, her voice steel. "You agreed to this. You agreed in front of witnesses, I might add, to bond with the group..."
I glanced at her, but Ulai spoke up before I could answer.
“She’d rather not be in the open construct for this.”
“She must.”
“Why, venerable Voi Pai? Can we not simply allow an open scan of her light? That would bond her to the group just as well, would it not?”
"It will take too long," Voi Pai sniffed. "It won't open her light enough..."
"You have allowed it for the younger seers..." Ulai began, but Voi Pai cut him off.
“She will be taking her clothes off for strangers soon enough. It is best to rid her of any false modesty now...” Voi Pai turned, staring at me when she saw me wince. Her odd pupils narrowed to lines inside dark gold irises. “I recognize that this is awkward, Esteemed sister...particularly given your soul’s age...but we have interested parties already. I cannot refuse them forever. Nor can you delay putting off repaying your debt for as long as you seemingly desire. Further, you are now a member of the Lao Hu. You cannot live in my home and use our constructs and not be bonded to the rest of your brothers and sisters...”
“But why like this,” I said, not hiding my irritation. “Can’t you train me for other work? I’m telekinetic for the gods’ sakes. Doesn’t this seem a little...”
Allie's War Season Two Page 105