by K. G. Reuss
“What is it?” Lance was immediately concerned. “Is everything OK?”
“It’s great.” I gave him a shaky smile. “Remember how you asked me if I-I wanted more?” I tripped over the words, nervous to say them.
“More?” Lance crinkled his brows and stared down at me. “Do you—I mean, are you saying yes to me?”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded, my throat tight and my heart hammering rapidly in my chest. I could barely squeak the words out.
“Is that a yes?” he prompted, his eyes sweeping over me quickly.
“Yes,” I answered hoarsely. “I want to be with you.”
Lance’s arms were around me immediately. He pulled me to his body and held me tightly.
“You don’t know how happy you’ve just made me,” he murmured, planting a kiss on the top of my head. I relaxed against him, the feeling of safety enveloping me. This wasn’t bad. I liked it. A lot, if truth be told. Maybe I’d been wrong the entire time. Maybe it was Lance I was supposed to be with. Being with him felt good. Normal. Safe.
The pull I’d spoken of wasn’t there. But the comfort was. And it was just as good. Besides, who was I kidding? I probably didn’t know a thing about pull and love and all the sweet things that went with it. Maybe what I felt with Lance was normal. And the pull would come in time. I smiled against his chest. I could handle that.
“I’m happy too.” I smiled up at him. It wasn’t a lie. We could make it work. I knew we could.
“I’ll walk you to class,” he said, planting another kiss on the top of my head before pulling away from me and grabbing my books out of my locker. We walked together to my next class, the whole time with him telling me about something Zach had done.
“Can you believe he and Andrew made a bet and the loser has to wear a chicken costume to Homecoming?”
I giggled as I saw Zach in my mind’s eye dancing around in a chicken costume.
“I can believe it,” I answered, still laughing. “I really hope it’s Zach. He’d make a perfect chicken.”
Lance grinned back at me as we stopped in front of my class.
“What?” I asked, nervously smoothing my ponytail.
“You. You’re beautiful,” Lance answered, leaning down so that his face was close to mine. “I love it when you laugh, Maggie. It lights up my whole world.”
“Really?” I asked thickly.
“Yes,” he replied. “I want you to be happy always. You know that, right?”
“I do.” I locked eyes with him.
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
“For giving me the chance to show you that you mean something. That you’re special and important. That love can find a way and be everything you dreamed it could be. I’m glad you choose me, Maggie.”
“Me too.” I gave him a nervous smile.
Was this the part where he kissed me?
I began to panic, my heart thudding madly in my chest, my fingers tingling, my breathing rapid. He’d played it cool at my locker. Was now when the realness hit?
“Relax,” he said softly, his hand coming out to rest on my waist, his forehead against mine. “I’ve got you. I won’t rush this. I know you’re afraid.”
I immediately calmed down. Leave it to Lance to know me better than I knew myself.
“That’s my girl,” he murmured. “I’ll see you at lunch, OK?”
“OK,” I answered, relief flooding through me. Everything was OK. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and handed me my books before trotting off down the hall. I watched him go, my heart feeling full.
He had to be the right choice. He definitely wasn’t the wrong choice.
Chapter 14
We kept our relationship a secret for all of a week. It was a good week, though. Alan hadn’t bothered me. His hungry stares left me unnerved, but he wasn’t visiting me in the middle of the night.
“You’re so pretty,” Lance commented, smiling as he leaned down to whisper it in my ear.
I let out a small giggle as his fingers brushed against mine ever so slightly.
“I missed you last night,” he continued.
“I missed you, too,” I admitted. We’d taken to texting one another every night. Last night, I’d fallen asleep earlier than usual, desperately needing it. Lately, I’d spent more of my time at night worrying about whether or not Alan was going to pay me a visit. Even though he’d been absent in that respect, the fear of his return to my room left me constantly apprehensive. It was worse than him actually coming in because I had no idea when he would strike. It made me sick to my stomach.
“I want to kiss you so bad, Maggie,” Lance’s voice was low. Husky.
“I want to kiss you too, but I-I can’t,” I answered helplessly. Something was holding me back. In my peripheral vision, I saw Brax walking down the hall with Zach, both of them laughing. My heart jumped in my chest.
“I’ll wait. I just wanted you to know.” He gave my hand a quick squeeze, backing away.
“Thank you.” I returned my attention to him.
“Let’s get some lunch.” He smiled at me. We walked to the commons, and he got me a tray and piled it high with food.
“You’re crazy if you think I can eat all that!” I exclaimed, wide-eyed.
“Don’t worry. I’ll eat whatever you don’t,” he assured me, guiding me to our usual table.
Our friends joined us then, pulling us from any further conversation.
“Hey, where you guys been hiding?” Zach asked, flopping down.
“Around.” Lance shrugged.
“Not anywhere we’ve seen,” Jess commented, the smile on her face fake. I knew that smile. It was the one she wore whenever she was irritated. She sat at the end of the table, her smile turning into the scowl I knew she’d been trying to hide. Brax sauntered over and looked at me, clearing his throat.
“Hey, Brax,” Jess greeted him happily. He grunted a reply before sitting down beside her. I bit my lip, wondering if maybe he was mad at me over something. Maybe it was time I sucked it up and just asked him, intensity be damned. Truth was, I missed him. We’d barely spoken but a handful of times. Those times had meant something to me though.
I listened as everyone started talking about the Homecoming dance. When Chelsea asked Brax who he was taking, I leaned in just a bit.
“I haven’t decided yet. But I do have someone in mind.” He cast me a quick glance that made my heart race.
“Are you coming to Andrew’s party tonight?” Lance asked, pulling my attention away as he leaned into me, his voice soft. “If you aren’t, I can come to your room later. I want to hold you. I can’t get you out of my head.”
A nervous giggle slipped out as a crimson flush creeped up on my face. It was the first time he’d ever said anything like that to me. I wasn’t sure how to react other than in my bashful manner. He grinned at me, his hand coming out and giving mine a quick squeeze. I beamed at him, letting go for just a moment and forgetting we were surrounded by our friends.
“This food sucks,” Jess mumbled, her voice coming from far away as I got lost in Lance’s hazel eyes.
I can do this. I will do this. Lance is good for me. Safe. I want to be safe.
Jess shuffled to her feet to get rid of her tray.
“What’s this?” Zach asked, drawing my gaze away from Lance. Lance seemed to come to as well because he cleared his throat uncomfortably.
“What’s what?” Lance asked innocently, shifting away from me.
“You two. You look like you’re sharing secrets or some shit,” Zach said through a mouthful of his sandwich.
“We’re just talking.” And we were. But I couldn’t help but catch Brax’s eye, my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach. Something in his face told me he was sad. And I hated it.
“My balls,” Zach declared knowingly. “Brax, you see this crap?”
My sadness for him ebbed away as his face hardened, and he reached out and pulled Jess down onto his lap. She let out a breathy giggle as he
tickled and teased her. Staring down at my lap, I twisted my fingers together. I wasn’t sure how to read him. I thought I’d figured him out, but every time I thought I understood him, he threw me a curveball. It only made me believe even more that I was better off with Lance. I had to get over my little crush. And seeing him with Jess was helping.
The conversation shifted to Andrew’s party then back to the next game.
“So, Maggie, can’t wait to watch you cheer tonight,” Andrew’s voice cut in, dragging me back to the present.
“Hey, what about the rest of the squad?” Chelsea shouted.
“Well, I forgot to bring my camera to the last home game. But tonight, I’m going to make sure I bring it, so I can play back how hot Maggie is in that tiny cheerleader outfit. My memory doesn’t quite do her justice.” He let out a loud cackle.
“Knock it off,” Lance snapped, bristling beside me.
“Sorry, bro. I guess if you’re really trying to get with Maggie now, us looking at her backside is off limits.” Andrew grinned.
Lance climbed to his feet. I brushed my hand against his slightly, feeling him tremble with anger. Feeling like it was best to just leave, I got to my feet beside him.
“I said stop, man. That’s enough,” Lance growled, his hazel eyes flashing dangerously.
“Oh, sit down,” Brax growled back. “They’re just having fun. Besides, weren’t you checking out her ass yesterday?”
I knew Lance was ready to pounce. And I was ready to jump in and stop him. It surprised me when he drew in a deep breath and took my hand, tugging me quickly away from everyone. What was wrong with everyone? I cast a look over my shoulder at Brax. Our eyes met briefly, a muscle thrumming along his jawline, before he focused on Zach.
“Come on,” Lance grunted, dragging me away from our laughing group. Unable to stop myself, I looked over my shoulder at Brax one last time. He wasn’t laughing. He was staring intently at me, a storm brewing in his sapphire-colored eyes.
“I can’t believe how big of a bunch of pricks they can be. And Shepherd,” Lance hissed as we went to my locker. “I hate that guy. There’s just something about him. I hope he isn’t what I think he is.” Lance mumbled the last sentence more to himself than to me.
“What do you think he is?” I asked.
“Huh?” Lance looked at me confused.
“You said you hoped he isn’t what you think he is,” I repeated his previous words to him.
“Oh.” Lance shook his head. “I just think he’s a jerk. I don’t like him around you.”
“He’s not so bad.” I shrugged, looking up to him. His hands came out, and he captured me in his arms, hugging me.
“I just don’t trust him.” He kissed the top of my head. “Be careful around him. If he ever makes you feel weird, come tell me, OK?”
“He always makes me feel weird,” I answered softly.
“How so?”
“I-I don’t know. He’s just really intense,” I stumbled on my words, hoping I didn’t sound like I was in love with the guy.
“I see,” Lance replied with a frown. “Maggie?”
“Yeah?”
“Has he… has Brax ever asked you to do anything?”
“No,” I answered, wondering where he was going with the question.
“He hasn’t ever suggested maybe going somewhere or doing something you wouldn’t ordinarily do?” he pressed.
“He came over to my house and brought me my homework. He was really nice. I swear.” With a smile, I recalled our meeting. “He was a gentleman.”
“Hmm.” Lance continued to frown.
“I think you’re just a little too hard on him. He’s just a fun guy. He’s been through a lot. I don’t think he’s going to be a problem here,” I assured him. I wanted to stick up for Brax for reasons I couldn’t explain. Maybe it was because I didn’t think anyone ever had. He was a bad boy for sure. But I didn’t feel like he’d act on his worst thoughts. He just needed someone to listen to him.
“I’m sorry,” Lance breathed out. “I know you don’t like confrontations and fighting. I just don’t like it when anyone talks like that to you. Or about you. Especially Shepherd. I really hate that guy—”
“Shh,” I silenced him, pressing my finger to his lips. His tense body relaxed, and he let out a slow breath of air. “It’s OK. They’re just being themselves. No one is hurt.”
“You’re hurt,” he cut in, talking around my fingers. I lowered them from his mouth. “And I hate that.”
“I’ll live,” I chuckled softly. “Promise.”
“You’re too sweet.” Lance sighed, pulling me into another embrace.
“Lance?” I asked, looking up at him.
“Yeah?”
“Were you really checking out my behind?” I stared up at him, my face serious.
“Maggie…” His eyes searched me quickly. He swallowed hard, clearly not knowing how to react. I let my grin flood my face.
“You little shit,” he chortled, tugging me back to him. “Who’s teasing who now?”
“You didn’t answer the question!” I giggled, hugging him back.
“Yes, I did. Are you happy now?” He continued to laugh.
“I’m getting there.” Rising to my tiptoes, I kissed his cheek, a tiny pull tugging at my heartstrings.
It felt good.
Chapter 15
I went to class and sat at our table. Brax sauntered in and flopped down beside me without a word.
“Where are your books?” I asked tentatively, glancing at him.
“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “My car, my locker, my house, doesn’t matter.”
“Okay,” I murmured, not really knowing what to say to him. He seemed unusually upset. “Well, you can look off mine if you’d like.”
“Great,” he muttered, rolling his blue eyes and sinking back in his seat.
Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at him again, wanting to ask him if he was OK. But I decided it’d probably be best to leave him alone. I was worried about him, and I hated seeing him upset. Everything he did seemed to affect me for reasons I couldn’t explain.
As class began, I started taking notes, hoping he’d just cool off and talk to me. Knowing he was angry made me tense. Fearful. I didn’t want him mad at me… if that was the problem. He’d made it a point to avoid me for the past few weeks. There had to be a reason. And I was just too scared to ask—scared of being told truths I couldn’t bear to hear, like maybe he thought I was a waste of time and space or any multitude of things.
I worked on our lab, trying to remain focused on the tasks, but he kept staring at me.
“What?” I was finally brave enough to ask.
“What?” he mimicked me, an eyebrow raised.
“You’re staring at me,” I replied, going back to my work.
“Is that a problem?” he countered, making me blush. He was always so serious, his voice and words always affecting me, even the ones I couldn’t decipher. I always felt like he was saying one thing but meaning another. He leaned forward and stared at me.
“It makes me uncomfortable,” I said softly. And it did. He had an unnerving effect on me.
“Why?” he asked, continuing to eye me. “I’m sure you’re aware of how many people stare at you. You were there today at lunch. You heard what the guys were saying.”
“I did, and that made me uncomfortable too.” I finally locked eyes on him, my heart beating rapidly in my chest at his closeness.
“That’s why you let your boyfriend steer you away?”
“Yes,” I cleared my throat. Picking up my pencil, I went back to working, not sure how to respond to him. Anything I said seemed to open up more questions and more of his irritation.
“So, it’s true?” he demanded, his teeth clenched as his eyes darkened even more. They were barely blue.
“What is?” I whispered, feigning ignorance.
“You and Lance.”
“Why does it matter?” I asked, my voice l
ow. I was shaking. Oh, how I hated confrontation. This was what I’d been trying to avoid. This was why I hadn’t asked him what was wrong.
“I thought you weren’t sure about him.” He rose to his feet and swept forward into my personal bubble, completely overwhelming my senses. “You said there was no ‘pull’ if I remember correctly.”
“I-I thought about what you said,” I stammered, feeling like he was sucking the air out of the room as he loomed over me, clearly angry. I glanced up at him quickly.
“What I said?” he growled. “I don’t think I ever said anything about you getting together with Lance.”
“You said I should take chances, remember? I did that with cheerleading. And it’s going well. So, I’m trying to do more. This is…well, it’s huge for me,” I tried to reason with him all while trying to hold my own rising anger in place. I didn’t get angry, but this was upsetting me. He had no right to be angry! I wasn’t his type, even if I’d secretly longed to be. He’d been making out with Jess whenever he got a chance. I didn’t like the feelings of confusion that were crashing over me at his inquisition. Lance was safe. He was the easy choice. My voice was shaking as much as my hands were. “I’m taking a chance with him.”
“Why’s that? Why is it huge?” he pressed.
“Because…Because I’m not even allowed to date. I’m going against all the rules my parents have set for me. I-I could get into a lot of trouble,” I was talking so softly he probably couldn’t even hear me. Finally, I voiced what I’d been feeling since the day I’d met him, “It’s like you’re a bad influence on me.”
He snorted loudly, rolling his eyes. When he finally focused his gaze back on me, he spoke. “Is he worth the trouble? Even without the pull you crave?”
The question surprised me. Was Lance worth all the trouble? We’d been friends for ages. He cared about me. He was always there for me. But was he worth the sacrifice I was making trying it?
I’d never thought about it before. And I didn’t want to now because the doubts were flooding in, swallowing my decision, drowning my certainty. In its place, a tiny voice was whispering. You’re worth it. You. Brax.