What's Left of Us (The Us Series Book 1)

by Michele Tucker

  “You know, you’re life isn’t over. In a few years, this injury is going to be a distant memory… there are people that go through so much more. Call me when you’re done being a jerk.” She stood up, grabbed her purse off the coffee table and walked out the front door.

  “Easy for her to say, she’s not the one whose future is up in the air,” I mumbled to myself. I stood up and walked over to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water, and started to head to my room.

  As I made my way to the hallway, I heard the front door open again. Assuming it was Delilah; I ignored her and continued to my room. That’s when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and headed back to the living room, and Cal was sitting on the recliner with her head down, leaning on her hands.

  I walked over to her and put my hand on her shoulder, “Cal what’s wrong?”

  “Parker and I, we broke up,” she said. She looked sad but not as sad as what I thought she’d be.

  I sat down on the floor next to the chair.

  “Are you going to tell me what happened?” I asked her.

  “I don’t even know how to tell you. I don’t want to ruin anything… I like Beck,” she admitted.

  “Wait, what?” I asked her. I couldn’t believe she was actually saying this.

  “I don’t even know how it happened, I’ve always cared about him… in a different way than I care about you,” she said. “But then I found myself comparing Parker to Beck, and knew that it was more than a friendship feeling.”

  “Wow,” I told her, taken by complete surprise that she just admitted to sharing Beck’s feelings.

  We spent the next few hours pretty much in our own little bubble. We were both feeling like our lives had changed in a big way.

  She went home, but before made me promise to not say anything to anyone until she could figure out how to tell him.

  I knew I needed to call Delilah and apologize for how I acted, but I couldn’t deal with her right then. Instead, I headed to my room and spent the night listening to music alone.

  Ever since I found out that I needed surgery, I haven’t done a single thing. Beck and Calla come over, I tried to get them to leave, but my best friends are as stubborn as a mule. I put all my letters and packets from the different colleges in my drawer. Before my injury I loved looking at them, and seeing them. Now, all they do was remind me of how uncertain my future was.

  The morning of my surgery, Cal and Beck went with me to the hospital. They waited with my parents and Sam while I was back in the OR.

  Before they took me back for prep, I glanced back over to the waiting room and noticed that Beck was sitting next to Cal with his arm around her. He spoke to her quietly. Seeing them like that despite everything, I was going through, brought a smile to my face.

  Coming out of surgery, it took me a few minutes to remember where I was. The pain medicine they gave me, along with the anesthesia, was making it hard to concentrate clearly. Honestly, it was the best I had felt since the injury.

  I was supposed to stay here for a few hours, and so Calla and Beck spent the time with me. We didn’t talk about anything too serious or important. It had always been like this for us, we had always been able to sit together in comfortable silence.

  They followed us back to my house. When we turned on our street, I noticed Delilah’s car parked in my driveway. My dad parked next to it, and I looked over to her car, expecting to see her, but she wasn’t inside.

  Beck helped me into the house because I was still feeling a little dizzy from the meds. As soon as we walked in the house, the smell of garlic and tomato sauce hit us full force.

  Beck leaned in close to my ear, “Be nice to her,” he said so just I could hear him. It wasn’t a statement, but a warning. And I instantly felt horrible for the way I’d been acting towards her.

  She walked in from the kitchen and stood about a foot away from me. She looked like she didn’t know how to act. She smiled at me and then looked around the room…waiting for me to make the next move.

  I walked towards her and pulled her into a hug, using my good arm. I held onto her for a few seconds, and gave her a kiss on her cheek.

  “It smells good in here, what have you been up to?” I asked her giving her a genuine smile.

  “Lasagna. Your mom said it was your favorite, and well… it’s basically the only thing I know how to actually cook,” she blushed a little while answering me.

  Beck helped me to the dining room where Delilah had the table set, and had most of the food out on it. This girl, the girl that just a few days ago I was a complete jerk to, had outdone herself and made us a feast.

  Even with everyone here, I couldn’t stop thinking about how was I going to get back to pitching. It was what consumed my thoughts, and no matter how hard I tried not to think about it, it was always there.

  My mom sat down across from me, she dug in her purse and pulled out an orange prescription bottle. “It’s time for a pill, Ash. We want to stay ahead of the pain,” she said as she handed me a round white pill just as Delilah set a glass of water down in front of me.

  After a few minutes, my mind became a little fuzzy and for the first time in a couple of weeks, thoughts of college and my future weren’t playing front and center in my mind.

  ***

  Calla

  Now

  I DIDN’T see Beck around. I had been sitting at Zombies each night hoping to catch sight of him, but I never did. As tough as it had been to not know where we stood, I felt better. I was glad he knew the truth. Maybe eventually he could learn to forgive me for withholding the truth from him for so long.

  Everyone was headed to go back home for Thanksgiving break. My parents were flying out west to spend time with my grandparents, so I decided to stay on campus and get some hours in at the bookstore.

  “I felt bad leaving you behind. Are you sure you don’t want to come home with me?” Liza asked me like it was the first time and not the twentieth time she’d asked the same question. She put some clothes in a suitcase. The thing was so full that she had to lean down on the top as she tried to zip it up.

  She was supposed to leave in two hours. “I keep imagining you all sad, moping around our room, drowning in the bathtub, because you fell asleep and nobody was here to check on you, being eaten alive by the rats from the laundry room, and yes, those were rats we heard.”

  “Since when am I ever sad and mopey?” I joked.

  She gave me an “are you serious?” look and continued getting things together from the room.

  She was supposed to meet Finn and one of his friends for dinner before heading out.

  Sam came to say goodbye. We had been able to talk a little the last few weeks, and had worked a little bit out. He decided stay home two days longer than everyone else, because he could, as he said.

  “Do you have any plans?” Liza asked.

  I fumbled with my old t-shirt. It was one that Beck gave me. I wore it all the time. Even though it didn’t smell like him anymore, it still reminded me of him. These last few weeks I had been wearing it more and I was embarrassed to admit how long it had been since I had washed it. I started to tell her no, but I was interrupted by a knock on the door.

  “Can you get that, pretty please?” Liza called from the bathroom. I took another glance down at my attire and decided I probably didn’t have time to change before answering the door.

  There was another knock and I jumped up from the bed and headed to the door.

  I opened it to find Beck standing there with Finn. They both were laughing about something as I stood there. I was nervous to see him, unsure of why he was here. I stared at him, too afraid to say anything and have him leave again. His smile disappeared and his eyes widened when he saw me.

  “Cal? What are you doing here?” he asked, my heart dropping when I heard his tone. I didn't answer at first. Turning I walked back into the room deflated of hope that he may have actually wanted to see me.

  I heard Liza’s blow dryer turn off
, and it snapped me out of my daze. “I live here,” I answered him finally after a few seconds. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m with Finn. We’re meeting up with Liza,” he answered.

  “Hey guys, this is my roommate Calla,” Liza said, introducing us, walking through the hall into the living room.

  “Hey Cal,” Beck greeted me awkwardly.

  “Wait, you two know each other?” She motioned between the space in front of her.

  “Yeah, we went to school together,” Beck answered her. I couldn’t believe he just demoted me to a former classmate.

  “Yeah just…classmates,” I replied, my voice laced with irritation. I glanced at Liza quickly, trying to communicate silently with her who Beck was. She caught on quickly, and began studying him more.

  I narrowed my eyes at Beck, but he didn’t make eye contact with me.

  Liza, looked at me and seemed to sense the mood change between us, and walked back into the bathroom. Finn looking completely nervous quickly followed her.

  Hurt, and a little frustrated, I turned to walk away from him. But before I could get very far, he grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him.

  That’s when he noticed my shirt.

  “You’re wearing my shirt,” he told me.

  “Oh this thing? Some guy in my class gave it to me. Barely remember him actually. He was just a classmate,” sarcasm flowing from my words as I glared at him, hurt that he talked down how close we actually were. Yeah, it was on the petty side but he deserved it.

  “What did you want me to tell her? Because it was obvious she had no idea who I am to you.”

  “I know…” I told him. Truth was, we weren’t anything anymore. “It just hurt hearing you call me that. I want things to be back to normal again. Is it ever going to be?”

  “I don’t know if it will or not,” he replied. “Are you headed home this weekend?” he asked seemingly trying to change the subject.

  “No, just staying here. Mom and dad are headed to my grandparents’ house. And I have a ton of studying to do,” I told him.

  “I can give you a ride if you want.” He stepped into the room and reached for my hand and started running his thumb in circles on my wrist. Something he had done a million times, but this time it felt different. He realized quickly what he was doing and dropped my hand. “You could have dinner with us.”

  “Like that would work out. We haven’t had more than a five minute conversation in a year. How would we make it a whole week? Plus, I’m not going to be alone the whole week.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked.

  “Parker is coming for a visit before he goes home,” I answered. Part of me hoped to see a little jealousy from him. I was being immature but I longed to see any sign that he still cared about me.

  “So are you dating again?” His hazel eyes were narrowed more, his jaw was clenched.

  “No, we’re just friends. I don’t think of him any other way,” I said pointedly to him. I was annoyed that even after everything happening, his disappearance again for the last few weeks, he still acted jealous when it came to Parker. He lowered his gaze down to his feet, and I started to feel guilty about treating him that way.

  He let a sly smile play on his lips. “Good.”

  Liza and Finn walked back into the room, looking everywhere but at us.

  “Ready, man?” Finn asked Beck. Beck glanced my way. He seemed to be contemplating something.

  “Well, I thought that I might stay here for a bit and hang out with Cal. That is if it’s okay with you?” he asked me.

  “Sure, uh, yeah totally fine,” I tried my hardest not to appear nervous, but the look Liza gave me indicated I failed.

  She walked over to me and hugged me, whispering in my ear. “We’ll talk when I get back, okay?” I nodded and she followed Finn out.

  “So—” I started to say but Beck had gotten up from the chair and started studying things around my room.

  There were a few pictures on my nightstand, one of Parker and me, at a concert in Mobile last spring. Parker was standing behind me with one arm wrapped around my waist, and was leaning down resting his chin on my shoulder.

  The next was of me and my parents at my “graduation.” Since I homeschooled my senior year, there wasn’t a ceremony. So my graduation was just dinner at a fancy restaurant, and a small get together with family.

  The last picture was of Beck and I, when he took me to the fair. He had won me a stuffed hippopotamus at one of those baseball pitching games. I remembered I was so excited when he knocked all the pins down. I jumped up and gave him a big hug. He had wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground. Ash took the picture at that moment.

  Thinking back, I knew that if I had to pinpoint the moment I realized my feelings for him could be something more than friends, it was that night. The way he tried so hard to win that stuffed hippo for me. It probably would have been cheaper to just go to a store and buy one, but he was adamant about getting it for me. He would turn Ash’s offer down to win it for me, and ignored all Ash’s comments about how catchers couldn’t throw.

  Beck stared at the picture, and I wished I knew what was running through his head. I went over to one of my boxes that I had stored in my closet and pulled the hippo out. Beck looked over at me and his eyes went straight to the hippo in my hand.

  “I can’t believe you still have that thing,” he said as he walked over to my bed and sat next to me.

  “Of course I still have Henry. I would never get rid of him,” I told him matter-of-factly.

  He laughed and grabbed Henry from my hands. “Man, this thing is so ugly. I think it cost me almost twenty dollars to get it too.”

  “That was the best night. Remember when we went on the tilt-a-whirl and Ash nearly lost his lunch?” I asked him. I noticed when I mentioned Ash’s name, he flinched slightly. “Sorry.” I should've known not to mention his name, especially this soon.

  “I still can’t believe I didn’t notice that he was addicted,” Beck admitted to me.

  “How would you have known?” I asked.

  We sat there silent for a few more minutes, when my phone rang. I saw that it was my mom, so I silenced it. I didn’t want to interrupt my time with Beck. Even in the silence, I felt a little like the old me.

  My phone rang again, and Beck stood up, glancing at his watch. “Well, I should probably get going. Are you sure you don’t want a ride? Ma would love for you to stay with us over the holiday break.”

  “No, I’m fine here. Give Ma a big hug for me.”

  He nodded and walked out the door. Before closing the door, he turned back around and pointed to my shirt. “I can’t believe you still have my old shirt too,” and with that he closed the door behind him.

  Chapter Eight

  Asher

  Summer before junior year

  IT WAS Friday night, and I had another date with Delilah tonight. I drove the thirty minutes to her house. My mind wasn’t occupied with things that it should be thinking about. Things like my date with her, asking her to prom, things like that. Instead, I was thinking about what I was going to do to get more OxyContin.

  I pulled up to her house at about seven twenty… I was supposed to be here at seven. But I was too preoccupied to even care.

  Delilah spotted me from her window, and came out to the car. She slid into the passenger seat, and gave me a kiss on my cheek before she fastened her seatbelt.

  She turned to me, pulled something out of her purse, and handed it to me.

  “What’s this?” I asked as I opened up the envelope.

  “Just open it, and see.”

  I pulled out the card, and a couple tickets fell out. I ignored those first, and read the card, completely confused as to why she was giving me a card.

  Happy Anniversary! Was printed on the front of it, and on the inside she wrote a long note, and signed it “I love you.”

  My mind quickly tried to figure out the date, and I realized that we o
fficially started dating a year ago today.

  And I completely forgot about it. I tried to think of something I could tell her, something that wouldn’t make me look like the complete jerk that I was. But before I could even think of something, she spoke first.

  “You forgot didn’t you?” she asked. I finally looked at her, and saw the tears that were filling her eyes.

  “I did. I’m so sorry Del,” I told her as I grabbed her hand.

  “What’s going on with you? You look like you haven’t slept in days. Are you feeling okay?” Delilah asked me moving my hand off hers.

  Truth was that I wasn’t doing well. I ran out of medication two days ago… and I didn’t even know how or where I was going to get more. I called my doctor and gave him some excuse for why I needed a refill, but being a doctor he knew how addicting they were and insisted that I come in to get re-assessed. Saying that all my scans show that my shoulder should be completely better by spring baseball season.

  “I’m fine, Del,” I told her with a hint of irritation laced in my voice. I was so tired of people always asking me how I was doing, or feeling.

  “You’ve been acting strange lately, always getting mad at me for something. I even asked Calla—”

  “You went to her about this? Why would you do that behind my back? Why not just ask me?” I shouted.

  “I did ask you, but you always give me the same generic answer. So yes, I went and asked Calla, because I didn't know who else to ask. You don’t seem alright, and I’m worried about you,” she shouted back.

  “I’m fine,” I repeated back to her.

  “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine… that’s such a lame answer, when I know you’re anything but fine. You don’t think I notice the changes, but I do. I notice how much weight you’ve lost, and how you don’t seem to remember things. You never seem to even want to spend any time with me… I don’t know what to do anymore. You won’t talk to me. I love you, and I want to be there for you but you have to let me in,” she told me. Her voice was soft again.